Do you have a problem with your child being average?

[torinsmom]

3.44 is a high C?

No, his grades in two classes, 83, is a high C. 3.44 is his GPA overall, with his two A's averaged in. I am assuming that 3.44 is either a low A or high B. His A classes were classes that almost all kids would get an A in(PE and Academic Strategies)

DS only had one honors class last semester, but this semester he has three. I could have just put him in general classes, but we both wanted to see how he would do in honors. He also came from a charter school and knew noone at this high school, and it was suggested to me that putting him in honors would expose him to kids who were likely to be on the right path, and have involved families. I don't know if that is true or not, but he seems to have made a lot of friends and the kids seem very well grounded.

Marsha

Marsha

 

[eliza61]

Wow, I didn't know anyone on the Disboards had average children.

Isn't that amazing and no one on the dis boards ever has any debt either. I always feel like the slacker of the group.

 

[golfgal]

I wish more parents would accept that average is just fine. The constant pressure to be above average only leads to problems. In schools trying to meet parental demands it leads to grade inflation, in children it can cause stress and anxiety, and in parents I see disappointment when kids can meet the high standards set for them.

It is part of life that you simply can not excel in everything. A great student might not have the best social skills, an amazing athlete might not be the best at math, and a creative and artistic child may not be the greatest at essay writing. I think both parents and educators should encourage students to succeed, push them to do their best and try their hardest, and then celebrate with them even when the results of their efforts aren't perfect scores. I also encourage personal responsibility whenever possible. You can't work hard for someone else, to meet their expectations, you need to know you're doing it for your own benefit.

My mum would celebrate when my report card came home. She knew I tried hard and that was what counted, not the numbers. As I grew up I set higher goals for myself and was determined to graduate high school with honors. My mum didn't care one bit, I was the one the wanted it and worked for it. When I got to university, I had the same goal but fell short with a GPA of 3.48 - honors was 3.5. I may not have gotten honors, but I am content to know that I truly did give it my all while holding down an almost full time job. I am proud of my accomplishments, even if I am only average.

This is really what it is about. If you try your best and your best is a C GREAT, if you were lazy, didn't do your homework and didn't study for tests and you got a C, you are going to be in trouble in our house, not for the grade but for the lack of trying. We have 2 kids that work hard and are straight A students, great, that is their ability. We have one that is plenty smart and when he remembers to do his homework and turn it in he gets A's, but mostly has C's. That is NOT ok with us because we know he can do better for just a little more effort.

 

[golfgal]

No, his grades in two classes, 83, is a high C. 3.44 is his GPA overall, with his two A's averaged in. I am assuming that 3.44 is either a low A or high B. His A classes were classes that almost all kids would get an A in(PE and Academic Strategies)

DS only had one honors class last semester, but this semester he has three. I could have just put him in general classes, but we both wanted to see how he would do in honors. He also came from a charter school and knew noone at this high school, and it was suggested to me that putting him in honors would expose him to kids who were likely to be on the right path, and have involved families. I don't know if that is true or not, but he seems to have made a lot of friends and the kids seem very well grounded.

Marsha

Marsha

Colleges will look at the strength of his schedule before his grades so a C in an honor's class is better then a B in a general class and the school was probably right that being surrounded by kids that care about their education is a better thing even if his grades are a bit lower.

 

[hentob]

As I said, that is not an issue yet. We will cross that bridge when we get there, however; I very much doubt it will be an issue.

You very much doubt that your toddler will get a "B" ten or twelve years from now?

What makes you think that?

 

[VickiVM]

Isn't that amazing and no one on the dis boards ever has any debt either. I always feel like the slacker of the group.

You obviously haven't read any of my husband's job loss threads or that my 15 yr old had a 29 average in PRE-AP English - (brought it up to a 60 something.) NOW he believes me that he shouldn't have signed up for 4 PREAP classes.

 

[FINFAN]

my take on it is this: We are raising a human being, not just a student judged by academic standards of the public school system. Yes, education is a foundation, but it is for 16 ( general) years of their life. I am hoping that our kids are well rounded in all aspects of their lives, not just academics. I realize that I am no the norm, but y'know, that's ok by me.

 

[RitaZ.]

As I said, that is not an issue yet. We will cross that bridge when we get there, however; I very much doubt it will be an issue.

Yeah, there were a lot of things that I doubted would become issues as my children grew up, but such is life. We have one plan, they have a different one.

Raising teenagers is an "interesting" journey. Those are the years in which most parents, if not all, learn to eat a lot of crow. I know I've eaten quite a bit already and have no doubt that there is more to come.

 

[jewjubean]

I always say dont give up hope on them too early, I was always a C&D kid in middle school, I never did homework was always out doing something with my friends but when I moved onto High school we got into classes that I actually enjoyed. I ended up graduating in the top 25% of my class with a 3.4 and a 26 ACT. So it just goes to show you that although they might be having trouble right now in school they can grow out of it and do better. I just enjoyed reading books, so I never paid attention to what my teacher was talking about/ read afer school.

 

[dzneelvr]

Your DS sounds like an "above average" kid to me Maybe because my career has always been "people", but positive communication, interpersonal, and behavioral skills are what make people winners in life, not whether they got an A in Biology. Focus on the wonderful comments, and keep your kids motivated and interested in learning because it's something they will be doing their whole life if they want to get ahead. We also expected extracurricular activities/sports/drama/music along with classes. Those get them involved with other groups of peers and they learn teamwork, patience, and new skills. We've been blessed with an absolutely wonderful DS and DD, people are so impressed with how they behave and the successes they've had. Their colleges saw well rounded and intelligent individuals and gave DS an annual scholarship of 5 figures and DD has tuition free. Of course we liked the As and the high ACTs but those are achievable if the kids are motivated.

 

[LuvOrlando]

-

 

[chris1gill]

We don't accept mediocrity in this house. We raise the bar and expect our kids to meet it.

If our children are struggling, we buckle down and go to after school tutoring if necessary.

Same thing here.... exactly the same action and reaction in this house.

 

[Longsx3]

I haven't read all of the post but for us it is not all about the grades but about doing the work and applying yourself. Do we expect all A's for DD(12)? Currently yes, because as long as she does her Homework that is what she will get. I am sure at some point maybe next yr 8th grade there might be a class that will challenge her but not currently.

We have always taught DD that school work is a priority, when she has projects they get done early and skipping HW is not acceptable. SO far this has stuck, she has never opted to fib about HW in order to get extra play time, etc. I am hopeful this will last through HS because her grades are equally impostant to her.

To to the OP, I would determine the numerical grading scale. An 83 would be a B here but we use a 10 point scale. Although I guess it would not really matter what letter you call it if you just go by the GPA and a 3.14 is not bad. However if you know he is applying himself and he wants to go to College I would consider dropping one Honors course because in Florida a 3.14 probably would not get you into UF or FSU depending on Athletics and SAT.

 

[sdarwkcabemanmy]

No..as a matter of fact I'd LOVE it if he were 'average'. DS is in ST and OT for some delays he's had and he's also showing some signs of SPD. There are days I'd gladly trade 'average' for the stuff we have gone through with him.

On the other hand, if DS were average, he might not be the same as he is. I think his struggles have made him tougher than he would be if he were 'average'.

I also just finished reading a book called "This Perfect Madnessarenting in The Age of Anxiety" which talks about how parents are so freaked out that their kids won't succeed in life. I think right now we (as a group, not anybody personally) are so afraid of our kids just being 'average' that we push them entirely too hard. I know I've worried about DS..will he be able to attend college down the road? Are we failing him by not putting him in sports or going to this playgroup or that playgroup? Are we setting him up to be a loser because we don't dress him in designer label clothes? It's hard not to worry about your kids and their future. But sometimes I think we lose sight of the fact that average is really, usually perfectly fine.

 

[Shmily1]

You know I was just talking about this with a friend. I was saying that Average doesn't seem to be good enough, and I noticed a lot of parents trying to create little savants or geniuses. They have them playing piano at 3 and taking so many "enrichment" classes the kids are miserable. I've seen 4 yo being drug to classes crying they didn't want to go. Why so that?

I am sure Einstein and Bachs' moms didn't take them to any "enrichment" classes. If your kid likes something -fine-sign 'em up. But there is a big difference between enrichment and engorgement.

JHMO

So many parents push their children to participate in activities they don't want to and that is sad. Around here, you are a dancer or a sports star if your parents push you. My DS18 wanted to play sports when he was little. I signed him up, he was awful, but he was having fun. So what! He was having fun!!!

DD17 wanted to dance since she could walk. I signed her up and we went to all the classes she wanted to go to. She saw lots of the girls doing competition dancing and she wanted to do that too. We had a big discussion very often that she was in competition dancing for the fun of it--if it ever became something serious, she was done. I retained all veto power. When she got older, she decided she had enough dancing and wanted to quit. I asked her several times over the week to be sure and she said she did so I called the teacher and told her DD was out. Too many times when going to competitions I saw many parents scolding their child about how they had to do and could do better. It was awful!!! One time, DD dropped her baton 6 times in one dance and still wasn't through. She made a turn and looked out at me with a disgusted look on her face and I just laughed. She turned around and smiled and kept going without dropping it again the rest of the dance. It's all in the attitude

 

[KimR]

My older son has a friend who is a straight A student. Honor Roll. All that stuff. We barely see him. When he's not studying, he's being pushed to the limits with all sorts of enrichment stuff. I feel bad for him.

This is my DD. She takes all AP classes aside from Math and electives and never has time for fun - she is always studying. The teen years are nothing like I imagined them to be for her. She rarely sees her friends outside of school, doesn't date, and her social life consists of IM'ing her friends while doing homework. I NEVER thought I would say this, but I actually tried to discourage her from taking such a demanding course load, but she felt she 'had' to. She pushes herself to the limit and sometimes I wonder to what end? Is it really going to matter 5, 10 years from now? And what will her memories of high school be?

Now, don't get me wrong, I want her to succeed and be challenged, but I think there needs to be a balance. I don't want her to look back on these years with regret, thinking of all the fun she missed out on because she was so focused on academics.

 

[Christine]

I NEVER thought I would say this, but I actually tried to discourage her from taking such a demanding course load, but she felt she 'had' to. She pushes herself to the limit and sometimes I wonder to what end? Is it really going to matter 5, 10 years from now? And what will her memories of high school be?

Now, don't get me wrong, I want her to succeed and be challenged, but I think there needs to be a balance. I don't want her to look back on these years with regret, thinking of all the fun she missed out on because she was so focused on academics.

She probably does feel like she has to.

I said this way up thread but it probably bears repeating this far out. I certainly do NOT mind my average daughter at all. KimR, I will say that my daughter will not do what your daughter does--it's just not that important to her. But she did lose a good friend because the girl could NEVER do anything and studied about 6 hours a day. Yes, she is honors/AP. My daughter just doesn't want to do that. She has a very average, very average GPA. It is now biting her in the butt.

In the state of Virginia (and many other states I'm sure), we have a lot of affluency, a high college attendance rate, and not enough state colleges. According to my daughter's counselor, schools that would have been a "walk in" for my daughter are no longer in her reach. There is so much competition that the state schools continue to be able to raise their bar higher and higher. Remember the saying "There is a school for everyone?", well, that's saying is no longer so true. The options for "average" students in the state of Virginia are dwindling. That last option is community college. I am waiting to hear that they are overflowing and can't fit her in! I have nothing against community college but I want my daughter to go away!!

Anyway, I'll say again: I have no issues with my average daughter. She is who she is. However, the colleges DO have a problem with my average daughter.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Being smart is great, but knowing how to talk to people is better.

If I had to choose between high academic intelligence or high social intelligence for my kids, I'd go with social 100%. A jerk with a 4.o GPA is still a jerk, and a jerk is unemployable. A 2.0 student with a killer personality will always land on his or her feet.

I agree.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Same thing here.... exactly the same action and reaction in this house.

While we don't accept mediocrity, we also don't care what the grade is as long as they tried their hardest. Being medicore is not trying at all and accepting whatever you get. Trying hard and doing your best and maybe not getting that top grade but still giving it your all is not mediocrity.

 

[kellyg403]

I agree.

And I agree also! Its just one of those things where I just don't think it is to my child's advantage to pretend they are something they are not. I have a dd that struggled a bit just to be average. Some of it her fault but some of it not her fault. But, that girl can cut some hair and has style when it comes to clothes etc. If I ever want an honest answer about clothing I wear or if I have something coming up, she is the person I go to. Unfortunately I am not even 'average' when it comes to style!

And she is sweet and kind and loving. What more could I ask for?


Kelly