Divorce Question

[ZoeBell]

I had a male lawyer who was very practical. He knew we'd get nothing out of my ex, so he didn't waste my money going after something I wouldn't get. My current husband had a female attorney who was a shark, which is what he needed. Gender aside, get an attorney who will serve your needs.

THIS is what I'm going to need when it's my time for divorce. What's the old saying? "You can't get blood out of a rock". So I don't need a lawyer to try and look for reasons to contest or look for blood. My sanity and piece of mind will be enough of a reward for me. I'd probably be losing something but I don't care.. Our biggest issue will be the house. How do you begin to divide it up? Or who gets the house and who pays who what? Custody won't be an issue as 2 kids are adults and the youngest is a teenager who I know he wouldn't go for custody over. He's a jerk but not big of one.

 

[Ametista]

Most attorneys give a free consultation. That hour interview should give you loads of info about what the lawyer will do for you. If all they say is "It depends" then don't use them. If they can actually tell you what you deserve (for real, legally) and what is best for you to pursue in that hour then they would probably be a good lawyer. I would interview several, both sexes.

 

[sugahjunior]

1) IF IT TRULY is uncontested, do-it-yourself.
2) Most county courthouses have FREE forms on-line.
3) You make them out, you both sign them, you file them with the court.
. . . personal info
. . . kids info
. . . agreed property settlement
. . . agreed child support
. . . agreed alimony (if any)
. . . attach the court fee for the self-filing
4) Based upon the area, your court date after filing could be 30-90 days.
5) I am aware of two courts in two different states that charge $325 & $380.
6) But, to answer your question, makes no difference male or female.
7) It is their individual ability that counts.
8) Plus, one that wants to streamline the process, and not run up Billable Hours.


NOTE: There is no difference in using an attorney for an uncontested,
than doing it yourself. As for collecting child support later, YOUR ATTORNEY
DOES NOT DO THIS, the local county prosecutor is responsible, and for
free. This applies even if your ex-spouse is in another state - you apply
locally, then the local prosecutor contacts the prosecutor where the
ex-spouse lives.

Worst.Advice.Ever. Especially since OP said that in all likelihood the support issues will be tricky because of her ex's employment status. To not have legal representation in that scenario is asking for all sorts of trouble. As far as attorneys go, male v. female should not matter. Interview them both and go with the one you are more comfortable with and who you think has a better understanding of your issues/concrete plan for addressing them. As far as money, $100 is not a large enough amount to make a difference if I really thought I was going to be better represented in the end. OP, go with your gut, but by all means, please do not go through this process without an attorney.

 

[TravelMommy]

Get the best attorney.

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

Worst.Advice.Ever. Especially since OP said that in all likelihood the support issues will be tricky because of her ex's employment status. To not have legal representation in that scenario is asking for all sorts of trouble. As far as attorneys go, male v. female should not matter. Interview them both and go with the one you are more comfortable with and who you think has a better understanding of your issues/concrete plan for addressing them. As far as money, $100 is not a large enough amount to make a difference if I really thought I was going to be better represented in the end. OP, go with your gut, but by all means, please do not go through this process without an attorney.

Absolutely agree. Divorcing without an attorney is extremely unwise.

 

[crisi]

I divorced 20 years ago. I had a female. But I really don't think gender matters. You said you are only concerned about child support. There is more you really should care about, i.e. him paying 1/2 of college expenses and 1/2 of health care insurance and expenses. Also when an attorney states a flat fee, he really is not going to do much for you. He is going to do the least amount of work because he wants a profit. You also want visitation and holidays clearly stated with pick up times and drop off times. Right now you might be getting along with future ex but what if he meets someone who wants to cause you trouble.

Yeah, I'd be careful about the flat fee - I'd prefer to look at that as the "minimum cost" - you have kids and unless your state is very firm in their "guidelines" on parental support and visitation and your soon to be ex is a saint or a doormat, you are probably going to want more than a simple split.

I did an uncontested divorce years ago, with no kids - and my ex got screwed. Because I had an attorney and he didn't and wanted out. I don't feel bad about it. (and I let him off easy - he was supposed to pay me a little money for the term of the car loan - since we bought a new car a month before he moved out - he stopped paying when I got remarried - which wasn't the deal - and I didn't pursue it. Saved him a few thousand dollars. And I refi'd the house, which I didn't need to do, and his name came off the mortgage. That cost me a few thousand).

Be especially careful with the kid expenses. I know more than a few "joint custody" arrangements were no child support is paid because the kids are half time with Dad. But the reality of each of those is that when the kids need shoes, or activity fees need to be paid, or the school supply run is done - they are always at Mom's house. If there isn't child support due to joint custody, there needs to be some sort of true up accounting for "necessary costs" and you'll want to itemize out what your family thinks is necessary. One of my girlfriends is really struggling with this after two years - all the costs of raising the kids - except for food every other week - are on her shoulders - and she makes a quarter of what he does.

 

[kate_wdw]

It is 2013, and it is really sad that anyone still thinks competence as an attorney has one bit to do with gender.

A-freakin'-men!

There are so many more important variables to think about when choosing an attorney than what is between their legs.

 

[TheRustyScupper]

. . . since OP said that in all likelihood the support issues will be tricky because of her ex's employment status . . .

1) The statement had the caveat of a TRULY UNCONTESTED DIVORCE. *
2) If the issue is getting child support, her lawyer can help very little.
3) The attorney doesn't have enforcement power after the decree.
4) That power is up to the county prosecutor. **
5) Most U.S. counties/states require child support to be paid through the court.
6) If not in her case, that is an option on most of the forms.
7) In some states, child support is not debatable, but is a straight formula.


* I never tell people they should or should not use a lawyer, or should
or should not do-it-yourself. This is an option for those with uncontested
divorces where the couple have no problem agreeing upon terms and
property settlements.

** Many men are self-employed, and sometimes child support is
a problem down the road. That is where the enforcement personnel come
into play. Sometimes they can get the money, and sometimes they can
not. If it were easy, there would not be so many women who struggle due
to no child support. IF the lawyer could get the child support, don't you
think they would have done so for their client?

 

[sugahjunior]

1) The statement had the caveat of a TRULY UNCONTESTED DIVORCE. *
2) If the issue is getting child support, her lawyer can help very little.
3) The attorney doesn't have enforcement power after the decree.
4) That power is up to the county prosecutor. **
5) Most U.S. counties/states require child support to be paid through the court.
6) If not in her case, that is an option on most of the forms.
7) In some states, child support is not debatable, but is a straight formula.


* I never tell people they should or should not use a lawyer, or should
or should not do-it-yourself. This is an option for those with uncontested
divorces where the couple have no problem agreeing upon terms and
property settlements.

** Many men are self-employed, and sometimes child support is
a problem down the road. That is where the enforcement personnel come
into play. Sometimes they can get the money, and sometimes they can
not. If it were easy, there would not be so many women who struggle due
to no child support. IF the lawyer could get the child support, don't you
think they would have done so for their client?

Sure. You had a caveat, but the situation the Op described clearly signaled that determination of support would likely be an issue. Not collection. And you most certainly advised that she forego having a lawyer. So are you admitting that your advice is

a)....... Incorrect
Or
b)........Irrelevant to the OP????

 

[twinnersmama]

I don't know where you are, but where we live Child Support has nothing todo with the Attorney. It was handled through Domestic Relations and we both had to turn in our information (pay stubs, W2, expenses ie who pays for health insurance) ... they punched the numbers in and that was it.

As far as attorneys go ... I had a female attorney. I clicked with her immediately. She set me straight when I was thinking irrationally. An attorney is someone you have to be able to trust, put your faith in ...male or female you have to be comfortable with them.
Because of my EX's lame-o attorney and the EX refusing to have to pay his attorney for anything, our divorce drug out for over 2 years ... cost me a small fortune (well over $10K) and almost a year after the divorce was final I am still cleaning up messes ...

just make sure you are comfortable with whoever you choose.

good luck ... and HUGS !!