Do teens even HAVE a brain?? DS gets speeding ticket!!EDIT PG. 2 HOW MUCH PER CHORE?

[MinnieM3]

Well, it's the day before Thanksgiving and the before DS's 17th birthday. DH is home from work, I finally have the Thanksgiving dinner under control, found everything I needed at the stores, all is good!

THEN DH brings in the mail and there's a notice from the COURT that DS got a speeding ticket ("careless driving") almost a MONTH ago and failed to appear in COURT and now owes almost $300 or will get his license suspended!

I am SOOOO mad at DS!! He was "terrified" to tell us, so he said nothing.....what was he thinking?? It would just DISAPPEAR?????? Didn't he know I'd be even madder when I found out he got a ticket and did nothing about it!!!???? He knows how I am about lying and to me this is a lie of omission. Gee, it's my fault I didn't ask, "Hey, Rhett, get any traffic tickets today?"

So now he's gotten his car taken away for an undisclosed amount of time. I said 3 months, but maybe that was too severe. He also has to work around the house/grandparents' house to pay off the ticket amount. (He has no job and can't have one now due to his grades, which also suck!)

How stupid was this? What would you do? I feel like taking his birthday gifts back (they total almost the whole ticket amount!) and getting my money back, but then I think that's pretty mean. I don't even FEEL like celebrating his birthday or spending a DIME on him right now.

DD20 has gotten tickets before but at least she told us. Anyway, please give me some guidance...... or some valium....

UPDATE : I'm going to have Rhett make the money by working for us. How much should I knock off the ticket (remember it's about $300) for each chore?
Walking Dog.... $1.00?
Supervising DS6 bath.... $1.00?
Washing/Vacuuming Car...$5.00?
Cleaning Bathrooms.....$5.00?
Mopping/Sweeping.... ??
What other chores can you think of??

Also, he's "announced" that he's set up a ride to and from school with a girl who lives down the street. I had wanted him to have to ride the bus. Should I let him get the ride?

Please feel free to stuff yourselves silly before getting back to me!

 

[Sparx]

give him the "no matter what you do, its not as bad as not telling us" speech.

(((hugs)))

 

[mtblujeans]

Sure they do! It just doesn't travel in the same circles as yours!

Kids don't understand until they learn about an experience. Some have to learn about an experience the hard way....same as some adults!

I have a teen driving....I am waiting for MY turn.....!

 

[LBAK]

Teenagers can be the pits!

 

[tar heel]

I would absolutely take away the driving privileges since he has showed he isn't responsible enough for it now. Three months sounds about right to me.

Your insurance is going to go up significantly. I would let him pay you every penney of the increase with his summer job.

I have a 17-year-old driver. He is responsible for gas and routine car maintenance. We're paying insurance, but if he does anything to make it go up more than the $1,500 we're already paying for him (such as a ticket or chargeable accident), he's responsible for the increase. If he gets a ticket, he's expected to pay for a lawyer to help him get it reduced since that will cost less than insurance points.

How long is your son's school break? Is is school calendar set up so that he will be finished with fall semester classes or will be he be studying over Christmas? If he won't be studying, I would send him to a temp agency to get some work for those few days.

 

[Lil_Tink]

Dont really have any advice. But

 

[MinnieM3]

I would absolutely take away the driving privileges since he has showed he isn't responsible enough for it now. Three months sounds about right to me.

Your insurance is going to go up significantly. I would let him pay you every penney of the increase with his summer job.

I have a 17-year-old driver. He is responsible for gas and routine car maintenance. We're paying insurance, but if he does anything to make it go up more than the $1,500 we're already paying for him (such as a ticket or chargeable accident), he's responsible for the increase. If he gets a ticket, he's expected to pay for a lawyer to help him get it reduced since that will cost less than insurance points.

How long is your son's school break? Is is school calendar set up so that he will be finished with fall semester classes or will be he be studying over Christmas? If he won't be studying, I would send him to a temp agency to get some work for those few days.

I may see if he can get some holiday hours somewhere. He won't get out until Dec. 22, but hey, it's better than nothing. He has zero money so we pay for everything. Being in band has taken up all of his time. Now band has eased off a bit, but he is in after school tutoring to bring his grades up as he's in danger of failing a subject.

What gets me is that he doesn't even act apologetic or remorseful. The attitude ticks me off.

 

[mtblujeans]

....What gets me is that he doesn't even act apologetic or remorseful. The attitude ticks me off.

You might make him go thru it all with you....make him sit and watch you write out check, take him down to pay fine....whatever you have to go thru on his behalf. Maybe take all but one gift back....I know it sounds mean.....

 

[jimmiej]

Do teens even HAVE a brain??

Mine didn't.

Oldest DD got hers back sometime around the end of her freshman year in college. Jury is still out on the youngest (19 yo).

 

[Pugdog007]

I'd tell him to lose the attitude or he won't get the car back at all.

 

[Barb D]

Do teens even HAVE a brain?? DS gets speeding ticket!!

See, the problem is that ALL of them share ONE brain ... and it wasn't his turn that day!

I think I might be tempted to take back all or most of his birthday presents, and be sure to tell him why. Remorse would have made a big difference, of course.

 

[4greatboys]

I wouldnt take back his b-day presents but I would make him work off the fine. Maybe they will let him do community service to work it off. I would take the car away too. He need to learn responsibility. If its rough this time maybe there wont be a second time.

 

[Tiggeroo]

18yo son college freshman living at home. He just paid a large amount of money, including attorneys to ndo a ticket for an illegal u-turn. He didn't know, had his license for a couple weeks, and there was a traffic snarl. It would have been 3 points.
Today we were coming back from a dr's appt. I let him drive my mustang. He was going with the flow of traffic and had another driver riding his butt. He got pulled over for doing 84 in a 65. I didn't realize he was going so fast but that's no excuse. This ticket will cost him alot more money then the illegal u-turns. My dd's would never do something like this. Neither would my neices. But my sons and their friends, all who are good kids, no partying, go to school, work, etc drive much too fast. And yes, if I wasn't in the car with him he wouldn't have told me and that's how I would have found out as well

 

[graygables]

I have 2 teenagers and can tell you that there is a brain in there...somewhere. My dad used to say if we had a brain, we'd take it out and play with it!

That said, try to keep his birthday seperate from the ticket. Tough thing, I know, but don't mix it up. If it were my kid, no car, no grade slippage, and he'd be getting a job like NOW to pay for the extra insurance in addition to the ticket. Have you contacted your agent to find out what the increase will be? I would imagine it's going to be substantial. The more I think about it, if it were my kid and I got a letter from the court, I probably would let them suspend the license and remove them from insurance altogether. And if there was any attitude attached? Buh-bye to anything of value (like, a cell phone, social life, computer, bedroom door?) until he learned to appreciate the severity of his really BAD choice. Consequences, consequences.

Sorry you have to deal with this during the holidays!!!

 

[Tiggeroo]

After my dd had an accident on my insurance and I got the increase, when the twin boys got their licenses I made them get their own policy. therefore his increase will be his own responsibility. I would seriously consider makeing your son get his own policy. Unfortunately, i've found even the best behaved boys tend to do crazy things. They won't learn unless it affects their pocketbooks. If he gets the ticket while on your policy you will find it hard to get the insurance reduced.

 

[MinnieM3]

I don't feel like a horrible mom now. I've had him doing every possible chore I can think of tonight in prep for tomorrow's hosting of 20 relatives at Thanksgiving. He's doing the stuff, but still kinda attitude-y. Man, I would have been jumping through hoops to still be ALIVE if it were my parents "back in the day." But then again, I was the perfect teenager.....

I do believe that all teenagers share one brain.....that makes sense from what I've seen. I'll be calling the school Monday and checking on the bus schedule. He didn't even seemed phased. He's too "COOL" to look upset. As of now he has his cell phone, but I'll be taking that by Sunday night. Computer's still available, but maybe I'll delete his screen name. They always seem to find some way to get online.

OH, DD20 calls tonight and she KNEW about the ticket and didn't tell us either! DUH! My kids are so clueless!

Not sure about insurance going up. Here "careless driving" doesn't carry any points and DH says it shouldn't go up because they only look at points. Hope he's right.

Thanks for the suggestions....kkeep 'em coming....

 

[winniedapooh]

give him the "no matter what you do, its not as bad as not telling us" speech.

(((hugs)))

I may still get mad at you and you will still get punished but not as mad I will get if you lie to me or not tell me...16 yo repeats that to younger sibs now when telling them what Maw says, lol!

 

[dg39]

Having raised 2 teens (they're now in there 20's) I firmly believe that teens do not have brains and some of them aren't even human. LOL....

 

[Keli]

The attitude is what would be killing me right now, more than getting the ticket and not telling me about it. I can handle all sorts of typical bad teenage behavior but for some reason I could never handle the typical bad attitude of teenagers. I used to tell my dd that she didn't have to feel sorry for her blunders on the inside but she sure better look like she felt bad. Being the good actress that she always was I usually got oscar worthy performances of regret after some misbehavior.