Do you ask people to remove their shoes in your house?

Do you ask visitors to take their shoes off in your home?

  • Yes, if they don't do it on their own I ask them to remove them.

  • I prefer they take them off but I don't ask them to.

  • No, I really don't care if they leave their shoes on.

  • No, I don't care if they leave their shoes on. Mine are on, too!


Results are only viewable after voting.
Most people I know that are "shoes off" people do not ask their guests to remove their shoes.

I do have a cousin and a SIL who are freaks about it though. My cousin is just the neatest woman in the world who you will often find polishing the outlets around the house. But if you have your shoes on, she'll cheerfully say "Hey! Get your shoes off". She's a sunshine kind of girl so it works.

SIL, on the other hand, will not ask you to remove the shoes...she just won't talk to you all night leaving you wondering why she's so mad. You find out the next day when her husband calls and asks you to please remove your shoes at all times when entering their house because he'll never heard the end of it!

I would be offended by either method. There's a big difference between a polite request to remove my shoes vs. "Hey! Get your shoes off." I might acquiesce to the first but would refuse the second.

And if someone is so passive agressive that they will "punish me" by not speaking to me when I didn't remove my shoes without a request to do so, then I am thinking I wouldn't be visiting that person's house very often. :sad2:
 
NO way would I be putting on slippers that someone else has had on their feet. EWWW!


:lmao: I think the idea is to use disposable, or at the very least washable slipper socks! I would never ask anyone to wear slippers someone else had worn!! :rotfl:

As a side note, since my family does take shoes off when the come to our house, my IL's usually bring slippers (they are shoes off people too at their own home and much prefer to be comfortable when they come over) and I bought slippers for my Mom and Dad that are theirs and theirs alone. (They also take their shoes off at home, but live close by and walk over, and I don't want them to have to carry an extra pair of shoes or to be cold at my house.)
 
And if someone is so passive agressive that they will "punish me" by not speaking to me when I didn't remove my shoes without a request to do so, then I am thinking I wouldn't be visiting that person's house very often. :sad2:

Oh, that's been taken care of! ;) Not removing shoes is just one of the problems I've been given the silent treatment about. :lmao:
 
Well, if we are comparing etiquette experts, this one from Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners:

The World’s Oldest Virtue
by Judith Martin
Copyright (c) 1993 First Things (May 1993).


Failing to take off one’s shoes when arriving at a dinner party in Japan would show a lack of respect for the hosts, while seating guests with their backs to the most decorative part of the room is understood to honor them by having these objects serve as their background. But taking off one’s shoes upon arriving at an American dinner party would be a demonstration of disrespect, while an American host who asks guests to remove their shoes in order to preserve the cleanliness of the carpet is disrespectful to the guests, by showing more honor to his possessions than to them.
 

The World’s Oldest Virtue
by Judith Martin
Copyright (c) 1993 First Things (May 1993).

while an American host who asks guests to remove their shoes in order to preserve the cleanliness of the carpet is disrespectful to the guests, by showing more honor to his possessions than to them.

ITA with Miss Manners?? :laughing:

If I go to someone elses house and they ask me to remove my shoes I will, but it leaves me with the impression that their home is more important than my company.

I never ask guests to remove their shoes. Whether or not we have guests, if the carpets or floor is dirty, I clean.
 
Well, if we are comparing etiquette experts, this one from Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners:

The World’s Oldest Virtue
by Judith Martin
Copyright (c) 1993 First Things (May 1993).


Failing to take off one’s shoes when arriving at a dinner party in Japan would show a lack of respect for the hosts, while seating guests with their backs to the most decorative part of the room is understood to honor them by having these objects serve as their background. But taking off one’s shoes upon arriving at an American dinner party would be a demonstration of disrespect, while an American host who asks guests to remove their shoes in order to preserve the cleanliness of the carpet is disrespectful to the guests, by showing more honor to his possessions than to them.

That's from 1993! :laughing:

I wonder what that book says about texting and email etiquette. lol

Ugh I couldn't get logged back in because of my dh's Comcast connection...

I want to add that people in Asia, Europe, Africa, and even Canada don't wear shoes in the house. I don't think Miss Manners or any etiquette "expert" can supercede cultural/regional traditions.

Dare I say it, but it seems like an ethnocentric attitude to think otherwise.
 
That's from 1993! :laughing:

I wonder what that book says about texting and email etiquette. lol

Actually, I found an interview between Wired Magazine and Miss Manners about e-mail

Sit up straight, folks - Miss Manners is here. She has mastered her voicemail, got control of her cell phone, and now she's logged on to the Net.
In real life, Miss Manners's true name is Judith Martin. For years she's written about excruciatingly correct behavior for all those moments when the modem is not on; now she has a few interesting things to say about the wired life. For example, people who don't give a hoot about sending thank-you notes are suddenly bent out of shape when they get an email message typed in ALL CAPS. Wired spoke to Miss Manners and asked her, very politely, how etiquette is bringing civility to the online frontier.
Wired: What is it about cyberspace that has rekindled interest in etiquette?
Miss Manners: Freedom without rules doesn't work. And communities do not work unless they are regulated by etiquette. It took about three minutes before some of the brighter people discovered this online. We have just as many ways, if not more, to be obnoxious in cyberspace and fewer ways to regulate them. So, posting etiquette rules and looking for ways to ban people who violate them is the way sensible people are attempting to deal with this.
W: Do you find online etiquette rules parallel the rules of etiquette offline?
MM: Yes. Spamming is the equivalent of boring people or mixing in business. Flaming is the equivalent of being insulting. You may not realize how annoying it is when you ask an obvious question to a group that has been meeting for a while. So etiquette refers you to a FAQ file. I'm delighted people are doing a good job on the Net.
W: To sort out the correct behavior when corresponding through technology, you suggest the body is more important than any disembodied communication. Somebody sitting in front of you should take precedence over just a voice - like a phone conversation. And a voice takes precedence over a further disembodied email. The more disembodied the communication is, the less precedence it has. Is that fair?
MM: Yes. And it is disobeyed flagrantly. The interesting thing is why people think that someone who is not present (a phone ringing) is more important than someone who is. Generally it has taken a person a lot more effort to come to see you than to call you on the telephone.
W: Let's see. I need some advice. Email has an alarming proclivity to be copied. What are the rules for passing on private email?
MM: For email, the old postcard rule applies. Nobody else is supposed to read your postcards, but you'd be a fool if you wrote anything private on one.
W: Most people are not writing their email that way.
MM: That's their mistake. We're now seeing email that people thought they had deleted showing up as evidence in court. You can't erase email. As that becomes more commonly realized, people will be a little wiser about what they type.
W: You're very much of a stickler for keeping one's business life from intruding upon one's social life. That distinction online is becoming more blurred all the time. There seems to be a deliberate attempt to mix these two up - working at home, for example. Is this the end of civilization as we know it?
MM: Blurring the two is not conducive to a pleasant life, because it means that the joys of being loved for yourself, and not for how high-ranking you are or what you can do for other people, quickly disappear. People who are downsized, for instance, find they've been dropped by everyone they know because they don't have real friends. They only had business acquaintances. One of the big no-nos in cyberspace is that you do not go into a social activity, a chat group or something like that, and start advertising or selling things. This etiquette rule is an attempt to separate one's social life, which should be pure enjoyment and relaxation, from the pressures of work.
W: You favor old-fashioned salutations in written correspondence: Dear So and So ... Do you use salutations in email?
MM: Email is very informal, a memo. But I find that not signing off or not having a salutation bothers me. I am waiting to see if this is just a fuddy-duddy vestige I should divest myself of.
W: Let me make a confession here. I've come to the point where if someone expects a response from me, and they send me a letter in the mail, I almost consider it rude. I know I'll get my knuckles slapped for admitting this, but they are requiring me to find a piece of paper, a stamp, go down to the mailbox, and so on. Let me put it this way: If I want a reply from someone, I'll do it by email if possible. It's more considerate of their time.
MM: Of course I disagree with you. First of all, not everybody is on email. Second, there are communications that do not belong on email. Email is not the means by which you tell someone that you want to marry them, or that you want to fire them.
W: At the moment email is predominantly informal. I wonder if it will eventually carry the formal as well.
MM: The mistake people keep making is that if they find a wonderful new tool, like email, they have to give up all others. They don't. You have simply added another very useful means to your communications repertoire. Another great error is the presumption that etiquette has a cutoff point, about 1875. But in cyberspace people talk about etiquette all the time.
W: Is this because etiquette is just common sense?
MM: No, etiquette is a voluntary bargain we make to live peacefully together. It's not something you can figure out through common sense. You have to learn it.
W: So is etiquette a substitute for laws in advance of lawyers and politicians?
MM: No. We have two regulatory systems: legal and etiquette. The legal system prevents us from killing each other. The etiquette system prevents us from driving each other crazy.
 
That's from 1993! :laughing:

I wonder what that book says about texting and email etiquette. lol

Thanks for pointing out the date! A lot of what we know about chemicals in the home, etc. wasn't readily available at that time.

And texting :rotfl: :lmao: ! I'm guessing Miss Manners would still probably be appalled by all of the people running around with phones, etc. permanently attached to their heads, accepting calls in restaurants and theatres, etc. :lmao: If only she'd known in 1993 what the world was coming to. :scared1: :rotfl:
 
I never ask people to remove their shoes. Some people will and others don't, I really don't care.
 
Well, if we are comparing etiquette experts, this one from Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners:

The World’s Oldest Virtue
by Judith Martin
Copyright (c) 1993 First Things (May 1993).


Failing to take off one’s shoes when arriving at a dinner party in Japan would show a lack of respect for the hosts, while seating guests with their backs to the most decorative part of the room is understood to honor them by having these objects serve as their background. But taking off one’s shoes upon arriving at an American dinner party would be a demonstration of disrespect, while an American host who asks guests to remove their shoes in order to preserve the cleanliness of the carpet is disrespectful to the guests, by showing more honor to his possessions than to them.

::yes::
 
That's from 1993! :laughing:

I wonder what that book says about texting and email etiquette. lol

Ugh I couldn't get logged back in because of my dh's Comcast connection...

I want to add that people in Asia, Europe, Africa, and even Canada don't wear shoes in the house. I don't think Miss Manners or any etiquette "expert" can supercede cultural/regional traditions.

Dare I say it, but it seems like an ethnocentric attitude to think otherwise.

I've asked before and no one has replied. If this is so prevalent everywhere, how come it isn't shown in tv shows or movies? You'd see people arriving at houses, removing their coats, hats and shoes, and guest at parties walking around barefooted. I've never ever seen that, except for shows like SATC, where asking to remove your shoes was seen as a bizarre request. Poor carrie had her expensive Manolos stolen. If New Yorkers thought it was strange an unusual, then it must be really really strange and unusual :laughing:
 
I've asked before and no one has replied. If this is so prevalent everywhere, how come it isn't shown in tv shows or movies? You'd see people arriving at houses, removing their coats, hats and shoes, and guest at parties walking around barefooted. I've never ever seen that, except for shows like SATC, where asking to remove your shoes was seen as a bizarre request. Poor carrie had her expensive Manolos stolen. If New Yorkers thought it was strange an unusual, then it must be really really strange and unusual :laughing:

Don't forget "Keeping up appearances" the Brit com where the high maintenance women in the show makes everyone, even the police men take off their shoes before entering the house (and asks them not to touch the walls.) :rotfl:
 
I've asked before and no one has replied. If this is so prevalent everywhere, how come it isn't shown in tv shows or movies? You'd see people arriving at houses, removing their coats, hats and shoes, and guest at parties walking around barefooted. :
I've never seen anyone go to the bathroom in movies either (except to throw up)..but I'm betting they do.
 
Don't forget "Keeping up appearances" the Brit com where the high maintenance women in the show makes everyone, even the police men take off their shoes before entering the house (and asks them not to touch the walls.) :rotfl:

Oh, yeah, I forgot about that! :rotfl:

DMRick said:
I've never seen anyone go to the bathroom in movies either (except to throw up)..but I'm betting they do.

C'mon, you know well that's not a valid comparison:) . Like I said, you see people removing coats and hats. If the norm was to remove shoes you'd see them doing it too. Also, if they are shown at parties, why they are always wearing shoes?

If being barefoot were the norm, who would ever buy a gorgeous pair of shoes to complete and outfit, if they'd never be able to show them off? What would be the point?
 
Seriously, I hope we're not basing any of our "norms" off of what happens on tv shows. If that were the case, depending on the shows I watched, I'd either be a lot taller, a lot blonder and a lot less worried about how to pay the bills at the end of the month. Or I'd be a lot less bored due to all the mystery and intrigue in my neighborhood. Or, perhaps, I'd be a superhero.

If we're going to look anywhere, I'd say look at the poll at the top of the page. Its about 1/2 and 1/2 (well, ok, I want to be accurate and not draw any fire... 40/60) as to who would rather people take their shoes off and who wouldn't. And, I looked at a few other discussion boards out there, and this one is much farther skewed to the "want to wear shoes" side than the others.

Personally, I don't think its really that big of a deal either way. I take my shoes off, I ask my guests to if they are family or close friends. If its a party where folks will be dressed up and I feel they might be embarrassed, I don't mention it. If someone objects, I don't understand it, but they are the guest and I accept it. But, whatever I do, I do it b/c I want to or b/c of what my guests prefer. I certainly don't care about Carrie's opinion on SATC.
 
Seriously, I hope we're not basing any of our "norms" off of what happens on tv shows. If that were the case, depending on the shows I watched, I'd either be a lot taller, a lot blonder and a lot less worried about how to pay the bills at the end of the month. Or I'd be a lot less bored due to all the mystery and intrigue in my neighborhood. Or, perhaps, I'd be a superhero.

(Sigh) Really, doesn't anyone get what I was trying to say? TV and movies DOreflect the fashons and customs of an era, particularly the small details which aren't central to the plot. Movies and TV shows are of the greatest legacies of the 20th century. Future generations will not have to guess what people wore, or how they spoke on a certain decade. It's a wondeful thing

Also, going on a tangent doesn't answer the question. Why are people shown taking off coats, hats gloves, but no shoes?
 
(Sigh) Really, doesn't anyone get what I was trying to say? TV and movies DOreflect the fashons and customs of an era, particularly the small details which aren't central to the plot. Movies and TV shows are of the greatest legacies of the 20th century. Future generations will not have to guess what people wore, or how they spoke on a certain decade. It's a wondeful thing

Also, going on a tangent doesn't answer the question. Why are people shown taking off coats, hats gloves, but no shoes?


I understood perfectly what you were saying and I thought it was a valid and insightful point.
 
(Sigh) Really, doesn't anyone get what I was trying to say? TV and movies DOreflect the fashons and customs of an era, particularly the small details which aren't central to the plot. Movies and TV shows are of the greatest legacies of the 20th century. Future generations will not have to guess what people wore, or how they spoke on a certain decade. It's a wondeful thing

Also, going on a tangent doesn't answer the question. Why are people shown taking off coats, hats gloves, but no shoes?

I didn't actually think I was going off on a tangent. I'm trying to make my own point that television shows are not necessarily representative of all aspects of our society. They are a writer and directors vision of a certain society that they wish to portray.

As far as your question goes, I was reluctant to answer b/c this can be a biting thread if you don't have all of your ducks in a row, but, I do have some experience so I'll at least offer an alternative answer. I am a lighting designer and have worked in both television and theatre. Generally, any action that is not integral to the plot or that will not break the realm of believability for the viewer is eliminated. Even if say 70% of people took their shoes off in this country (which I'm fairly sure do not) it would still be believable that someone would go into a home with shoes on. So, since time is condensed in any television show or movie, a director would not want to waste time having characters remove shoes. However, it would seem very odd to have a character hanging out in someone's warm home still wearing their coat, hat and gloves. As a viewer, you would notice, "Hey, why is that person not uncomfortable wearing that wool coat?"

Another reason is vanity. We all know that high heels can hide a lot of sins. They elongate your legs, shape your calves, etc. Talent (actresses) are often rightfully uptight about their appearance. I mean, it often determines the jobs they get. They are going to want to do everything to look their best. Many actresses will insist on certain focus levels on cameras (to hide wrinkles) or only certain camera angles used (to always shoot their "better side.")

But, then again, I never said that MOST people do remove their shoes. I just think that its not some odd, tiny little minority either.

So, maybe you are right, and television shows are showing what the majority of people in the viewing area (continental US) do. But, I don't think its odd or wrong or even rare that some people do choose to remove their shoes or ask their guests to do so.

My point was that there are a LOT of things represented on tv that I choose not to do and vice versa. And that I don't buy in that television necessarily depicts the "norm." Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. But, I think it has a lot more to do with other factors, including what the shows writers and directors do or have experienced in their own lives.
 
Also, going on a tangent doesn't answer the question. Why are people shown taking off coats, hats gloves, but no shoes?


Because the hostess doesn't have to worry about germs or cleaning up? I know that on Reba the other night, there was a food fight..and you better believe one wouldn't happen in my house, even if they have them on TV. I see no comparison to people taking off shoes on TV, at people's homes, to real life.
That said, if I have a dress up party at my house (which is far and few between) in bad weather, the ladies would wear boots, and take them off on the enclosed porch, and then put on their clean fancy shoes.
 












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