Do you have any fears about losing weight?

[addicted_to_WDW]

I'm not sure why I'm posting this...maybe I'm hoping that I'm not the only one in this situation.

I got married 10.5 years ago, and at my heaviest weighed 104 pounds more than I did on the day I got married. Needless to say, my sex life over the years has suffered greatly. My husband is a good guy who has never criticized me or my weight, but at the same time I know that if he gained 100 pounds I wouldn't be as physically attracted to him. I guess that's natural.

I worry that when I reach goal my sex life won't improve. Then I'll have to face some serious questions about my future. I know my husband loves me, but I think that desire is an important part of a relationship.

Anyone else?

 

[mowsie dreamer]

{{{Hugs}}} Jen. I'll bet that as you get nearer and nearer to your goal, it will re-kindle that spark in your marriage. Remember that you will not only be looking good but you will feel great and have so much more energy and zest for life!! I would think that could be quite sexy to your DH!!

 

[wovenwonder]

{{{{HUGS}}}}
As you begin to feel better about yourself you will feel better about all aspects of your body AND your relationship with your hubby.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Thanks you guys.

I think that my fear is because he's never actually said anything negative about my weight. I KNOW that that is the biggest part of the issue, but he doesn't want to hurt my feelings by saying anything. So then, in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, "what if it isn't my weight and it's some other thing?"

Arrgh...maybe I shouldn't think so much. He has been commenting about how much more positive I've been lately, so hopefully I have nothing at all to worry about.

 

[Amelia]

Sometimes the things about us that are sexy have nothing to do with weight. We all have met people who weren't all that handsome or beautiful but still had something special about them that made them sexy. Well, perhaps your weight doesn't have as much to do with your problem as you think. Maybe it's your self esteem that is gone. When we feel good about ourselves we shine on the outside! I think it's your time to shine! You're working hard to lose weight and with every pound lost your old self will come back!

I'm here for you.

 

[disneyeveryyear]

I can guarantee if your DH is anything like my DH, he will love the changes! Mine keeps telling me how good I look (and I still have 73 lbs. to go to goal) and it has definitely increased his libido!

Keep up the good work and I am sure you will reap the "rewards."

Just remember though, you need to do this for yourself. All the rest is just fringe benefits.

 

[PartyofSix]

Jen I just had to come to your resue girl. I wanted to add here that i felt that same exact way. Our sex life was good but not great. I knew it was more me being self conscious about him feeling my fat rolls everytime he put his arms around me and how i looked in nighties was less than attractive. Like your husband my weight gain since marriage did'nt get a big response outta of him. He was overweight too so he just never said anything and we just got fatter and fatter together as a couple. Now my weight loss (and his too i might at at 112 lbs!) has gotten a response. We have a great sex life now and i did'nt think things before where bad except for my feeling self consious about my weight and looks. Now i'm more confident in my self and i wear clothes that are much nice and it helps how I feel about me when i put on something and knowing he can feel my hip bones and put his arms completely around me all those things just make ME feel so good that i am just waiting on my next hug not dreading it or making a comment towards myself and my fat when i get a hug anymore. Those hugs now adays usually turn into more intimate activites. Relax and as the weight and your attitude about how YOU start to change your sex life will thrive. I would not worry for one moment about your dh he's loved you thick and now he'll love you THIN!!!! Now stop feeling this way and go drink your water!

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Thanks so much everyone. I think that my self esteem DOES have something to do with it. I've given this subject much thought today and I'm going to try my best to just not worry about it.

Now, what horrifyingly embarassing info should I share tomorrow?

 

[imgoingtodisney]

Seems to me anyways that since I took care of myself/lost the weight that DH is looking less desirable. He's a heavy drinker, eater, etc - doesnt take care of himself. Its like if I can make myself better looking, more desirable, why cant he? Does that make sense? or did i just say too much (again)?
Has the sex life improved? Id say no

 

[plutosmyfav]

Jen,

There are some really good books on body image and self-esteem relating to weight. You might want to look into them. I hope you can accept yourself right now, as you are: still beautiful, still sexy and still as worth while as you were the day you got married I agree with what others said about some of the feelings you sense from your husband might really be you projecting your own rejection of your body. I remember a prof once saying "if you want to be treated like Queen Elizabeth you have to act like Queen Elizabth". Of course you aren't looking to be QE in bed but the same can be said about wanting to be treated as sexy!

<a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/044991058X/qid=1064495568/sr=8-2/ref=sr_8_2/102-3264314-5766531?v=glance&s=books&n=507846">When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies</a>

<a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0452270839/qid=1064495635/sr=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/102-3264314-5766531">Feeding the Hungry Heart, by Geneen Roth</a>

Geneen Roth has several books. They are very good at working through the emotions of eating and weightloss and body image.

HTH,
Sundie