Do you ask people to remove their shoes in your house?

[misskrystal]

I visit many people who require guests to remove their shoes before entering the house. Even though it's not something we do at home, I don't mind. It's their house and they get to make the rules (they all have cream/ beige carpets). I'd feel quite rude keeping my shoes on if I knew the host didn't like it.

 

[believe]

If it is friends of my kids then typically I will say why not take your shoes off and stay awhile. Although most of them take off their shoes as soon as they see DDs taking theirs' off.

If it is adults I don't say anything. If they ask me if I would like for them to remove their shoes I say to do what is comfortable to them, knowing that if they drug mud in the would realize it...unlike a child.

Most friends and family members know we don't wear shoes in the house and remove their's as soon as they enter.

Definitely not worth making a big deal over.

 

[rparmfamily]

Ditto--I'm in Hawaii and it's cultural to do it. When you approach a door you'll see a pile of "slippahs" (flip-flops)! We are barefoot family and my friends are the same. It's rude to wear shoes in the house here. Big part of it is the red dirt that gets tracked in I think.

I have a sign that says "Mahalo for removing your slippahs" that I got at the swap meet but if someone wears shoes in my house, I wouldn't say anything unless they are family or close friends.

My IL's live in KY and think "Whoa you are really making yourself comfortable" when I take off my shoes at their house. Whatever, I am!!!

 

[meandtheguys2]

I would never ask that other's remove their shoes. That is just weird.

As far as mess on the shoes, if our sidewalk is clean (and it is) there isn't much chance someone will track in dirt, mud and grass clippings.

 

[rparmfamily]

I would never ask that other's remove their shoes. That is just weird.

Where I am, it's just weird and rude to wear your shoes in someone's home. Barefoot is the norm here and I LOVE it.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Where I am, it's just weird and rude to wear your shoes in someone's home. Barefoot is the norm here and I LOVE it.

Perhaps. Life is like that.

I might be a barefoot kind of gal if I lived where the palm trees live, also! I doubt it, though. with three boys and 2 million legos in this house, it is safer to stay shoed!

eta: I think that I wouldn't visit often in a home that required me to remove my shoes. I like wearing my shoes!

 

[drag n' fly]

The last time I posted on a thread with the same topic I was almost decapitated Being from Alberta we have 4 very distinct seasons. Most of those 4 seasons bring grody crap into the house. I don't even have to ask people to remove their shoes, they automatically do it....everyone with the exception of those darn relatives from Texas!

 

[U2_rocks!]

Where I live, houses rarely have carpets, so they're easy to clean. We don't worry too much about what's tracked in. We go barefoot in our house, and everyone else usually keeps their shoes on - assuming they were wearing any to begin with! But since we also go outside barefoot, and our feet are always dirty, it doesn't matter that people track all sorts of things in on their shoes.

Amazingly, we are all very healthy, despite never having clean feet!

ETA: our dog is indoor/outdoor, and tracks stuff in too, so there's really no point in fussing over it.

 

[TPCShauna]

I think you have that backwards. A good host is most concerned with his/her guests' comfort.

I agree. My mother would have smacked me in the head if I took my shoes off when we were visiting someone else's home and when company came over, you darn well better have your shoes on. That's just polite.

Absolutely. I called one of my girlfriends who grew up and still lives in Georgia for her views on the subject because I was wondering if mine were just too strict. Her response is that she would probably faint if anyone asked her to remove her shoes in their home and would be appalled if someone came in to hers and took their shoes off. I wasn't totally surprised by her response as we both attended the same finishing school and come from similar backgrounds even though she tends to be a little more laid back than I am.

This sounds like a regional thing. In all my travels in the South, I have never been to anyone's home where I was asked to remove my shoes or where the host/hostess wasn't wearing theirs. Maybe it's an issue of formality. The Midwest and Western parts of the US have always seemed less formal to me. Not that that's a bad thing. I kind of like not getting dressed up to go grocery shopping any more.

 

[lilyv]

Absolutely. I called one of my girlfriends who grew up and still lives in Georgia for her views on the subject because I was wondering if mine were just too strict. Her response is that she would probably faint if anyone asked her to remove her shoes in their home and would be appalled if someone came in to hers and took their shoes off. I wasn't totally surprised by her response as we both attended the same finishing school and come from similar backgrounds even though she tends to be a little more laid back than I am.

This sounds like a regional thing. In all my travels in the South, I have never been to anyone's home where I was asked to remove my shoes or where the host/hostess wasn't wearing theirs. Maybe it's an issue of formality. The Midwest and Western parts of the US have always seemed less formal to me. Not that that's a bad thing. I kind of like not getting dressed up to go grocery shopping any more.

Don't know if it's a matter of "formality". I do know that guests in my home are welcomed warmly, and whether they choose to wear shoes or not, it is fine with me. I would never judge any guest-that would be very rude.

Regional? Maybe, maybe not. I've been in homes all over Europe where this is the tradition. Same with the Pacific Islands.

It's never considered personal, it's just a matter of cleanliness.

So...you can do whatever you want-you're the guest! If someone ever asks you to remove your shoes, feel free to tell them lily said you don't have to, if you don't want to.

 

[rparmfamily]

When I lived in Italy we wore our shoes or slippers/house shoes (real slippers, not Hawaiian "slippahs") because the marble floors were freezing, even in summer! In Maine when I would host playdates at my house, the other moms would bring house shoes/slippers because everyone would come to my house in boots (in winter) and it's way too cold to go "sockfoot." I thought that was a neat idea, I hadn't thought of that!

If someone came into my home and wore shoes, I would NOT ask them to remove them if they missed the clues (like everyone else being barefoot and the sign at the door) because I'd figure they wanted to wear their shoes. I wouldn't impose on a guest (unless it was family LOL) and point out their shoes or anything. Some people like to wear shoes and are uncomfortable barefoot. I'm the opposite! I feel like I'm wearing a turtleneck in summer when I have shoes on!

Here in Hawaii, you are barefoot in someone else's home, because no one wears socks with their flip-flops/slippahs.

Everyone is welcome to my house here BTW...and I'd prefer if you took your shoes off like everyone else does lol...but you can wear them if you want!

I went to a party recently and it is kind of strange to be a dinner party barefoot, but it was also cool!! I was raised in Ohio and we always wore our shoes in the house.

 

[LotsOfQuestions]

Although I prefer people to take their shoes off, I would never, ever, ever ask guests to take theirs off. I find that the epitome of rudeness. If the guest is more comfortable taking their shoes off, they will. If they are more comfortable keeping them on, they won't take them off.

It is the first and foremost rule of etiquette that you put your guests feelings over your own.

Even at the homes of my Hawaiian and Asian friends where it is a long-standing custom to not wear shoes in the house, they provide slippers for their guests.

I recently went to a Christmas party with DH. It was at an executive's house - several levels above DH. I had a black cocktail dress on with heels. Due to the rush of the holidays, I had not had a recent manicure. My toes were chipped, my heels cracking - just not pretty at all.

Although, I usually remove my shoes in the house, I would have been mortified this time if I had been asked to remove my heels at the door.

I would never put a guest in the situation to make them uncomfortable. It is just plain rude!!

If you are worried about your precious floors and/or carpets, please have disposable booties available so I do not have to show my ugly toes.

I am very pleased to see that only 11% of the respondents to the poll would actually ask a guest to remove their shoes.

 

[1rockinmamato2]

I really think there should be a distinction between different types of guests in the home. Our family knows this is a shoe-less home. Most of them respect that, some don't and that's fine. But, I really don't consider guests as family. I'm sure that's a whole other thread entirely.

But, when we have someone come in, like our our adoption counselor I don't think anything of it when she doesn't remove her shoes. She is a true guest in our home.

DH and I would rather have no shoe OR socks on when in the house. I feel more comfortable that way and when I want to put my feet on the couch, I can without worrying about how dirty the bottoms of my shoes are.

Shoe removal is definitely a cleanliness issue. I have removed my shoes before in people's homes that typically wear their shoes inside and I have left with socks that are almost completely black on the bottom. The carpets and tile had been swept but without frequent carpet cleaning and mopping, there is no way to get the grime off.

This is an interesting subject!

 

[LotsOfQuestions]

I think this discussion just points out how diverse we all are. That's one reason why it is so important to be sensitive to that diversity, and respecting your host's principles in their home.

I think it is much more important for the host to respect the guest's principles.

What ever happened to graciousness?

Now it always seems to be me, me, me. My house, my rules. Screw the guest's comfort.

 

[darlak]

I just find this whole topic a little weird. Let me admit first that I haven't read this entire thread, but asking someone to take their shoes off to enter a home has never even entered my mind. I have also never been asked to remove my shoes when entering someone else's house.

Why would you do that? I'm not judging here; I'm really curious. Is it maybe more common in areas where you receive lots of snow? Being from the Heart of Dixie, we rarely get even a dusting of snow.

I'm just wondering if it's regional thing, or maybe cultural? Or in wetter climates, maybe just more practical?

 

[TPCShauna]

I think it is much more important for the host to respect the guest's principles.

Yes. As a PP said, the first rule of etiquette when hosting someone in your home is that you as the host/hostess should do everything possible to make your guest comfortable.

That being said, DH and I wear shoes in the house when we have guests. Close friends take theirs off if they want to or don't if not. I would be very surprised if a more casual acquaintance removed their shoes in my home.

 

[bicker]

I think it is much more important for the host to respect the guest's principles.

It isn't, though. For example: When you visit Egypt, you should dress more modestly than you would if visiting Miami. First priority: Comply with the host's principles, then they will concern themselves with your comfort. It has always been that way.

What ever happened to graciousness?

Graciousness is a two-way street.

Now it always seems to be me, me, me. My house, my rules. Screw the guest's comfort.

For you, then, is it "You, you, you; your visit, your rules; Screw the host's home"? What ever happened to graciousness?

 

[dcgrumpy]

The only people that have evr asked me to remove my shoes are the same people that don't let anyone sit on their living room furniture

 

[scrump]

I'm thinking about making shoe removal in my house my new policy. Usually people automatically do it, except my in-laws. They come over and leave their shoes on the entire time they are visiting - the grandma, dad and mom. It bugs me because who knows what they are tracking into the floor.

Am I being petty? Do you ask visitors to take off their shoes in your home?

Yes, absolutely. I grew up in a Japanese household, and this is the cultural norm. If guests don't want to take their shoes off, I don't press it, but I do ask.

We live in NYC and were house-hunting last year. I was very surprised at the number of open houses we attended where the sellers asked us to take off our shoes. So perhaps on top of cultural, it is really regional as well.

 

[AKL_Megs]

My DF and I always take our shoes off at the door. We have a mat by the door and we take them right off when we get inside the door. I think it's gross walking around all day and then tracking whatever you might have stepped on through the house. I never make guests take their shoes off, but if it has rained/snowed and someone came over, I probably would to save our tan carpeting (offended or not, it's my carpet and it's me who would have to clean any mess you left behind.)