Do we REALLY show our children we love them?

[eeyore45]

And if you have teenagers, maybe it's even more important. I would rather be the mom who embarrasses my son with an excited wave and hug and kiss rather than let him wonder if I really care.

Lol - actually dh came up with a "neener neener" instead of saying I love you - it may be just as embarrassing, only neener neener puts a smile on their faces - and the message is clear - I love you!! The school had a fundraiser to fund the new football field, they sold "bricks" we put neener neener on the brick!!

And another thing, chaperone. It may seem like a pain, but let me tell you, chaperoning those high school band trips, or dance nights... stand by your teenagers -

With our first born he is hard of hearing, so we had "challenges" When he was in 8th grade he was mainstreamed full time - but the school he "grew up in" had a field trip, the bus rolled over, killing a parent... it changed my outlook tremendously...

Then when the 2nd born hit high school and I signed up to chaperone the overnight field trip - he balked BIG time - it was my eldest that told 2nd born "you wont even know mom is there, unless you need her" That touched me - I do try not to be around, I ride a different bus than my sons were on, would watch other groups, etc (that was easy, I was assigned girls, and I have boys!!) lol Now next month is the "last" overnight, and I asked my son if I should "volunteer" to chaperone - he gave me a "thumbs up"...

It does matter!

 

[pumbasmate]

Every day after work when i come in from work i ask where they have been individualy what they have been doing etc but never realised that facial expressions had such an impact,i think the tone of your voice is just as important tho

 

[penel3]

Stop... kneel down... look her directly in the eyes... smile....tell her how happy she makes you feel, and how she is the reason you get through your hard days at work, knowing you will be seeing her at the end of every day and I love you.........every night and every morning

 

[newman7501]

Thank you so much for reminding us all that is about more than words. Our actions and expressions mean so much to our little ones and our bigger children as well.

 

[dsnymomof4]

Yes, I heard this some years ago and when I go to pick up the kids from school or when I come home after being out, I always try to make them feel that I am excited to see them. I try to put myself in their place and imagine what I would feel like if someone greeted me without emotion - that wouldn't make me feel very loved. So, yes, as much as we can tell our children how much we love them, I think its definitely worth it to put in the extra effort to show them with our emotions as well. Thanks, OP, for bringing this to light.

 

[txtxyeha]

OK, I'll play bad cop. Are we giving the kids an enlarged ego when their presence in a room is suppose to make us light up like a Christmas tree? People have tough days sometimes, and maybe kids should learn it's not always about them.

With that being said, I appreciate the thread and now focus more on matchings my kids' enthusiasm when I get home.

 

[HappyLawyer]

OK, I'll play bad cop. Are we giving the kids an enlarged ego when their presence in a room is suppose to make us light up like a Christmas tree? People have tough days sometimes, and maybe kids should learn it's not always about them.

With that being said, I appreciate the thread and now focus more on
atchings my kids' enthusiasm when I get home.

For my daughter it is all about her, and you can make your child feel they are your world and that does not mean spoil them, I taught special education, can you imagine how many kids have parents that come home and beat them, never hear i love you, are not fed, abused, made to eat vomit, if you think i am over doingi t, i am not, go and read the book a child called it by dave pelzer, his story is true, i know i went to school with him growing up. If you have a bad day at home are you going to go to work and tell them you are having a tough day, I have stugggled over the years since the loss of my husband, and my daughter knows not all days are good, but that does not mean she needs to suffer, when she becomes an adult, ey she can have all the bad days and stress she wants, but as long as they are children, it is our job to protect them, not shield them from reality, we can keep them informed but they need to know they are loved,

could you be happy with a person you were married to never telling you they love you? Or saying it but you feel like they don't mean it? I could not and if you can you are a better person then I.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

I don't think you can show a child too much that you love them. I'm not saying you should light up like a Christmas tree every single time you are in their presence, that's impractical, and I would think come off as phony. But as a child of non-demonstrative parents, I craved that look that says 'You mean the world to me', or a simple hug and kiss, or an 'I love you'.

I tell my children several times a day that I love them. Not in a goofy or insincere way, but with meaning in my voice and a hug and kiss. They do matter, and I want them to always be sure of it. I don't think this will give them exaggerated self-importance or spoil them; that comes from teaching them that others don't matter.

They are good, kind, sweet, secure, confident little boys, and I think part of that is because they know they are loved.

 

[Momto3Disneyprinces]

Ok, I totally see both sides....I have 3 DS's and I do know that they light up when they see me coming. However, I also agree with "badcop" to an extent. We need our children to understand a couple of things, that they are the MOST important people in the world to us, and they make us very happy. They also need to understand that people have many many different emotions, and it is OK to have a bad day. It is all in how you deal with it. If you have had a bad day, it is ok for the kids to see you have a "grumpy" face. As long as they understand it is not them, and they see you go from grumpy gus to happy mommy. It helps kids understand their own feelings, and how to handle them appropriately. Not every kid is going to always be in a great mood. Some of our best times come from trying to get each other out of our grumpy moods. We wind up laughing hysterically, and nothing sounds better than a laughing, happy child!!!!

 

[molly2004]

Sorry to take a tangent....I think I already do this for my kids (age 2). Made me think if I do it for DH. Oh, the horror! I can't believe I'm taking him for granted!

Thanks, OP, for bringing this up!

 

[beattyfamily]

It was on the Oprah show. It was a show that was about how she's changed lives (really promoting her DVDs; it showed old guests and old shows).

It was a dad who was caught watching an Oprah show by his wife and he was watching the show where they discuss this subject. Then they discuss it again when the dad explained how that show changed his outlook.

 

[Tosie]

OK, I'll play bad cop. Are we giving the kids an enlarged ego when their presence in a room is suppose to make us light up like a Christmas tree? People have tough days sometimes, and maybe kids should learn it's not always about them.

With that being said, I appreciate the thread and now focus more on matchings my kids' enthusiasm when I get home.

When I'm having a tough day I'll tell them "I'm in a crappy mood - come cheer me up" and actually - it works!! We're a very affectionate family that laughs A LOT and we can ALL read each other pretty well. Sometimes I'll tell them why I'm in a crappy mood (if it's appropriate) and I guess in a way that's teaching them problem solving skills (they give me suggestions on how to "fix" whatever it is) as well as the fact that everybody has bad days-it's normal.

 

[jeepgirl30]

I'm not sure how my facial expressions come across all the time but I do try to hug, kiss, squeeze their hands, smile, tell them I love them etc.

However one thing my father used to always say is "actions speak louder than words". Telling someone you love them is one thing but its the actions behind it that tell the true story. I try hard to be cautious of it but being a working mother I feel constantly rushed and stressed.

Thanks for the reminder! Little eyes and hearts are always watching and waiting.

 

[ms.ojo]

This is so true. Recently ds6 asked me Mommy, why are you reading that w/ a mad face? it was an article in the paper that had ticked me off. I said oh, I didn't realize I was. I explained it was something I wasn't happy about, smiled at him, then went back to reading. he soon said Mommy, that must be some bad thing...you look really upset. So I put the paper down and went off to play w/ him for a bit. Deciding I could tick myself off later that evening reading it rather than now when I could be happy w/ him.

Thank you for this reminder. I want to smile every time my children enter a room where I am...they are the light of my life. At bedtime, I always go check on them before I go to sleep and stand there smiling at their sweet little selves. Smiling at them more during the day...priceless.

 

[Canbarker]

I have 5 children in college and was blessed with my youngest daughter 5 years ago. When my other children were young, I really never had time to do those little things. Consciously or otherwise.

Recently, Mia caught me just looking at her while she was playing and I must have been smiling. She asked me why..and I told her just because I love her. When her cousin came by for a play date, I guess I did the same thing as I watched them play. Her cousin leaned over and whispered "Your Mama is watching us". Mia turned around smiled and said "Oh..that's because she just loves me".

When you get older it is much easier to be a more patient loving parent I think. I study her face and expressions all of the time. Maybe because I will not have any other children, or maybe because I am so thankful for being blessed with her. I am not sure. But I know there are times I spend and endless amount of time just watching and smiling.

Smiling reassures a child that she is secure and safe. Unfortunately, sometimes she sees that change when the other 5 come home from college (4 girls and 1 boy). Then she sees stress and I know she is aware of the difference.

 

[lindakmonty]

Great thread! Well, I can tell you it took me 4 miscarriages and a few years to conceive with my son. After you go through something like that, once you do have a child.... you truly appreciate them so much. My sister has 3 kids and pawns them off at every chance she gets...I only have my one ds5. We are so close. I wouldn't trade it for the world!!! We both light up when I walk in from work. He comes running to me. NO better feeling in the world. He is always saying "do you know that I love you?" He is so sweet and caring! Guess he gets that from me ! So....yes it is so important that they know you truly love them and are there for them no matter what! We do have to use tough love sometimes and he does get disciplined when he is bad. I always explain myself. My fiance thinks I am crazy because I always explain everything to him. If he asks for something and I say "no" I tell him why. He doesn't understand why I take the time...I said its because I say no for a reason and he deserves to know why...not that I say no because I'm mean or something. They are truly gifts from god.

 

[HappyLawyer]

it is really nice just to read about all those who love their children, as a foster parent and former special education teacher, i have seen so many unloved children.

 

[barbmouse]

Great thread! I think we all need to be reminded at times just how very precious our dks are!!

 

[4theloveofdisney]

Only speaking for myself but I thought that was a great post. They are only little for so long. I think I'm an awesome parent because I do all of the things that you talked about too but could I be doing more? You can't love them too much! Thanks for the reminder!!!

 

[4theloveofdisney]

it is really nice just to read about all those who love their children, as a foster parent and former special education teacher, i have seen so many unloved children.

That would just break my heart. Thank God for special people like you and thanks for this thread. I mean that from the bottom of my heart!