Do you Charge your Adult children Living Expenses?

[sdzman]

The rule in our house is if you are an adult and not going to school then you pay rent. It's less of a financial issue and more of a responsibility thing. Last year I had my two adult stepchildren living with us for the summer along with one of their 2 year olds. We charged some for rent and used the money toward a trip to WDW. We didnt tell them thats what we were doing until about a month before we left. They really seemed to appreciate it and we all had a super time.

 

[Mary•Poppins]

OP you are in a different situation that some of the other posters. However, if I can relate your experience to a family friend.

He is my Godmother's son (he is 57). He lived with his parents his whole life and to talk to him, you knew he had some problems, but he had a full-time job and was doing well for himself ... until his last parent passed away 20 years ago (his mother). He ended up having a nervous break-down from dealing with his mother's death, having bullying issues at work and the responsibility of taking care of himself. My Godmother, bless her soul, never showed him how to care for himself, cook, pay bills, clean ....

He now is on SSI and my mother has spent the last 20 years showing him how to cook for himself and manage his money. This has been SO difficult because he will run up credit cards and want to use the small amount of his inheritance to pay it off. My mom has finally got him to see what was happening with his money. He also would eat out for all his meals because he couldn't cook.

I don't know your son's situation, but I would start making him a part of you household plans. Perhaps sit him down and show him the bills and perhaps one or two you expect him to pay. If he is expected to contribute to the food bill, maybe have him cook one or two days a week with your assistance. That way he can learn how much money is required and learn the life skill of cooking.

I hope this helps. I feel bad for my family friend because his mom and dad thought they were doing the best thing for him, by taking care of him. He was their only son and they loved him to death. However, this parenting approach was the worst thing for him.

I hope this helps. And good luck with your decision.

 

[kellia]

Oldest dd is in hs and plans on staying here while she goes to college. We have 5 really good universities under an hour from us, so she'll go to community college for 2 years to save on tuition, then pick on of them to go to. I don't plan on her paying rent, but she'll have to pay for a lot of her expenses. She's said she may stay here a couple of years after she gets a job to save money, and that is fine with me. At that point I might charge her and put in an account for her, guess it depends on how much she's costing me! As long as they are working towards something, I want to help my kids out, however I don't want them to be slackers in my basement for the rest of their lives!

As far as helping out with chores, I think that should be expected! I am not a maid and they sure couldn't afford one if they were on their own. I also don't see anything wrong with telling your parents where you are going, when you'll be home. That is just common courtesy to those you live with. I'd like to know my daughter isn't in a ditch somewhere or worse if she isn't home late at night!

 

[IUTBAM]

Our DD is a HS senior, and if she chooses to live at home while going to college here in town, she will be living with us at absolutely no charge (and we will be paying for whatever her college scholarships will not cover). She's a straight-A student who has never given us a moment's trouble (not even a second, actually), and she willingly helps out around the house, and will do anything I ask of her. I could never dream of charging her anything to continue to live with us...even if she needs help after college, we'll be there for her for whatever she needs. Granted, we are in a comfortable financial position and are able to do so, but even if not, I would never charge any child of mine to live with me...but that's just me. Then again, I know none of my children are slackers, and would never take advantage of me or the situation.

 

[disykat]

I expect an able bodied, independent employed adult in my house to be contributing - myself included. Doing chores, obeying house rules, using available income to help pay bills is an expectation for ALL of us.

It will be a while before my kids reach independent status. They may live with us while they are still students etc. At that point they'll still be dependents and won't be contributing like an employed independent adult would be.

We plan on paying for the majority of our children's college. However, after college, if they think they can live with us for free while they spend their entire income on themselves and not participate in household chores - I'll feel like I failed as a parent because they clearly don't get what being an adult entails.

 

[Mama-san]

I went to a local college while I lived at home. After I graduated ('92), I worked for my dad and did temp jobs while continuing to live with my mom and dad. At age 24, I moved out once I found permanent employment. My folks never charged me any rent (I paid for my insurance and all of my necessities, plus chores), but I believe if I had stayed there longer, I would have wanted to make a financial contribution to the household. It's funny, my dad didn't want me or my sister to ever leave home! He said we could live there forever!

 

[mrsklamc]

I seriously would've been happy if my parents did this for me. When I was 15, working at Burger King they took my check and gave me $25 a week. Even when I had a p/t job in college, they did this. When I started working in the city, I went from paying $150 to $300 to $600 a month. I never got a cent of that back.

Wow. That is WRONG. What motivated you to keep working? I did fast food in high school and I would NOT have done it for only $25 a week no matter WHAT my parents said.

 

[karice2]

Here is what my parents did for me. I got my first job at 15. I was required to save 30% of every paycheck from my part time jobs. I left home at 17 (joined the army) and only returned once for about 1 month when I was in the process of buying a house. I gave my parents the rent that I was paying at my old place and the monthly utility bills for the month that I stayed with them.

Maybe it is just me but so many young people are not willing to put in the hard work and actually struggle to get what they want. IMO it builds character to get that first place. Maybe you have to do it with a roommate. Maybe you have to not have every cable channel but at least you can learn how to do real adult problem solving. Budgeting and taking care of a household.

Not for the OP but for parents who let their kids only pay $500 rent, is there really anyplace that they can rent realistically for that cheap?

Working with some of the young adults who are boomerang kids, their parents are doing them a real disservice. Everyone is not your cheerleader and the world does not revolve around making your life easier. I think well meaning parents have to reconsider some of their choices and how they will affect their children later in life.

 

[DawnM]

I think I had an entirely different attitude BEFORE I had kids!

Honestly, in your situation, I would carefully look at what money he is bringing in from SSI or from his job, and help him work out a budget for clothing and extras and such and then have a set amount, maybe the amount he is using in food and hot water for example and "charge" that.

We recently looked at a house with a basement apartment and I have to admit I thought that would be a great idea for the boys when they are in college and maybe even beyond, while they are saving for a house or whatever. It would give them the chance to be at home but not at home. I have no idea what I would charge or not charge and I am quite positive it would depend on the situation......can the child find a job, is it HIS fault he doesn't have a job? Is he just sitting around and being lazy and not caring if he has a job? These all come into play IMHO. If the child is doing everything in his power to find work OR is working and saving towards a house or another goal, I have no problem with him living at home and maybe paying a small amount.

Dawn

 

[PRmamiDEdos]

Wow. That is WRONG. What motivated you to keep working? I did fast food in high school and I would NOT have done it for only $25 a week no matter WHAT my parents said.

It was $25 more than I would have had. I learned some pretty crappy money habits from my mom. I couldn't afford to move out. After my first year in college, I couldn't afford to re-enroll (private school, I owed $8K after 1 year!), so I entered the workforce and my mom taught me the joys of credit. Unfortunately, she didn't stress the horrors. That was back in '92. I am now married and just coming out from under the messy bed I've made for myself (all thanks to my husband).

Sorry for pirating your thread OP. I think charging rent is good, when it makes them more responsible. Honestly, if you think DS can live on his own, help him by saving at least half the money. I would have rather paid a bill for my parents than just blindly given them money each month.

 

[quentina]

My parents never did and too be honest, I don't think I will either. I tell my kids to stay home, save their money and buy a house. They are only 13,8 and 6 so.....I may change my mind LOL

 

[lyncecelia]

This is my standpoint:

If my sister (currently 12), DBF's kids, or my own kids one day want to live with us after 18 and are full time college students no rent is required. They will, however, be responsible for all of their other expenses. If they are they're working FT, rent would be required, depending on how much room I'm actually giving them. (Example: I'd charge less if they only have a bedroom vs if they had the whole basement, ya know?) as well as expect them to help keep the house. I will not be their maid, at all.

DBF's oldest wants to be in the military. If he needs a place to stay for a month or two in-between assignments if he goes that path, it'd probably be rent free as long as he was saving. That's more of a "thanks for protecting our country" benefit. If he gets married and is in the service, his wife would be welcomed to stay with us, but the rent subject would still be there like it would with any of our other kids.

What we actually do with the money would depend on our own actual financial standpoint. Ideally I'd like to save it for them whenever they buy a house. However, this would not be known to them since I'd want them to learn how to budget savings on their own.

ETA: Honestly, I kind of wish my parents did this with me. I (obviously) would contribute when I had some extra money, (I took DSis and her friends to the movies tons of times on my own dime, bought food, and paid a bill here and there). But I never had a "set" amount to budget for. Because of this, the first month or two living on my own when I moved to Boston I was in a big shock....now I'm back on my feet and plan on pulling both DBF and myself out of debt. (I found visiting home about 1k of medical bills I had no idea I had....it's been sitting on my credit for years now apparently....my goal is to pay those off first.)

 

[dclfun]

I have a son still at home who does not pay anything to me but he's on kidney dialysis and also going to school part time. The SSDI he gets is used to pay his car note, gasoline, car insurance, cell phone, and other expenses but there really isn't anything left to pay rent or utilities. He is only 24, became disabled in renal failure at 20 but he had worked enough to get SSDI vs SSI so he also gets Medicare but not Medicaid so there are medical expenses he has as well, as opposed to those who have not worked and get totally free medical care. I DO get to use him as a tax deduction though. Anyone with a disabled child, even if they are now an adult, gets to take that deduction. I figure the money I get back does help with my expenses. Even if I didn't have the deduction, he's doing the best he can and I want to support him. When my other son was still at home though after he graduated from high school I did charge him a very small amount for rent just so he would realize that as an adult there are responsibilities. It was only around $100 though so really it came nowhere near even covering all the food he could eat, but it wasn't really for my monetary gain. It was a lesson for him.---Kathy

 

[WheelCEO]

i was never charged and i will never charge mine, as long as they are working and/or going to school. I have heard of parents charging their kids $300/month+ and putting it into an account and then giving it to them when they move out someday.

 

[VAfamily1998]

DBF's oldest wants to be in the military. If he needs a place to stay for a month or two in-between assignments if he goes that path, it'd probably be rent free as long as he was saving. That's more of a "thanks for protecting our country" benefit. If he gets married and is in the service, his wife would be welcomed to stay with us, but the rent subject would still be there like it would with any of our other kids.

Not sure if you already knew this, but all service members receive either 1) base housing or 2) a housing allowance that is based on their duty station/rank--so someone based in Hawaii would receive a higher allowance than someone of the same rank in a low cost of living area.
Depending on his rank/duty station of record, allowing him to live in your home rent free would enable him to pocket up to several thousand dollars (tax free) each month. Lucky him!

 

[lyncecelia]

Not sure if you already knew this, but all service members receive either 1) base housing or 2) a housing allowance that is based on their duty station/rank--so someone based in Hawaii would receive a higher allowance than someone of the same rank in a low cost of living area.
Depending on his rank/duty station of record, allowing him to live in your home rent free would enable him to pocket up to several thousand dollars (tax free) each month. Lucky him!

Actually, from what friends have told me (in the military), they don't get all that much. I have one friend who's husband is in the military and they are very frugal and still have trouble staying above water. Maybe that's just for the lower ranks, but that is what I've seen/heard...

 

[VAfamily1998]

My kids are too young (oldest is only 10) for me to have personal experience as a parent. For my experience as a child, my parents(particurly my mom) had the attitude that there was really NO excuse for still living in their parents home once you were 18 and graduated from high school. I HAD to move out when I was 18. Due to some personal crisis when I was 19 they did allow me to move back in, but was consistently reminded that I was a complete loser and failure for having to resort to that, and they expected me to be back out in less than a year (which I was). I was, of course, charged rent. I was a full time college student and had a part time job (making about $75/week) and was charged $100/month in rent.

Personal expenses, such as clothes, toiletries, automobile, insurance, spending money, etc. I paid for 100%, but that was expected as I had already been doing so since the age of 13 (with babysitting money).

I think my parents were extreme, but on the other hand I really can't imagine my children living with me past the age of adulthood except on a VERY temporary basis...unless they had some type of disability that made it impossible for them to live on their own. IMO, if they have a job that would allow them to pay rent elsewhere for less than 30% of their income, they shoudl be capable of living on their own.

 

[DLB]

My parents "charged" me basic rent of $500 a month and when I finally decided to move out and get an apartment they suprised me with the $20,000 so I could buy a house instead of rent. I have alot of friends whose parents have done this aswell as using half to pay for bills and saving the other half.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this idea! DH and I have always talked about doing this when the kids are out of college and starting to work, but choose to live at home (which no matter how you slice it, it will ALWAYS be cheaper to live at home). Hopefully we will be in a position where we can afford to do this.

 

[VAfamily1998]

Actually, from what friends have told me (in the military), they don't get all that much. I have one friend who's husband is in the military and they are very frugal and still have trouble staying above water. Maybe that's just for the lower ranks, but that is what I've seen/heard...

Like I said, it depends on rank/duty station
http://www.defensetravel.dod.mil/perdiem/bah.html
With this link you can enter the zipcode and rank to see what a military member would receive for a tax free housing allowance. Many families, especially if they are a larger family in a high cost of living area, find it financiallly adventageous to live in base housing, instead of renting or buying out in town. The problem is, in many of the high cost of living areas, there is a waiting list for base housing. For example, when we moved to Dh's current duty station, we were told the waiting list for housing would be 12-18 months.

 

[avgeek81]

Me and my brother started paying $100 a month when we were in college. My dad put it in account for us. When my dad died we paid my mom $200 a month and she saved half for us. Eventually she stopped saving it, which was fine. I moved out last month and she gave me $4000. I think i may have moved out earlier if my dad was still alive but my mom and i are very close and i didnt want to leave her alone. I tried to buy as many grocerys and stuff for the house as i could but my mom always tried to pay me back.
I have a cousin who is married they live with her dad and dont pay anything. They spend money like it is going out of style. They got a $100,000 settlement b/c her husband got hurt on the job and it was gone in a year. Also her parents put her husband thru college and he now makes about $80,000 a year. She doesnt work at all