Do other SAHM feel obligated to babysit....

[HelenePA]

Your food bill would also go thru the roof.. lets face it once kids see your kids eating breakfast they are going to ask you for some as well.. I have a hard time getting my 4 out the door on time somedays, add in a few more that aren't mine? oh hell no! At least i can yell and punish mine if they are being pains in the butt at that time of the morning!

 

[castleview]

Don't feel obligated. For the most part I'm a SAHM and when I work, either DH or me is always home for the kids. My neighbors came close to asking me to watch their kids in the morning and I don't know if they didn't because I gave off some vibe or they just had a conscience. My mornings are never predictable. If the kids had a late night or one of them is sick, it may throw off our morning routines and I just can't be responsible for more kids. I'll help when I can, but nothing permanent.

If her husband has to push his shift back, oh well…it's called being a parent. You're sacrificing an entire income to be home with your kids, he could sacrifice a half hour to tend to his.

 

[SunshineOR]

You're getting great replies. I just wanted to add to the basic discussion that I'm a SAHM and I get these requests very often. I'm a people-pleaser and have too often gotten myself driving people's kids everywhere and babysitting. It's very hard to say no, especially when you get the feeling the other person is thinking you aren't working so why the heck not?

I struggled with this issue for years and have only recently solved it unintentionally--have a fifth child! Nobody asks me for anything anymore. If you stay home with one, two, three or four kids, apparently everyone assumes you have home space and van space and plenty of time. Once I got the fifth, people appear to assume I'm overcrowded and overscheduled. I rarely get requests anymore! The irony of it is that my kids are much older and more independent now and I wouldn't mind as much doing a little babysitting or driving for neighbors and friends. When I had four young kids and carseats and all that craziness was the worst time for me to be helping everyone else out with their kids. I'm glad for my little fifth to be my release from the floods of requests though.

 

[Art 1]

My wife stayed home with the kids, the baby is now 18. She was often asked to babysit, pick-up, take home and other favors. I really didn't want her to do any of that, so she used my as the excuse why she couldn't and that was fine with me.

 

[rodeo65]

I'm going to answer first and then read the thread. No! Not petty AT ALL!

I've definitely felt like the babysitter mom. Our kids are in private school and many of the families the kids are friends with are wealthy. We are not. We work hard to have our kids in a school we feel will be the best for them.

It feels to me like many of the "ladies who lunch" moms are used to having full time child care, so it's nothing to drop their kids off with me. I have started trying to plan play dates at adventureland playground type of places. Sometimes I still get "oh, I just have to run to...for a bit, do you mind?" Kinda gives me the feeling I'm good enough to watch their kids but not good enough to sit and chat with. I like to get to know the parents of my kids' friends. I give them a few chances to either reciprocate or to not make me feel like the help, if neither happens, I steer the kids in another direction.

 

[JessicaR]

Stick with the "I can't help you" and offer no more information. You are under no obligation to explain yourself.

I find the explaining the MOST difficult part! I agree it is not necessary to explain. A simple nope cant help you will suffice but we tend to want to elaborate!

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I'm a WOHM, but I think you and I have the same syndrome.

The other day I was at a meeting about an upcoming camping trip for my 6th grader. I'm a little worried about my son sleeping outside at the height of what's asthma/allergy season for him, so I asked if I had the option of picking him up in the evening and returning him in the a.m.. They said yes. Another mom asked the same thing (different reason) and so we began talking and I suggested that possible we could carpool. She was delighted, and told me how she was a single mom and she had to work and how not making the two hour trip in the a.m. and p.m. would be great for her.

Then I got home, and my DS told me he didn't care how sick he was, I was NOT embarassing him by picking up up.

The first thing I thought was "well, I should probably call the mom and tell her I'll still pick up her kid, I mean she's a single mom, and she's got these special circumnstances . . . ." Now, I should mention that I'm a single working mom too, so this was totally illogical, but this is the way my brain works -- I take on everyone's problems to solve as if they were my own.

So just say no. Or tell her you need her to pay, or do whatever meets her family's needs.

 

[onescgirl]

I don't think she should have asked you to give your time every morning unless she volunteered to pay you each week for it.
I do have friends that have to drop their kids off at anothers house for same situation, but they pay their friend/neighbor X amount of money for it.

I don't think you should keep your neighbors children in the morning if you do not want to. You should not feel guilty because you did the favor for another friend. You can just tell her it's not something that you want to start doing or agree for x amount of money.

You should not have to sacrifice 45 min of your time, so husband does not have to sacrifice 30 min of his time working later. Maybe he could take a 30 lunch instead of an hour.

 

[TLuvsD]

You have no obligation to do this or to explain. If not explaining makes you crazy, keep it simple "XXX and I trade carpooling and bus loading." Really, you need to just say "no, it doesn't work for us". The sooner, the better.
As a SAHM or part time working Mom I have fielded a lot of crazy requests. The best way to deal with this situation is to just learn to say "no, it doesn't work for me (or us)". No explainations. If you give an explaination some people will see it as a problem to solve--they solve your "explaination/problem" and you get to do whatever they asked. Just say no.