Do you ever feel like you are just at the end of your rope?

[JESW]

Novel ahead. Just needed to vent for my own sanity...

Just so much going on around here. Our family is having so many problems with DS9 right now. He is under the care of a psychologist but we still don't have a diagnose so we don't know how to treat him. We have heard aspergers and bi-polar and learning disabilities. Our life is always in turmoil over this kid - everything with him becomes an issue. I love him with all my heart but I just don't know how to help him. School is aware of things and they try to help but there is only so much they can do. He gets frustrated at school, bangs his head on his desk, bangs his head with his fist, and he can go to the counselor whenever he feels stressed. They sit with him, they talk with him, they try to help him, but he is still sad at times. On friday at home he got so frustrated with a game he was playing that he smashed his gameboy sp (his most favorite possesion) on his head and broke it. Then he had a wild emotional breakdown. I had to lock him in his room and go outside.

Dh is not much help in all this as whatever DS has I'm sure DH has it too! He breaks down and says he doesn't know what to do and he can't handle it. Can't handle it?? So I'm supposed to do it all alone??? I try to take the stress out of DS AND DH's life...I drive both kids to and from school since DS had problems with the bus... The list goes on and on. I have another child (DD5 ) I have to take care of and try to shelter her a bit from it all.

My stress level increases as it gets closer to the time to pick DS up at school since I never know what I am going to get. Homework can be a mjor disaster. There is a book report due on monday - if I didn't work with him he would never get it done. He has an ISP through the school, but he is still required to get the work done. I am thankful for some friends as they help me get through things, but I really need my DH and most times I just can't count on him. When I turn around to see who is supporting me there is no-one.

Today the entire 3rd grade is going on a field trip. DS has flipped out over it since it first came out - mainly because he wouldn't be able to bring his gameboy. (he has an older one) For other kids they would just get a bit mad over it and then go on. But not DS. He focuses on the little things until they eat away at him. He can't let it go. This morning was a nightmare getting him to school. I had to find him hiding in his room. Then I had to finish dressing him and put on his sneakers and drag him in the car. He had a complete meltdown in there. On the way to school he managed to get his seatbelt twisted all around his body and when we got there I could not get him out. The more I tried the tighter it got around him. It was so tight that it hurt and it was leaving a mark. So I had to drive to the police station to ask for help. Fortunately, the fire department is next door and 2 firemen came out with their socket wrenches and were able to take the seat belt apart to release him. I finally got him to school but I had to drag him in the building. He went into his classroom and banged his head on his desk.

One of my good friends is a chaperone on the trip and DS was going to be in her group. She came out in the hall to talk with me and I just lost it. I couldn't stop crying. It was just that it all got to me at that moment and she was being so kind she made me break down. I managed to pull myself together to talk with his teacher. She and I have talked and e-mailed MANY times so we know each other well. She has been a big help. I hope that the day is going well.

I went back and forth on keeping him home today but where do you draw the line? He didn't want to go because he said it would be boring - it wasn't that he was scared - he just didn't want to be bored! And if I kept him home then he would think that he could pitch a fit any time he didn't want to do something or go somewhere.

DH had left a message with DS' psychologist that we were having a family emergency (last week was the pits) and the guy never called back!!! We are STILL waiting on a referal to a pediatric psychiatrist so we can see WHAT ds has and what medication he needs! I am NOT real happy where we are going, but it has been so hard to get into anywhere so we are stuck here for now. The psychologist is the one we used with the school and now we are using him on our own. We have called other places several times but haven't gotten calls back - very frustrating!!!!!

I worry about my son and my husband, but I also worry about myself. I NEED to be strong for everyone but sometimes I feel I am just at the end of my rope...I keep tying Knots and I hope I can hang on! I have been going back to curves 3x a week and walking in the morning for my physical health and that helps a lot. I made an appointment to talk with my primary care physician today. He is a good guy and I feel comfortable talking with him so maybe he can give me some advice.

Another thing that helps a lot is Disney. I keep imagining myself there. I know that it is an escape, but I could sure use it. When things get too much I take a deep breath and picture myself walking aorund World Showcase. I think I'll go over to Mexico for a margaritta.

Sorry for the longest post ever....sometimes just writing it down calms me down. I have to go take my little one to gymnastics now...

Thanks DISers for being there....

Jill

 

[grinningghost]

Wow, you do have alot on your plate. I would GLADLY meet you in Mexico for a margarita (hold the salt please) .

We went through something similar with my stepson when he was young. Nothing helped. DH got the reputation as the "mean" parent, because he was constantly being called to his ex's house to handle the outbursts. It was ugly.

Things didn't ever really get "good", but at least today the kid is 19 years old, has a job and is a pretty nice kid on the overall. It's better than we expected it to turn out. Hang in there.

 

[Rajah]

I'm sorry. That does sound like a rough situation, and thanks for putting some perspective on my "annoying" day. Not so annoying any more.

I don't have much advice for you. Can you, instead of calling, maybe go *see* some of these places and see if you can talk to someone about getting your son in?

What about counseling for yourself? And maybe your DH? Help you learn more ways of handling your son while you're trying to get him in for help.

 

[scarlett873]

i have no advice to offer...just sending some extra hugs your way...

 

[Celluloidgal]

 

[Hillbeans]

Wow, first let me give you a huge hug!

I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through right now. I'm trying to get my DS 3 potty trained, and that's nothing compared to what you're going through. I do have a friend who has had similar issues with her DS7 as you're having with your 9 yo. I see her getting upset a lot, but they've been getting professional care now from someone who is very good and I can already see the difference.

The only thing I can tell you is that 1) you still need time for yourself. Keep up the Curves and your walking. It's your sanity break. Also 2) try and keep the 5 yo busy and involved with other things. I can imagine it's probably scary to him to see his older brother fly off the handle.

I wish there was more I could say, but there is that old saying that you reap what you sow, and it sounds like you're really trying to work things out, and somewhere down the line, things will all fall into place. I had a friend when I was a teenager who was into all sorts of terrible things and put her parents through hell. She's now got a great job, good friends, and she's somehow made it through. I know her parents life didn't go as they probably expected it (so many of us expect our lives with our kids to be like a commercial where everyone's happy 24/7).

Hang in there, and always reach out to us fellow mom's/dad's and DIS'ers.

 

[mt2]

I am sorry that you are going through this. What I have learned through lurking on these boards for so many years is that your not alone. I read many, many, many of the posts but can't help most of the time. My neighbor's son was diagnosed with PPD when he was 3 years old. It sounds very much what you are going through. She was told by many Dr's was that she was just a young mother and this is how it was supposed to be. She finally found someone that listened to her. That took 1.5 years. He his on Ritalyn (sp) but still as an issue now and then.

If you would like to come down to Ft Worth, there is a place here that has great margirita's. No mix from a bottle. All hand squeezed. I'd be glad to take you there. Don't be alarmed if you think the wall is starting to lean. It really does lean.

Happy Thoughts to all,

mt2

 

[KristaTX]

. Just keep hanging in there. .

Krista

 

[CamColt]

Sorry I dont have any good advice for you, but I just wanted to say to hang in there and feel free to vent here when you need to.

 

[Desnik]

I just wanted to give you a

Please try to get yourself and family into some type of counceling. This is affecting all of you. When you say your DS always focuses on the little things and can't let it go, that sounds like OCD. I am no expert, but I have 2 sisters, a father, and husband who have this. All but my younger sister have been on meds for this and it has helped them tremendously! My husband with theropy and meds has come to a point where he doesn't need the meds anymore. I just want you to know that there is a rainbow at the end of this. If you are not getting phone calls back from people, go there, call other councelors, etc. Hang in there. Just remember when your at your wits end with him, he isn't doing this on purpose and really can't control it. From what you are describing it sounds like there are some real mental illness issues. I have family members who suffer from depression, OCD, ADD, and other things. I know it can be so frustrating waiting for a diagnosis. Don't give up and be persistant. Good luck!

 

[CEDmom]

Just wanted to send you a .

 

[antkim]

I don't really know what to say because I have no experience in what you are going through. I just wanted to say my thoughts and best wishes are with you and I really wish I could help. I'm glad you can come here to the Dis for comfort-I feel the same.
Oh, and count me in for a Margarita in Mexico!!! Salt please!!!

Kim

 

[TimeforMe]

Awww, Jill. You certainly have a lot to handle and must feel so alone. Do you have any family in the area that you can vent to from time to time, or that can help ease the burden a little? I know I always hate to impose on people, but you really need to do it for yourself and family. They're probably more willing to help than you think.

You didn't mention if your DS is on any meds. If you haven't received the referral yet, keep calling--let them know they need to take some action NOW.

Keep going to Curves, walking and taking some time for yourself. Do you have a friend you can go out with for a few drinks from time to time--or to the movies--or whatever.

Feel free to vent here whenever you need to. God Bless

 

[Ragmop]

Awww...Jilll...you need a hug. Good that your friend and teacher are so understanding.

 

[Big V]

Many {{{HUGS}}} to you Jill. Are there any support groups in your city you can contact? Sometimes it helps to get together with people who have the same problems. Talk to your health care provider too. They may know of some type of support group.

 

[melk]

I hope getting all of this off your chest at least helps you feel a bit better. You're handling a lot right now, try and take care of yourself. Things will sort themselves out.
Melissa

 

[Pooh93]

I'm sorry for all that you are handling. Take one day or hour at a time. And know that you can come vent here anytime. {{{HUGS}}}

 

[TINKTWINS]

I hope somehow magically some of your stress eases soon

 

[Micca]

Hang in there

 

[powellrj]

No advise, but am sending (((((Hugs)))))