Do you ask people to remove their shoes in your house?

[lilyv]

This is always a hot topic around here!

No matter what you do, it's going to be the opposite of what someone else prefers, so you really can't win.

As a guest, I defer to the wishes of the host so if I were asked to remove my shoes I would (unless my socks or feet were unpresentable in which case I guess I would have to leave )

I do expect guests to wear shoes in my home. If someone walked into my house and took off their shoes without being asked to do so, I would find that very presumptuous!

If you are going to require shoelessness in your home, I wouldn't put up a sign...that just seems unfriendly. Businesses have signs, you know? You'll be shoeless yourself presumably, so that's a big hint. If you keep a pair of shoes at the door that's another hint. And if those hints fail, just politely ask them to take off the shoes. It might also be nice to have some clean socks handy in case people are uncomfortable being barefooted.

I would likely take my shoes off as I entered your house, and I'd hope that would be OK. If I bring a nice coffee cake, too would that help?

 

[va32h]

I would likely take my shoes off as I entered your house, and I'd hope that would be OK. If I bring a nice coffee cake, too would that help?

Not really! I think guests should do what the hostess prefers, even if it is not what they prefer. I would rather wear shoes, but will take them off when I am a guest in someone's home. In my house, we wear shoes indoors and I really would expect guests to respect that and keep their shoes on.

 

[dcgrumpy]

I think it's rude to ask people to remove their shoes.

I wouldn't remove my shoes in someones house unless it was someone I was really close to and my feet hurt.

I remember as a kid my mother yelling at me to put shoes on before company came over. I guess it's another one of those regional things.

For the people that make everyone take off their shoes. What do you do when you have delivery people or workmen come to your house.

 

[sunlver]

We do not ask people to remove their shoes either. Of course if the kids shoes are muddy or gross, we tell them to take them off. Heck we have 3 inside dogs. They are in and out all day long. What would be the point of us requiring people to take their shoes off when they entered our house? I am always uncomfortable walking around other peoples houses in just my socks. If its a rule in somebody elses house, then I do as they do. But, its just not comfortable to me
I had a friend(she has since moved)who required everybody, kids and adults to take their shoes off when we were there. I , as well as my kids did do it,that per their rules. One evening a bunch of moms were going out to dinner. I agreed to pick up my friernd. I went inside(just right inside the doorway(where it was tiled), where people stand and normally take their shoes off. My friend wasnt ready. The husband said to me "Why dont you sit down for a bit while "B" is finishing up." I said , no thank you that I didnt feel like taking my shoes off, and then having to put them on again. He smiled and said "Its ok, just go sit down".. I felt like I was commiting a bad rule, so I carefully walked across the carpet in my shoes and sat on the sofa...I hated having to feel like I was a child. I was perfectly happy just standing by the door, where I didnt have to take my shoes off.

 

[hlane]

For the people that make everyone take off their shoes. What do you do when you have delivery people or workmen come to your house.

If they are only on the tile area I would let it go, but if on my carpet they need remove their shoes or use the paper covers thingys. I've never had to even ask for that either, they've always done one or the other on their own.

 

[DMRick]

We never wear shoes in the house, and often kick them off when going into friends houses. We often bring slippers, since most everyone we know goes shoeless. I never ask anyone to remove their shoes at my house, although most follow our lead and do. I have asked someone to wipe their feet, if I see them coming in with mud.

I've had two bad instances recently, and in one of the cases, hubby had to get out the rug shampooer immediately, and another time right after someone left. The cable guy tracked in dog poo on his feet. That taught me to have these littel paper slippers for a service person (if they don't have their own) to put on over their shoes. The other was someone who came to look at my foster cats. He had all dried paint on his shoes (he is a painter) and left bits all over the rug (he sat on the rug to play with the kittens). His wife wiped, but not good, and when they left, there was a pile of mud on my f nice blue rug. Once it dried, I vaccuumed and then hubby shampooed. I have decided for the next vistors (to see foster kittens), I will suggest on the phone that they bring slippers, because I really don't want to walk on my rug in someone elses mess (or have the kittens roll in it, as they did the ladies mud).

 

[lilyv]

If they are only on the tile area I would let it go, but if on my carpet they need remove their shoes or use the paper covers thingys. I've never had to even ask for that either, they've always done one or the other on their own.

I've never had to ask workers, either-they always bring booties. Please know I never ask guests to remove their shoes-they can do whatever is comfortable for them.

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

I was raised that the polite thing to do is to remove your shoes before you enter someone's home.

We don't wear shoes in our house and I do ask others politely.

as for workers - we insist - a delivery man once almost ruined the carpet on our stairs. Lesson learned. Though I have found that professional and customer oriented companies already think to do this - they get our repeat business! It goes a long way when a business shows that kind of consideration. (We do try to cover areas when we know workers are coming in, but stairs are a pain.)

since it seems to be a regional and personal thing with no one correct answer, I agree with va32h: you really should defer to the wishes of the host or hostess!

(ETA: the only person who has ever had a problem with my asking is my MIL - which my DH says is beyond reasonable explanation as he was raised the same way I was- to take shoes off - and shoes were not worn in his house either!!!! AND!, she seemed to "forget" each time requiring me to ask each time..... It's a MIL thing!)

 

[sunlver]

People say its a regional thing I grew up in the Chicago suburbs. I lived there for 29 yrs before I moved(same house and everything .. I do not remember my mother ever asking anybody to remove their shoes. Granted, in the winter, it was pretty yucky/mucky out there. When we had friends over to play, people would always take their snowy/yucky boots off and leave them by the door.Nobody told them too, but they just did. In the nice weather, NOBODY ever took their shoes off...

 

[Aimeedyan]

I've been in literally thousands of homes (part of my job is to visit homes) and have never once been asked or expected to remove my shoes.

I would never do it and would honestly leave someone else's home if they asked me that.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

I would never ask it of anyone, but I do get slightly annoyed when they don't. I wouldn't put up a sign- it just seems so impersonal. As far as if their feet or socks are unpresentable- I find it strange that anyone would even leave the house like that. I do tend to remove my shoes as soon as I walk in the door somewhere- usually there is a gathering of shoes already there. I would definitely be uncomfortable (meaning my FEET) if I was expected to wear shoes if I was going to be at someone's home for an extended period of time. From reading some of the other threads about how low people keep their thermostat this time of year, I can see the need for slippers indoors, though.

 

[TPCShauna]

I grew up in Texas and was taught that it was the height of rudeness to remove your shoes in someone else's home. Even at our home, we always wore normal shoes or house slippers. I was not even allowed to walk around in socks as that was still considered too casual. I stayed with friends and family all through the southern US as well and this was pretty much the rule everywhere I ever stayed.

I can remember one occasion in the early 90s (I was a teen) when my mother and I were invited to a formal tea at the home of one of the members of my parent's club. Several guests arrived all at once, all dressed up for this formal tea. As we entered the home, the woman asked all of us to remove our shoes. You should have seen the completely appalled expressions on the ladies' faces. One woman asked the hostess if she was joking, was told no and then promptly left. A couple of others expressed discomfort with removing their shoes and were told they could not leave the foyer with them on as the women didn't want her carpet dirtied. Most of the others (my mother and I included) left immediately, most muttering that they couldn't believe the woman felt her carpets were more important that her guests' comfort.

I now live in California and we have a HUGE Asian population here. It is considered rude in most Asian cultures to keep your shoes ON when in yours or someone else's home so I always remove my shoes when visiting my Asian friends because it is a cultural thing. My best friend (Laotian) keeps a pair of house slippers for me at her house so I have them to wear when I visit.

IMO, I think it is rude to ask your guests to remove their shoes for any reason other than cultural. My feeling is that it goes back to what the ladies at the tea said about putting the state of your floors above the comfort of your guests. It makes me very, very uncomfortable to remove my shoes in public as that is not how I was raised. There are homes I no longer visit since it is a requirement due to light colored carpets and I am too uncomfortable the entire time I am there. I invite these friends to my home but will not go to theirs.

To the OP, I say to do what you feel is best but don't be surprised or upset if someone is offended by the request.

ETA: I am not offended if someone removes their shoes when in my home but I certainly don't ask them to. I have many Asian friends and it is just habit for them to do so and it makes them uncomfortable to leave their shoes on. Essentially, it's anything goes in our house as I will be cleaning the floors either way.

 

[Shannone1]

We don't wear our shoes on our carpet and prefer it when other people take theirs off as well. We started that when my oldest dd was a baby crawling all over the floor. I wanted to try to keep it as clean as possible. We have always had dogs, and kids and lots of people over....and our light carpet always looks nice and people ask us how we keep it so clean. It's easy really, we don't wear shoes in the house and the kids have never been allowed to eat/drink in the carpeted rooms. And we have the carpets cleaned once a year.

Most of our friends and family know how anal I am take their shoes off in the mud room. I even have a basket of slippers in all sizes people can wear. I won't ask someone to take off their shoes if I don't know them well. If they ask me if I would like them to take them off, I will say "If you don't mind". I don't make a big deal about it.

We hosted a dinner party last week for my husbands chorale group. We had a little snow storm the day before and we had to shovel and put salt down on the sidewalk. I was really hoping people would take their shoes/boots off because I didn't want snow/ice tracked into the house. I don't know them well though and most of them are 20-30 years older than we are so I didn't want to be disrespectful to them. So I put down a runner in the foyer and put a couple of pair of our own shoes on them as a hint. Some people took their shoes off, and some people didn't.

It wasn't the end of the world, but we did have to sweep and mop after everyone left.

 

[1rockinmamato2]

I prefer people don't wear shoes in my house, but I don't ask them to remove them.

We don't wear shoes in our own home, so I think it's rude for a guest to do so. Also, I remove my shoes when I go to someone else's home.

Walking around the house with shoes on, IMO, is gross. I don't want my kids crawling around on the germs that are brought in on the bottoms of shoes.

 

[NMAmy]

IMO, I think it is rude to ask your guests to remove their shoes for any reason other than cultural.

It IS a custom in other parts of the US for folks to remove their shoes when entering a home. That's apparently not the case in Texas, which is fine, but it's hardly rude to follow the local customs--whether it is an Asian custom or another custom of a different region of the U.S.

I did a quick search and found this about why the Japanese remove their shoes:

Why Remove Shoes ?
The custom of removing outside footwear within the house goes back at least as far as the Heian period ( 794 - 1192 ) among the upper classes and gradually spread thereafter throughout society. One of the reasons that footwear was shed in this fashion was because of the high rainfall and the generally very damp climate. A house would be quickly dirtied if people walked in wearing mud-covered shoes or sandals. But probably what came first was the custom of both sitting and sleeping directly on the floor on straw mats or cushions laid over it. Footwear was removed at the entrance to help keep the house clean. http://www.tjf.or.jp/eng/content/japaneseculture/02kutsu.htm

Apparently, the reason the Japanese do it is for reasons of cleanliness. So that's okay with you but not for a non-Asian who is doing it for the same reason?

Personally, I think it's rude to leave in a snit over being asked to remove your shoes.

 

[Christine]

Apparently, the reason the Japanese do it is for reasons of cleanliness. So that's okay with you but not for a non-Asian who is doing it for the same reason?

The reason the Japanese do it for cleanliness is because, at least until the 1980s, they barely used furniture. They had/have expensive, handwoven mats lining their homes (tatami mats) that they sat on, ate on, and basically lived on. They live on their floors like we live on our couches.

I agree that the reason for shoe removal for "everyone" is for cleanliness reasons, but the Japanese take it a stricter form because they are on their floors all day.

 

[va32h]

I would never ask it of anyone, but I do get slightly annoyed when they don't. I wouldn't put up a sign- it just seems so impersonal. As far as if their feet or socks are unpresentable- I find it strange that anyone would even leave the house like that. I do tend to remove my shoes as soon as I walk in the door somewhere- usually there is a gathering of shoes already there. I would definitely be uncomfortable (meaning my FEET) if I was expected to wear shoes if I was going to be at someone's home for an extended period of time. From reading some of the other threads about how low people keep their thermostat this time of year, I can see the need for slippers indoors, though.

But how can you get annoyed at them for not doing what you didn't ask them to do? They aren't mind readers. I agree that a sign is too impersonal, but if you really want people to remove their shoes, you will have to communicate that to them somehow. A polite request works in most cases.

As for feet being unpresentable - well I have ugly feet. My toes are oddly shaped. I have to leave the house with them as chopping them off or having cosmetic toe surgery seems extreme! But I am self-conscious about my feet and tend not to show them in public unless I really have to.

Your feet might be uncomfortable in shoes for a long period of time - other people's feet may be uncomfortable without shoes (fallen arches or flat footedness, etc.)

We all have to make accommodations for each other. I'd still argue that deferring to the wishes of the hostess for a few hours isn't going to kill anybody - even me with my ugly foot complex. If I can handle being shoeless in your house, you can handle being shod in mine.

 

[htmom]

I have never asked anyone to remove thier shoes but we do not wear shoes in our house. When people come in they walk right past our shoes on the front porch. Most people remove thier shoes when they walk past them.

 

[nuke]

Walking around the house with shoes on, IMO, is gross. I don't want my kids crawling around on the germs that are brought in on the bottoms of shoes.

I don't want to walk around in the germs and dead skin from the bottom of your feet either.

I was always taught to put shoes on if we have company and I feel really weird walking around people's house without shoes on. To me it's like walking around in my pajamas.

 

[lilyv]

Apparently, the reason the Japanese do it is for reasons of cleanliness. So that's okay with you but not for a non-Asian who is doing it for the same reason?

Personally, I think it's rude to leave in a snit over being asked to remove your shoes.

Many thanks, Amy!

Just because the habit of not wearing outside shoes inside is practiced more frequently some places than others doesn't mean it has some deep cultural significance. I was really at a loss to even begin to understand why folks think removing shoes is cultural-it's just cleanliness.