Do housewives ever retire?

[ronandannette]

I'm not a housewife, although the years that I was were the happiest of my life. I'm quite a bit younger than DH and I wonder if anything will change in our household management when he retires, which will be at least 10 years sooner than I do? He's really never been involved in the chores, nor have I wanted him to be. It will be hugely challenging to come home from work every day to my usual list of tasks if he's not also been doing something productive.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I agree that housewives don't actually "retire". And their "working" vs. "not working" hours have way blurrier lines than a traditional job. At some stages that feels easier, and at some harder. But in the end I think its all about listening to each other, negotiating something that feels fair to both parties, and really appreciating each other's contributions.

 

[Kitty 34]

My DH keeps the yard mowed and trim, takes the vehicles in when need be, washes windows, put storms up when needed and many other things. I usually keep the house clean, do laundry and other "housework" chores. We're both retired now and love the fact that we actually now have MORE time to do these things.

OP......some of the things you are doing can be removed from your plate.

 

[amcnj]

Well the work around the house still needs to be done and doesn’t “retire”. Sounds like you need to have a reshuffling of chores and tasks (if wanted; I know some people don’t want someone else doing certain tasks) so that your life gets easier too.

 

[Karin1984]

He didn't retire, he got a new job: househusband.

 

[mom2rtk]

My husband who retired in May after working 40+ years at the same job mentioned to me today that I’m retired now too. What? I’m still doing the same crap I’ve been doing for decades. Cleaning the house, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking practically every night, cleaning the kitchen, washing all the dishes by hand, errands, paying the bills. Not to mention babysitting grandchildren 50 hours a week up until they were finally all in school full time 3 years ago. I still watch them 2-3 days a week in the summer. Plus I worked full time myself for several years. I told him I don’t get to retire until I’m dead.

He sounds pretty unaware.

 

[AppleDumpling]

I agree that you have to get your husband to take on some of the household chores. Do not approach it as if he is “helping” you; it is his home too and he needs to do his share. Be supportive and don’t criticize him if he does something in a different way than you would do it, as long as it gets done. Also, there are many things you can do together, like grocery shopping and preparing meals.

As for the grandchildren, your children were lucky to have you as childcare for all those years. You were very generous to take on that responsibility, but you need to take a break now and let them make other arrangements. You have your own life and should be free to spend time doing what you enjoy.

Please speak up. Women so often are the caretakers and neglect their own needs. It is hard to change old habits, but retirement is a lifestyle adjustment, and you both deserve a happy future.

 

[leebee]

I guess I am lucky. DH works full time at one University and is an adjunct at another, as well as working as a consultant at his own company, but he still finds time to vacuum, clean the bathrooms, and take out the trash every week. He also does the mowing and shoveling, and usually does the dinner dishes every night. I also work full time. I do all the shopping, cooking, manage the finances, deal with housework other than vacuuming (I have a bad back so vacuuming is not a great idea for me), keep the 'piles shimmed' every day, clean the kitchen from the day's activities (before I cook supper) as we both like a clean kitchen. I always feel lazy when I compare what he does, with the hours he works, to my own schedules. I can retire in November (but won't, talk to my mortgage) but DH has to work another 7 years before retirement. I hope he makes it that long... stress and lack of sleep can take a toll, for sure.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

Sounds like you created the problem
Grandparents should not be daycare - adult children need to find suitable childcare and not assume you will do it
Hire a housecleaner makes life so much better

Unfortunately in our area there aren’t many day care facilities and they really couldn’t afford it anyway with 3 kids. Just like we can’t afford a house cleaner.

 

[RedAngie]

Sounds like they can’t afford 3 kids but had they anyway because they correctly guessed that it was Grandma’s “duty” to babysit full time.

 

[Mrs.AMC]

Do you have a house?
Are you are wife?
If both answers are yes the answer is no

 

[luvnwdwgal]

Sounds like they can’t afford 3 kids but had they anyway because they correctly guessed that it was Grandma’s “duty” to babysit full time.

No, not at all. When they had their first one over 11 years ago they had different jobs then they have now. I offered to quit my job to babysit cause my job was going nowhere and my bosses were horrible and I had had enough. What I wasn’t expecting was 2 more grandchildren in 4 years and having to watch them 50 hours a week when their jobs changed.

 

[punkin]

No, not at all. When they had their first one over 11 years ago they had different jobs then they have now. I offered to quit my job to babysit cause my job was going nowhere and my bosses were horrible and I had had enough. What I wasn’t expecting was 2 more grandchildren in 4 years and having to watch them 50 hours a week when their jobs changed.

Honestly...if I lived closer to DD, I would love to watch the grandbaby (singular so far) full time. Even as it is, lately I have been driving 2.5 hours each way to stay for 3 days per week to help out. DD is very appreciative, but she is looking for a more permanent child care solution as this is not sustainable long term.

 

[tvguy]

Does my wife do more chores around the house? Yes no question. But some of those chores are things she likes, and since she retired from her outside the home job, she as taken pleasure in. Cleaning house is a passion for her. Although I do the bathrooms, and sweep, vacuum and Bona all 1,700 square feet of laminate flooring. I am not allowed to touch the washer and drying without written instructions. And she now does almost all the cooking now. Due to work schedules, I cooked all the dinners for 20 years. But she grew up with a mother who cleaned the house every Tuesday.......the day before her cleaning lady came, LOL. And her stepmother didn't have a cleaning lady, but she scrubbed the walls weekly, and repainted the entire inside annually because she felt the walls were too dirty otherwise.

 

[barkley]

no housewives or househusbands here so i guess we exist with our house as a 'throuple'.

 

[Karin1984]

No, not at all. When they had their first one over 11 years ago they had different jobs then they have now. I offered to quit my job to babysit cause my job was going nowhere and my bosses were horrible and I had had enough. What I wasn’t expecting was 2 more grandchildren in 4 years and having to watch them 50 hours a week when their jobs changed.

Ehm... you weren't expecting it, but apparently your children are expecting you to work more than a fulltime job. You are not just a housewife to your husband, you are running a daycare center as well. What would your children have done if you didn't want to quit your job back then. Be honest: you have 2 jobs.

It is time to start talking to your children and think about other solutions. You are getting older, you want time for yourself, time for your husband now that he is retired. And it is time for daycare center Grandma to scale down.

You don't have to stop babysitting indefinitely but scaling back your hours should be on the table. You and your life matter. Do you have hobbies, things you would like to do if you didnt have a 50 hour job?Did your husband and you ever discuss what you would do when he retired?

Otherwise the answer is: housewives don't retire and neither does Daycare Center Grandma.

 

[Denise W]

DW told me in 2000 to cool my jets and QUIT so I did and worked out of house while she continued to work retail. All household choirs were immediately taken over by me other than the finances. Before 2000 while we SHARED DOING CHOIRS I was actually doing the majority of them.

DW retired 7 years ago and almost immediately became a Girl Scout Leader and now has 2 Troops 40 girls. She has 30+ active years and I had to join to assist so I have 7 YEARS.

Choirs??

 

[John VN]

Choirs??

I beg forgiveness. This 72yo had another moment.

 

[Imzadi]

All household choirs were immediately taken over by me other than the finances. Before 2000 while we SHARED DOING CHOIRS I was actually doing the majority of them.

Choirs??

I beg forgiveness. This 72yo had another moment.

It was possible that it wasn't a typo.

 

[Imzadi]

I think housewives retire when they get divorced and decide to chuck house chores completely.