Do you ever stop giving birthday presents?

[Gigi22]

This concerns my adult niece and nephew. DH and I regularly gave both DNiece and DNephew birthday presents until they were 21 or 22.

We decided that we were going to cut back on our gift-giving to adult relatives, and stopped giving our adult relatives birthday presents (we were giving almost everyone checks at this point, not personal items). We continue to give our underage niece and nephew birthday presents.

So, my question--do you give your adult nieces and nephews birthday presents? If not, what age would you consider to be a good cut off point?

 

[Pakey]

I stopped at 18. We have 16 nieces/nephews, in addition to our 3 children.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes.

For our family, we give gifts if we are invited for a birthday celebration. No invite, no gift, age is not a factor in this equation.

I expect the same from my own family to my kids. Works for us.

Now the grandmas always give my kids gifts no matter what.

 

[NMAmy]

My nephew is 35 and my niece is 33 and I still give both of them birthday gifts.

 

[punkin]

One nephew is 28 but he still gets gifts. The rest range in age from 3 to 15. They get gifts too. Since we are a small extended family, it is not a financial burden.

 

[kathymc]

I stop when they reach 21

 

[Owlpost23]

We stopped this past year because of the lack of at least saying thank you.Sent our nephew a card and gift card (or check-I forget)and got zero response.I guess it wasn't important to him,so it's not important to us.By the way,he's almost 30.

 

[bballmom56]

Thank you for asking this because I was considering asking the same thing! My brother and I each have two kids with the 2 oldest now being 26 and the 2 youngest now being 21. For the 2 oldest, SIL and I would send a $25 check to the other's child for the birthday. The 2 youngest have birthdays on both sides of Christmas, so they would make a bigger Christmas list and we would pick an extra gift off the Christmas list for the other's child. I thought we were good with that.

Then all of a sudden one year, SIL sends my youngest a $25 check for his birthday. So the next year I did the same for her youngest. Then a couple of years ago I forgot the oldest's 23rd birthday (he lives across the country and I have not been given his address). However, I did resume the next year. Since then, for 3 years in a row, SIL sends my oldest a card, but no check, but still sends my youngest a check. You can imagine how well this goes over, even with adult siblings.

So I would just like to stop the whole birthday thing but I need to know how to approach it in order to not hurt feelings. Isn't this ridiculous? All over $25? And they are quite well off, so I know it's not the money. I wish we had discussed this and made an agreement to stop when they turned 21, but I didn't want to look cheap.

 

[clh2]

I got so sick of not getting a thank-you from the nieces and nephew on my side of the family that I just stopped sending things. My sisters and I have also agreed that there will not even be a Chrimstas exchange amonst the nieces and nephew this year. (Many reasons for this...but I am really happy about this!)

I ALWAYS get TY's from the nieces and nephews on DH's side of the family. So - we have continued giving the nieces and nephews presents. EXCEPT - once they are married and having kiddos...then they we've switched to giving a small gift to the great nieces and nephews.

 

[antmaril]

I no longer give gifts to my adult nieces and nephews - ages 21 to 31. However, I do give Christmas gifts to their children. If I'm invited to a birthday party, I would, of course, give a gift.

 

[pat fan]

Well, after about age 16 we just sent a check (they don't have parties), and I gave every kid 3 years with no "thank you's" and now they just get a card. I know these kids, they were raised better than that! Yet I was still shocked when they just NEVER said thank you! Hence the 3 year trial. I kept figuring it was a mistake. Nope. Now they get a card.

Personally, I think after 18 they should just get a card anyway. That's what my Aunts/Uncle's did for me and my siblings. In fact, I really don't remember them giving me gifts hardly at all, so I must have been little when the card thing started, and it was perfectly fine with me I loved THEM, not the cash or gift!

 

[golfgal]

We don't give gifts to our kid nieces and nephews. The cousins all draw names and buy a gift for one person but the adults don't give gifts to the kids-nor do they give gifts to the adults either.

 

[scrapquitler]

So, my question--do you give your adult nieces and nephews birthday presents? If not, what age would you consider to be a good cut off point?

In my family, you are out of the gift giving loop when you graduate from high school (except of course for Graduations and Weddings). We do birthday and Christmas gifts for the 'CHILDREN'. Once you graduate from high school, you are no longer a child.

 

[minkydog]

My sibs and I live in 5 different states, therefore we NEVER celebrate birthdays together. We send cards and call each other on their birthdays. My siblings send my kids birthday cards, sometimes with some money in them. Sometimes they'll send a small giftie. My personal rule is Gifts up to age 10, cash after that. I cut off 2 of the neices/nephews at 18 because they never once acknowledged their gifts. I continued giving another gifts until age 21 mainly because he was a college student AND expressed some gratitude.

 

[Gigi22]

Thank you all for your responses! I am relieved to see that I am not the only person who stops giving b'day presents to adult nieces and nephews at a certain point--DSis (mother of adult niece and nephew) gave me a lot of grief about it, and had nearly persuaded me that I must be a mean person.

DH's take on the subject was, if we continued to give b'day gifts to adult nieces and nephews, they should reciprocate in kind. Not sure about that one. Any thoughts?

 

[aprilgail2]

We stop at 21---- or if no thank you note is received two years in a row they are cut off.

 

[houstonbch]

All of my DNephews and DGodkids are all 14 or younger so I not even began to see a time when gifts are not a requirement. I still love shopping for them, which also counts for me still giving gifts. The older two, 14 and 12, prefer gift cards or cash, which is fine with me. But for the younger ones, shopping for toys and clothes is so much fun. I love to dress my younger nephews in cute shirts and shoes. (last year they all got light up shoes).

I have a feeling I will keep doing birthday presents until a new generation arrives. Then I might have to reconsider my financial situation.

 

[minniebeth]

I guess my cut off point with gifts for nieces and nephews will be when they get married. We still give gifts for birthdays and Christmas to my older nieces and nephews. My one niece just got married and I noticed my sister-in -law no longer signs her name to cards (which is appropriate.)

The only awkward thing about it for us is that our kids are much younger than their kids, I feel reciprocation will not be the same necessarily, but then we gave them gifts years before we had our kids.

When they start having kids, I'm sure we will give them a little something for the little ones!

As far as nieces and nephews reciprocating gifts, I would not expect that. (although with a duel income and no kids, they are far better off financially than we are, lol!)