Divorce question

[Buckalew11]

I think your BIL's counselor is a moron with the "you have a new life crap." His kids are, or should be, part of his life, period -- doesn't matter whether it's the old life or the new life.

I really hate that your sister and her children (and you) are going through this. Without even knowing this man, I would have to wonder if he will wake up one day and wonder what in the world he has done. It sounds a lot like a midlife crisis situation that he didn't have the maturity or commitment to get through.

I know, tarheel, that's what I said--what a moron! She was telling him this stuff and advice and he was telling me what she was saying. I thought he was lying about it (since he's become a liar) because what counselor would tell a parent this??!!

However, the 4 kids went to his counselor for a session (w/o him there) and they opened up and talked to her and this was what the counselor told the 4 kids, "Your dad has a new life now. You can't expect him to be there for you. You can't assume that he will come to a meet/game/whatever but you can invite him to come. Just don't think that'll he'll be there because he has his new life now."

Let me tell you, he does seem to be worried about whether he is doing thr right thing. One day he seems confident and the next he's driving around (and around and around) because he is wondering what he wants even. He's very wishy-washy...(in all things, really) but he seems confused very often to me.
And I do tell him, "You'll regret this. You'll regret this because no one will ever love you as much as my family has loved you." And no one ever will--my whole family (except my DH ) have loved this man since I was 9! We love him more than his own family.
I also tell him he will be a lonely old man. I know that is not a nice thing to say but he's giving up his family for what?! And with that, I zip my mouth.

You're a kinder person than I am, Brenda.

I'd cut his hair into the most ridiculous style I could think of.

JJ, if you only knew what goes through my mind when I'm cutting his hair! And I tell him, I have sharp scissors I've cut it shorter the last two haircuts than he wanted it (I'm thinking longer is probably associated with his youth, lol) and I also tell him WOW! You are really getting gray! This time, I'll probably mention a bit of balding in the back, lol.
But I'd really like to buzz it. Or carve a scarlet letter in back there. My options are endless.

 

[JerseyJanice]

JJ, if you only knew what goes through my mind when I'm cutting his hair! And I tell him, I have sharp scissors I've cut it shorter the last two haircuts than he wanted it (I'm thinking longer is probably associated with his youth, lol) and I also tell him WOW! You are really getting gray! This time, I'll probably mention a bit of balding in the back, lol.

But I'd really like to buzz it. Or carve a scarlet letter in back there. My options are endless.

Oh, yeah! That'll be good!

I think a Mohawk, and not a faux-hawk, is what I'd want to give him.

 

[Singleminnie]

I have a similar situation with my Ex. He never hardly calls our girls, barely sees them and if there is something else he wants to do on his visitation weekends, he leaves them behind! People ask me why he acts like this, and I have realized he was actually acting the same when we were married, but I did not see him avoiding the kids when he was in the same house. I am looking to move to Florida in the next few months, so I notes all the times he fails to call or see the girls weeks at a time! No parent teacher conferences, etc. So when he argues about not being able to see his girls, I can show the courts he failed to take advantage of his opportunities when we lived nearby. My older two girls really don't care to see their Dad, but my 5 year old, she misses him! It hurts my heart to see that! He is getting ready to turn 41, I don't see him changing any time soon....