Disturbing day this AM at daycare - Update pg 4

[suz72]

Originally posted by Hillbeans
...i'm not overly thrilled at being a working mom myself, and Daycare is not my favorite thing either...

... at times I feel like it's overstimulating him with noise and yelling when he needs some quiet time. ...

... Is that becuase they're busy or busy with other kids needs? Isn't my need important also? ...

Yes your needs are important also! I read the whole thread and it seems like you've had some issues with the daycare center (above quote) and this situation this morning could be the "last straw" or whatever. Maybe you should look around. Trust your instincts...

Also, for what it's worth the child throwing the tantrum reminds me of behaviors that my own DD has been known to exhibit and yes it is disturbing...embarrasing, etc., but I don't think your child will be emotionally harmed by seeing it. I would follow the advice of the poster who said to use this opportunity to discuss the behavior with your son...use it as a learning experience.

I hope you can resolve the issue well enough tonite to get a good night's sleep.

Susan

 

[mom2alix]

FWIW - Keep in mind too that the OP never said anything about the tantruming child being removed or "not good enough" to play with her son. I think she has a very legitimate concern that the teacher was being physically abused by this child and was having to block the door while the other children watched. Special needs or not (and tantrums defintely are not only a special needs behavior; I know plenty of "normal" kids who throw some doozies), I would not be happy about my child being exposed to physical violence in her daycare setting.

Hillbeans - You're right, it isn't fair that you pay so much for daycare only to have your kid ignored while the teacher has to focus on this one child. If this is what occurs every morning then perhaps this teacher needs to have an aide so she would have some assistance. Hope everything goes better tomorrow!

 

[bananiem]

Originally posted by Hillbeans
Again, I really wish there was a good solution. Quite frankly, i'm not overly thrilled at being a working mom myself, and Daycare is not my favorite thing either.

My daycare can be very good for my child, but at times I feel like it's overstimulating him with noise and yelling when he needs some quiet time. I also feel like some of my son's needs (not to be gross but we're still training him to do # 2 in the potty and they WON'T let me send him in underwear because they don't have the time or the want to change poopy underwear). Is that becuase they're busy or busy with other kids needs? Isn't my need important also?

You may want to look into alternate care. I always had some quiet time activities planned into the morning. And the state mandated nap/quiet time in the afternoon. Not all centers are the same and not all home daycares are the same.
As for the "no underwear" thing... That may be a health department issue. Our center was the opposite. Any kids not trained weren't supposed to be moved up because diapers had to be changed only in the room with a changing table and a sink. It wasn't our rule, it was the state health department rule.
As for your child's needs being ignored- What is the teacher to student ratio and is it being met?

 

[Hillbeans]

Originally posted by mom2alix
FWIW - Keep in mind too that the OP never said anything about the tantruming child being removed or "not good enough" to play with her son. I think she has a very legitimate concern that the teacher was being physically abused by this child and was having to block the door while the other children watched. Special needs or not (and tantrums defintely are not only a special needs behavior; I know plenty of "normal" kids who throw some doozies), I would not be happy about my child being exposed to physical violence in her daycare setting.

Hillbeans - You're right, it isn't fair that you pay so much for daycare only to have your kid ignored while the teacher has to focus on this one child. If this is what occurs every morning then perhaps this teacher needs to have an aide so she would have some assistance. Hope everything goes better tomorrow!

Thank you....I appreciate your support. What you said is true, I never did say anything about removing this child or discrimination in any way. Everyone else spins my OP and then I feel the need to defend myself against something I never really did say.

Bananiem - The student/teacher ratio is definitely being met. That's always a very big issue there. In the mornings though, there is always lots going on with parents coming and going, so it's busy.

Unfortunately there was only an aide there today when I got there at 5 so i'll have to ask about this on Monday. He's not in school tomorrow. I really want to speak directly to his teacher anyways.

 

[Christine]

Originally posted by tw1nsmom

Christine: Yes, my children's preschool is prepared to deal with various developmental issues. However, it isn't a daycare. As far as I know there aren't any special ed daycares available in my area. My children go to school 2 1/2 hours a day. If I weren't a SAHM they would be going to regular daycare for the remainder of the day. Even if it existed, most people wouldn't be able to afford it. Any special education services are very expensive. Our preschool charges over $26,000 a year for a program that lasts 2 1/2 hours, five days a week, following a regular school calender. I shudder to think what full time special education daycare would cost. So I ask again, where should my children go (if they needed daycare), if they shouldn't be in daycare with your children? (Hillbeans, this is directed at Christine)

tw1nsmom: I don't think your children shoud go anywhere. I never implied that disruptive children should be removed. I think all I was doing was venting about the 9 years that I was immersed in daycare and all the frustrating things I dealt with. Never once did I ever think that a child should be removed. If anyone was removed, it was my kid. If I was not happy with a place, I left. Fortunately, I was always able to find something that was tolerable. But if it wasn't, I was out of there, as were many other parents. That right there sends a message to the director and should let the director decide what type of atmosphere the center will have.

And truly I know that most special needs kids should be in the mainstream. I guess I'm not talking about those.

For instance, I have a man here in my office who had two children. His DD (4) is perfectly well behaved. His DS (2) is not. They day care center director calls him almost daily. He goes to a "conference" at least once a month. The child is so rough with the other children (tackling, hitting, biting, scratching, etc) that he has had to be moved to the 4 year old room where the children can defend themselves. I have to hand it to the daycare center, they have stood by him. But he does NOTHING to determine what the heck is wrong with this child. He definitely has some agression issues. He pulls this stuff at home too. Beat up on his sister (who has a heart condition), hits his parents, etc. You know what? They just laugh. The man says "Awww, that's my little Rugby player." Now honestly, if I was one of the other parents at that center, I'd be pissed. So, that's the kind of kid/parent I'm referring to that would just irk me.

 

[ennazus]

I think I hear your gut really questioning this daycare.

Your son was obviously upset by this.

What are your other concerns about this daycare?

I would HIGHLY suggest popping into ANY daycare you use at unscheduled times! I wouldn't just pop in and leave because that would upset your child, but I would drop off at different times and pick up at different times once in a while.

I don't think it is healthy for a child to bang their head on the floor when their parent leaves! Banging your head on the floor? That's not a typical fit. It's just plain dangerous to the child!!!

as a person paying $550 for 3 days a week care,

YOOWZA!!! Perhaps you could downsize/cut back a bit and stay home. oops .... that's a whole 'nother discussion!

Listen to your gut!

 

[diznygirl]

I used Children's World for a few months with my DS - they have cameras in all the rooms so you could just stand in the lobby and observe yur child's room without worrying about him seeing you. This was a definite plus for me. I'd stay a few mins after drop-off watching, and maybe pop in at lunch time....

Could be that this happens frequently with this one child, but but even if it was the first time, the teacher could have been acting like it's old hat cuz sh'e been though it dozens of times before with other children... just a thought. I know separation anxiety is nothing new!

 

[Hillbeans]

Update -

Today I had to go for bloodwork in the AM, however I got to his daycare at 7:30. I just said to his teacher that I was upset about what I saw last thursday and if she was ok. She said she was, and that she was also concerned about how hard the little one banged her head on the floor and kicked her. I said to her that I regret not staying and helping her out, however she said to me that there was really nothing much I could do and that she calmed her down soon after I left.

I didn't feel it was my business to pry any further because again, i'm not trying to find out anything personal from a teacher about another student, however she did tell me that she let her mom know how hard she was hitting both her and her head on the floor. It sounds like it was just a major tantrum.

In any case, we're looking into other options and not just because of this, we're trying to prepare for when # 2 comes in the spring.

 

[goofy4tink]

My older dd is a preschool teacher in a daycare/preschool. She has come home from work with bruises, cuts etc. from one particular little boy. I can't tell you how many times she has told me about this kid throwing blocks at her, punching her, kicking her. He actually threw a chair at her. The other kids are subjected to this boy's wrath also. He doesn't transition well at all. He wants to do what he wants to do, when he wants to do it!! My dd had told me that she feels awful for the other kids because she had so spend so much time with this other little boy, in order to keep the kids safe. She does have an aide to help but when those blocks start flying, it just doesn't matter. This kid actually escaped through a back exit ( a fire emergency door). Alarms went off, dd went flying after him. The kid was really fast too. He has since left the school. His mother was told that he was no longer welcome. They just couldn't risk the other children's health or well-being. So, the school usually knows what the situation is and trys to deal with it. If your gut is telling you to move on then maybe there is a reason. Keep your eyes open and advocate for your child!!!

 

[robinb]

Thanks for the daycare update. I think it's a good sign that the teacher talked to the mom of the girl too. I hope your blood work went well.

 

[Disney Doll]

You know, while I agree that every child has a right to an education, I also wonder where we draw the line at when someone's rights impinge upon someone else's, and where we draw the line at what a child is capable of dealing with. You have a classroom of ..say 30 kids...and 29 of them function OK and one of them is a "needy" child, and the one needy one child takes up 50% of the teacher's time & energy, which leaves only 50% to be divided among the other 29 children.

I know there are no easy answers, and as the "adopted aunt" of an 8 year old Downs Syndrome boy who is very dear to me, and is often ther "needy" child, these dilemmas are never-ending.

 

[Microcell]

Originally posted by tw1nsmom
Yes, if a child is a threat to other children they should be removed. However, to say that a good daycare would remove all the "bad" children is infuriating. How will a child learn how to behave if nobody helps them learn the rules and allows them time to practice them? What about the parents of these chidren? How are they to make a living if no "good" daycare should allow their child to stay?

People like you are my personal nightmare. My DS is a very loving, compliant child who does not have outbursts or temper tantrums. He does however have trouble communicating with his peers and sometimes just acts a little different. Should he be labeled "wacko" too? Should he be seperated from all the "normal" children in the world. And what is normal and who is to decide which children are bad and which children aren't?

I think in a round about way that we agree. I worked with severely developmentally disabled children and adults and I think there are rights with responsibility. I worked with a man who would shake children that were being reprimanded in public by their parents- he lives in Michigan now, so watch out! It was very scary for me and the child and parents involved. He was a threat to others, but my boss insisted that he learn, out in public how to manage that. I went above her head and he did go out, but with a truckload of staff. There was a girl I worked with who ate paper and whatnot, to the point of effecting her stomach. Some would say to leave paper out to teach her not to eat it. I was of the school that thought putting paper under lock and key to keep her safe would be better.
You might want to suggest to the teacher to put a pillow under her head so as to protect her from the floor would be a good idea. I would not address the behavior, just follow her around silently and put the pillow wherever her head goes.

I also think a change for your son might be a good idea to a more controlled situation. He should not have to endure watching another person self mutilate. I was a college student and saw very extreme cases where I would have to block the behavior from occouring because they could kill themselves, but even with the child shaking which would scare the kid, but usually not injure them, I was upset to see it, and I was an adult and usually the kids savior while I peeled the man off them. I used to work in a day care too and saw all sorts of things, not only from the kids, but the teachers.