Do you ever wish you were more confrontational

[Tiggeroo]

I definitely wish I was. I always think of good things to say afterwards or realize I should have said something.
I am a full time sub in a high school, planning on becoming a teacher. Another person, a young man was in the room with me. He is a coach at the hs, subs quite a bit and plans on becoming a teacher. We were both reading newspapers on the computers and he started commenting on articles. It was clear he was fairly conservative, which I am too, but in a non-thinking way. He just kept reading things and blindly agreeing to them. He must have read something about homosexuality and started commenting. I believe what he said was negative and, well, just plain wrong. He was trying to make it sound ok but it really wasn't. I didn't agree with him and tried to kind of ignore and change the subject. I wish I had said something. I don't know what.
He doesn't know me. I could be gay, or one of my children could be. Certainly some of the students he coaches and teaches are. A person like that should not be a teacher. I thought of alot of good things to say now that I am home. I really need to grow a set.

 

[Micca]

Some people just do better at being assertive. I'm not good at it, so I try to remain tolerant to all people as best I can. If I'm in the presence of someone with whom I feel has a really bad vibe, I'll polititely disassociate myself with them. This doesn't work for everyone, but it does for me.

 

[Tiggeroo]

It works for me too. But later on, I felt guilty and bad for not speaking up. I just know I would have done a bad job at it. It concerns me that somebody who says something like "I don't mind gays, I just don't want them near me", could be coaching young people today.

 

[minkydog]

I dunno. I think it depends on the situation. I'm not one to tie it up with someone for the sake of debate. I just let morons be morons. However, if someone is actively bullying someone else, I'll be the first to step into the fray. In this particular situation I probably wouldn't have said anything. Judging by the fact that he was reading and saying these things out loud, he knew it was controversial. He was fishing for a debate, which you denied him. People like that aren't interested in reasonable conversation.They only want to hold forth their own stupid ideas as a way of aggravating others, not enlightening them. In this case, I think you did the right thing. Don't feed the bears.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I dunno. I think it depends on the situation. I'm not one to tie it up with someone for the sake of debate. I just let morons be morons. However, if someone is actively bullying someone else, I'll be the first to step into the fray. In this particular situation I probably wouldn't have said anything. Judging by the fact that he was reading and saying these things out loud, he knew it was controversial. He was fishing for a debate, which you denied him. People like that aren't interested in reasonable conversation.They only want to hold forth their own stupid ideas as a way of aggravating others, not enlightening them. In this case, I think you did the right thing. Don't feed the bears.

Wow you are right. That does sound like what he was doing.

 

[Micca]

Tigeroo your concern is well founded, I'd have been concerned too. The thing is, I don't think it's my responsibility to try to change someone's mind about controversial issues. If I really felt there could be some problems in his dealing with kids, I wouldn't hesitate to relate that info to a supervisor.

FWIW: I don't think autumn is the best time to grow a set. It gets cold outside.

 

[Tiggeroo]

if something like this happens again I will find someone to pass it on to. Teachers tend to be opinionated. I don't care for the teachers who are on the other end of the spectrum and loud and foolish about it either. I wish people could think for themselves and not blindly follow some party line.

 

[RitaZ.]

You don't have to get confrontational or nasty with the person making the comments. Just say something along the lines of, "I'm really not comfortable with your comments" or "I'm offended by your comments." They've stated their views. Now you're stating yours.

 

[DWGal210]

I'm with ya, OP....I wish I was more assertive, for sure. I have an aunt who is creating havoc in our extended family with her ridiculous behavior, which includes being downright mean and nasty to my mother. I'm a very loyal person and I wish I could get the gumption and tell my aunt what I think of her.

We live in the same town, and the other day I was driving to CVS. I saw her and my cousin in the car behind me and when I turned into the parking lot, they did as well. I didn't feel like talking to her at all and I wasn't in the mood to play the fake "nicey-nice" routine, so I just drove right through the parking lot and went to another store. I wish I wasn't such a wuss and could stand up to her but instead I just avoid the situation.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

I took a 4 session assertiveness workshop. I recommend this route.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

No, I work on the opposite.

So, I would say to you that keeping your trap shut is not all bad. You learn more by listening.

As far as work and hot button issues? I would go by the policy of keeping my mouth shut, esp. to someone mumbling and reading the newspaper.

In short I say "canned responses" or I leave to "go to the bathroom".

A couple of weeks ago, my mom tried to bait me and I said, "That is interesting but I do not agree with that and I will not be discussing this" and left the room.

She came out later to say something like "she didn't mean it THAT way". Uh-huh.

Trust me, nothing wrong with not being assertive to people that bait you.

 

[Cindy B]

I'm on the the opposite end of the spectrum. I get in more trouble with my mouth.

As you know, you need to be assertive in the classroom. You need to be in charge of the room or your students will.

As for your situation. I would assume that this was a planning period, and no students of any kind were in the room. I also assumed that this person is a younger person--basically fresh out of of school so the maturity is not quite there. It is quite possible that the person was trying to "bait" you. Some of the athletes and coaches that I have met are on the homophobic side.. they seem to equate lack of athleticism with some individuals with gay and for the lack of a better world "dismiss" gay athletes with disparaging comments about these athletes.

If there were no students, and if there were no other people around, I would have definetely taken the time to voice my opinion in a respectful and professional way. First though, I would make sure that it was "worth it". For some people it is just not worth it.

If it offends, I would say something right away, nip it in the bud. I was in somewhere the other day and an older lady was equating the lack of holiday spirit in some schools with the "Muslim people". I do not see the correlation with lack of Halloween decorations in schools with Muslims, but this was an older lady with a lack of knowledge on the subject. I basically shut her up by saying the lack of decarations had to do with the concerned effort on raising test scores and lack of budget/volunteers. I even said something like Gov. Christie is not a Muslim, so you can't blame a whole religion on changes.

 

[NikitaZee]

No, I don't have an assertiveness problem - I'm the opposite. Sometimes, I have to force myself to keep my mouth shut if I hear something rude or ignorant being said. As you mentioned in your above post OP, I have actually told people 'you should choose your words more carefully, you never know if the person standing next to you has (fill in the blank). A couple of times it has ended the conversation right there, a couple of times it has gone on to a heated debate, which I was more than ready to do! I say my piece - which makes me feel better - but I don't think I've ever really changed anyone's point of view.