Do other SAHM feel obligated to babysit....

[PrincessMommy2]

I was just wondering if other SAHMs feel this way and what you do.....I have three elementary school age children. I used to drive them to school in the morning because I didn't want them to have to sit on the bus for 50 minutes. The bus route changed this week and it now picks up 40 minutes later. This actually works out better for me because now the ride is only 10 minutes. I have a friend that was bringing her two kids to my bus stop because her stop picked up too late to allow her to get to work on time. With the change, my stop is now the same pickup time as hers. I offered to have her bring her kids at the earlier time and I would put all five kids on the bus. This way, she will not be late to work. I really do not mind because we take turns dropping/picking kids up at various activities. She feels as if she is imposing, but I told her I honestly do not mind. The kids are quiet and well behaved.

Now, I also have a neighbor with two kids that take the bus. The change to the pickup time is not convenient for her as both husband and wife work and original time allowed them to be on time. I am friendly with our neighbors and the kids play together. I have in the past watched her kids on different occasions. For one whole school year I watched her oldest because he had half day kindergarten and she needed someone to watch him for an hour until she got home. I have never asked her to watch my kids.

Anyway, for the last couple of days she has been complaining about the bus situation when I see her. She cannot be late to work, so her husband has had to wait with the kids. If he goes in late, he has to make the time up at the end of the day. It's an extra half hour. I felt as if she was waiting for me to offer to put her kids on the bus. I kind of made it like a joke that mornings are hectic enough getting my own three ready and now I have two more, I can't get seven kids on the bus... I honestly don't want to deal with 7 kids for 40 minutes every morning!

Today she tells me that she heard my friend might put her kids on at an earlier stop (friend said she did mention it to another mom because again she feels like she's putting me out). She wants to know if that happens, can I take her two kids?

I have no problem helping people out, but I really feel like this is asking a lot. My husband works a job that requires late hours. I work part time from home at night...not ideal but it works now because I do it around my kids. I have made the sacrifice of two incomes to be home while they are young. My husband said to not be guilted into it and I am not their child care solution. He said to let her husband do it and get home a half hour later (from 5 to 5:30).

Any other SAHMs feel like the built in babysitter just because you are home.

If you've lasted this long...thank you...just don't know if I'm being petty.

 

[hercamore]

Totally their issue. The dad can get a half hour late for Petes sake!
They are totally imposing on you.

 

[Becky2005]

Yes and No. I have helped out neighbors a lot in the past, however, the last couple years it's been my turn to have to ask the neighbors to help me out on occassion. The thing is, it's different neighbors. Although, mine were more sporadic and the people I asked to help me out are usually SAHM/part-time work while kids are in school type, so they have specifically arranged their schedules to deal with the school hours.

The one time where I did do it continously but it was my DD's best friend at the time, I did get paid but there were more times than I can count when the school called me because the girl's older sister was late picking her up as they knew she came home with me often. I would go get her so she didn't have to sit at the school for who knows how long -- THAT got annoying because if it wasn't a day I was scheduled to have her, it was quite possible it affected other plans. It got to be somewhat tedious on occassion. This was also before our school started before/after care which they now offer so the situation doesn't come up as much as it used to.

Now that I think about it, I also drove one of my son's friends to school a lot in 5th grade but if I recall his mom also gave me some gas money but my DS & him are friends so no big deal -- she insisted on giving us the $....He did call me once in Middle School that he overslept & missed the bus, would I mind taking him to school (I actually ended up just taking him to DS bus stop since I knew DS bus hadn't gotten to school yet -- they are a little more lenient on MS busses plus it was going TO the school, not changing a complete bus stop around).

I'm not really sure how you would go about it....the way things have worked out with the ones it is people I'm more friendly terms/friends with than others. Hmmm...maybe that's how it would work, tell her if your friend changes, you would do it but would charge say $10/week....not sure you even want to do it then but at least you wouldn't feel like she was taking advantage of the fact that you are home.

I do think it's imposing on you since you are just casual neighbors but I know I tend to get myself into jams for not wanting to say no, hence the reason, maybe the charging will give you an out or you can just say...(if your friend switches & you are asked again) -- it was too much craziness with trying to get the extra kids out the door so you just want to deal with your own children now and not add anymore.

 

[dislaney]

No, I don't feel obligated and you shouldn't either. If they are good kids and it doesn't inconvenience me too much, I really don't mind- but in your situation I would say no. It's really not your problem.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I was just wondering if other SAHMs feel this way and what you do.....I have three elementary school age children. I used to drive them to school in the morning because I didn't want them to have to sit on the bus for 50 minutes. The bus route changed this week and it now picks up 40 minutes later. This actually works out better for me because now the ride is only 10 minutes. I have a friend that was bringing her two kids to my bus stop because her stop picked up too late to allow her to get to work on time. With the change, my stop is now the same pickup time as hers. I offered to have her bring her kids at the earlier time and I would put all five kids on the bus. This way, she will not be late to work. I really do not mind because we take turns dropping/picking kids up at various activities. She feels as if she is imposing, but I told her I honestly do not mind. The kids are quiet and well behaved.

Now, I also have a neighbor with two kids that take the bus. The change to the pickup time is not convenient for her as both husband and wife work and original time allowed them to be on time. I am friendly with our neighbors and the kids play together. I have in the past watched her kids on different occasions. For one whole school year I watched her oldest because he had half day kindergarten and she needed someone to watch him for an hour until she got home. I have never asked her to watch my kids.

Anyway, for the last couple of days she has been complaining about the bus situation when I see her. She cannot be late to work, so her husband has had to wait with the kids. If he goes in late, he has to make the time up at the end of the day. It's an extra half hour. I felt as if she was waiting for me to offer to put her kids on the bus. I kind of made it like a joke that mornings are hectic enough getting my own three ready and now I have two more, I can't get seven kids on the bus... I honestly don't want to deal with 7 kids for 40 minutes every morning!

Today she tells me that she heard my friend might put her kids on at an earlier stop (friend said she did mention it to another mom because again she feels like she's putting me out). She wants to know if that happens, can I take her two kids?

I have no problem helping people out, but I really feel like this is asking a lot. My husband works a job that requires late hours. I work part time from home at night...not ideal but it works now because I do it around my kids. I have made the sacrifice of two incomes to be home while they are young. My husband said to not be guilted into it and I am not their child care solution. He said to let her husband do it and get home a half hour later (from 5 to 5:30).

Any other SAHMs feel like the built in babysitter just because you are home.

If you've lasted this long...thank you...just don't know if I'm being petty.

It sounds like the dad has no problem pushing his shift back the half hour so that's what he should do. It shouldn't be a big deal for him at all, he starts work 30 minutes later, and stays 30 minutes later. What's the problem???

 

[MiniGirl]

No, I don't feel obligated and you shouldn't either. If they are good kids and it doesn't inconvenience me too much, I really don't mind- but in your situation I would say no. It's really not your problem.

This!! Plus, now you can tell your friend that she HAS to let you keep the kids. That she is doing you a favor by allowing you to have them in the mornings.

 

[AustinTink]

It sounds like the dad has no problem pushing his shift back the half hour so that's what he should do. It shouldn't be a big deal for him at all, he starts work 30 minutes later, and stays 30 minutes later. What's the problem???

Don't let them guilt you into anything. I get this from my friends and family all the time. An occasional friendly gesture, no biggie. But, everyday because the husband doesn't want to come home half an hour later. No way. Their life, their choices, their problem... not yours.

 

[ZuZugal]

I have been a SAHM for 17 years. I have held jobs as well, but part-time jobs that still allowed me to get my kids off to school, pick them up, be home when they were sick, etc.

I got very used to the question "well you already have 3 so you don't mind another 2 after/before school, right?"

In all honesty, do what feels best for you. I certainly drove my share of carpools over the years. Watched the neighbors kids/they watched mine. Just weigh the pros and cons of the situation, but do not put yourself in the position of helping and then resent it later. Today you get them on the bus. Tomorrow she might ask you to watch them all day if it is a snow day/holiday/etc. Sometimes one thing leads to another. Don't open that door if you don't want to.

 

[Hannathy]

It's a half an hour for goodness sake. Let them deal with it. they are their kids when you have kids you have to make sacrifices. stay later or take a 1/2 hour without pay. their problem not yours. Or charge them the going rate for day care. say for 20 bucks a week I will. Most people would be happy they could solve the problem so easy by having the Dad stay.

 

[JessicaR]

I agree with the majority. Not your issue to deal with, no way!

 

[PrincessMommy2]

Wow, you guys are great...thanks for the quick responses! I really feel better saying no...if I can make myself do it..I am a people pleaser. As one of you mentioned, I don't mind doing it for a true friend. I don't feel as if my neighbor is. She has done or said a lot of nervy things over the years that I overlook bc the kids play together. What do you think of someone borrowing your cake pan to make a birthday cake for their child and then not ask your kids over to the house ?(kids are close in age and other school friends were at house). Or telling you after the fact that she put your name as an emergency contact for the school because "you're home". I could go on and on....

You all are right though, I'm not going to make my mornings harder to maker hers easier!

 

[JessicaR]

Wow, you guys are great...thanks for the quick responses! I really feel better saying no...if I can make myself do it..I am a people pleaser. As one of you mentioned, I don't mind doing it for a true friend. I don't feel as if my neighbor is. She has done or said a lot of nervy things over the years that I overlook bc the kids play together. What do you think of someone borrowing your cake pan to make a birthday cake for their child and then not ask your kids over to the house ?(kids are close in age and other school friends were at house). Or telling you after the fact that she put your name as an emergency contact for the school because "you're home". I could go on and on....

You all are right though, I'm not going to make my mornings harder to maker hers easier!

Exactly!

 

[ZuZugal]

You all are right though, I'm not going to make my mornings harder to maker hers easier!

Let this be your mantra and stick to it!!!! Don't let her talk circles around you..they are her kids and her husband has an OPTION of getting home later. So what if that is an inconvenience to them? Their kids/their choices.

 

[georgina]

Our elementary school has before-school daycare for parents who need to drop off their kids earlier. I have no problem helping out my neighbors when there is an occasional situation or real need. There is a woman in my neighborhood whose husband died and she had to go back to work, I would have no problem watching her youngest for free in the morning until his bus comes. Or good friends who I know are in a tight financial situation, I have helped them out before/after school, but not every day. I would definitely not watch a neighbor's (who is not a friend) kids regularly for free, I would expect them to pay if I agreed to do it, and I would probably plunk them in front of the TV for 40 minutes.

 

[indimom]

I don't know about you, but the 40 minutes before the bus comes are the busiest and most stressful in my day. I know that the couple times I've kept my nephews overnight and had to get four ready for school instead of my usual two, it was . No way would I do it for someone who is basically "telling" me what I should do for them. I do it for my sis because she needs the help when she goes out of town for her job and she is always appreciative.
I think just the tone of these conversations would have annoyed me. Could you get your friend to spread around the rumor that she is paying you a LARGE amount of money for the day care you provide. I bet that would put a stop to these requests right quick. Suddenly the dad adjusting his schedule by 30 minutes wouldn't seem so bad...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I know many SAHM that got paid for doing what you are doing. It is called before/after care, just so you know.

Now I would watch a kid rarely in a pinch, for a doctor's appt for someone and vice versa. However you are talking about childcare when it is daily.

 

[bgirldeb]

They want you to go through all this so the DH doesn't have to get home around 5:30? Give me a break! Your DH is right! You are not their Childcare solution. Do not let them guilt you into anything. Also, before school care can cost between 35-100.00 per child per week depending on what you use. If they push it, you could always offer to do it for a fee, if you were up to it.

 

[hentob]

Anyway, for the last couple of days she has been complaining about the bus situation when I see her. She cannot be late to work, so her husband has had to wait with the kids. If he goes in late, he has to make the time up at the end of the day. It's an extra half hour.

That is called Life With Kids

They need to look into daycare.

I feel no need to babysit as a SAHM. And my working mom friends are responsible problem solvers that would never mooch free daycare.

You are not being petty.

 

[Erin1700]

If you are looking for an easy out, what kind of car do you drive?? If something made the kids miss the bus, could you transport all of them to school? It might be a good reason to give as to why you can not do it instead of saying "I dont want to!"

Also think of how you will be obligated to be available. What if one of your kids is sick? What if you want to treat your kids to breakfast out on the way to school one day? And here is the big one...what if school is delayed, cancelled, half day, will they expect you to keep them?? (can you tell I watch kids in my home for a living??)
I agree with everyone, why make your morning harder?

 

[Darcy03231]

I did this for a neighbor one year, but the difference is she came to me with a proposal that included PAYMENT! I was paid $50/week to get her two children on the bus. She dropped them off at my house in the morning all ready for school, had breakfast, etc. They pretty much watched cartoons while my kids were getting ready. It was fine for me and I didn't feel like I was being taken advantage of because I was getting paid. Maybe you could offer something like this if you want the extra money.