Do people hold back kids in your town?

[golfgal]

In our town it is very common for parents to hold kids back a year before they start kindergarten so kids are starting kindergarten when they are 6 not 5 (the cut off date is Sept 1st in MN). When DS13 started school we lived elsewhere and it wasn't a common practice and he was not the youngest in his grade, mid-July birthday.

Last night we had an informational meeting for the drivers education program in town. They had information about when to sign up for classes, behind the wheel, etc. In MN they have to be 14 to start the classroom education, 15 to get a learner's permit and 16 to get a provisional license. They have to have their permit for 6 months, 8 hours of behind the wheel with a certified instructor and 30+ hours with a parent to get their license so the process takes about 8 months to a year.

There are kids in DS's class that are 15 already, 8th grade! I was just amazed that people would hold their kids back with Dec, Jan, Feb birthdays. I can understand August and if we were in town here when DS was starting school we would have considered holding him back. He is younger then probably 1/2 the 7th grade. It is just unbelievable. I really feel sorry for the middle school teachers when you have 15 year olds with full beards trying to interact with 13 year olds that still watch cartoons!

 

[disneysteve]

I can only tell you what we did and why.

DD's birthday is Sept. 28. The cut-off in our district was Oct. 1, so she could have started Kindergarten but we held her back. We felt she was ready academically and could have handled things that way, she was still fairly immature socially. We don't think she would have done well as the youngest in her class. Instead, we put her in a transitional kindergarten program for a year and started regular school the following year. She is now in 4th grade and has done well. Each of her teachers have retrospectively agreed with our decision saying it was probably the best choice we could have made for her.

 

[RitaZ.]

Is it also possible that the 15 yr. olds may have repeated a grade? My 13 yr. old is in 8th grade and he did have a 15 yr. old in one of his classes because he repeated a grade.

I did hold back my middle child, his birthday is late July. He wasn't socially mature to handle the routine of K, he still wanted to play. We struggled with the decision, but it was the best thing we could have done for him. He is now in 4th grade and is 10 yrs. old and he fits in well with the rest of the class.

 

[AmazingGrace]

I don't know about anyone else where we were, but we held ds12 back a year.
The cutoff was 1 Sept. His birthday was 24 August, and school started 30 July. He had speech issues and was young for his age. Now, he's in sixth grade and fits in well with the other sixth graders

 

[HayGan]

DS (5) won't be starting kindergarten until this fall he will be 6 (b-day is May)but he his in the autism spectrum so that is why he needed additional time. We haven't decided yet when our other DS (almost 4 - bday in Jan) will go. We think next fall but we will make that call next spring.

It is getting more and more common for people to hold kids back a year (especially boys.) Boys (generally) mature slower than girls and older boys have a physical advantage in sports throughout the years when they are of an older age in school (especially high school.)

 

[golfgal]

DS (5) won't be starting kindergarten until this fall he will be 6 (b-day is May)but he his in the autism spectrum so that is why he needed additional time. We haven't decided yet when our other DS (almost 4 - bday in Jan) will go. We think next fall but we will make that call next spring.

It is getting more and more common for people to hold kids back a year (especially boys.) Boys (generally) mature slower than girls and older boys have a physical advantage in sports throughout the years when they are of an older age in school (especially high school.)

Sports is the main consideration for these kids. The funny thing is that most parents didn't look far enough in advance to see that their kids won't be eligible to play sports. They can play a sport if they turn 19 during the season, which some will, but they can't START a high school sport at 19 so those that held back winter birthdays can't play spring sports their senior year.

There may have been a few kids that had to repeat a grade but most of them started school late.

 

[Disney_1derland]

We will be facing this decision in the next year with our almost 4 year old. The cut-off is October 1st here and her birthday is Sept. 18th. She is very immature for her age, her speech is not as good as it could be. Academically she could handle it, but maturity, well, I just don't think she's ready for that aspect of formal schooling yet. We plan to put her in a 4 year old preschool this coming fall and see how she does, then in the spring we plan to have her evaluated by the kindergarten teacher our oldest is with now and see how she does. If this teacher feels she is ready then she will go on, if not she will do a pre-K specially designed for kids in her position. I know the year after that she will be more than ready and hopefully mature enough to handle it.

 

[golfgal]

I understand holding kids back that have birthdays that are close to the cut off dates, but 9 months before the cut off date?? I know there is one boy in the twins class that repeated kindergarten and started late so he is 2 years older but he has some pretty major learning disabilities so that is a totally different case. Like I said, most parents do it for sports (the funny thing is that most of the kids that were held back for sports aren't that good).

 

[Disney_1derland]

I understand holding kids back that have birthdays that are close to the cut off dates, but 9 months before the cut off date?? I know there is one boy in the twins class that repeated kindergarten and started late so he is 2 years older but he has some pretty major learning disabilities so that is a totally different case. Like I said, most parents do it for sports (the funny thing is that most of the kids that were held back for sports aren't that good).

I absolutely cannot fathom holding them back JUST for sports. Truly, I think they should have to be evaluated if they are old enough the first year and then the school should make a recommendation based on that. I do not think sports should have anything to do with it

 

[buddy&wooz]

Lots of people here do it. In fact one of my neighbors has just decided to hold back her son who will be 5 in July, so he'll actually be six when he starts kindergarten. She's got good reasons, maturity and some developmental issues.

In my case- my son was ready for kindergarten when he turned 4 (reading well, doing advanced math- all on his own ) -he started at 5 but he did end up skipping a grade so he became the youngest in his class by far! Age shouldn't be the only criteria for whether a kid is ready for school, and I figure parents know their kids the best. Hopefully.

But I will admit I don't get the whole holding kids back for sports thing. I've seen some pretty huge 13 year olds that tower over the 16 year olds! Maybe an 8 year old first grader has an advantage but what about a 19 year old who hasn't graduated HS yet?

 

[HayGan]

I absolutely cannot fathom holding them back JUST for sports. Truly, I think they should have to be evaluated if they are old enough the first year and then the school should make a recommendation based on that. I do not think sports should have anything to do with it

It really is no surprise! Look at the pressure that so many people are putting on their kids these days. Heck fights break out between parents at little league games. So many people have the attitude that Little Johnny or Jane need to be the best that they will do anything to try and make them that way (whether or not it really is best for Johnny or Jane.) Look how many kids are starting pre-school or are taking dance/karate classes or playing organized sports before they are even 2! Alot of pressure is put on our kids at a very young age!

 

[RadioNate]

yes and I find it increadably annoying!

DS will be 5 in May and is going to kindergarten this fall. I can't imagine him staying home another year. But I feel tons of pressure to hold him back so he won't be the youngest because everyone else is holding their kids back and so on and so on.

I've talked to his preschool about it and they told me that as the first generation of these held back kids are going to HS they are seeing a lot of problems. Freshman driving, Jr high's seeing problems that were once unique to HS's, 18 and 19 year old seniors with 'I'm an adult' attitudes.

I really think this trend is going to come back to bite us.

 

[Beth76]

Nine months does seem extreme. There would have to be some major reason for that one, I would think. We'll face this issue with my younger son. His birthday is July 3, with an August 1 cut-off. So, he makes it, but just by a few weeks. He's only 18 months now, so I'm no where near any decision about it. It was pointed out to me though that if he's going to play sports, we should hold him back. It's better for him to be the biggest guy on the team, than the smallest. So, that might end up being the deciding factor for us.

ETA: My older son is an April birthday and we will not hold him back unless I see a major reason to and I just don't see that as a factor yet. We're just starting the process of registering for K now and I'm not sure what the requirements are.

 

[Deb in IA]

Yes, golfgal, this seems to be the norm here as well.

I'd never heard of this until we moved here, but it seems to be a given fact that "if you have a son with a summer birthday, you should hold him back."

Without regard to if he is academically or socially ready for school. It seems the only criteria is 1) male and 2) summer birthday.

I tend to at this philosophy.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

Some kids just aren't ready, either developmentally or emotionally to start kindergarten when they're first eligible. We're facing this with our 4 year old. He's currently in special day classes to work on his speech, and with his other delays there is just no way he'll be ready for kindergarten later this year. I think if you start your child when they aren't ready that it just sets him or her up for struggling too much later on.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I have twins with an August birthday. I didn't hold them back but wish I had. They struggled a bit with their school work. But also they were always the youngest. Most of their friends had their licenses a year before them. They weren't 18 when they graduated, etc.

 

[Parkhopper]

our DS11 has a September 30th birthday. The cutoff for our area is October 1st (1 day later!) Although he was very strong academically, we had him repeat Kindergarten. The first Kindergarten was a traditional (for this area) 1/2 day program. The second year we transferred him to a different private school that has a K-8 curriculum and he went there for a whole day of Kindergarten. He is 11 and in the 5th grade.

Although I fretted for almost an entire year about holding him back because he was reading at a 3rd grade level in Kindergarten, he really DID need the time to adjust socially. He is an only child and an only grandchild and great-grandchild on both sides. We have always taken him just about everywhere with us because he is so good at intreacting with adults. The problem was, he was not interacting very much with children his own age. He preferred to talk with his Kindergarten teach over playing with the other kids.

His full day Kindergarten teacher was WONDERFUL at listening to him for a short time and then gently pushing him out with the other children where he needed to be.

Although I agonized over the decision, I am sure that I made the right decision for MY child. He is confident, bright and happy. His teacher now tells us that he is a good friend to all of his classmates.

I don't put a lot of stock in what "everyone else is doing", I made the decision that was right for my son and my family.

Suzi

 

[Deb in IA]

yes and I find it increadably annoying!

DS will be 5 in May and is going to kindergarten this fall. I can't imagine him staying home another year. But I feel tons of pressure to hold him back so he won't be the youngest because everyone else is holding their kids back and so on and so on.

Nate, our son also has a May birthday - in fact, a LATE May birthday (May 22). We sent him to school at the regular time, despite the fact that he is one of the smallest kids in his class (he gets this genetically, as I am only 5 feet tall).

We are happy with our decision, and our son is one of the top students in his class.

I was a bit shocked, however, when his teachers would always say that he was one of the youngest boys in his class. The cut-off here is September 15, so I wondered where all the other boys, whose birthdays were in June - September 15 were.

DUH!!! They were all held back!!!

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

JMHO, but I don't even understand holding a child back if their birthday is right before the cutoff date either, in most cases. The cutoff date used to be largely Dec 31. Now, many places changed it August 31 (or other date), so now there are people holding their kids back because they're close to THAT date. So then what...they'll officially change the date again??? There will ALWAYS be a youngest child in the class.

My DS is in 7th grade, and will be 13 next month. He had speech problems as a young child (went to speech therapy through 2nd grade) and was so active that I sent him off to nursery school at 3 to give myself a break and him an opportunity to play with other kids (it's semi-rural where we live...not much for neighbors), and he flourished there. Never a compaint from a teacher. He's a straigh-A student and well liked. He isn't a late birthday, obviously, but we did wonder how he'd do. I think parents should give their kids the benefit of the doubt in the very early grades and take it from there. JHMO.

My DD is an October baby. Always has done well too, but in nursery school, her teacher did recommend putting her in other groups (ie, dance) to spend more times with other kids, because she was so shy, and the teacher wished she'd actually misbehave a little bit...just to loosen up! So we spent more time on giving her opportunities outside of home with kids, and she's done great too...high school sophomore now. So many of her friends tho, are OVER a year older than her because of being held back. It gets to be such a mish-mosh of ages, maturity levels, legal age differences by high school, which creates its own problems.

There are always cases where it truly is necessary, but I think they are WAY fewer than the reality.

 

[Bob Slydell]

DS turned 5 in September. We thought he was ready for Kindergarden intellectually, but not maturity-wise, so we decided to send him to Pre-K this year and K when he's 6. Our neighbors did the same, except their son is a July birthday, so he's a little closer to the examples you're given. But their decision, just like ours, was made with the individual child in mind, not anything like sports.