Do people use their kids as an excuse?

[Zmsksirt]

I sometimes leave my cart and sometimes return it depending on how close I am - and yes I have two kids...I am NOT leaving them in the car after unloading my goods especially during season when so many here make it so locals have to park in timbuktu....so they are the reason I don't return the cart not the excuse.

Also, my Charming has been in the grocery business in Florida for 25 years, most as a manager and there are paid people to get grocery carts in this area of Florida (can't speak for the Yanks). His first job as a teen was "fetching the carts"...


ETA: my girls are 3 and 1 so no way am I leaving them in the car alone to return a grocery cart.

Wow! When a big wind comes along (as often happens in your neck of the woods) that shopping cart you carelessly left in the lot will be blown into a car and cause damage. Let's just call it what it is, Lazy!

 

[palmtreegirl]

Most of the time it's not an excuse, it's a REASON. Taking care of children is way more difficult than it looks.

I admit to being VERY distracted or busy to do so many things when my child was young. Now that he's a teen I have time and energy to do so many thngs I used to NOT do.... being a single parent can be overwhelming.

I go bonkers and I'm not even a single parent! I admire people that are able to do it all, all by themselves.

 

[Marseeya]

Yes, I do think so. It's called "playing the Kid Card."

I've never heard that.

It's not something I typically do. If I'm late for something, it's because it's my fault -- not because of the nature of having kids. My DD is the slowest human child alive, but she can't make me late for something when I'm the one in charge of making sure she's ready. I guess I'm just the type of person who calls it like it is. If I don't want to go somewhere, I just say no rather than blaming them. Likewise, if there is a kid-related reason (like one of them is sick), then I will say so. Hopefully people around me will always know where I stand and that what I'm saying is the truth.

 

[Marseeya]

Most of the time it's not an excuse, it's a REASON. Taking care of children is way more difficult than it looks.

I admit to being VERY distracted or busy to do so many things when my child was young. Now that he's a teen I have time and energy to do so many thngs I used to NOT do.... being a single parent can be overwhelming.

I know this is going to sound odd, but being a single parent was easier for me than being a married parent. I'm totally not trying to make it sound as if it's easy, but it was just a whole lot easier for me.

 

[In a hurry]

If something will be inconvenient (staying out late, etc.) then I just remind the inviter that I won't keep the kids out that late (it is easier than reminding them that I am dog tired at 8:00 in the evening most nights!!!). After all of these years parenting, I now manage to get everyone out on time the majority of time. (Of course, mine doesn't poop at inopportune times!)

I guess it doesn't bother me when others do it unless they are continually causing direct problems for me. Usually this would be another teacher who's kids I have "keep an eye on" until she gets there.

 

[Marseeya]

If something will be inconvenient (staying out late, etc.) then I just remind the inviter that I won't keep the kids out that late (it is easier than reminding them that I am dog tired at 8:00 in the evening most nights!!!). After all of these years parenting, I now manage to get everyone out on time the majority of time. (Of course, mine doesn't poop at inopportune times!)

I guess it doesn't bother me when others do it unless they are continually causing direct problems for me. Usually this would be another teacher who's kids I have "keep an eye on" until she gets there.

My husband's the inopportune pooper in this house. As soon as he hears the word "shopping," that's it.

 

[lillygator]

Wow! When a big wind comes along (as often happens in your neck of the woods) that shopping cart you carelessly left in the lot will be blown into a car and cause damage. Let's just call it what it is, Lazy!

Umm, I won't lower myself to your level and call you a name.
Do you live here? Do you know our stores don't have a corral?

Looks like I can finally use the ignore button!!

 

[lillygator]

and I'm sorry but no mom of two little ones can be considered lazy....so thanks for your opinion, and I am sure you can pretty well decipher what I think you should do with it. Have a great time returning your carts....

and when they aren't with me, I return them to the front of the store!! and more often than not someone helps me out (a bagger) and they take the cart back with them so as not to leave it "carelessly" in the lot to be "blown about by the wind" - what about careless car door dingers? Ya ever see one of them?

 

[Disney Doll]

Wow!!!! You're going to ignore someone for one snotty statement?? If I did that, I'd have everyone on the DIS ignored except for Dan Murphy!!! Play nice or take it to the PM box if you're going to fight. The rest of us aren't interested in listening.

Back to topic...I don't have kids, so I can't play the "Kid Card". I have had the Kid Card played at me a lot though, especially at work. Folks with kids seem to think that everyone else in the workplace should revolve around their kids' schedules and needs. I can't tell you the number of times I've heard "Why do you need Christmas off? You don't have kids" in my 23 years of nursing. I can't tell you how many nurses get "Mom Hours" so they can come in after they get their kids on the bus, yet if I come in at that time, I am considered late. I can't tell you the number of Moms who have the expectation that they can leave early to go to Johnny's play, game, or whatever other event, and just expect that I will double my patient assignment by taking on their patients as well so they can leave.

 

[In a hurry]

Disney Doll, I bet you hear those things a lot. I understand people want to see their kids plays, etc., but that is what paid time off is for, IMO. The idea of taking a vacation day rather than counting on others to "cover you" nevers crosses the mind of some!

 

[DaisyD]

I agree with you. I have 3 kids and have never had a problem returning carts at any age. While I am more flexible as they get older, I still could have done anything while they were with me. It just took a little effort.

 

[MsLeFever]

Well, I don't know if this is an "excuse" but just the truth - most every weekday I need to be home at 3:15 cause that's when DS comes home from school. So I've asked for my classes to be scheduled in the morning.....

 

[lillygator]

Wow!!!! You're going to ignore someone for one snotty statement??

this person has a lot of one liners across the boards as well....

I am fortunate to work for a very flexible company. As long as you work your xx hours per week that's fine. One man (childless) chooses to come in later as he runs all morning (training for a marathon)....another guy and gal in our dept leave 1/2 day to go watch spring training games....they are also childless.....it's nice for the company to be flexible all the way around regardless of having children or not. I save my vacation days for vacation and when my children are sick. No one covers my desk simply because no one here is trained to cover it. (short staffed as well). I could not imagine working for a rigid company/bosses...I think we are lucky in that respect.

 

[Marseeya]

Wow!!!! You're going to ignore someone for one snotty statement?? If I did that, I'd have everyone on the DIS ignored except for Dan Murphy!!! Play nice or take it to the PM box if you're going to fight. The rest of us aren't interested in listening.

Back to topic...I don't have kids, so I can't play the "Kid Card". I have had the Kid Card played at me a lot though, especially at work. Folks with kids seem to think that everyone else in the workplace should revolve around their kids' schedules and needs. I can't tell you the number of times I've heard "Why do you need Christmas off? You don't have kids" in my 23 years of nursing. I can't tell you how many nurses get "Mom Hours" so they can come in after they get their kids on the bus, yet if I come in at that time, I am considered late. I can't tell you the number of Moms who have the expectation that they can leave early to go to Johnny's play, game, or whatever other event, and just expect that I will double my patient assignment by taking on their patients as well so they can leave.

I agree with this. Those things are important for parents, but not at the expense of someone else. When I worked full time, I can't tell you how many times I'd choose between taking unpaid leave or using up a personal day to go on a field trip or whatnot.

I hate that argument that someone who doesn't have kids should work all the crap shifts (holidays, weekends, whatnot). My mom was an RN and there were many holidays where she didn't get to be home all day with us. We survived and made do! We'd get up at 5 a.m. on Christmas to open our gifts, or we'd have Thanksgiving dinner late or on another day altogether. Personally, I wouldn't choose a job like that, but many people have to and they do just fine.

 

[In a hurry]

I agree with this. Those things are important for parents, but not at the expense of someone else. When I worked full time, I can't tell you how many times I'd choose between taking unpaid leave or using up a personal day to go on a field trip or whatnot.

I hate that argument that someone who doesn't have kids should work all the crap shifts (holidays, weekends, whatnot). My mom was an RN and there were many holidays where she didn't get to be home all day with us. We survived and made do! We'd get up at 5 a.m. on Christmas to open our gifts, or we'd have Thanksgiving dinner late or on another day altogether. Personally, I wouldn't choose a job like that, but many people have to and they do just fine.

Marseeya, my mom was an RN, too. I cooked my first full Thanksgiving Dinner when I was 13, because she was working, and we had family coming. At the Nursing Home she worked they rotated holidays.

 

[BunsenH]

For any Joe Jackson fans.

His song "My House" came out when all of our friends were having kids and we saw them much less frequently. I thought that these lines described thier situation.

"Me and Suzy used to read the news and stay up all night
We used to see a lot of people then we just got tired
And gave birth to a perfect little alibi"

 

[va32h]

Likewise, if there is a kid-related reason (like one of them is sick), then I will say so.

What's the difference between a kid-related "reason" and a kid-related "excuse". I guess it's a reason when you do it, but an excuse when someone else does it? If I don't want to get a sitter in order to attend something, and I say that I'm not going because I don't have a sitter, that's the truth. I shouldn't have to explain my finances or my children's emotional state when declining a simple invitation.

If a company gives preferential treatment to parents, that's a problem to take up with the boss. My employers in the past have rotated holiday assignments, but allowed employees to trade. I hate Thanksgiving, so I always offered to work that day, or the day before, or after, or all three, in exchange for an extra day off around Christmas. I have also worked New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, since as an old married lady with kids, I wasn't going to go out.

There was a time when I had to come in late to take my child to school - for which I compensated by staying late in the evening (for which my employer was very grateful, as no other employee was willing to adjust their hours to stay later). I have worked on their birthdays, when I was pregnant, I worked every day up until the day I went into labor, and I scheduled all my prenatal appointments during my lunch hour, so I never missed work for any pregnancy related reason, except actual child birth.

As a working mother, I try very hard to never let my childcare issues or personal problems interefere with my work. Since I am a mere mortal, this does not always work perfectly.

 

[tiff211]

YUP!!! Any chance I get and there's no shame in my game!! "Tiff, you have smoot on your face!" "It's because I have four kids!" "Tiff, you have one gold earring and one silver earring" "I have four kids, I can't worry about my earrings matching!" "Tiff, your car is a mess!" "what do you expect, I have 4 kids!!"

Seriously, there is a difference between reasons and excuses. If you were always late before you had kids and when you have them, you say you are late because of them. That's an excuse. If you were always on time, and then once the kids came, lateness became an issue, maybe that is a reason. Unless you just wait until the last minute. I used to be on time and early all the time until my 3 year old came. Then it went downhill from there. No matter how I prepared the night before, what system I set in place, how early I got up, how much oldest DD helped, we would be late.

It is irritating when one says I can do this or I don't have problems doing that and I have kids. Well good for you!!! Each parent is different, each child is different and each circumstance is different. Maybe you're child embraces mornings with a smile and a wink, mine with the wail of a banchee. She makes mornings very difficult. She doesn't want brush her teeth, she doesn't want to get dressed, if she does, she wants to wear her bathing suit in the dead of winter, she wants to play with the baby while I am trying to get her ready wants to wear her down coat zipped, and hood tied in 60 degree weather, etc. etc! This morning, she actually had a great morning and we were making great progress. Looks like I can actually be on time! Everyone was dressed ready to go and I am sitting in the chair putting baby jacket on and blech, spit up all over jacket, clothes, and mommy!!! Back to the drawing board!! Reason not excuse!

Thankfully, everyone is my world has the "how in the world do you do it" attitude and are very understanding and accomodating. It makes me not want to make "excuses" and pull the "kid card " (love that one) to get out of things. What bothers me is people tend not to ask me or invite me because "I have 4 kids". My grandmother who lives 3 minutes away will get one two busses to go to the supermarket that I can drive her to in 5 minutes instead of calling me to take her because "I have 4 kids!". But I fixed her, I call her when I am going to the market anyway!!!!

 

[Marseeya]

What's the difference between a kid-related "reason" and a kid-related "excuse". I guess it's a reason when you do it, but an excuse when someone else does it? If I don't want to get a sitter in order to attend something, and I say that I'm not going because I don't have a sitter, that's the truth. I shouldn't have to explain my finances or my children's emotional state when declining a simple invitation.

In my opinion, it stops being a reason and starts becoming an excuse when it's a lie or when it's something that can otherwise reasonably be accomodated (like getting ready 15 minutes earlier when kids slow you down).

Saying your child is sick when he's really sick is a reason. Saying he's sick just because you don't want to go to work that day is an excuse.

Saying you can't put your grocery cart back because you're lazy is a reason. Saying you can't because you have kids is an excuse.

Saying you don't have a sitter for whatever reason is a reason -- nobody says you have to say why you don't have a sitter. Saying you don't have a sitter when you really just don't want to go is an excuse.

One more. Saying you're late for an occasion one time because your child had a poopy diaper is a reason. Saying you're late for every occasion because you HAVE a child (or because your child poops) is an excuse.

That's how I'm viewing reason vs. excuse. NOT because what I do is a reason and what you do is an excuse.

 

[golfgal]

I sometimes leave my cart and sometimes return it depending on how close I am - and yes I have two kids...I am NOT leaving them in the car after unloading my goods especially during season when so many here make it so locals have to park in timbuktu....so they are the reason I don't return the cart not the excuse.

Also, my Charming has been in the grocery business in Florida for 25 years, most as a manager and there are paid people to get grocery carts in this area of Florida (can't speak for the Yanks). His first job as a teen was "fetching the carts"...


ETA: my girls are 3 and 1 so no way am I leaving them in the car alone to return a grocery cart.

When my oldest was 3 I had him and newborn twins and I always managed to get my car back. Here is a tip, park next to the cart corral and you don't have to worry about "leaving your kids in the car". It also has the added bonus of having carts in them when you pull up to the store so you can put your kids right into the cart from the car and you don't have to worry about them getting run over in the parking lot.

Sorry, but your excuse is not valid, at all, it is just laziness and because of that, other people's cars are being damaged because of you.