Do you do WDW with extended family?????

[edk35]

Okay as you can tell in my signature we have been to WDW 8 times and my parents have been 7 of those times. We went in Jan. of 2005 without them and my mom WAS NOT HAPPY. It really upset her. Well I love my parents dearly.....and they have been with us in some capacity since we first went as a married couple ..with just one child then. The first time..they stayed off site and we stayed on. They only met us for a few of the days for the first couple of trips...then they started staying on site with us, connecting rooms and it wasn't too bad back then. We had younger kids and all. Well when we went in 98 and stayed at the POLY.....we went for like 8 nights. OMG....my dad was burned out and my husband was annoyed at my mom after a while. She is a hoverer...LOL. She will point out stuff to the kids on every ride (which bothered my daughter who is the oldest), our rooms were adjoining........they walk slower which does slow us down in the parks. SO it really annoyed him. So when we went back again.....in Nov. that first thanksgiving....we were there again like 8 nights. OMG....again. My husband was in the worst mood after a few days. It was horrible. He told me after that..he would NEVER GO AGAIN with them. My dad gets burned out after about 4 days. My mom could go and stay for FOREVER. She loves it. So......we went in Jan. without them...I didn't even tell them to like 1 week before we left. I was scared not to tell them in case something bad happened to us or them while we were gone. My mom's feelings were sooooooooo hurt. My dad said she cried and was just downright evil for a few days. LOL I felt guilty and really I SHOULD BE ABLE TO GO THERE WITH JUST MY FAMILY RIGHT??? My dad said he understood completely. Have I created this mess???? Well we went back Nov. 2005 and we got there 1 1/2 days ahead of them and we had some time by ourselves but after a few days....same thing....my husband was annoyed. He said that we spend so much money to go down for 8 nights and my parents are slow, my mom buys the kids tons of stuff they don't need......my dad gets tired of the parks and starts complaining and we are spending tons to have a nice time. So again he said NO NO NO. So there is my story. We are planning on going in Jan. and do I just NOT TELL THEM. I am close to my parents.....talk daily. We live in MD and them in AL so we only see each other like twice a year. We are meeting them in FL in Aug. for 5 nights at FT. Walton Beach....sharing a condo with them and then spending 4 nights at their house in AL. So we will see how the sharing of the condo goes!!!!!! Just wanted some advise and see what you guys have experienced. .

Denise

 

[Mimi Q]

Well, if you are sure they won't find out you went from somebody else- don't tell them.

 

[tlmdisney]

I can understand completly. Our last trip to disney I told my mom we were gioing then out sliped the words do you want to go? Well she thought it would be a great idea if my whole family went brother 2 sisters and thier families. One problem my dad needs to know where everyone is at all times. makes for a long trip with no time apart. We are going again in Sept. I was afraid to tell my mom at first and you know what happened those words sliped out again "so you want to come" My mom said yes, But i had to explain why it could be just her and no one else. I know that disney has these magical gatherings experiences but that is just not for my family. We all get along, We just irritated become with each other or our spouces for becomeing irritated with our family. I found that for large family functions the more laid back the setting the better. The condo sounds nice

 

[edk35]

Thanks for the replies. Keep em coming. LOL It is hard when you have had them there for all the trips. My dad does understand..he goes but after a few days HE IS DONE. My mom would stay by oursides for as long as we went if she had her way. She loves spending time with the kids and us. It is just so hard. I feel guilty not inviting them...but I also see my husband's views too.


Denise

 

[nascarcheshirecat]

i would go.....
does your mother and father take any trips alone together?

maybe if she likes disney, they could go for 4 days by themselves, he would not get burned out, and she would enjoy it?

or....what if you suggested if you and her went for lets say a few days just the two of you as a mother/ daughter only trip? and the other time was just you and the DH and kids?

maybe she would enjoy that with you.....

just a suggestion....

 

[Annam26]

I think that the suggestions are great. Also, if your mom wants to be with you, maybe you can arrange for them to take a short trip -three to four days- with you?

That way you can spend a few days together, and still enjoy a lot of your vacation just with DH and DKids.

 

[minkydog]

There is no way I could spend 8days at the Poly or anywhere else with my mother. I love her, but her non-stop talking makes me want to scream We have a policy of only inviting her for every other trip. That way we get plenty of family time. In fact, every 3rd trip is a couple-only trip--how do ya like them apples?

I would suggest that since your dad only wants to go for 4 days that you plan with Dear ol Dad to leave at that point and take your mother. You may want to consider a Women & Children trip, if you think the kids would like it. Leave DH at home so he doesn't have to be annoyed (this works best when he knows there is another family-only trip in the making. )

 

[sam-eliza]

Was interested in this topic because I am leaving next Monday for DW with my in-laws, BIL & family, SIL & family and my own DH, DS3 and DD5. Fourteen of us total. I'm preparing myself for what this will be like, but we've already told everyone that with six kids under 7 on the trip that it will be physically impossible to stay together. It's July, it's hot and two of my nephews are special needs.

I think because we stated this early, the "let's do every meal, ride and activity together" expectations are lower.

That being said, I think because my in-laws are paying for everything, I'd like to make an effort to stay with them whenever possible. Although things might get testy at times, I need to remember how grateful we should be for this opportunity!

It should be a challenge!

 

[Mariaºoº]

Actually, our whole family normally travels together. It was the way I was raised and the way I've been raising my own kids. Now, we all don't stay together every minute of the day. We meet for one big meal a day and see a couple of attractions together, but then we all split up. It's hard for a family of 58 to always stay together. LOL Anyways, what I would suggest you do if you're close to your mom is to just tell her that you and your husband would like to go to Disney alone some years. That you don't want it to upset her or hurt her feelings, but at the same time, you and your family deserve some alone time as well. I would also tell her that another trip you would like to meet them. Have them go a few days before you all get there. Let them have their alone time and join them at the end of their trip. So, after they leave you and your immediate family will have alone time. Stagger the dates so your parents leave before you all leave.

 

[Mariaºoº]

Now I'm just checking to see if my ticker is fixed. lol

 

[minkydog]

we've already told everyone that with six kids under 7 on the trip that it will be physically impossible to stay together. It's July, it's hot and two of my nephews are special needs.

As crass as it sounds, the kids with special needs can be an advantage Nothing like being able to say,"Timmy needs to go back to the hotel before he has a meltdown" or "Johnny needs a nap now" to get some alone time. Seeing WDW at a special needs pace is truly an enlightening experience--try it, you'll like it

 

[Wendi2000]

Two things...

First, since your dad understands where you're coming from, talk to him first. Tell him that you'd like them to join you, but only for 4 days of the trip. He can then tell mom that he only wants to go for 4 days and he can be the enforcer.

Second, can you let them know that you and DH would like a day or two alone and would they mind taking the kids from you for that time? That way, you'd get rid of all of them for a while and maybe your DH wouldn't be so annoyed because he'll have a break not only from the ILs, but also from kids and you'll get some alone time together.

If these won't work, I'd go alone and plan on another (possibly shorter) trip with the whole family.

 

[willis37862]

I think the ideas about not taking your parents this time but taking your mom and kids without DH at a later time would be nice. I just know that I wouldn't be happy if DH kept inviting his parents if it was making for a bad vacation. I think I would have to put DH's feelings ahead of mom and dad in this case. I know it can be hard and I know you don't want to hurt any of them. I think I would just do my best to explain to them that you need some "just us" time with your DH and your kids. Hopefully they will see you love them and aren't wanting to hurt them you just need a vacation with just your family. for you and I hope it works out for the best.

 

[dpuck1998]

I think we have a great system. My inlaws go with us for 1 night then head back to West Palm Beach where they have a condo. We do Disney usually for 3-4 more nights and head back to see them for a couple of nights. Has been a great trip for the last couple years. They did go with us for 4 nights once, while we had a great time, my FIL (who is 82 now) is getting a little senile. He actually said in all seriousness while at MK..."this place is dumb, I've been here, its just for little kids" He repeats himself over and over, but my kids LOVE him and he is a nice guy. So we deal with the minor headaches. Our system now works great, just enough time together and apart.

 

[minkydog]

I think we have a great system. My inlaws go with us for 1 night then head back to West Palm Beach where they have a condo. We do Disney usually for 3-4 more nights and head back to see them for a couple of nights. Has been a great trip for the last couple years. They did go with us for 4 nights once, while we had a great time, my FIL (who is 82 now) is getting a little senile. He actually said in all seriousness while at MK..."this place is dumb, I've been here, its just for little kids" He repeats himself over and over, but my kids LOVE him and he is a nice guy. So we deal with the minor headaches. Our system now works great, just enough time together and apart.

I think you have a great attitude, too. Even though your FIL is changing, he still knows you love him. In only a few years he will forget the trips, but the kids will never forget the good times with Grandpa. Bravo to you

 

[Schmeck]

My mom loves to go with us, and I love having her - hubby actually complained about our last trip being too soon to go back again, so I just took my mom instead and left him at home, LOL! It was a great trip! And the year before that, we did a two week trip - one week just the 4 of us (DH, me, 2 DDs) and then his parents joined us for the second week. That was a lot of fun too!

How about asking dad if he really wants to go, or would he rather stay home this trip? Then ask your hubby if he wants to go, and if he says yes, then tell him he can't get annoyed. Then, tell your mom if she wants to go with you, she needs to limit what she buys the kids, as they really just don't have the room for more stuff. Or get her to buy them some nice t-shirts, jewelry, etc., the kind of stuff that lasts. Or, just tell your parents everything you told us here, and suggest they come down half way into your trip.

 

[tkitty]

As a Mom and Grandma, I feel a little bad. My DD is my best friend. We love to do things together. She mentioned last April, that she and her new DH and their DH4, may go to WDW. They had never been. She knew I would love to go, but my DH and hers, have issues. (Long story) I don't think she ever officialy invited us But I indicated that it was too bad her Dad wouldn't want to go. Well, our grandson, who is extremely bonded to my DH, asked grandpa to go too. Well my DH melted, said he'd do it for our DGS, so I asked my DD how her DH would feel about it. I guess he agreed, because we all made ressies right away.
My DH and I went to WDW/Cruise together back in 99, and I sure missed my DD. DH doesn't get into the Disney mindset like her and I.
I still hope that I didn't push my way in. I know they need there own time. My daughter says she would have more fun if I went too. I told them also, not to feel that we have to do things all together every day. We did make our ADRs together, though.

 

[edk35]

I appreciate everyone's advice,replies and tips. A lot makes sense but I know I could never go without my hubby. I know that I could never go with just me and my mom without kids. I don't think I could go with hubby and no kids. My mom would never go and leave my dad at home and I don't think my dad would like to be left ...he would rather just suck it up and go. LOL I think my only choices are DON'T TELL....or have them show up like 2 days later and only stay like 3 nights instead of the 6 nights we are staying. It is so hard but I really don't mind going without t hem......it was fine in Jan. I also don't mind them going for part of the trip but I do see what happens when they are there for the entire time. We have just outgrown it I guess. My oldest....is almost 16 and my mom hovers all around her and just hates to see her grow up basically. So that drives my daugther insane. My mom points stuff out that she has pointed out for years there and my daughter is very polite and respectful but the past couple of trips she wishes she wasn't there. My younger boys don't mind them being there at all. They only go with us there.....anywhere else they don't tag along.

Denise

 

[Nancyg56]

I think this is a great idea. My Sis IL from my first marraige joined us on our trip and it was not good. I'm used to her so I was fine, but the rest of the family threatened to stay home if she came with us in January. Well, she was not happy, and let us know. SO I planned a short trip in August with her so that she can enjoy my DGD , her niece. Now my niece can join us, and wants to surprise the little one ( she is her hero) and my SIL has not been happy. I don't understand what the problem is, but never again.

Whatever you do, good luck to you.

 

[TheRustyScupper]

1) We have done extended family since 1995.
2) The numbers are 14-19 people each trip.
3) And, of course, Grandpa pays for everything - even souvenir allowances.
4) Unfortunately, I AM GRANDPA !