do u find this unfair? I need opinions.

[simplyme15]

Hi, so i'm new here! I've watched the DIS boards for a long time silently but am just now finally joining! I need you guys's advice on something. If u could help I would really appreciate it.

So, I have this friend, lets call him b. He moved to my town in the fall to live with his dad. He'd been living with his mom for most of his life. They went to court ina custody battle in the fall and it went well. His mom was being unreasonable! so much so that the judge got sick of her and yelled at her saying "u know what lady, i'm sick of hearing from u, he's going with his dad it's final end of story" the judge granted his dad custody for 9 months. after 9 months they had to go back and see how he was doing. Check his grades, see how he liked it here ect. They also told him that since he is 15 when he went back after 9 months he would be able to decide whether he wanted to stay here or go back to his moms. They said it would be mostly his choice

Well they went back there a few weeks ago. They had been told that most likely he would be staying there till fall and then come back here till he's 18, and that it would be up to him where he stayed. Well they went back to court (same judge) and all the sudden she hated them. She didn't let my friend talk and didn't listen to what he wantd at all. She also didn't let the social worker (who reccomended him staying with his dad) talk. She sent him with his mom till he's 18 and everybody was really surprised! and angry! He REALLY did not want to go back with her because she is extremely hard on him and does not treat him very well. Everybody's really sad and he's taking it EXTREMELY hard! We can't even figure out what went wrong! The lawyer told him that he had been mistreated and unfairly treated in court. they are going to appeal the decision in a month. but we don't know if it will work.

He's now living more than 2500 miles away and everybody here really misses him. So what do u guys think? Do you think that this situation and what the judge did was unfair. Do u think he should have been able to make the decision where to stay for himself? I guess I just wanted to know how somebody who doesn't know him feels. Is it unfair? Or are we only finding it more unfair because we miss him and want him here?

 

[DisneyRockstar]

I don't think the judge handled the case properly. He just wanted to do whatever it took to shut the mom up.

 

[Sparx]

Unless you were in the courtroom, I'd be wary of what you have heard everyone say about the way the court handled the case.

 

[SNES]

I hope the appeal works out, sounds like that judge made a bad call.

 

[dreamingbelle]

The judge could have handled the situation better.

 

[simplyme15]

Unless you were in the courtroom, I'd be wary of what you have heard everyone say about the way the court handled the case.

I can totally see where you're coming from on being wary on the information. I was wary when I was hearing it from my friends but my entire family is really close to his dad and his dad's wife and kids. We heard all of that from them so I think it's a pretty good source.

I agree that the judges decision and actions were unfair. She should have listened to what my friend was saying. especially considering that he's 15 and definetally able to speak for himself. And she really should have let the social worker speak! From what he's told me he really does not like being with his mom because she is hard on him and extremely critical of him NO MATTER what he does!

 

[Sparx]

I can totally see where you're coming from on being wary on the information. I was wary when I was hearing it from my friends but my entire family is really close to his dad and his dad's wife and kids. We heard all of that from them so I think it's a pretty good source.

I agree that the judges decision and actions were unfair. She should have listened to what my friend was saying. especially considering that he's 15 and definetally able to speak for himself. And she really should have let the social worker speak! From what he's told me he really does not like being with his mom because she is hard on him and extremely critical of him NO MATTER what he does!

Thats exactly why i'd be wary. You're friends with the kid's dad and the kid and you're hearing this from their side and they didn't get what they wanted out of the trial, that's why I'd be wary. Its a bias source.

I do know its more likely for a mom to get custody than a dad. I have no idea why, but courts tend to side with mom. i'm not saying its right, but it happens.

I believe the federal consesus is that when the child is 12 or 13 they get a say in where they go in a custody hearing. The child doesn't get a 100% vote though. The judge is supposed to take their opinions into consideration and then decide whats best for the child.

Custody is a nasty, messy field to get involved with. Parents always feel like THEY are the best parent and THEY should get final say. Its hard to judge, really being an outsider. We don't live in their house, we don't know their life. We can be their friends but no one knows what happens behind closed doors in a marriage/family.

I'm sorry your friend didn't end up where he wanted to be, but the judge was well within his or her power to send the child there. I have a hard time saying, "THAT CRAZY WITCH HOW DARE SHE MOVE HIM AWAY FROM HIS FRIENDS!! AND THAT JUDGE IS STUPID HOW CAN HE/SHE MAKE SUCH A STUPID DECISION!!" when I don't know what really happened.

 

[simplyme15]

Thats exactly why i'd be wary. You're friends with the kid's dad and the kid and you're hearing this from their side and they didn't get what they wanted out of the trial, that's why I'd be wary. Its a bias source.

I do know its more likely for a mom to get custody than a dad. I have no idea why, but courts tend to side with mom. i'm not saying its right, but it happens.

I believe the federal consesus is that when the child is 12 or 13 they get a say in where they go in a custody hearing. The child doesn't get a 100% vote though. The judge is supposed to take their opinions into consideration and then decide whats best for the child.

Custody is a nasty, messy field to get involved with. Parents always feel like THEY are the best parent and THEY should get final say. Its hard to judge, really being an outsider. We don't live in their house, we don't know their life. We can be their friends but no one knows what happens behind closed doors in a marriage/family.

I'm sorry your friend didn't end up where he wanted to be, but the judge was well within his or her power to send the child there. I have a hard time saying, "THAT CRAZY WITCH HOW DARE SHE MOVE HIM AWAY FROM HIS FRIENDS!! AND THAT JUDGE IS STUPID HOW CAN HE/SHE MAKE SUCH A STUPID DECISION!!" when I don't know what really happened.

Yes and I do see where your coming from about being wary because of his dad wanting him to be with him. However I know his dad very well and I know that he is NOT one to dramatise things. He's said that he only wants what's best for his son what his son wants. He's said that he'd be ok with him staying with his mom but that his son DOES not want to be there and he only wants what makes his son happy. He even told his son that it didn't matter what his decision was (whether to stay with his mom or dad) as long as it was what he really wanted. he told him not to choose to live with him just to make him happy. My friend IS often mistreated by his mother! I prefer not to go into that right now though. and yes i know that it's not 100% the childs choice but they had been told that the decision was basically made and that it was just mostly a matter of whether or not that is still what my friend wanted.

And I do understand that the judge was well within her power to send him to his moms what I'm saying that she did wrong was that she did not let all sides have a fair say. Including the social worker for the case THAT'S what i'm saying is wrong! and we're not upset because she moved him from his friends we're upset because she didn't give them fair chance to talk in court and because she sent him to a place where he's mistreated and if she had listened to the social worker she'd know that.

 

[simplyme15]

I don't think the judge handled the case properly. He just wanted to do whatever it took to shut the mom up.

Yes. and I heard from my friend that his mom is known for making stuff up and we're wondering if maybe she made something up about his father while he was away. and told the judge this to make her mad. But we really don't know what went wrong.

 

[simplyme15]

I hope the appeal works out, sounds like that judge made a bad call.

Yes we hope so too! but i don't know. I'll update this as soon as we get the news.

 

[dancer4life22]

what kind of court was that?
are you sure that happened because i dont think a judge would say that!
its completely innapropriate!

 

[simplyme15]

what kind of court was that?
are you sure that happened because i dont think a judge would say that!
its completely innapropriate!

Did she say what?

 

[Toxic!]

Ouch. Seems a bit unfair, like you said.

But as others have pointed out, make sure you trust who you hear this from. A distraught friend would over emphasize the situation, simply out of his emotions.

I'm sure everything will get better eventually. Maybe he needs this time with his mom, it might fix some things.

 

[stitch'sgrl101]

I think that the judge should've let the son talk for himself. I don't think its fair at all!!

 

[simplyme15]

Ouch. Seems a bit unfair, like you said.

But as others have pointed out, make sure you trust who you hear this from. A distraught friend would over emphasize the situation, simply out of his emotions.

I'm sure everything will get better eventually. Maybe he needs this time with his mom, it might fix some things.

Yeah it does seem unfair. And strange because of how things went the time before. It just does not make sense. I heard from my friend (the one who's dealing with this) that the time before, his mom was being so unfair to him and just plain unreasonable and that no matter what kind of a deal he tried to make with her if his dad agreed to it she refused it simply because his dad agreed to it. The judge was getting more and more irritated. What should have taken only an hour or two took ALL day! His mom was pressuring him to live with her by making his dad seem mean. and when he tried to say he wanted to live at his dad's she flipped at him saying how horrible he is and what a bad son he is. Which is SO not true, he's one of the kindest guys i've ever known! And one of the best sons anybody could ever ask for! She said these things so much so that he was crying in court. Like sobbing! Which is not like him AT ALL! and now all of the sudden this time in court the judge did not even hardly let him talk! And didn't let the social worker speak either, which i don't know if it's just me but that seems EXTREMELY wrong!

He has lived most of his life with his mom. He's dealt with her all his life and he's sick of how she treats him. I hope that the time with her does heal things a little bit. for his sake. His dad and his step mom are going to appeal in about a month to a new judge, so who knows maybe a new judge will let him live with his dad. Besides not wanting to live with her because of the way she treat's him, it's what he wants. And he's a 15 year old boy, in my opinion he needs a father in his life.

Also I heard all of the things about his situation with his mom from him before he went to court this last time. He told be about how hard it is there for him before he went to court. Before things went bad and before he was so upset. He did to even want to go visit her because hof how he treats him. Now he's REALLY sad.

 

[simplyme15]

I think that the judge should've let the son talk for himself. I don't think its fair at all!!

That's what I thought. I mean he's 15! I'm not saying he should have been able to make the decision 100% but she did not listen to what he was saying AT ALL. And she also did not listen to the social worker for the case. He reccomended that my friend live with his dad because his mom treats him pretty terrible. But the judge would not let him talk either. I don't know what happened to make the judge act so strange.