Do parents have a right to complain about volunteer coaches?

[kasar]

Now that the kids are getting older and the stakes get higher, DH has been reluctant to continue coaching - he's always coached the kids in basketball and softball (never soccer since he never played). DD1 plays on a competitive basketball team and only one dad comes forward to coach each year and he always talks Dh into helping. These guys are not professional coaches, they volunteer their time, we get no discount and we still cover the concession stand like everyone else (just to show that there aren't any perks). DH sometimes leaves his job in Boston, drives an hour + to coach a practice and then heads back into Boston to finish up at work. They get together all the time to see if everyone's getting equal time, they agonize over their losses (we haven't won a game yet but been close) and really want the girls to have a good experience.

The girls are learning but they don't really pay attention to the coaches (they're 12) and they don't really care when they lose (some do, DD is very intense wants to win badly). They walk up the court while the coach tells them to hustle, they are late for practice, etc.

Whew! Now that I've given you all the background here's my question - One set of parents (and possibly a second that doesn't have the guts to do it but relies on the first) always send emails to the coach telling him that he's not forceful enough and what he should be doing. Last week after our close loss she grabbed the president of our town's program and complained to her about the coaching. He got lectured to at the next coaches meeting. Is this fair? Of course they're not perfect but they're fair and they are putting in a lot of time and they are just dads who came forward when no one else would and they really don't have it in them to become yellers and bench 12 year olds. What do you think? Yes, they paid their $250.00 but should their complaints force a good coach out? I won't be offended if you take their side (honestly, I see where they're coming from) but I'd love to hear some opinions. Thanks.

 

[gr8tpanther]

Unless THEY are willing to step up and try THEIR hand at it, NO, they have NO right! They are not paying them to coach, nor are they volunteering to help.

I used to be a soccer coach for my DD's team. It is tough, I think the parents are the worse to deal with!

 

[TimeforMe]

This is interesting as I've debated the same thing myself. My dh was also a volunteer basketball coach for ds' rec team. (now he plays high school ball) We've been on both sides of the fence and all I can suggest is that the coach perhaps ask these complaining parents if they'd like to help. They might either shut them up or satisfy them. There are ALWAYS going to be parents who are unhappy with the coach's performance--it kind of comes with the territory. You either have to develop thick skin and suck it up or not do it. DS has had some absolutely HORRIBLE baseball coaches and once he is out of the league, I will write a letter to the person who runs it. In the meantime, I don't want him blackballed--because believe me that does happen. If your coach is playing them fairly, that should be enough. I know it doesn't seem fair that the parents aren't more appreciative of your dh's sacrifices and situation. My dh used to have to use his vacation days during basketball season as Sat. was a regular workday for him (mailman). Most parents could care less. Just remind him why he's doing it--which basically is to bond with your dd--and that might help. Hang in there--I know it's not easy sometimes.

 

[gallaj0]

Actually, I would say they have a right to complain to the league, who should then either explain to them that the coaches are volunteers who should be appreciated; and that the league is for everyone to play in, for fun.

This should be mentioned to the coach, but not in a disciplinary way, nor should he be forced out.

It could lead to maybe some coaching info sessions for the volunteer coaches, and better understanding on the part of the complainers.

If they still don't like it, they can always pull their kid out for a pay league with professional sports coaches, they are out there.

 

[mariolatry]

Not unless they're volunteering to take over the coaching job themselves.

 

[georgina]

I think parents have the right to talk to the coach about their child, but unless there is abuse going on, I don't think I would complain to higher-ups. Your DH sounds like the kind of coach I would like my kids to have. We have probably all seen coaches who yell at little kids, which does not help them learn the game. My 9 year old DD spent her whole softball season in the outfield because she wasn't good enough to play the infield! I did ask her coach if she could play the infield on occasion, as they really are supposed to be learning the skills and positions. They only won one game all season, it wasn't like she would have made them lose the game or anything. Our society's obsession with winning above everything else discourages a lot of kids from playing. I know my son stopped playing soccer because of all the yelling parents. I hope your DH toughs it out - it sounds like he is a positive force in those girls' lives.

I also wonder if it is the girls' fault they are late for practice, or that of the complaining parents?

 

[Indyman]

Since it is a $250 per kid competitive basketball league, I think the expectations are higher than they would be in a recreational league. I think the parents have a right to complain. They should be complaining to the league for its failure to provide proper coaching for the money they are spending. I'm not saying your husband and the head coach aren't good coaches, but it sounds like they are better suited for a rec league.

12 year olds in a competitive league should be held to stricter rules tied to starting or playing time. They should be made to sit if they are not putting forth the effort other girls are. My son plays on a travel baseball team and has to sign a "Code of Conduct" contract at the beginning of the season. The contract covers behavior, effort, and attitude, and lists consequences if these rules aren't followed.

It almost sounds to me like most of the kids should still be playing in a rec league, but were forced to play in this league by their parents.

 

[TimeforMe]

Indyman, thanks for that post. I didn't realize the OP was speaking of a competitive league. That definitely makes a difference. ITA with your post.

 

[Sandy V.]

Your husband sounds like a great coach, and he should be commended for all of his efforts and sacrifices.

I believe that parents should be able to complain when there are abusive coaches (clearly NOT the situation here with your DH).

I have complained to the powers-that-be when my kids had coaches that were physically intimidating, mentally cruel, or emotionally humiliating. Unfortunately, my son had a baseball coach this past summer that was all three of these rolled into one!

Best of luck in the situation.

 

[minniecarousel]

I had a real problem with this when our sons were playing. What should be happening is: the league should have coaches meetings and be told what the expectations are: to win or equal playing time. You can't have it both ways. (equal playing time doesn't mean the coach has a stopwatch and constantly swaps out players, rather that everyone gets a minimum amount of playing time - some players may stay in almost the whole time.) The league should also "back" their volunteer coaches, or they may end up losing some!

Did your husband and his co-coach have an initial parents' meeting? That usually helps - they can present their philosophy on playing time, which is usually the issue with parents. They can always refer back to it if there are complaints later on.

Volunteer coaching is a really tough "job", but one that my husband is really glad he did with our boys.

 

[DVC-Don]

..............................
I believe that parents should be able to complain when there are abusive coaches (clearly NOT the situation here with your DH).

I have complained to the powers-that-be when my kids had coaches that were physically intimidating, mentally cruel, or emotionally humiliating. Unfortunately, my son had a baseball coach this past summer that was all three of these rolled into one!
.........

My wife and I sponsered a soccor team here in town and our kids played in the program. One game there was increadibly rude coach at one of the games. We complained and were told they had received other complaints about his behavior and they would relay our concerns to that coach, but that was it. The coach even called me at my office one day to complain about us complaining about him. So we withdrew our sponsorship. They called us for years after asking us to reconsider. No way. Read in the paper he got busted for insurance fraud later.

 

[gina2000]

I agree with Indy.

 

[Beast fan]

Volunteer coaches are only a few steps below saint-hood, IMO. (the non-abusive ones, at least) If these men and women weren't coaching, you would probably see them volunteering in church each Sunday, volunteering at a "Children's" hospital, volunteering at a youth camp ........ the list goes on and on.

My DS's godfather (at age 50) has been a volunteer coach for at least 30 years. He's coached women's softball (that's how he met his wife, my cousin), but loves coaching youth hockey. He's coached all age groups, from 5 year-olds, up to those who are 17-18. When he coached his son, he usually ALSO coached a team in a different age group. He constantly refers to the players as "my kids".

Bottom line, if the volunteer coach is not acting "out of line", the "concerned" parent should either put up, or shut up.

Dave

 

[goofy4tink]

Does your dh coach with my dh?? We have had some of the same issues. We are in a rec league though. We do pay to play but it's in the area of $75, not $250. Our coaches are all parents too.

My dh has coached for 3 years now. His teams don't seem to win too much but the girls are learning basketball and having a good time. Our girls also don't pay as much attention as they should. More into gossiping and having social time after about 20 minutes of practice time!!! And yes, we have girls that can't seem to get to practice on time either. There are one or two that always show up 15 minutes late for games too!!

But,here's the funny thing. Last year someone said that they heard some parents were upset that we didn't have a winning year. But, when push came to shove at sign-ups this year, there were a lot of parents that said they were disappointed that their dd didn't end up on dh's team again. And the Rec. Director has told my dh and the other coach that they both have the right attitude toward coaching...it's not so much about winning but about learning the game and learning to be a part of a team.

If your dh is in fact, coaching a travel team, then I would think the girls would be more 'into' practice. I know that the girls in our town's travel teams are sports nuts...practicing all the time. They feel the rec. league is too slow for them.

So, my answer to your dh would be that when someone complains or makes a remark about the coaching, he should ask if they (the complainer) is available for the next practice. That maybe the complainer can see something that the coaches can't see..any outside help would be most appreciated. I wonder how many of these 'experts' would be willing to give up their time to coach. Not so many I'm sure.

Your dh sounds like the best kind of coach. Do you think he will continue coaching after this year? I know that my dh is calling it quits. He thinks he's in over his head at this point.

 

[boucheresq]

It always amazing me about parents who won't volunteer but have no qualms complaining about the ones who do. I used to be a girl scout leader (I have no kids) because our area was in desparate need for them even though there were a TON Of girl scouts - none of the parents came forward. I alone had 12 girls in my troop. Not a single one would spend time to volunteer for a meeting or two to help me with the group but they had no problem complaining that I wasn't doing enough. And I had/have a FT job where I work 60+ hours a week. So I finally quit, not b/c of the kids who I loved, but because of the parents.

 

[kasar]

Here's the breakdown for the $250. $200 covers the league fees, insurance, ref fees and uniforms. $50.00 is an automatic "donation" for a couple of years because they're trying to refinish a gym floor. They are a non-profit group. For professional coaches the amount would be much higher (some AAU teams around have fees up in the $1000 range not including travel expenses). I would actually be willing to pay more for professional coaching but that's not the way this league seems to be going. We're looking into other teams for next year and we're still in the process of checking them all out.

They did indeed have a meeting with the coaches about what is "expected". But we all know that they can give lip service to fair play and learning all they want, but when it comes right down to it they want the teams to win. The official policy is that they want to win half the games, give everyone fair time and have this be a feeder program for the high school. In theory, it works. Not so much in practice. DH and the other coach ARE better suited for more of a rec atmosphere but at this point, they're all they've got. Unfortunately, if they kept the same 5 kids out both coaches DDs would be playing a lot and no one wants to go down THAT road!

 

[disykat]

I think parents have the right to complain, but that they should be ashamed of themselves if they are complaining about anything that isn't abusive or harmful to the children.

 

[Gupsmom]

Unless the coach is doing something that could have a negative affect on the kids, parents should not complain.

My DH and I have been involved in sports for a long time. We both played and we've both coached (esp DH). Our kids are now 7, 6 and almost 5. They are just starting to get involved in team sports. We don't want to coach everything because we feel it's important for the kids to learn to take instruction from other people. So far our coaches have been someplace between all right and excellent. We feel that we have no right to complain about things like 1) how many practice, 2) how they run their practices, 3) who they play and where (unless it were EXTREMELY unfair)....etc. I would not hesitate to complain if the coach were behaving poorly though. I don't need my 7 yr old taking these games too seriously or learning to be a poor sport.

Even if I had to complain, I would do it out of ear shot of my children. I was raised to respect my coaches..even if I didn't agree with them. The most my parents would ever do if I complained was say something like "I understand what your saying, but he's the coach. You have to do it his way. If you aren't enjoying it, you can always choose something else next year." I hated playing with kids that had bad attitudes...and it almost always stemmed from their parents bad mouthing the coaches in front of them

Jess

 

[grumpydawg]

I've coached 8 years of youth baseball, 1 year youth softball, and I am currently the Scoutmaster of a Boy Scout troop with 25 scouts. Unless there is something illegal, immoral, or immature going on, parents should not complain to anybody. They always should have the right to have conversations with the coach, but unless the coach is receiving a salary, complaints should not exist.

I am leaving my soap box for the next person to stand on...

 

[Disney Doll]

This is why childhood athletics is such a joke in some areas...parents who think they have the next Kobe Bryant, Pele, or A-Rod.

If I were your DH, my response to such parents would be "If you think you can do a better job, by all means, come on over and do it."