Disturbing day this AM at daycare - Update pg 4

[Hillbeans]

Yikes.....I was dropping off my son this AM at daycare and I was about 30 minutes later than usual so there were more kids there then i'm used to seeing at 7:20. Anyways, this woman left her girl there, who I assumed was probably close to 4 yo. She was having such a temper tantrum. The teacher told the mom to leave, and the little one proceeded to throw herself around the floor and hit her head on the floor so hard and she continued to flip out. It was beyond a "normal" tantrum, it was very physical and the teacher had to block the door not to let her run out.

I was speechless. My son was eating breakfast and he was making a very upsetting face at me (he gets scared when people yell or scream) and I didn't know what to say because the teacher obviously had her hands full.

I've been considering a change in daycare for awhile now due to some other things i've seen, but is this something anyone things I need to be overly concerned with?? I just calmed down my child and left for work, but now i'm feeling very bad - even though he's been going here for a few years now.

 

[Christine]

Well, there's always one little wacko in every daycare center!!

Honestly, my kids were in daycare for many years and I would see this stuff occasionally at various centers. You really can't escape it. The only times that I didn't see it were at well-run home based daycare places. Usually, the atmosphere is more quiet there. And most home daycare providers will only put up with a child like that for so long. One person cannot usually handle that. So, the "bad" ones usually end up at the centers were they are kept on.

You may consider a home daycare situation--especially if your child is more of the quiet type. In hindsight, I wish I had been able to find better home daycare and not had my children in the centers as much as they were.

 

[jel0511]

I'm going to have to side with the daycare worker here. It is possible that this was the child's first day or she's new to this thing, and this is what all daycare/preschool teachers tell parents to do, leave. The child has to learn to separate from the parent, and since your DS has been going for a while you don't have these problems. I went through this with DD, and DS starts preschool tomorrow. DD cried for the first 3 months of preschool, and it got as bad as them having to literally have to peel her off of me to go. She usually calmed down in about 10 minutes or so, but if a child hasn't been away from their parent, this is a skill to learn. A parent staying is actually worse for the child and makes the separation harder. It is distressing to see, but I'm sure this child was new to this and is having a hard time separating.

 

[phorsenuf]

Well, it is possible that the child was just having a bad day. Why not hang around another day and see if it happens again or if it was just one of those things.

 

[Beth76]

I'm not sure what your concern is for. Are you upset with the daycare provider or with the "problematic" child? I worked in childcare for several years before having my kids. I have to say (without knowing all the details, of course) that the teacher did the right thing. Sometimes the best thing to do is to have the parent leave. It doesn't help matters to have the parent stay and try to "help", it only postpones the inevitable. I would bet that the child calmed down after a few minutes.

 

[Kimberle]

Please don't call a 4 yo child a "wacko".

Kids go through stages. Sometimes they are fine, then go through a stage where they don't want to stay. I went through that with my dd. For 1.5 years she was happy as a clam when I left, then she went through a whiny stage. She cried and clung, but didn't thrash around.

I'm sure the other Mother was devistated to see her child do this. I know I would have been.

I wouldn't use this one incident to "yeah" or "neah" a d/care. Maybe tomorrow you can time your arrival with this other Mother and talk to her on the way out. "Hi, yesterday I saw Suzy was having such a hard time when you left, I hope she had a better day". As long as you come accross as supportive, and not judgemental, I'll bet the other Mother would appreaciate a shoulder to lean on.

 

[birdiesunshine]

I wouldn't switch daycare centers due to this one episode. It will most likely happen at the next center you bring your child to but it will just be another child.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

i work at a day care, and this happens every once in awhile...the majority of the time, we will tell the parent to leave...it usually ends in 5-10 minutes

 

[skiwee1]

My DD never hit her head against anything but she did cry for a week straight her first week of preschool. The second week she stood by the door the entire 2 1/2 hours! By the third week she was asking when she could go back. All kids are different. I think DD had a big problem with leaving me because I'm a SAHM and she has never been left with stranger. The second year of preschool she was fine. Today she just left on the bus for her first day of kindergarten and couldn't wait. I don't think children at that age are wacko. They just need a little understanding.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I agree there's usually "One" no matter where you go. My kids were in a very small private preschool/childcare center and I saw it on occasion there. Last year in KGarten there was one boy who had to be one-to-one'd so the teacher's aide was occupied with him most of the time.

 

[Hillbeans]

Well, i've never seen this child before, however i've had separation issues with my child in the past when he's moved classrooms, and I know the teachers do tell you to leave and let them cry it out.

This was not crying it out...it was a violent incident. This little girl was banging her head on the floor, VERY HARD. If I hit my head as hard as this one did, i'd have had a concussion. The teacher tried to move her on to the rug, but she had her dress up over her head and she was completely out of control. I don't think this was her first day of school, because the way the teacher acted, that was not the case. I will speak to them tonight when I go to pick him up.

I don't "blame" the teacher at all, however I do not want my child to see this kind of behaivor because he gets very upset just like I did. I've run into other incidents at this daycare however each incident was minor. I just have seen a lot of minor things over the course of the past year and they're starting to add up for me.

I think ideally a home based situation would be ideal, but I know that he needs the structure of a "pre-school" because he's preschool age (3.5).

 

[Hillbeans]

Originally posted by birdiesunshine
I wouldn't switch daycare centers due to this one episode. It will most likely happen at the next center you bring your child to but it will just be another child.

I do occasionally send him to another center for emergencies, and they have the same thing i'm sure. That place is huge though, so i'd not consider sending him there all the time because I like the smaller centers.

He's only there 3 days a week though. I asked my DH to check into the daycare at his work...it's more expensive but it may be worth it in this case.


EDITED TO ADD - I know how hard the teachers at Daycare centers work and I applaud you every day for all that you do for our children. I know you all have to put up with things that no one else should or would and I know you probably have to bite your tongue when speaking with parents about their "little angels".

I'm in no way trying to say I think what the teacher did was wrong, however this thing I saw today was very upsetting and is just making me rethink what to do when my # 2 is born next year.

 

[Christine]

Hillbeans,
Some of the home daycares are set up like a pre-school. I know that my next door neighbor's is. She has about 12 children (she also has an aide). They have a very structured day doing preschool type activiites just as my son did in a school.

My son also went to a home daycare when he was about 3. She also had structured stuff, a music teacher once a week, playgroups, etc. But, my son was used to a center by that time and this provider only had 3 kids in her care. He was just way to bored. But he would have done fine at one of the larger home care centers. And the kids really do seem better behaved and in control.

 

[babslittleones]

Please don't judge a child until you know the full details of what is going with the child. The child may have a slight neurological disorder that isn't fully diagnosed yet or something.

I used to leave my son at daycare because I knew he needed it. I was a stay at home mom but new my son needed the social interaction and learn classroom skills. I knew my son was delayed in some areas but didn't have tested until just recently. Now I have in the school systems preschool systems where they are accustomed and now how to handle his temper tantrums and other social skills he has problems dealing with.

My son used to throw horrible fits when I lest him. I knew I had to just walk out or things would get worse. There were many times I would leave the crying because it hurt so bad to leave him there but I knew it was best thing I could do for him. Now after two years of daycare and just starting the special preschool, he very rarely has problems with the separation issue.

If you are concerned about the child, then I say to discuss the issue with daycare manager. They may be able to give you some information as to what the problem is.

Until you have had a child that shows symptoms of Autism or Aspergers syndrom, it is really hard to understand how these children handle day to day situations.

I could go on and on about the trials I have had to endure with my own son.

Please try to be patient. Discuss this with the daycare director.

Good luck.
beth

 

[tw1nsmom]

Originally posted by Christine
Well, there's always one little wacko in every daycare center!!

Honestly, my kids were in daycare for many years and I would see this stuff occasionally at various centers. You really can't escape it. The only times that I didn't see it were at well-run home based daycare places. Usually, the atmosphere is more quiet there. And most home daycare providers will only put up with a child like that for so long. One person cannot usually handle that. So, the "bad" ones usually end up at the centers were they are kept on.

You may consider a home daycare situation--especially if your child is more of the quiet type. In hindsight, I wish I had been able to find better home daycare and not had my children in the centers as much as they were.

I'm going to try to keep this brief and to the point (although I doubt I can), but right now I'm fuming! You have no idea what may have precipitated this event, and no right to call any child "wacko". My children go to a preschool for both typically developing children as well as those that receive special education services. There are many children that are working through behavioral and social adaptation issues (who look just like all the other children!!), who with patience, understanding, and COMPASSION are making great strides towards catching up to their peers. The other children, who aren't presently having issues are learning compassion and understanding by interacting and becoming friends with children who don't always act like their peers. Yes, if a child is a threat to other children they should be removed. However, to say that a good daycare would remove all the "bad" children is infuriating. How will a child learn how to behave if nobody helps them learn the rules and allows them time to practice them? What about the parents of these chidren? How are they to make a living if no "good" daycare should allow their child to stay?

People like you are my personal nightmare. My DS is a very loving, compliant child who does not have outbursts or temper tantrums. He does however have trouble communicating with his peers and sometimes just acts a little different. Should he be labeled "wacko" too? Should he be seperated from all the "normal" children in the world. And what is normal and who is to decide which children are bad and which children aren't?

 

[bananiem]

Just remember that when you speak with the teacher or director that because of the Privacy Act they shouldn't, and probably won't, give you any information on the child.
I agree that this is not a reason to leave the center. Now, if most of the children were having trouble seperating from their parents-THAT would be a warning sign! In truth if she is reacting that violently I suspect their is an underlying problem. Perhaps it has been diagnosed and perhaps it hasn't.

 

[Hillbeans]

Originally posted by babslittleones
Please don't judge a child until you know the full details of what is going with the child. The child may have a slight neurological disorder that isn't fully diagnosed yet or something.

I used to leave my son at daycare because I knew he needed it. I was a stay at home mom but new my son needed the social interaction and learn classroom skills. I knew my son was delayed in some areas but didn't have tested until just recently. Now I have in the school systems preschool systems where they are accustomed and now how to handle his temper tantrums and other social skills he has problems dealing with.

My son used to throw horrible fits when I lest him. I knew I had to just walk out or things would get worse. There were many times I would leave the crying because it hurt so bad to leave him there but I knew it was best thing I could do for him. Now after two years of daycare and just starting the special preschool, he very rarely has problems with the separation issue.Good luck.
beth

I think you can tell by my posts that i'm not judging anyone here. I didn't say one thing bad about this child because I have my own issues with my child (still not potty trained, etc) and I think parents have to stick together.

What bothers me is that this teacher had to PHYSICALLY block the door and not pay any attention to the other kids while not letting this child go out the door. If this girl is special needs she may need to be in a different daycare situation. It was very upsetting and I feel for any parent that has to go through that on a daily basis. I think the parents should know what's going on and what their children are being exposed to at their daycare and this was a shock to me today. I'm also not asking for any personal information about this little girl, however i'm very concerned for her well being and the teacher after I saw what she had to go through today...she's going to have bruises for sure (the teacher).

 

[Hillbeans]

Originally posted by tw1nsmom
My children go to a preschool for both typically developing children as well as those that receive special education services. There are many children that are working through behavioral and social adaptation issues (who look just like all the other children!!), who with patience, understanding, and COMPASSION are making great strides towards catching up to their peers. The other children, who aren't presently having issues are learning compassion and understanding by interacting and becoming friends with children who don't always act like their peers. Yes, if a child is a threat to other children they should be removed. However, to say that a good daycare would remove all the "bad" children is infuriating. How will a child learn how to behave if nobody helps them learn the rules and allows them time to practice them? What about the parents of these chidren? How are they to make a living if no "good" daycare should allow their child to stay?

I didn't mean for this post to become a debate, however Twinsmom, you did state in your post that your center is set up to accommodate children with special needs. That is not what this center is and I don't think the teachers are trained in this. You are aware of what your center is (one for different ranges of development) and that's again not what mine is.

I do hope for this little girl's sake that she is ok and that she gets the care and attention she needs.

 

[BethanyF]

babslittleones
Please don't judge a child until you know the full details of what is going with the child. The child may have a slight neurological disorder that isn't fully diagnosed yet or something.

tw1nsmom
There are many children that are working through behavioral and social adaptation issues (who look just like all the other children!!), who with patience, understanding, and COMPASSION are making great strides towards catching up to their peers.

People like you are my personal nightmare. My DS is a very loving, compliant child who does not have outbursts or temper tantrums. He does however have trouble communicating with his peers and sometimes just acts a little different. Should he be labeled "wacko" too? Should he be seperated from all the "normal" children in the world. And what is normal and who is to decide which children are bad and which children aren't?

Thank you to both of the above posters....you said so much of what I was thinking. My son has autistic and SID tendencies and I see behavior like the child in the OP every day. I would never hold the behavior of a child against the school. The staff is trained in dealing with these behaviors and know what is right for each child.
To the OP, it is very possible the child you mentioned has some sort of learning disabilty. I would be insulted if anyone told me they didnt want my child with the other children since he wasnt 'normal'. We have worked very hard to have my son in a regular classroom. Kids like him need to be with typically developing children to learn to better behave in society.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

There are many children that are working through behavioral and social adaptation issues (who look just like all the other children!!),

Tw1nsmom, your points are well taken. My nephew has Asperger's and it's been a very rough road for the whole family. I don't, however, know of any kids who AREN'T working through behavioral and adaptation issues. They all are - no kids are perfect. People can be insensitive about a boatload of things until they themselves are affected (we've all experience this I'm sure). I don't think Christine meant to be offensive, she's a Mom herself and I'd be willing to bet her kids have "issues" just like the rest of ours do - right Christine??