Do you exchange gifts with ALL your siblings? Christmas drama.....

[jaybirdsmommy]

We don't exchange with my brother, I only shop for my mother.

We do exchange with my dh's 2 sisters and bil. I have suggested that we stop a coupe of times....
Reason #4664 on the list of reasons why they think I'm Satan. So we continue to do so. Wouldn't be so bad if they would send us reasonable lists.

 

[jaybirdsmommy]

Last year I decided to be the bad guy and suggest no gifts and it did not go over well. We all live far away and haven't seen each other in years in some cases. We either send each other the same gift cards (a wash), or things go missing and you keep asking if it came 'still no' (twice now gift cards MIA) or we get a big box the person sent a fortune sending, but all or most of it ends up in the donation bin (ie ceramic high heel tchotchkes, dollar store lotions, glamour shots of the sender and bags of old Halloween candy).

Are we related? My in-laws do the same..insist that we have to exchange, them spend close to $100 dollars shipping boxes full of useless stuff to us-things the kids would have loved 5 years ago, clothes that don't fit, pictures of themselves, and ALWAYS some star wars junk for my husband..he is a star TREK fan. ll

 

[OhhBother]

I have two siblings and my DH has one. We buy for our parents, our siblings and their spouses, our nieces and nephews and our one living grandparent. Like a PP said, I love buying gifts for others. My DH and I have done well financially, and we enjoy giving gifts to those we love. I don't track how much we spend -- we just buy things people will like. It's not quid pro quo situation -- this year, for instance, I'm surprising my parents with a cruise to Europe. We're giving them that because they're getting older and because we know they'll love it. The best part of Christmas for me is giving gifts to people I love!

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

my siblings and I don't exchange gifts, it all stopped when we had kids, we do buy small gifts for nieces/ nephews (only the local ones as we see each other for christmas, the nephew we don't see, we just send a card). I buy a small gift for my mom

I had 5 sisters. One is deceased, but she had a daughter who is now married. We buy for everyone, including sisters, their DHs, their kids & spouses & their grandkids. If you read my Best Buy thread, you'll understand why I'm so upset that they aren't honoring their black Friday prices. On DH's side, we only have his Mom to buy for. He's an only child & his Dad is deceased, as are my parents.



Kind of OT, but does the parent of your nephew that you don't see often treat your kid(s) the same as the others? I ask, because we are in a similar situation. I have one sister who buys for our nieces, nephews, their kids & her DH's niece & nephew every time she takes a long vacation. She excludes my DS. She says it's because she can give the others their gift in person & she couldn't my DS a gift in person. I didn't realize she was doing that, until we took a sister trip to Alaska. She had us running around everywhere to buy for everyone, except my DS. When I questioned her, that was her excuse. IMO, that's a lousy thing to do. It's not DS's fault that we moved away from family. I would never treat my nieces & nephews differently. I love my sisters dearly, but that was my last sister trip. I don't mean to lecture or judge you. You should do what you think is right. It's really none of my business. I just thought I'd mention what it's like to be the one that's treated differently.

Yeah, we don't do that. I don't think that's right at all. Now, I've helped my nieces and nephews out on occasion, when they were going to be short for the holidays, by sending presents, but it was kept private between us and the parents, and the gifts given from the big fat jolly guy.

GS #2 has been living with us since last June (leaving the beginning of January, as daddy is back from Japan). He gets more attention, and treats, but for gifts, I try to be even handed. GS#3 is getting more toys, because GS#2 is moving to a big boy twin bed, and his mom asked for new bedding (Star Wars) for him. Money-wise, I've kept it fairly even between those two. GS#1 is getting a hammock for camping, and I spent the same amount for it as I did for the bedding for GS#2 and the toys for GS#3, but the little ones are getting a few more things each. This is the first year I've been able to buy for GS#1 (he was told just this past August that he was adopted and that DD#1 is his birth mom and GS#3 is his half-brother) and we're just feeling our way into a relationship with him and his parents. He turned 12 this year.

 

[powellrj]

we use to draw names, but this year we are doing a white elephant

 

[tinatark]

We usually buy for kids (nieces and nephews) until they're 18 and out of high school. Niece has a son and nephew has 2 kids, we don't buy for them. We buy for my MIL/FIL - usually a restaurant gift card - great gift, since we eat out after church each Sunday. I buy for my mother and sister still - they're 500 miles away and my gifts to them are some of their only gifts. They don't reciprocate, and I'm okay with that. They don't feel bad that I send them gifts and they don't send me anything. Works for us.

 

[scrapquitler]

Do you (an adult) exchange gifts with all your siblings (also adults)?

On one side of the family, We only exchange gifts with one sibling and that sibling's family. The other sibling requested not to exchange gifts years ago. It's odd for sure when everyone is together for Christmas.

I realize that everyone has different family dynamics. Curious if you exchange gifts with all of your adult siblings?

No we do not exchange gifts with our adult siblings, and we have not done so since we all became adults. We decided that if we want something, we are adults, and can buy it ourselves. My side of the family gets together on Christmas Eve. Children who have not yet graduated from high school get gifts from the aunts and uncles (there are currently 3 children who get gifts, a 15 YO, a 14YO and a 1 YO). Beyond that, we do a Dirty Santa type grab bag, $20 limit and everyone from the 1 year old up to the oldest person in the room participates in that.

 

[lifesavacation]

I know it’s hard but you can always say “this is the last year that we’re buying gifts for everyone” and then they can do whatever they want to do. I think that’s easier than trying to get everyone to “agree”. We had to do that with an extended family that had 6 kids and no one wanted to keep buying all these individual gifts but this one family would fight it. Finally we said we weren’t going to do gifts, and they fired back that they didn’t care they were still going to buy for everyone. We said okay, that’s fine, but we wanted everyone to know that we were not.....the holiday rolled around and funny enough they didn’t buy gifts after all.

We have tried that with my husband’s family. He has 1 brother who continues to buy for us even though we’ve BOTH agreed not to exchange. His brother hasn’t had a job in 20+ years and they can’t even afford the basics (food, clothing) for their kids. It is beyond frustrating that they spend money on us.

 

[kimblebee]

For us, the adults pull a name and have $100 limit. Everyone puts out a list so it’s nice to be able to put a few
nicer items on your list rather than socks, shampoo (cheap everyday stuff). The kids still get gifts from everyone and we decided 21 is the age they join the name pull.

 

[mummabear]

I know it’s hard but you can always say “this is the last year that we’re buying gifts for everyone” and then they can do whatever they want to do. I think that’s easier than trying to get everyone to “agree”. We had to do that with an extended family that had 6 kids and no one wanted to keep buying all these individual gifts but this one family would fight it. Finally we said we weren’t going to do gifts, and they fired back that they didn’t care they were still going to buy for everyone. We said okay, that’s fine, but we wanted everyone to know that we were not.....the holiday rolled around and funny enough they didn’t buy gifts after all.

I think this is a really good way for people to make the change.
Doesn’t surprise anyone, means that no one has already bought things etc

 

[mummabear]

We don’t exchange with either brother.
BIL stopped when he moved overseas, my brother and I stopped maybe 8 years ago.
I have bought for his son until this year when he turned 18, he didn’t buy birthday presents for my kids (oldest is 8) which I am pretty pissed off about, so I assume he will also not get them Xmas presents.
We had a huge argument last week and haven’t spoken since, he is now refusing to come to dads birthday dinner so Xmas should be pretty awkward.