Do parents owe their kids a wedding?

[HOGFAN]

another thread got me thinking about this hot topic between DD23 and myself. She is not even engaged but is appalled that DH and I dont have $10,000 saved up for a potential wedding. Nor am I willing to go into debt to pay for one. My parents didnt pay for mine because they couldnt afford it so we did it on the cheap. DH and I certainly arent poor but I cant see blowing alot of money on a wedding.

 

[allison443]

As a parent of three dds I say no!
We are paying for their college, so then they can pay for their own weddings!

We probably would buy the dress, maybe pay for the flowers or photos, to help out. But pay for the whole thing, no.

 

[polkadotsuitcase]

I think parents "owe" their kids the basic necessities to live and love...everything else is icing!

 

[Bethenny]

I will pay for college but not a wedding. Good thing I have boys.

 

[fabmic]

Just like college a parent is not obligated to pay for a wedding. If a parent want to that is fine.

 

[tinkerbellandeyor]

As someone that is working with he parents to plan her wedding I say no. I am forever greatful for the fact that my parents are wiling to pay for mine.

 

[aprilgail2]

I am paying for college-- not sure what we are doing about a wedding yet but I sure hope its not until well after college- I would hate her to get married young! I am sure I will kick in at least 10,000 towards a wedding if she wants. My friend offered her daughter 10,000 towards the wedding or a down payment on a house...daughter ended up with just a courthouse type wedding and small dinner party afterward and used the 10,000 towards a house which I think is a responsible choice!!

 

[TDC Nala]

If she's not even engaged yet, tell her to start saving if she thinks she'd like a big expensive wedding someday.

 

[punkin]

Nope. I'm paying for college. If they want big weddings they can pay for them themselves.

 

[etoiles]

We paid for our own wedding! I did not expect or even ask my parents to pay for it. I know they have their own bills they have to worry about.

They did offer and paid for the photographer and wedding cake (cheap because we only had about 20 people at our wedding!).

We paid for my dress, ceremony site, reception, invitations, favors, etc...

We did not have a lot of money since I was only working one year full time after college and DH spent all his $$ moving to me from a ways away so we did things budget wise like made CDs instead of using a DJ and had 20 people. We did not think it was worth going into debt over.

 

[FINFAN]

we had 80,000 for DD. SHe had 3 choices for the $. College, House, or wedding/car . She chose college. Sadly, where she attends that is only 1/2 of her 4 year total, so even tho we saved that amount, she will still be in debt up to her eyeballs. However, she is not interested in marriage ( she is 20, I know that may change) she has no desire to own a home as her career will require flexibility, and she does not want children. To her, the debt for a degree in what she loves to do is better at a young age so she stands a chance of getting out form under it. She has a point, as if she does not have children, she has her retirement to worry about, but not their college.

 

[minkydog]

My kids aren't getting a free wedding OR a free college education. I will pitch in what I can afford, but if they're old enough to want to ge married, they're old enough to pay for it. DD17 love watching "Say Yes to The Dress". She is as appalled as I am at these women who "have to have" that $6000 (or more!)dress. What does the average wedding cost now, about $30,000? That's more than I paid for BOTH my cars~

 

[swkmom]

No, parent's do not owe their child a wedding. We eloped, so it cost about $50 my dad was relieved but I think my mom is still mad about not being able to throw a huge wedding and we've been married 13 years.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Nope...kids are entitled to clothes on their backs, a roof over their heads, and food on the table. That is all, well I think they are entitled to love and affection also.

We have 2 adult DS's. When the first one went to college he went to CC and we paid (not too expensive and we had the funds). Then DH got laid off, and I had just become a SAHM. Then the next year the other DS went to college. Now, he applied to some really good engineering schools, but also applied for an ROTC AF scholarship to pay for it, since he knew we didn't have the funds. As a matter of fact the layoff came after he received his financial aid package at the school he picked. I contacted them, gave them the new finanical info, and they came up with the money we couldn't. He got some more grants, work study and a loan from the college itself. The school was great about working with us, but DS knew that we didn't have the funds.

Now the older DS is getting married in 1 week, and he never asked us at any point for any money. He knows what our financial situation is. I have asked him if they need anything, and is there anythign we can do, and he keeps saying no.

As a parent you are under no obligation to pay for anything. Now, if we had the funds, we would have loved to pay for DS's education and for my other DS's wedding.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We went to the JP.

I think if you have the money and are able to afford the huge affair then that is one thing.

I have 2 dd's (19 & 13). As of right now, we would not be able to afford a "wedding".

So if 19yodd wants to get married before she is graduated from college she does not get 1 cent.

If she graduates, gets a job, saves up money for a wedding we will help if we are able. If not she will have to pay for it.

Honestly it depends on our financial situation at the time, bottom line.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

No.

Thank God I have boys, because I think big, extravagant, costly weddings are a waste of money.

I had a window guy here last year who was complaining about how he spent $75,000 on his daughter's wedding and she was divorced within 2 years.

 

[eliza61]

another thread got me thinking about this hot topic between DD23 and myself. She is not even engaged but is appalled that DH and I dont have $10,000 saved up for a potential wedding. Nor am I willing to go into debt to pay for one. My parents didnt pay for mine because they couldnt afford it so we did it on the cheap. DH and I certainly arent poor but I cant see blowing alot of money on a wedding.

As happens alot I agree with Mystery Mom. It depends on the situation.


My standard answer to " what do parents owe" questions is pretty much this, IMO children, parents and family are owed love and respect- until the blow the second one.

That being said, every thing is relative. I had a big wedding. 300 people catered sit down dinner, live band and DJ, at a NYC hotel. My parents paid for the reception. I got married in my mid 20's and my mom and I sat down and honestly talked about what type of wedding we both liked. Considering my gown was 3K I'm not going to speculate on the entire cost.

Do I consider it blown money, not at all. would I have insisted on that big of a party if my parents could not have afforded it. No.

I have 2 sons & 1 niece, we are not "saving" for their wedding. when they decide to get married we will certainly offer what we can to help. If we can give 20K we will, if we cannot that will be equally as cool.

 

[Calrissian13]

My husband and I paid for our wedding, and never even thought of asking our parents for any money. I never even thought to expect it.

 

[ilovejack02]

I am paying for college-- not sure what we are doing about a wedding yet but I sure hope its not until well after college- I would hate her to get married young! I am sure I will kick in at least 10,000 towards a wedding if she wants. My friend offered her daughter 10,000 towards the wedding or a down payment on a house...daughter ended up with just a courthouse type wedding and small dinner party afterward and used the 10,000 towards a house which I think is a responsible
choice!!

I was also offered the same deal , I ran with the money and was very thankful my parents were still willing to host a small destination wedding. I plan on offering my two boys same type of deal, certain amount to help with wedding or they can take the cash. I will be happy to host a rehearsal dinner, outside of the helping with wedding costs or handing over a check, but it won't be at the most expensive place in town. Prob something catered at home, my oldest is 21 so I have been giving this some thought lately. I imagine he will want to get married in a few years, hoping he will wait, but you never know.

 

[SKWDW]

No, just like the college thread, parents are not obligated to pay for a wedding. If parents want to do either, that’s a bonus.

We believe that our children are entitled to love, food, clothing, and a roof over their heads.