Do you believe misogyny exists and people should be protected from misogyny?

[pezgirlroy]

My DH is my best friend and I adore him, his presence makes me feel safe and has been a comfort for the past 35 years together but I, as a Gen X mother of 2 a boy and a girl, would still never use the word need. I don't need anything but myself but I choose DH and he chooses me.

I agree with you on this.

 

[sam_gordon]

I'm Gen X, have been married for almost 31 years, and I need my husband. And he needs me. No generation gap, more of a mindset gap. It's not embarrassing to me that I need my husband..

Edit: To add, of course I chose him back in 1988, but I don't choose him every day. I need him every day.

So, if, heaven forbid, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, your husband passes away tomorrow, you wouldn't survive (or vice versa)?

I want my wife to be next to me.
I want my wife to grow old with me.
I don't want her (or me) to die. But I know it will happen. More than likely one of us will have to survive without the other.

Maybe the word that's getting lost in translation is "need". To me, if you NEED something, you can't survive or do things without it.

 

[DCLMP]

So, if, heaven forbid, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, your husband passes away tomorrow, you wouldn't survive (or vice versa)?

I want my wife to be next to me.
I want my wife to grow old with me.
I don't want her (or me) to die. But I know it will happen. More than likely one of us will have to survive without the other.

Maybe the word that's getting lost in translation is "need". To me, if you NEED something, you can't survive or do things without it.

Are you asking if we can't survive without a husband or just men in general? Most people are pretty resilient after a loss. I would equate a need as something that fulfills your life not something you need to survive.

 

[Disneylover99]

Maybe the word that's getting lost in translation is "need". To me, if you NEED something, you can't survive or do things without it.

And if I need something, it’s just something that I require that’s really important, but not necessarily life or death. Like, when someone says, I’m going to the grocery store, do you need any ingredients picked up for the recipe you’re making. Yes. I might need something. But I can make do without it if necessary.

So I do understand what someone means when they say they need their husband.

 

[sam_gordon]

And if I need something, it’s just something that I require that’s really important, but not necessarily life or death. Like, when someone says, I’m going to the grocery store, do you need any ingredients picked up for the recipe you’re making. Yes. I might need something. But I can make do without it if necessary.

So I do understand what someone means when they say they need their husband.

That's my point. "Need" means different things to different people. If I need gas for my car, yea, I can go a little bit, but if I don't get it, I'm not going far.

If you can get by without an ingredient in a recipe, *I* would argue you don't really need it, but it would taste better/be easier to make.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I'm Gen X, have been married for almost 31 years, and I need my husband. And he needs me. No generation gap, more of a mindset gap. It's not embarrassing to me that I need my husband..

Edit: To add, of course I chose him back in 1988, but I don't choose him every day. I need him every day.

I'm doing my best to bridge a gap but if it is your deepest wish to disconnect by all means, good luck with that.

Maybe you can explain what this has to do with misogyny because if you are happy I'm not seeing the A + B = C here

 

[LuvOrlando]

-

 

[LuvOrlando]

Can someone who NEEDS a man please walk me through why you are posting on a thread about misogyny?

If you are happy and feel fulfilled yay you, why are you on here?

I was a SAHM, it is what I wanted, me doing me is not misogyny and you doing you is not misogyny. Now if I was coerced or forced into it, well then that would be misogyny. Are some of you being coerced or under duress? Do you feel like your life is misogynistic in some sort of a way?

What we have here is a failure to communicate

 

[VandVsmama]

Don’t ask questions if you aren’t prepared to hear the answers.

 

[barkley]

I was a SAHM, it is what I wanted, me doing me is not misogyny and you doing you is not misogyny. Now if I was coerced or forced into it, well then that would be misogyny.

some (not I) would want to enthusiastcly educate and inform you on how you've never truly known what you've wanted nor was this a/your 'free will' choice but rather a choice born of generations of misogynistic indocrtrination and grooming. I think the current popular term is 'gaslighted'-you can read a wealth of information about how you (me, any women) were gaslighted into ever so much as considering being a sahm.

 

[Disneylover99]

That's my point. "Need" means different things to different people. If I need gas for my car, yea, I can go a little bit, but if I don't get it, I'm not going far.

If you can get by without an ingredient in a recipe, *I* would argue you don't really need it, but it would taste better/be easier to make.

Yes. I was agreeing with you. I just didn’t make that clear.

 

[nancipants]

some (not I) would want to enthusiastcly educate and inform you on how you've never truly known what you've wanted nor was this a/your 'free will' choice but rather a choice born of generations of misogynistic indocrtrination and grooming. I think the current popular term is 'gaslighted'-you can read a wealth of information about how you (me, any women) were gaslighted into ever so much as considering being a sahm.

I wouldn’t discourage anyone from being a SAHP. I could never do it, but everyone has different dispositions.

However, I would greatly advise any parent who put their career on hold to raise a child, to discuss with their spouse and get something IN WRITING about how you would be able to support your family without them. Everyone thinks it won’t happen to them, but how many stories are there of couples getting divorced long into their marriages or the working spouse dying unexpectedly? It’s not easy to return to the workforce with a gap in your history, especially a long one. And it’s not easy to make a living on one salary anymore.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I wouldn’t discourage anyone from being a SAHP. I could never do it, but everyone has different dispositions.

However, I would greatly advise any parent who put their career on hold to raise a child, to discuss with their spouse and get something IN WRITING about how you would be able to support your family without them. Everyone thinks it won’t happen to them, but how many stories are there of couples getting divorced long into their marriages or the working spouse dying unexpectedly? It’s not easy to return to the workforce with a gap in your history, especially a long one. And it’s not easy to make a living on one salary anymore.

Yep, we have a friend who found herself exactly in that situation. It's bad!

 

[mousefan73]

background: here in germany it used to be common to put family status on your CV.. so I applied for a job where it said married with two kids..

at the interview at the VERY beginning one of the first questions was " so with 2 little kids, how do you do all this" but in a condescending way.

no questions on my job, experience, business cases at this point but first how I balance my private life..

A man would never ever be asked this question.

 

[mousefan73]

I'm Gen X, have been married for almost 31 years, and I need my husband. And he needs me. No generation gap, more of a mindset gap. It's not embarrassing to me that I need my husband.

Edit: To add, of course I chose him back in 1988, but I don't choose him every day. I need him every day.

I need my husband too, he kills spiders for me, does the yard and if the heater goes out can fix it.. can also change car tires.. Now if god forbid something where to happen I would have to figure this out or pay somebody.

 

[mousefan73]

I wouldn’t discourage anyone from being a SAHP. I could never do it, but everyone has different dispositions.

However, I would greatly advise any parent who put their career on hold to raise a child, to discuss with their spouse and get something IN WRITING about how you would be able to support your family without them. Everyone thinks it won’t happen to them, but how many stories are there of couples getting divorced long into their marriages or the working spouse dying unexpectedly? It’s not easy to return to the workforce with a gap in your history, especially a long one. And it’s not easy to make a living on one salary anymore.

excately, my mom learned this the hard way after 27 years of marriage being a housewife and then suddently divorced at 50. My dad also learned.

I am in an expat group where there is a large group of women who are staying at home.. Just the nature of things, they meet a foreign man, move there and it's often easy to be the SAHM vs finding a job in a foreign market. there have been FAR too many crys for help in this group where the husband is abusive but they cannot leave, they have zero of their own funds and are in a foreign place.. I know not the norm but just shows not financially being able to leave is one of the main reasons women cannot leave an abusive situation.

I sleep so much better at night knowing that if god forbid my DH were to swich overnight to some crazy thing. I can pack a bag and pay for rent anywhere on my own.

 

[Christine]

I wouldn’t discourage anyone from being a SAHP. I could never do it, but everyone has different dispositions.

However, I would greatly advise any parent who put their career on hold to raise a child, to discuss with their spouse and get something IN WRITING about how you would be able to support your family without them. Everyone thinks it won’t happen to them, but how many stories are there of couples getting divorced long into their marriages or the working spouse dying unexpectedly? It’s not easy to return to the workforce with a gap in your history, especially a long one. And it’s not easy to make a living on one salary anymore.

I have seen far too many instances of this happen--more than you think should happen.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Such an weird twist in the thread to be so concentrated need/don't need thing.

 

[barkley]

I wouldn’t discourage anyone from being a SAHP. I could never do it, but everyone has different dispositions.

However, I would greatly advise any parent who put their career on hold to raise a child, to discuss with their spouse and get something IN WRITING about how you would be able to support your family without them. Everyone thinks it won’t happen to them, but how many stories are there of couples getting divorced long into their marriages or the working spouse dying unexpectedly? It’s not easy to return to the workforce with a gap in your history, especially a long one. And it’s not easy to make a living on one salary anymore.

so important-and it really goes both ways. regarding death/disability I handled too many cases at DSHS (and had one co-worker experience it first hand) where one parent dies or becomes total incapacitated such that they can't work inside or outside the home (and in the case of an incapacitated parent it can become MUCH more costly b/c you can end up with additional expenses for THEIR/if it's the sahp-that's on top of now needed childcare/transportation to all those myriad of appointments and such for the kiddos). i'm a big proponent of both parents having life insurance and for the one that will work outside the home-disability insurance (it would be wonderful if there was some kind of disability insurance one could purchase for a sahp that covered even a modicum of the dollar value of what they provide and can be lost with a disabling situation).