Do/Did You Overthink having children?

[katerkat]

My husband and I have been talking about a second child, either biological or adopted, and when to have it. Russ was born exactly when I wanted him (spring baby, minus the fact that my sister's wedding was 10 weeks after his birth.) But for the second one, I just can't seem to think of a "good" time. And I think it's because I'm thinking too much. (Like, if we conceive in Jan. 2008, that will mean the baby is born just as Russ starts school and that's a lot of change for a little boy. Anything later than September gets into the holiday season, etc.)

Also because we're entering the end of this military base and could move any time in the next 6 months to 2+ years...so that makes the decision even more difficult. We'd really like to adopt but I don't want to adopt and then move the kid(s) away from everything they've known within months. We'd also have to change houses on base, as we can't adopt with a two bedroom house, so I'd have to pack everything, move, change all the addresses/utilities, stay there MAYBE a year, then move again wherever the Air Force decides to send us.

Anyone else overthink it? Or did the babies just come when they wanted to?

 

[poohandwendy]

No, my first was a surprise pregnancy. When we started talking about having the second and third, they were both concieved the next month...my only issues were that I wanted to be done by 30 and I wanted to avoid having two in diapers, if at all possible. Other than that, we just sort of went with the flow.

If we had complicated issues with jobs or location, I am sure we would have been more likely to overthink it...not sure that realy is overthinking it though. Just being practical.

I say just do it! (just kidding, you have to do what is best for your family)

 

[NikiM20]

Our DD was a very big surprise!!!!!! We have since decided to have 1 kid and the dogs.......alot of thought went into that and we decided for DH to get a vas.

 

[Pigeon]

Given the profound impact that children have on your life, and the profound impact that reproducing has on the environment, I don't believe it is possible to "overthink" having them.

Our two were adopted, but after much discussion and soul searching.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

After DD I wanted the kids to be about 3 years apart and I wanted their birthdays to be in different times of the year. All of that happened, but I miscarried. After that I didn't really care WHEN I got pregnant I just wanted to BE pregnant. As it turns out their birthdays are 3 years and 49 weeks apart. LOL!

Since my experience I would just say go for it because you never know what can happen to change things (fertility issues/miscarriage, etc.)

 

[LBAK]

Just remember, what you plan for does not necessarily work that way. I would just make a decision to try and let whatever happens happen. I tried for a second child when my first was 2 1/2, I figured that would be a great age span. Well, 7 1/2 years later number 2 came. So I would just go with it.

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

My kids kinda came when they wanted to. We generally decided to have kids, then they happened when they happened. I sometimes wish we had planned a little better, but I wouldn't trade any of them for the world.

Having 2 in diapers does suck a little, though!

 

[shortbun]

A wise person once told me, "there is no perfect time, just do it."

 

[katerkat]

I say just do it! (just kidding, you have to do what is best for your family)

Ha, if y'all could hear the reasons I won't do it now....

1) if we conceive in January, I'll be due only a month or so after my SIL, who tried for over a year and I want her to have more than a month before her baby isn't the new one anymore

2) we'd have to conceive in January because then DH leaves for a deployment, and after he comes back, we run into the cruise scheduled for Jan. 2008 (not to mention, then I'd have a three month old AND a not-quite-three-year-old on the cruise, super fun! )

3) DH is probably going to a training thing for 5-6 weeks in May/June, and August/September - I wouldn't be able to join him on the first due to being 7 months pregnant, then he might lose a chance to do the other training because of the possible due date

4) Very anal, but I prefer spring babies because I don't want to decide when they start kindergarten, either early or late for their age (Russ will be 5.5 when he starts, perfect!!)

5) not to mention, I don't want to be THAT pregnant over the summer

6) not to mention, I still haven't started to lose the pregnancy weight from Russ yet.

7) And I enjoy the coffee (that I didn't get to drink for two years due to pregnancy/nursing) a bit too much

See what I mean about overthinking? I make my head hurt.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Ha, if y'all could hear the reasons I won't do it now....

1) if we conceive in January, I'll be due only a month or so after my SIL, who tried for over a year and I want her to have more than a month before her baby isn't the new one anymore

2) we'd have to conceive in January because then DH leaves for a deployment, and after he comes back, we run into the cruise scheduled for Jan. 2008 (not to mention, then I'd have a three month old AND a not-quite-three-year-old on the cruise, super fun! )

3) DH is probably going to a training thing for 5-6 weeks in May/June, and August/September - I wouldn't be able to join him on the first due to being 7 months pregnant, then he might lose a chance to do the other training because of the possible due date

4) Very anal, but I prefer spring babies because I don't want to decide when they start kindergarten, either early or late for their age (Russ will be 5.5 when he starts, perfect!!)

5) not to mention, I don't want to be THAT pregnant over the summer

6) not to mention, I still haven't started to lose the pregnancy weight from Russ yet.

7) And I enjoy the coffee (that I didn't get to drink for two years due to pregnancy/nursing) a bit too much

See what I mean about overthinking? I make my head hurt.

I have found that it was harder being pregnant the third time because I had experienced no BFing, no diapers, and clothes that fit me again. When I was PG the second time I had just weaned, Avery was potty training, and I had just started to buy a few new clothes. Do it while you are in baby mode. It's harder to give things up again. JMO.

 

[Judy from Boise]

Are you sure you want a second child? As a mother of an only, it is OK to stop after one .

 

[Luv'sTink]

My mother said there is not right time, something will always come up. I don't know how she can say this since she had 8 children in 12 years!!! But I do agree, you can always make an argument either way.

 

[poohandwendy]

Ha, if y'all could hear the reasons I won't do it now....

1) if we conceive in January, I'll be due only a month or so after my SIL, who tried for over a year and I want her to have more than a month before her baby isn't the new one anymore

2) we'd have to conceive in January because then DH leaves for a deployment, and after he comes back, we run into the cruise scheduled for Jan. 2008 (not to mention, then I'd have a three month old AND a not-quite-three-year-old on the cruise, super fun! )

3) DH is probably going to a training thing for 5-6 weeks in May/June, and August/September - I wouldn't be able to join him on the first due to being 7 months pregnant, then he might lose a chance to do the other training because of the possible due date

4) Very anal, but I prefer spring babies because I don't want to decide when they start kindergarten, either early or late for their age (Russ will be 5.5 when he starts, perfect!!)

5) not to mention, I don't want to be THAT pregnant over the summer

6) not to mention, I still haven't started to lose the pregnancy weight from Russ yet.

7) And I enjoy the coffee (that I didn't get to drink for two years due to pregnancy/nursing) a bit too much

See what I mean about overthinking? I make my head hurt.

LOL, I think you are overthinking. But maybe there is a reason? Maybe somewhere in the back of your mind, you just aren't ready? I dunno.

 

[Taylor]

Not really, it was just a $6 bottle of wine....

 

[disney4us2002]

I wouldn't advise ever conceiving in January - doesn't that mean a Sept./Oct baby? I had a late August baby and it is miserable to be pg in the summer. Also, the whole young or old for school (I agree with you on that one). I would say get pg in July or Aug. '07 then the baby comes in spring 08 right after Russ turns three, perfect spacing imho.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I have Mid August and Late July babies. You just wear tanks and shorts and sit in the AC while you freeze out the rest of your family.

 

[poohandwendy]

I wouldn't advise ever conceiving in January - doesn't that mean a Sept./Oct baby? I had a late August baby and it is miserable to be pg in the summer. Also, the whole young or old for school (I agree with you on that one). I would say get pg in July or Aug. '07 then the baby comes in spring 08 right after Russ turns three, perfect spacing imho.

That is true, my son was born sept 6. (he was conceived Dec 10th) Also, that close to the school entrance cutoffs can be a pain....should I send her/should I hold her back?

My other two were Jan and Nov babies, much better IMHO

 

[DMickey28]

I think it's completely possible to over think it. I did. DH and I came up with the "perfect" time to conceive. Then it took us 8 more months. During those 8 months we encountered so many changes that we didn't anticipate when we started 8 months before that had we conceived when we thought would be "perfect" it would have sooo difficult. Now is the baby due at the "perfect" time??? I have no idea, what's perfect?

I think that it's something that us, Type A personalities need to let go!!

 

[cheerbop]

My opinion is to let it happen when it happens IF you definitely want more children.
I have had fertility problems for 15 years and I do have 3 beautiful children...BUT, it has been a HARD journey to get here.
I agree with Previous poster about being in "baby mode"
I also think that IF you do REALLY want more children but don't like all the things popping up you have mentioned, then wait fo X # of years. BUT, remember, sometimes it is NOT easy to get PG.

Things in life will ALWAYS pop up. In retrospect, will you regret NOT having more children because of "overthinking"?

 

[katerkat]

I have found that it was harder being pregnant the third time because I had experienced no BFing, no diapers, and clothes that fit me again. When I was PG the second time I had just weaned, Avery was potty training, and I had just started to buy a few new clothes. Do it while you are in baby mode. It's harder to give things up again. JMO.

I've thought about that - it's been so nice not nursing for the last 8 months or so. And I'm ready to start potty training Russ. Which makes it even harder to think about starting over again!

Are you sure you want a second child? As a mother of an only, it is OK to stop after one .

I've thought about it, but since we're military and probably career, I want Russ to have a sibling so he at least has a familar face wherever we move.

I would say get pg in July or Aug. '07 then the baby comes in spring 08 right after Russ turns three, perfect spacing imho.

It would have to be late June, because of the family cruise planned for my father's birthday in 2008; I can't be more than 20 weeks pregnant, or the baby has to be at least 12 weeks old, I think. But then, by June 2008, we'll definitely be nearing a move with the military, and I don't want to move while pregnant (I love my OB and that's a big reason I'd get pregnant here) or with a fairly new baby.

LOL, I think you are overthinking. But maybe there is a reason? Maybe somewhere in the back of your mind, you just aren't ready? I dunno.

See? I have excuses for everything, and I think a big part is that I just don't want to be pregnant again. We've been talking about adoption, but I worry about moving with newly-adopted kiddos as well.

There's also a couple of good reasons to get pregnant - like I said, I love my OB. If I have a biological child, we don't have to move houses (until we get reassigned) since we sleep with the baby in the same room as us. I have a great group of friends here to help with a new baby. DH's deployment schedule is slowing down and other than training, he shouldn't be gone more than 2 weeks every other month or so.

I'm just too anal, I think. I can't stop thinking about everything down to the minute.