Do you consider it rude when....

[Tinker'n'Fun]

This happens to DS all the time. We constantly remind him to hold the door, trying to raise him to be a gentleman and all. At Disney this year he ended up holding a door at the DTD store for about 30 people. DH and I laughed and told him to make sure to go inside when he was done and get his "magical certificate" for being the official "WDW doorman". Gotta love 'em or all we would have would be enemies.

 

[shortbun]

It's not the kind of thing I've ever thought about. I guess I've laughed when a long stream comes through and said, "I accept tips!" to a perfect stranger. At my compound, it's considered rude not to hold the door when there are people coming through - no matter how many. I like getting to talk to everyone I'm doorman for.

 

[aprilgail2]

Even though I'm not proud of this, I tend to bitterly say "you're welcome." Once I was leaving a Starbucks with two cups of coffee in my hands, my keys in my mouth, and using my backside to open the door and some man walked right in while I was trying to leave! The nerve of some people, really.

My daughter holds the door open for people all the time and it drives me crazy when they will just walk through, not even look at her or say thank you. Sometimes I will say to her loudly- "some peoples parents never taught them to say thank you" or I will say "You're welcome" I mean come on- who walks through a door a child is holding open for them and can't say "thank you"....morons!! I make sure BOTH of us say thank you if someone is holding the door for us- I used to have to prompt her to say thank you for that when she was younger but now its automatic!

 

[Disney Ella]

I think it's pretty clear when you walk through a door and hold it open behind you that you are holding it open for just the person behind you. When you stand to the side and hold the door open, exactly how are people supposed to know how many people you want to hold it open for? I would assume you want to hold it open for a whole group or you wouldn't bother to stand off to the side, you would just slightly hold it open as you go by so the next person could catch it before it closes. (I mean "you" in general, not the OP.)

People don't always say "thank you" to me and I don't care. Holding the door for someone is a minor thing to me, not some big inconvenience. Saying "you're welcome" to them when they don't say "thank you" is kind of passive aggressive as far as I'm concerned, and I have no interest in getting into anything with strangers.

 

[Carly_Roach]

If it's a pet peeve of yours to hold open a door for a stranger and then the stranger (or strangers) don't thank you, then the answer is simple: don't hold the door for anyone. Just because you want to do something as a courtesy doesn't mean that person is obligated to thank you. And if you really, really stopped and thought about it, you'd remember that you DO get thanked much more often than you don't get thanked.

Be courteous because it makes YOU feel good, not because you'll get thanked for being courteous. Teach your children to be courteous because it'll make THEM feel better to be courteous. Stop relying on other people's courtesy as some kind of payoff and you'll be surprised at how often that payoff comes to you anyway.

As for the door thing, if I'm in a hurry then those around me will see that I'm walking briskly. I'll hold the door for a second as I'm still walking and, if I have to pause, the pause will be obvious. They'll see that I let go of the door when they get to it and they catch it on it's way shut.

If I'm not in a huge rush, I'll stop and let as many people go through until someone else grabs the door. Someone ALWAYS does in my experience. It's that courteous/expectation/payoff thing that always seems to happen to me.

 

[mhsjax]

Ok, just so I have this correct. Like the pp who stated that her child holds the door open and people just keep coming without a thank you, my child also gets stuck. And no he isn't always standing behind the door. Sometimes he is in front of the door and people just keep walking thru it like it is his job. So to all of you who don't think this is rude. I guess it is ok then if I tell my kiddo just to let the door go and hit you in the face. I bet that would get some people upset. It is rude and there is no two ways about it. And for those who think it isn't. That is the big part of the problem.

 

[MushyMushy]

I lean towards it not being rude for the whole group to come through, but extremely rude for them not thanking you. When I hold a door for one, I'll hold it for others coming through at the same time.

Similar to Stacerita's story, DH and I were going into a restaurant the other day and he held the door open for me. I was right beside him, and we were in front of this couple. The female of the couple actually shouldered me out of the way to go through that open door. Her husband/partner mumbled an apology for her, but my husband and I were just standing back with our mouths open at her brazenness. Who knows what she was thinking! He'd planned on holding it for them too. Did she think it would slam in her face? Or that she'd have to grab the door herself once I got through? Did he gaze into her eyes longingly and she thought the open door was only for her?

 

[mhsjax]

I lean towards it not being rude for the whole group to come through, but extremely rude for them not thanking you. When I hold a door for one, I'll hold it for others coming through at the same time.

Similar to Stacerita's story, DH and I were going into a restaurant the other day and he held the door open for me. I was right beside him, and we were in front of this couple. The female of the couple actually shouldered me out of the way to go through that open door. Her husband/partner mumbled an apology for her, but my husband and I were just standing back with our mouths open at her brazenness. Who knows what she was thinking! He'd planned on holding it for them too. Did she think it would slam in her face? Or that she'd have to grab the door herself once I got through? Did he gaze into her eyes longingly and she thought the open door was only for her?

Ok, maybe I am not being clear. My hubby says I have that problem. I guess really if you hold it for one and the rest of "their" group comes through then it is only a little rude IMHO. HOwever, when it has happened to my son, it isn't just that group, but the line of people leaving the establishment at the same time, These people are not together. They just keep of filing out the door and never look down.. I kid you not. We were in a hurry to leave somewhere and he did hold the door open for the next family. I counted, 15 people came through the door and no they weren't together. and not one of them even looked down to see who was holding the door and smiled said thankyou , NOTHING. Totally rude. My little guy looked at me like what do I do. I told him just to let it go and if the next person didn't catch it, well then they could get a smack in the face. I guess that is why I get so bent of out shape. That one time has me so jaded, and I have seen it happen many times. It's funny, it isn't the younger adults that do this or the older people, they are so sweet with him. It is my generation, the 30'40'and 50's that seem to be the most rude about it. I guess you guys can tell this is my biggest pet peeve.

 

[Heidict]

So to all of you who don't think this is rude. I guess it is ok then if I tell my kiddo just to let the door go and hit you in the face. I bet that would get some people upset. It is rude and there is no two ways about it. And for those who think it isn't. That is the big part of the problem.

That about sums it up. Some people don't have manners these days and heaven forbid you called them on it. After all, they are entitled and we are there only to serve their narcissistic fantasies.

We have 2 doors to go through when you come into my office building. I will always hold the door for the person behind me, but I have been known to not hold that second door if there is a rude person behind me and they couldn't be bothered with at least mumbling a thank you after the first door. Holding the door for them is not an obligation, it's a courtesy and if someones mother didn't bother to teach them any manners then I'm not going to expand any extra energy on my part to reward it.


Another pet peeve/show of rudeness that just gets under my skin is the elevator. Out before In people!! Idiots trying to shove their butts onto a full elevator before anyone has had a chance to get out.

 

[ICF]

maybe a bit, but in the grand scheme of life there is a lot more important stuff to worry about.

 

[MiniGirl]

I think it is just that people have been raised with an attitude that others are to cater and do for them and they are in no way expected to return the favor. I'm starting to see it more and more. For example, when an elevator stops, it is common courtesy and common sense to let everyone get off before rushing on. I'm accustomed to children doing this. My own did it many times before we broke them of the habit. Now, however, I see adults doing it as well. Many times we have had to wait for the next one because adults pushed on the elevator in front of us while we waited to see if anyone was getting off. (And yes, we were clearly there first.)

I see the door situation in the same way. It has always been common courtsey to "take" the door from someone who was holding it for our family, so they could go on their way and get back to their group. If someone in my party stops to hold the door, it IS an inconvience to our group. Granted... it may just be a few seconds lost. However, even seconds taken away from our group and given to another is worthy of a "thank you" from the recepients. After all, we are also out socially and enjoying time together.

Do I hold doors open for the "thank yous?" No. Of course not. Does it bother me when they don't come. No, not really. It does sadden me occassionally though. We are raising our dds to be kind and respectful to all and I hope that doesn't translate into a doormat when they are older. We know there are people who will take advantage of their kindness, so we are also needing to teach them to be strong. Sometimes it is a fine line.

 

[KristinBelle]

no

 

[MiniGirl]

That about sums it up. Some people don't have manners these days and heaven forbid you called them on it. After all, they are entitled and we are there only to serve their narcissistic fantasies.

We have 2 doors to go through when you come into my office building. I will always hold the door for the person behind me, but I have been known to not hold that second door if there is a rude person behind me and they couldn't be bothered with at least mumbling a thank you after the first door. Holding the door for them is not an obligation, it's a courtesy and if someones mother didn't bother to teach them any manners then I'm not going to expand any extra energy on my part to reward it.


Another pet peeve/show of rudeness that just gets under my skin is the elevator. Out before In people!! Idiots trying to shove their butts onto a full elevator before anyone has had a chance to get out.

LOL!!!! I must've been typing up my response when you posted yours, but I like your way of saying it better.

 

[mhsjax]

maybe a bit, but in the grand scheme of life there is a lot more important stuff to worry about.

I see your point, however to me, manners are in the grand scheme of things. I am sorry it is just how I was raised.

 

[PebblesMK]

I am usually the one to hold the door open and sometimes for throngs of people. I don't mind for the most part, but there are times when people are just extremely ignorant and my daughter has taken after me in this aspect (not sure if it's good or not), but if there is somebody rude, and they don't say "thanks", I say (In a completely chipper way) "Wow, you have FANTASTIC manners, You're welcome!!!!". I also agree about the double door. There have been people who expect it to be held open and it has practically hit them in the face before they catch it. Overall though, I won't stop holding doors because of people who ruin it for the rest. On the flip side, I do get aggravated if somebody doesn't even attempt to hold the door if I am walking right behind them. I don't expect full doorman service, but a courtesy hold as I walk on your heels.

 

[ols386]

I think it is rude and thoughtless. I do hold the door for the next person behind me, because I don't want the door to just slam in their face. And I do believe that the rudeness is a sign of the times. I think in general, people are not taught manners now days, as in years past. If I knew the person behind me was not going to say thank you, I'd still hold the door, though.

An interesting thought.....in some other countries like Germany, France, and some of those European countries, if someone is in front of you, exiting through a door, they DO NOT hold the door for the person behind them. It's just not part of their 'cultural' (for lack of a better word). So maybe the culture in the U.S. is changing. And if that's the case, I still think it's rude.

 

[Feralpeg]

If it's a pet peeve of yours to hold open a door for a stranger and then the stranger (or strangers) don't thank you, then the answer is simple: don't hold the door for anyone. Just because you want to do something as a courtesy doesn't mean that person is obligated to thank you. And if you really, really stopped and thought about it, you'd remember that you DO get thanked much more often than you don't get thanked.

Be courteous because it makes YOU feel good, not because you'll get thanked for being courteous. Teach your children to be courteous because it'll make THEM feel better to be courteous. Stop relying on other people's courtesy as some kind of payoff and you'll be surprised at how often that payoff comes to you anyway.

As for the door thing, if I'm in a hurry then those around me will see that I'm walking briskly. I'll hold the door for a second as I'm still walking and, if I have to pause, the pause will be obvious. They'll see that I let go of the door when they get to it and they catch it on it's way shut.

If I'm not in a huge rush, I'll stop and let as many people go through until someone else grabs the door. Someone ALWAYS does in my experience. It's that courteous/expectation/payoff thing that always seems to happen to me.

I will continue to hold the door for others, not because of the payoff of a thank you, but because it is the polite thing to do. I just feel that it is sad that people have so little thought for others now days and that manners seem to be a thing of the past. Maybe, if we were a bit more courteous toward each other, this would be a more pleasant world.

 

[ols386]

I will continue to hold the door for others, not because of the payoff of a thank you, but because it is the polite thing to do. I just feel that it is sad that people have so little thought for others now days and that manners seem to be a thing of the past. Maybe, if we were a bit more courteous toward each other, this would be a more pleasant world.[/QUOTE]

I think this is very true!

 

[Carly_Roach]

After all, they are entitled and we are there only to serve their narcissistic fantasies.

As long as you feel you are only here to serve other people's narcissistic fantasies, you will be serving other people's narcissistic fantasies. And making sarcastic "Wow, you have FANTASTIC manners, You're welcome!!!!" comments to those who don't return the favor of serving your narcissistic fantasies.

This whole issue is one of life's best lessons to us: no matter what we say, what we do or how much we complain about it, we simply cannot control other people. Pet peeves is what happens when we fail to control other people's behaviors by using the exact same controlling tactics that were used on us (and worked).

 

[Scurvy]

I think it is just that people have been raised with an attitude that others are to cater and do for them and they are in no way expected to return the favor. I'm starting to see it more and more. For example, when an elevator stops, it is common courtesy and common sense to let everyone get off before rushing on. I'm accustomed to children doing this. My own did it many times before we broke them of the habit. Now, however, I see adults doing it as well. Many times we have had to wait for the next one because adults pushed on the elevator in front of us while we waited to see if anyone was getting off. (And yes, we were clearly there first.)

I see the door situation in the same way. It has always been common courtsey to "take" the door from someone who was holding it for our family, so they could go on their way and get back to their group. If someone in my party stops to hold the door, it IS an inconvience to our group. Granted... it may just be a few seconds lost. However, even seconds taken away from our group and given to another is worthy of a "thank you" from the recepients. After all, we are also out socially and enjoying time together.

Do I hold doors open for the "thank yous?" No. Of course not. Does it bother me when they don't come. No, not really. It does sadden me occassionally though. We are raising our dds to be kind and respectful to all and I hope that doesn't translate into a doormat when they are older. We know there are people who will take advantage of their kindness, so we are also needing to teach them to be strong. Sometimes it is a fine line.

I was coming up with a whole reply to type in when I saw this response. I agree completely! I think the people in the OP were rude. If I am by myself and someone holds the door for me I will walk through and say "Thank you". If I am with a group, the first person from our group to walk through will put their arm out to take the door and thank the person who was holding it, who then goes on their way. When our group is through one of us holds the door if there is someone right behind us, but we don't want to get stuck holding the door for another entire group.

(And by the way I just got back from Orlando and was shocked at the number of people who would try to crowd onto the elevator without first letting people get out of it. It was so annoying, and some of them actually looked irritated when we had the audacity to stop the doors from closing or to ask them to move aside so that we could get out. )