I have a question: what is the difference btw. giving an allowance for specific chores vs. giving money for being part of the family AND expecting certain chores to be done? What is the consequence in either scenario if chores are not done? Is money withheld? I think I fail to see the difference since in both scenarios the child is expected to do chores and a child receives a weekly allowance.
The reason I ask is that I wanted to see the benefits of either situation. DH and I decided on allowance based on performance because that is how the real world works. I don't get paid unless I show up and take care of my patients and other work responsibilities. I also understand the fact that a being part of a family comes with certain perks and certain responsibilities. I am always willing to reconsider the way we do things in our family and I was curious what benefits each situation has.
You know, that is a really good question, and I think the answer is different depending on the family. I do know some families who have two different categories of allowance. Category "A" is the "you get this because we are a family and families share....Daddy and/or Mommy works, and we give you a certain amount because you are a part of our family...we love you, we share with you, and we expect you to share your gifts/talents with us" (not really "gifts" as in gift cards or anything, but gifts in other terms). This is often a smaller amount $10-$20 per month. Then they have a Category "B" allowance which is totally chore based. Families decide what each chore is worth, and give their kids the chance to earn more based upon what chores they do. Some families do not have their children do any regular chores, and only expect the chores to be done for extra spending money. Some have "personal chores" (such as cleaning up after themselves, their rooms, etc) expected in the category "A" chores, and then move onto more "family" related chores for the category "B" chores. And, others do different things entirely.
For us, the difference is subtle. We give her the opportunity of an allowance because we love her, and because she is a member of the family. That is one reason we ask only personal chores from her for this money. As a member of this family, we ask her to help keep things running smoothly by cleaning up after herself. We ask her to clean her room, playroom and bathroom only once a week on Fri, but we give her until Sun. evening to get the task accomplished. We also have explained to her that if she will simply return something to its place when she is finished, then she will have NOTHING to clean for that allowance (so far, this has not sunk in). So, in an ideal world....her chores would be minimal or next to nothing for getting her weekly allowance. However, she chooses to leave things on the floor which makes cleaning a bit of a chore.
So, is there a difference....I don't know. We do still have the consequence that if she does not do it, she does not get an allowance, but we make sure she understands that the opportunity to have spending money each week is made available to her simply because she is a part of this family.
We do also offer her the opportunity for more money by helping with chores that pertain to the whole family (take out the trash, sweep the kitchen, help pull weeds in the yard, etc.), and sometimes, we do ask her for those things and make it clear that there will be no money offered....we just need her help.
I think each family has to figure out what makes sense to them, and what their motivation/reasoning is for "allowances". I think it is much like paying for good grades (something that we would never do, but other families and school districts seem to find success with this). We did read a couple of good books on the subject. I do not remember the names of all of them, but one that we liked was, "A Penny Saved". We decided not to follow all of their plans, but we did like their emphasis on "what message are you sending your children with allowances" theories....it made for an interesting read.
Sorry for the long post!!!!
