do you ever feel guilty?

[abmitch01]

we take a vacation once a year or so, sometimes less. I save for Disney, we usually go Feb break and it's expensive. I'm a single mom (but my ex husband is in the kids lives) and sometimes I feel guilty taking these trips. This year we are going in August and we can stay on site for the first time for 10 days and it's still $1000 cheaper than off site for a week Feb break.

I feel like I should put that money for college. But we are very frugal except for these vacations, actually we are frugal on the vacations, lol. And we have such a great time at Disney. My DD and I really bond there. She's 15, who knows how much longer she'll still want to go with me. I'm still saving for retirement and college but this trip would've put a nice chunk of change in her college account. Arggghhh, I vacillate between guilt and excitement for going. Do other people feel this way?

 

[pryncess527]

My parents took me on vacations as a kid. We went t Disney a bunch.

When college time came, I had a college fund, but I still ended up taking out loans to help cover the cost.

Not for one single second have I ever wished my parents took me on fewer vacations. Even when I send in that student loan payment, the memories I have are far more valuable than the burden of those loans.

If you think your DD feels the same way, or might 20 years from now, then I don't think you have any reason to feel guilty.

 

[purpledisneyprncess]

My parents took me on vacations as a kid. We went t Disney a bunch.

When college time came, I had a college fund, but I still ended up taking out loans to help cover the cost.

Not for one single second have I ever wished my parents took me on fewer vacations. Even when I send in that student loan payment, the memories I have are far more valuable than the burden of those loans.

If you think your DD feels the same way, or might 20 years from now, then I don't think you have any reason to feel guilty.

Thanks for providing perspective from the child. I too think about all the money we spend on our Disney vacations that we've taken (5 trips in the past few years) BUT we are frugal in other ways & I do have college funds set up for them.

I do think the memories made on these trips is what makes the money spent worth it!! My kids are always finding hidden mickeys at home; talking about when we are going on our next trip, etc etc. And the bonding that we do there when we all feel like kids; it's just an amazing feeling how we all connect on the rides and in the shows-- that magical feeling the four of us get is just priceless. We also bring snacks and drinks into the parks and do not really do many table meals; just counter service mostly so we do try and not go way overboard.

 

[QVCshopper]

I feel guilty, too, but I'm like you and try to save everywhere. At one point, we were saving something like 40% of our income in retirement and college. It's less now because we bought a new house, we have a third kid, etc., but it's still pretty high.

I'm trying to look at it like this: I'm willing to shop sales, do gas deals at the food store, buy as much as I can used, and skip most daily treats. But I'm not willing to skip the experiences with my kids, whether it's going on their field trips, visiting the wonderful places around where we live, and our vacations.

Hopefully their college savings will be built up more by the time they go--they are 9, 8, and 2--but we can't go through life saving everything, or we will miss out on living life. Know what I mean?

We've also gotten into "bundling" our trips. Ie, getting annual passes and going 2-3 times during that calendar year... Saves a lot because tickets are a pretty hefty part of a Disney trip.

 

[girli565]

My parents took me on vacations several times a year and did not contribute to a college savings for me. I was fine with that.

When it came time for college I got to live at home for free (my parents were very strict and if I hadn't gone to college they would have started treating me as an adult and I would have to contribute to the household like an adult) and go to the local state university on a scholarship and a grant. I was always aware that my parents weren't going to pay for my college so I knew I had to work hard to get scholarships and grants to get it paid for. And if I didn't then student loans paid for it and I'd have to pay it back. I also worked while I was in college.

I loved vacations with my family (Disney several times a year, beach vacations at least once a year, and cruises for special occasions like when I turned 15 and when I graduated from high school in the top 5%) and wouldn't change that for anything. I never looked back and wished they'd paid for my college instead.

 

[JanaDee]

No, we don't feel guilty about how we spend our money. It is *our* money to spend/save as we wish, not our children's. Our kids know how much we are willing to contribute toward their higher education. The rest is up to them.

 

[ski_mom]

Now that our kids are getting older, we've actually talked about this with our oldest DD. She'll be a senior in High School next year, so her college years are right upon us now.

We've also gone on nice vacations each years and a couple of shorter trips many years as well. She said that she'd rather be frugal in her college years and still have the trips that we've had than have us be able to pay for whatever she wants for college.

We sound like a lot who have posted on this thread. We save in lots of other areas in our lives in order to be able to go on the nice vacations.

In that respect, I think our kids tend to spend their money in that way too. They think about the purchase before they spend their money. The theory I've talked to my kids about is that you only have so much money in any given year and you have to decide how you're going to spend / save it. If you splurge in one area, you can't in another.

Our splurge area is definately vacations and we are all on board with that!

 

[dznyacct]

I have had those same thoughts over the years regarding our multiple (sometimes 2 a year) WDW & DCL trips . My DH and I have only one son. We saved enough for his undergrad tuition, with the assumption that he lived at home and commuted to a big 10 university that was ~ 15 minutes away (Purdue). I am happy to say that he graduated in 4 years and was debt free . He is now in grad school (fully funded, so no out of pocket costs for us/him). I have such wonderful memories of all of our Disney vacations (OK, I'm tearing up now just thinking about them ). Some of the trips were "mom and me" trips as my DH isn't as big of a Disney fan as me . Those trips were THE best . I am very happy to say that we have fully indoctrinated his GF of 4+ years into our Disney cult/club . We will be leaving next week for a week at WDW followed by a week on The Fantasy . We have many more years of Disney memories to make and I for one can't wait !!

 

[Dakota731]

As long as I'm saving saving for retirement and not going into debt for our vacations, I don't feel guilty. We give 10% of our income to charity and my husband works very hard for what we have so why not enjoy every blessing?

 

[AquaDame]

As another responder said, I never thought through college or despite still paying back my loans 9 years later that I wished my parents had saved more for me. To be fair, I was never raised with the expectation my parents would help more than they did. The rule was, you want to go, max your loans and they'd cover the rest as best they could (both my brother and I stayed in state which helped a ton). It was never a discussion growing up, and I never even considered that a) they should put my college before they got to enjoy the fruits of their own labor or b) parents gave free rides. Everyone I knew had loans or scholarships. I did not live in the dorms since they were more expensive than sharing a cheap apartment offsite. Since I wasn't sure what exactly I wanted to do (and my brother still had a year left so I kinda had to wait anyway if I wanted my parent's assistance) I went to community college for two years then transferred to the University when I had a plan for the last three it took to get my degree. Despite their help I took a job (at one point even working two) for spending money on top of the $500 a month they gave me beyond my loans. I felt damn lucky to have the help that I did (my parents reminded me.. constantly, lol!).

I dunno... maybe there is still a large part of me that is shocked some kids are so lucky. I had one boyfriend whose parents footed his entire bill including two years at Stanford... and he was the laziest most self entitled jerk I have met (it took me too long to accept this - he got worse and worse the more privileged his existence became - before Stanford was much better than during/post Stanford). After that even if I had kids they would have to somehow WORK for what they got just in case...

 

[Colleen27]

Occasionally. We will be able to give each of our three kids a solid start but not a blank check for college; all three should, with prudent choices, be able to get through undergrad without debt. However, one of my three has her sights set on a path that will involve out-of-state tuition and grad school, and there's a little voice in the back of my head that likes to remind me that the money we spend traveling could be helping her with those lofty goals instead. But the reality is that providing a half million dollar education on a single blue-collar salary isn't a reasonable expectation in any way, shape, or form and it wouldn't be fair to my husband, myself, or the other two kids to throw all our financial resources at such an admirable but expensive goal.

 

[MomToOne]

I see life as a balancing act, finances included.

Yes, I could dump every spare dollar I have into my daughter's college account. Or my retirement account. But while those accounts would be very well funded, I would be miserable right now.

Or I could spend every spare dollar I have on vacations, a fancy car and other fun stuff. But then I would be miserable later on, when DD hits college or I hit retirement.

So the challenge is to find a balance in all of that. Which I think I have. I fund DDs college account every month, and in the end it should be enough for a reasonable education at the university here in town, with her living at home - anything more than that will require her to help out with the funding somehow. And I am funding my retirement so I should have enough for a reasonable standard of living in my old age - my target is to be able to maintain roughly the same standard of living I have now with just interest on my savings, and whatever social security I may get. With those done, as well as funding all the other areas of life - food, clothing, housing, etc. - well, I get to consider vacations and other fun items with what I have left! Some years that is more than others, so some years vacations are more frugal than others (or even non-existant). But that's just all part of the balancing act! Planning is the key - without a plan, you don't know that what you are putting aside for college or retirement is enough. With a plan, though, you know that there is some extra - so no need to feel guilty!

 

[momof1princess]

I do feel guilty, not just for taking vacations, but for putting money in our IRA. However, a while back, I heard Dave Ramsey quoted as saying "You can take out loans for college; you can't take out loans for retirement." (that's the gist of it, anyway). I keep telling myself that. DD16 is very bright and scored a 28 on the ACT on the first try, without much effort, so I'm hoping she gets a scholarship.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

we take a vacation once a year or so, sometimes less. I save for Disney, we usually go Feb break and it's expensive. I'm a single mom (but my ex husband is in the kids lives) and sometimes I feel guilty taking these trips. This year we are going in August and we can stay on site for the first time for 10 days and it's still $1000 cheaper than off site for a week Feb break.

I feel like I should put that money for college. But we are very frugal except for these vacations, actually we are frugal on the vacations, lol. And we have such a great time at Disney. My DD and I really bond there. She's 15, who knows how much longer she'll still want to go with me. I'm still saving for retirement and college but this trip would've put a nice chunk of change in her college account. Arggghhh, I vacillate between guilt and excitement for going. Do other people feel this way?

Take the trip & put the $1,000 saved toward the college fund

 

[abmitch01]

good idea!

I've always followed that pay yourself first mentality when it came to retirement. I started right after college and thank God I did that. I shoo;don't need to depend on anyone. But I never had much left to save for college. I'm selling a house so there might be some equity there, IDK. One dumb thing I did, was sign divorce papers saying I'd pay 1/2 of a state school because my ex was older and we worried he'd retire and say he was contributing nothing to college. Now that time is here and he has no intention of doing that. So my college nut is $80k for two kids in a 4 yr state school. I wish we worded it differently with the kids relying more on scholarships and loans. this keeps me up at nights, lol

 

[MinnieForMe]

No guilt! We went to Disney in February and Aruba last week. My kids will be helped throughout college. They won't get a free ride but we are teaching them to be responsible and live a balanced life.

We don't have much debt, have savings and a retirement fund plus a college fund for the kids. It will likely not pay 100% for three kids unless they decide on a local college and commute.

I like to think if we (parents) die tomorrow our kids will have great memories not to mention enough life insurance to pay for college.

 

[lazy daisy]

we take a vacation once a year or so, sometimes less. I save for Disney, we usually go Feb break and it's expensive. I'm a single mom (but my ex husband is in the kids lives) and sometimes I feel guilty taking these trips. This year we are going in August and we can stay on site for the first time for 10 days and it's still $1000 cheaper than off site for a week Feb break.

I feel like I should put that money for college. But we are very frugal except for these vacations, actually we are frugal on the vacations, lol. And we have such a great time at Disney. My DD and I really bond there. She's 15, who knows how much longer she'll still want to go with me. I'm still saving for retirement and college but this trip would've put a nice chunk of change in her college account. Arggghhh, I vacillate between guilt and excitement for going. Do other people feel this way?

My husband and I just had this conversation, we feel guilty and expect something to happen befor the trip so we can't go... It's crazy, I guess we feel like we don't deserve it. We both work very hard, save our money , don't have any kids, I'm not sure what our problem is, lol!

 

[abmitch01]

I'm a hospice nurse, I know how much good memories mean. I know life can change for the worst in a split second. So I'm going to try really, really hard not to feel guilty.

 

[My2CrazyGirls]

Occasionally. We will be able to give each of our three kids a solid start but not a blank check for college; all three should, with prudent choices, be able to get through undergrad without debt. However, one of my three has her sights set on a path that will involve out-of-state tuition and grad school, and there's a little voice in the back of my head that likes to remind me that the money we spend traveling could be helping her with those lofty goals instead. But the reality is that providing a half million dollar education on a single blue-collar salary isn't a reasonable expectation in any way, shape, or form and it wouldn't be fair to my husband, myself, or the other two kids to throw all our financial resources at such an admirable but expensive goal.

Half million dollar education? Is that even possible?

 

[JeremyGNJ]

we take a vacation once a year or so, sometimes less. I save for Disney, we usually go Feb break and it's expensive. I'm a single mom (but my ex husband is in the kids lives) and sometimes I feel guilty taking these trips. This year we are going in August and we can stay on site for the first time for 10 days and it's still $1000 cheaper than off site for a week Feb break.

I feel like I should put that money for college. But we are very frugal except for these vacations, actually we are frugal on the vacations, lol. And we have such a great time at Disney. My DD and I really bond there. She's 15, who knows how much longer she'll still want to go with me. I'm still saving for retirement and college but this trip would've put a nice chunk of change in her college account. Arggghhh, I vacillate between guilt and excitement for going. Do other people feel this way?

Only you know your financial situation, so only you know if you should feel guilty. The fact that you're thinking you should save for college....there's probably a reason.

You say that you are "frugal on the vacations"...but you're really not. 10 DAYS????.....ON SITE???? I understand that its cheaper than doing off-site during February, but imagine how cheap it would be if you stayed off-site for 7 days in August. That would be frugal.

Not trying to be mean here, but you asked advice