Do you agree with this?

[ccgirl]

My DS came home from school the other day with some paperwork from his teacher. One of them was a copy of a news article titled '10 steps to raising happy children'.

Step 1- If you are married have a more active relationship with your spouse than you have with your children. Spend more time in the roles of husband and wife than you spend in the roles of mother and father. The reason is bc a child can feel insecure if his/her parents marriage doesn't feel solid.
I think a lot of parents forget about each other end up falling out of touch. So when the children are grown they don't know what to to.
Step 2- If you are single do not be married to your children. Have an active life outside of your role as mother and father. Be an interesting person to your kids.
Absolutely.
Step 3- Expect your child to obey. Expect this calmly, as if you take their obedience for granted. Disobedient children are not happy, obedient children are.
Another absolutely
Step 4- Expect your children to be responsible citizens of your family. From the time they are 3yrs old, assign them chores around the home, chores that mean something. Teach your 3yr old to WASH FLOORS. Teach your 4yr old to vacuum. Teach your 5yr old to CLEAN THE BATHROOM. Good citizenship is a matter of making contributions. Too many of today's kids have no meaningful roles in their families. They're just there consuming and the more they consume, the more they demand. Demanding people are not happy people.
Absolutely. We don't use harsh chemicals. The children are perfectly fine and know what they must do before they go out to play.
Step 5- Teach your child that happiness is not a matter of how much you have.
Absolutely.
Step 6- Teach your child that 2 of the most fun things to do are reading and travel, both of which involve the accumulation of memories as opposed to things.
Another absolutely. Travel doesn't require money. They are not saying to travel abroad. We like to ravel to state parks for free. Doesn't require time off either. We just go during our scheduled day off.
Step 7- Let tv and video games into your children's lives very little, if at all.
I agree with this. I allow in moderation. I see too many children with little social skills because they are used to the tv and video games and not interacting.
Step 8- Help your children develop hobbies. Btw a hobby is not an after school sport. A hobby is something a child can do by himself, eventually without adult supervision.
I'm not sure a hobby is not an after school sport. To my DD, swimming is a hobby to her.
Step 9- Teach your child good manners.
Something I insist on.
Step 10- Hold your children to high standards. You show respect for a child by expecting of the child.
Absolutely.
I do agree with most of these steps but....

Step 1- I don't think you should spend more time in roles as husband and wife than you do as mother and father. I think it should be equal time.

Step 4- I can see children having some chores... My DS6 helps me fold towels, bring up groceries and clean up his toys but washing floors and cleaning the bathroom??? I don't think so!!! My DS has asked to vacuum when he's watching me and I've let him but I wouldnt make that his job!

So what do you all think? Do you agree/disagree with any of these 'steps'?

My answers above in red.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

But you never actually answered the question, do you see the difference and why some would be offended by that sheet coming home?
People here are wondering why some would be offended, obviously they don't see that difference.

Not arguing, just discussing

Sure I do! Before even responding, while making my breakfast I thought it through from various viewpoints.

One of the reasons I enjoy these discussions is because the varying perspectives and thoughts are interesting to hear!

 

[Scurvy]

Exactly. The kids whose parents need to read this and act on it have parents that would be so offended by someone else telling them how to raise their kids that they would call the teacher and rage at her, or simply never see it at all because they aren't interested enough to read the stuff their child brings home.

I do agree with this. I think the only people who are likely to benefit at all from the tips are probably already good parents who are interested in ways to be even better. I'm not saying that everyone who disregards the list or who is offended is a bad parent, but I do think the bad parents are either going to be offended or are going to disregard it because they think they know better or that they don't need to improve.

I find the list judgmental and condensending. I would have no problem with them sending home a notice stating that they were hosting a workshop about raising a happy child. Parents could then choose to go or not to go. But sending a list telling me what I should be doing to raise a happy child? Wrong.

Look at it another way. Personally, I'm a parent who does not believe in hitting children. I consider it lazy parenting and I feel that its not necessary to ever strike a child, not a swat - nothing, ever. Studies show that its better not to spank your children. This is how I choose to raise my children. Now, I realize that other parents feel differently about this, and, as long as there is no abuse, that is there right. Correct???
How would those parents feel if the school sent home a flyer with their child outlining 10 ways to discipline you child, without spanking because studies show that those who spank would be better parents if they used alternative punishment??? Wouldn't you feel the school was overstepping the boundaries?

No, I wouldn't. Although I do think your comparison isn't quite accurate. For example, the one tip I disagree with is Step 7- "Let tv and video games into your children's lives very little, if at all." Even though I disagree, I don't find the suggestion to be at all judgemental. Some people do feel that TV and video games are bad for kids. I feel that is incorrect and outdated. If the list said that people who allow little to no television or video games are better parents - as you did in your example - it might bug me a little bit. But it doesn't say that; it just suggests that allowing little to no TV and video games can lead to a happy child . . . and maybe it can. I'm willing to believe that their suggestion might work well for some people. I simply don't think it's the only way to have a happy child, and I think my method works best for my family. It doesn't bother me at all that some people think other methods are better. I take the list as something that someone thought parents might find helpful, not a mandate, and I don't find it to be judgemental or condesending.

 

[catycatcat4]

I disagree with number 7 at least the video game part.
Those have have been proven to be GOOD for you. (As long you don't go to the unhealthy extreme with it.)
I find people saying that about games extremely irritating.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I googled to see who wrote this piece. It is by John Rosemond, a well-known "parenting expert" who teaches an old-fashioned, Bible-based style of parenting.
He also believes in spanking, for the person who mentioned it above.

Well isn't that special?

 

[kaytieeldr]

The teacher would be getting an "article" back titled, "Don't tell me how to raise a child and I won't tell you how to teach".

If teachers see a child who is struggling, the school can work with that child to find out what the issues are and try to get that child help. There's no reason to step over the teacher/parent boundary by sending an article like that to all parents.

Really? Would you be willing to have that "article" notarized and allow it to follow your child through graduation? Do you think every parent would?

It's been interesting reading through this thread and see the chasm in opinions: "It's a travesty!" to "This makes perfect sense." It's all tips - suggestions - not laws or mandates. It really is entertaining to see the frenzy it's causing.

By the way, tips one and two? They're just saying don't make your children the whole focus of your life. If you're married, put your spouse first ('forsaking all others' sound familiar?). If you're a single parent, frankly it's emotionally unhealthy to make your child/ren your entire life - for both or all of you.

 

[okeydokey]

If you don't agree with the advise, toss it. Since when did all have to agree on everything? Why is everything such an issue these days? It's a stupid piece of paper. It is not a legal document.

People seem to be looking for things to get outraged over.

 

[disykat]

For heaven sake, I can't believe anyone would be offended because of getting a flyer like that. It was sent to everyone, presumably. It's not like the teacher said "tell your mom I think she's a crap parent".

And as for chores for young children. Where did it say you have to give them skin-burning cancer-causing potentially fatal chemicals. Jeez, I took from it that children can start doing chores at a very young age. And they can!! My DD was using a wet rag to wipe down the bathroom sink when she was 2. She loved it. She's also been mopping the hall floor since she was 4 - loves that too. At first, of course, the hall was a mini tsunami after her but she actually does a pretty good job of it now at 7.

Relax people. The day we think we know it all is the day we stop learning and growing.

ITA!

I get upset at some of the stuff that comes home that I have to sign agreement to, but this is just a piece of paper. I didn't find anything disagreeable on it.

My kids used to have toy brooms/real brooms etc. and do the housework with me. It's not about making your kids be your maid. It's about learning about life. It's certainly nothing new. I still remember singing "this is the way we wash the clothes, wash the clothes,......early in the morning!" 45 years ago! Girls AND boys sang the song, it was a given that these life skills were familiar to us.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If you don't agree with the advise, toss it. Since when did all have to agree on everything? Why is everything such an issue these days? It's a stupid piece of paper. It is not a legal document.

People seem to be looking for things to get outraged over.

I am not outraged.

I am discussing the topic on a message board.

Why do you have an issue with people analyzing things?

Isn't the entire point of a message board to discuss a topic?

 

[Nancyg56]

If you don't agree with the advise, toss it. Since when did all have to agree on everything? Why is everything such an issue these days? It's a stupid piece of paper. It is not a legal document.

People seem to be looking for things to get outraged over.

The question was if we agreed that the paper was appropriate to be sent home by a teacher. That is what this discussion is about. THis is a message board and we are engaging in a discussion that revolves around the OP's question. Why be snippy? I am not outraged nor would I have been outraged. I simply do not agree that this material should be taken home by school children to their parents.

I would not have done anything about it but I would have thought that the teacher was a bit condescending in that she or he felt the need to tell me how to be a parent, married or otherwise.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

The question was if we agreed that the paper was appropriate to be sent home by a teacher. That is what this discussion is about.

Actually, it wasn't. OP below.

Do you agree with this?

My DS came home from school the other day with some paperwork from his teacher. One of them was a copy of a news article titled '10 steps to raising happy children'.

Step 1- If you are married have a more active relationship with your spouse than you have with your children. Spend more time in the roles of husband and wife than you spend in the roles of mother and father. The reason is bc a child can feel insecure if his/her parents marriage doesn't feel solid.

Step 2- If you are single do not be married to your children. Have an active life outside of your role as mother and father. Be an interesting person to your kids.

Step 3- Expect your child to obey. Expect this calmly, as if you take their obedience for granted. Disobedient children are not happy, obedient children are.

Step 4- Expect your children to be responsible citizens of your family. From the time they are 3yrs old, assign them chores around the home, chores that mean something. Teach your 3yr old to WASH FLOORS. Teach your 4yr old to vacuum. Teach your 5yr old to CLEAN THE BATHROOM. Good citizenship is a matter of making contributions. Too many of today's kids have no meaningful roles in their families. They're just there consuming and the more they consume, the more they demand. Demanding people are not happy people.

Step 5- Teach your child that happiness is not a matter of how much you have.

Step 6- Teach your child that 2 of the most fun things to do are reading and travel, both of which involve the accumulation of memories as opposed to things.

Step 7- Let tv and video games into your children's lives very little, if at all.

Step 8- Help your children develop hobbies. Btw a hobby is not an after school sport. A hobby is something a child can do by himself, eventually without adult supervision.

Step 9- Teach your child good manners.

Step 10- Hold your children to high standards. You show respect for a child by expecting of the child.

I do agree with most of these steps but....

Step 1- I don't think you should spend more time in roles as husband and wife than you do as mother and father. I think it should be equal time.

Step 4- I can see children having some chores... My DS6 helps me fold towels, bring up groceries and clean up his toys but washing floors and cleaning the bathroom??? I don't think so!!! My DS has asked to vacuum when he's watching me and I've let him but I wouldnt make that his job!

So what do you all think? Do you agree/disagree with any of these 'steps'?

Whether or not it was appropriate to be sent home from school came up later.

 

[Andtototoo]

I just want to add that I will give tremendous credit for my niece's decency as an adult to her kindergarten teacher who did something many of you would find deeply offensive -- she called the parents in and instructed them on how to be better parents.

And WOW, are we all glad she did it. Everyone in the family had tried to tell the parents it was a bad idea to raise their dd as a special snowflake who was -- god's truth -- never told the word, "No" or otherwise corrected in any way on any topic or given ANY boundaries, because "it will hurt her self esteem". The child was a monster-in-training. No one could stand to be around her for more than 5 minutes. The parents would listen to no one -- their friends, their parents, their siblings, their pediatrician, no one.

But for some reason, the kindergarten teacher was able to reach them. She gave them some parenting books and acted as a parenting resource. She turned that girl's life around, IMO.

Did the teacher overstep? Probably. Did it make a huge difference in her student's life? Absolutely. So I'll take the overstep any day.

 

[ccgirl]

I just want to add that I will give tremendous credit for my niece's decency as an adult to her kindergarten teacher who did something many of you would find deeply offensive -- she called the parents in and instructed them on how to be better parents.

And WOW, are we all glad she did it. Everyone in the family had tried to tell the parents it was a bad idea to raise their dd as a special snowflake who was -- god's truth -- never told the word, "No" or otherwise corrected in any way on any topic or given ANY boundaries, because "it will hurt her self esteem". The child was a monster-in-training. No one could stand to be around her for more than 5 minutes. The parents would listen to no one -- their friends, their parents, their siblings, their pediatrician, no one.

But for some reason, the kindergarten teacher was able to reach them. She gave them some parenting books and acted as a parenting resource. She turned that girl's life around, IMO.

Did the teacher overstep? Probably. Did it make a huge difference in her student's life? Absolutely. So I'll take the overstep any day.

So glad this teacher was willing to take a chance. Sadly, I think fewer teachers are willing to stick their neck out now for fear of getting it chopped off by the parent. I remember when my DD was in K they sent home a paper about healthy eating habits for children. I could have been all ticked off or just threw the paper away but I read it and learned some great tips. I learned how to add veggies to mac&cheese and that a serving of veggies for my DD's age was much smaller than I thought and she was actually getting plenty to begin with. I think as parents we need to stop taking everything so personally. Just because we learned something new from someone doesn't mean we are bad parents are they are better parents than us. It takes a village to raise a child.

 

[marcyinPA]

So glad this teacher was willing to take a chance. Sadly, I think fewer teachers are willing to stick their neck out now for fear of getting it chopped off by the parent. I remember when my DD was in K they sent home a paper about healthy eating habits for children. I could have been all ticked off or just threw the paper away but I read it and learned some great tips. I learned how to add veggies to mac&cheese and that a serving of veggies for my DD's age was much smaller than I thought and she was actually getting plenty to begin with. I think as parents we need to stop taking everything so personally. Just because we learned something new from someone doesn't mean we are bad parents are they are better parents than us. It takes a village to raise a child.

 

[eeyoremum]

I agree with most of these. Primarily the expectation that your child will behave. I like the chore one but thing 3 is way too late. When a child is old enough to pull out toys to play with they are old enough to start putting them away themselves. My kids started clearing the dinning room table at two and it progressed from there.

I like the travel and book one too. We started 2 years ago going on vacations as the "big" Christmas present rather than buy them more crap. We try to travel 2 times per year. One happens to become a Christmas present. They love it and so do I because I HATE shopping.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

Good point. Maybe there should be another step.
Step 7. Teachers should never send home steps on how to raise a happy child. The child may become confused thinking their parents are not raising them correctly, especially when they are already happy. A confused child is not a happy child.

Exactly.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I don't think it matters, but I am curious.

It seems most that are unhappy are unhappy with the teacher. Do they know if the teacher was in charge of this handout? I remember lots of paper in school being sent home. Sometimes it was from the principal.

 

[luvmy3]

So glad this teacher was willing to take a chance. Sadly, I think fewer teachers are willing to stick their neck out now for fear of getting it chopped off by the parent. I remember when my DD was in K they sent home a paper about healthy eating habits for children. I could have been all ticked off or just threw the paper away but I read it and learned some great tips. I learned how to add veggies to mac&cheese and that a serving of veggies for my DD's age was much smaller than I thought and she was actually getting plenty to begin with. I think as parents we need to stop taking everything so personally. Just because we learned something new from someone doesn't mean we are bad parents are they are better parents than us. It takes a village to raise a child.

No, actually it doesn't.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

No, actually it doesn't.

GAH I HATE THAT QUOTE. I don't need the village idiot, or the village drunk, pedo, child abuser or any of the village sycophants to raise my child.

It takes a FAMILY to raise a child.

Whether it's a family of 2 or 200 of your closest kin. People who have an interest in your child's life and want to be there to help.

Takes a Village my butt. Keep your stinking village nose out of my business and I'll keep my foot out of your ***.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

GAH I HATE THAT QUOTE. I don't need the village idiot, or the village drunk, pedo, child abuser or any of the village sycophants to raise my child.

It takes a FAMILY to raise a child.

Whether it's a family of 2 or 200 of your closest kin. People who have an interest in your child's life and want to be there to help.

Takes a Village my butt. Keep your stinking village nose out of my business and I'll keep my foot out of your ***.

I don't like the quote either--but the spirit of it is good. Unless one is so awesome at the parenting thing that they have never had to resource anything and it just all came naturally. I wasn't so blessed.

The difference is, I seek out the information.

I still see nothing wrong with the handouts to the parents.