Disney vacation rant

[natenapril]

Your DH came home and TOLD you he was going to WDW and you are not invited? Or are you just not interested in going with them?

Either way something sounds off about it

 

[judy21049]

I agree, you should go with your husband. Something sounds a little off. With only 1 person working in SIL family, kid on Medicaid, how in the heck did they save enough to stay at Poly for a week? Passes and food will be another $$$. Most 4 year olds would love to stay at the Pop or Allstar Movies Resorts. The Poly is more for adults. You should go to and keep an eye on your husbands money. You may be paying for more than you think. Don't you want to go?

 

[dzorn]

Your husband "told you he was going to Disney?" That doesn't sound right? I'd be more mad at that.

Granted, I have been to Disney with a friend and without DH. But we talked about it and I "asked" him. I didn't "tell" him.

Maggie

Well I would not ask or tell but discuss trips with DH.

None of your business how they spend their money or their lack of money. How they spend your money is another issue. I would stop paying storage fees now.

As a side note is very nice for your DH to be putting money aside for your neice but always keep it in your name. If she qualifies for benefits because of her disability it could change or eliminate her benefits for college if she has to much money in the bank. Not talking about college financial aid but SSDI.

Denise in MI

 

[ceecee]

I would have a BIG issue with your DH telling you he's going to Disney. Did he not ask you to come? It's your DVC as well, right?
Sounds like they have to have more $ than you think in order to afford the Poly and all the extras. The storage fees should be their responsibility and they should pay you back for what you've paid. Also if they are doing something fradulant you need to report it.

 

[Karlzmom]

I can appreciate your frustration. Sadly, there are freeloaders in the world who will "let" the responsible people carry them along, whether it be family members who pick up the check or forced "donations" from the general taxpayers to meet all the "needs" leaving any $$ to be "fun money." Sadly, the system is even rigged to encourage irresponsibility, as benefits are frequently calculated figuring savings, so if someone collecting any of the numerous programs tried to make a nest-egg to help get themselves of aid, they get penalized. Hence, great home theaters in Sec 8 housing units [yes, I *KNOW* "not everyone" lives like that.....but enough that when San Diego did a 100% check for fraud and even told the people collecting benefits ahead of time they would be checked it still turned up a 75% fraud rate!]

to you. the only thing you can really do is to cease to subsidize them, if they don't pay the storage bill - so be it. Oh, and my DH would not be going along, FF points, DVC points and old passes or not!

 

[okeydokey]

Is your husband not staying with them at the hotel? Who is paying for the Poly? And weirdly, why weren't you invited?

 

[jstack]

Not sure why having filed for bankruptcy would or should stop a family from going on vacation. Seems like you are more upset that your husband picked his sister and her family over you. I must have missed your response on why you are not going. One of the many lessons I have learned is you can't judge someone until you have heard their side of the story. Maybe, without you knowing it your husband told his family that he would pick up all costs of the funeral and you were left out of the loop. Life is to short to worry about other people UNLESS it affects you directly (ie your money). I agree that the time has come for you to stop paying for their storage fees. Good luck it seems like you and your husband have a lot of talking to do.

 

[Pirate Granny]

If they didn't have $$$ to pay their share of the funeral how do they have $$$ for poly...is your husband paying for some of their trip? All of it????

 

[hambirg]

I'm with the other PPs and shaking my head trying to figure out how they could possibly afford that. If they filed bankruptcy, they couldn't possibly be using credit. Where is that money coming from? Was there an inheritance from when the mother died? And if there was, then the estate should have paid the funeral expenses before any other money was distributed. Something seems fishy here. I'd look into it. . .maybe there were assets that they just "took". I would definitely stop paying their storage fees. Obviously, they can afford to do that if they can afford this trip.

As far as the Medicare and other money. I would stay out of that. In my state all kids can get medical based on income only. Since the BIL is working only PT, she probably does qualify. Does she have a disability? Because the other money might be SSI. The other possibility is TANF. And if he's only working PT they might be getting some, but it wouldn't be much. I think stirring that pot just might be more strife than it's worth. JMHO.

One more thing. And only because other posters have brought it up. Is it normal for you and DH to take separate vacations? When I was still married we did sometimes. I would take the kids to Arizona to see my mom when she was down there, DH would have to stay and work. DH went to Germany to see his parents and would take one of the kids with him. It was just too costly for all of us to go. So I don't necessarily see that as totally unreasonable. However, I would just be a little suspicious with this. I don't know you or your situation. . .so without trying to really imply anything. . .but kinda implying it. . . are you sure he's going "alone"? Besides that ugly issue (sorry). . .if hubby is a bit of a pushover, I would be worried that they want him to go so they can convince him to pay for things. They have managed to get you guys to pay for their storage and you already said they stole money from family. Really, worse case scenario. . .what if they get there and and say, "Oh no! Our credit card is declined. Can you put it on yours (and pay for everything else while we're here too) and we'll keep track and pay you back when we get home." Ugh! Sounds awful to even say that, but it doesn't sound out of the realm of how they operate.

 

[Disney-Kim]

This is a pretty inflammatory post....

but I hold judgement of others until I know the whole story. You can't really know all that is going on in someone elses life until you have walked in their shoes. People deserve to go on vacation....and this doesn't add up....how could people so broke be spending 4-5k on a vacation really? credit cards? who knows...its not my business.....

well it is not my business to judge. and they would not get in trouble for going on vacation because they did bankruptcy. as long as you are discharged or making your payments the trustee doesn't care how you spend your money...so that is just a little vengeful to say.

I do realize your venting your frustrations...but the post just opens more questions. and if its not costing you or your DH money for them to go...just let it go.

 

[Tink-aholic]

OP here...wow! Lots of responses! Let me try to answer some of the questions:

My husband and I are currently separated, but are working on reconciling. I am not going because 1) I am a teacher and don't have time off until Christmas and 2) my son and I went last month (it was another "budget" trip with old passes and using DVC points -- and we were actually driving down to pick up my brother's dog in FL anyway). My husband doesn't get any time off in the summer, so we used half of our points for our trip and he is using half for his. His sister told them of their trip and he wanted to go with them (really to be with his niece). He is staying in the DVC by himself while the three others are in the Poly.

I thank all of you for your posts and opinions. Probably the post that resonated the most with me was the one by amberjack. If I report this to Medicaid, then it could jeopardize my niece's insurance and could ultimately impact her health (if they don't take her for check ups because of the money). I just couldn't do that.

As far as the actual reporting goes, I am pretty sure that the clause on her bankruptcy doesn't allow for any large purchases (and this would qualify) for a period of time. That money should be going to the creditors that she stiffed. In addition, I know that you cannot have any assets and have to account for your spending. As far as Medicaid goes, they have to "prove" every month that they don't have the funds for health insurance. Clearly, that is not the case.

My MIL didn't have a will, but she and FIL lived with SIL (gave them free babysitting and paid rent to them every month). SIL didn't pay the rent for over six months and came home one day and told MIL and FIL that they all were being evicted and they had two days to move. I think that some or all of the money for this Disney trip came from those rent payments paid by MIL that never made it to the landlord.

You all are right. I shouldn't let this bother me. I just have to work a little harder at that.

Thanks for the perspective.

 

[Disney-Kim]

I just wanted to say that I truly understand your frustrations and feelings,
sometimes its really hard to see others who do things that you know are not up and up or what you would do.

We always take the higher road but sometimes its hard to see others prosper when they take the lower road.

good luck with your situation

 

[hambirg]

I'm with the other PPs and shaking my head trying to figure out how they could possibly afford that. If they filed bankruptcy, they couldn't possibly be using credit. Where is that money coming from? Was there an inheritance from when the mother died? And if there was, then the estate should have paid the funeral expenses before any other money was distributed. Something seems fishy here. I'd look into it. . .maybe there were assets that they just "took". I would definitely stop paying their storage fees. Obviously, they can afford to do that if they can afford this trip.

As far as the Medicare and other money. I would stay out of that. In my state all kids can get medical based on income only. Since the BIL is working only PT, she probably does qualify. Does she have a disability? Because the other money might be SSI. The other possibility is TANF. And if he's only working PT they might be getting some, but it wouldn't be much. I think stirring that pot just might be more strife than it's worth. JMHO.

One more thing. And only because other posters have brought it up. Is it normal for you and DH to take separate vacations? When I was still married we did sometimes. I would take the kids to Arizona to see my mom when she was down there, DH would have to stay and work. DH went to Germany to see his parents and would take one of the kids with him. It was just too costly for all of us to go. So I don't necessarily see that as totally unreasonable. However, I would just be a little suspicious with this. I don't know you or your situation. . .so without trying to really imply anything. . .but kinda implying it. . . are you sure he's going "alone"? Besides that ugly issue (sorry). . .if hubby is a bit of a pushover, I would be worried that they want him to go so they can convince him to pay for things. They have managed to get you guys to pay for their storage and you already said they stole money from family. Really, worse case scenario. . .what if they get there and and say, "Oh no! Are credit card is declined. Can you put it on yours (and pay for everything else while we're here too) and we'll keep track and pay you back when we get home." Ugh! Sounds awful to even say that, but it doesn't sound of of the realm of how they operate.

Not sure why having filed for bankruptcy would or should stop a family from going on vacation. Seems like you are more upset that your husband picked his sister and her family over you. I must have missed your response on why you are not going. One of the many lessons I have learned is you can't judge someone until you have heard their side of the story. Maybe, without you knowing it your husband told his family that he would pick up all costs of the funeral and you were left out of the loop. Life is to short to worry about other people UNLESS it affects you directly (ie your money). I agree that the time has come for you to stop paying for their storage fees. Good luck it seems like you and your husband have a lot of talking to do.

Really?? Last year they went and said that they are unable to pay their debts, forcing creditors to take a small amount of what they're really owed, or possibly nothing at all. I'm not saying that the family can't take a overnight, go camping, visit relatives, etc. . .. BUT a week at the Poly in WDW??? I think that's pretty nuts. But what do I know? Maybe the BIL works PT on Wall Street and just got his bonus. :lol:

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I wasn't going to respond but I am a little confused. If the inlaws are getting medicad and a small check what would you report? There is no way to prove that someone else isn't paying for the trip. The only way it would be affected is if MIL did leave them something in her will and they didn't report it. Even the it may only affect the monthly check for a few months...unless it was huge life changing amount. I don't think DN would be left without medical. The other thing is I have never heard of a clause in BK, especially in Chapter 7, that states you can't make a major purchase. Once it's discharged, it's discharged. My BIL had to file BK many years ago and the first thing his atty told him was to buy a new car. The interest is high but you are establishing new credit.

 

[dclfun]

I'd be angry, for sure, if these were my relatives. Also, as everyone has been impacted by people who default how does someone claiming bankruptcy and NOT paying back those creditors not impact all of us negatively? I also have to wonder if they didn't get some kind of life insurance payment that maybe you weren't told about. I guess I'd have to be suspicious there as otherwise, where is the money coming from? I can understand your husband wanting to take a vacation and he deserves to use his portion of the DVC points, but if it were me and I was in his shoes, I couldn't stomach watching them spend this much money knowing that the money is being used to stiff their creditors. It's easy for everyone to say to mind your own business, don't get involved, take the higher ground, lots of people cheat,...well, does that make it right? As to reporting them, their child would not lose her Medicaid as that's based on income, but perhaps the bankruptcy judge would want to know they're planning on spending a bundle to take a vacation. OP- I'm sorry you're stuck in the middle. This is not something you need to deal with ( hubby's family) when trying to reconcile with him.---Kathy

 

[SalandJeff]

I'm with the other PPs and shaking my head trying to figure out how they could possibly afford that. If they filed bankruptcy, they couldn't possibly be using credit...

Not necessarily true. OP said they filed last year - I know people who have filed bankruptcy and right after the cc offers start rolling in. The cc companies know they cannot file again for 7 or 10 years.

OP - sorry you are so frustrated by the whole thing. IMO, I would try to forget about their money, SSI, how they are affording the trip, and worry about you & dh's money. Stop paying their storage. Talk with DH about the trip and tell him you are feeling frustrated and want to make sure that you/he are not paying for any of their trip. Good luck.

 

[cm8]

Op, wishing you the best of luck.

 

[hambirg]

Not necessarily true. OP said they filed last year - I know people who have filed bankruptcy and right after the cc offers start rolling in. The cc companies know they cannot file again for 7 or 10 years.

That might have been true in the past, but I don't think it is anymore in the current economy. A lot of people with good credit have had their credit reduced or even cut off. My ex is in construction. A lot of general contractors used to use their line of credit to pay their crews. They're not getting paid until the house is completed or sold, but they still have to pay their crews usually every two weeks. Well, unfortunately a lot of them couldn't afford to stay in business. They can't wait until the house is finished to pay their guys and without that line of credit they're screwed.

 

[gr8mommy]

So, you are separated from your husband? I'm thinking that as long as he is spending any joint money/points/whatever with your okay, the rest----including how is sister is paying for it----isn't any of your business.

Stop paying the storage fee (if your husband wants to continue that, it should come out of any individual spending $ he has) and wash your hands of the drama.

 

[eliza61]

I just have many for you and two "advices".

First cut all ties with that family and second I would tell my husband he could pack ALL his suitcases and go live with them after the vacation.

Not understanding this? break up your family over some one elses trip to disney world?

I think her biggest problem is that they are spending the money in a non-responsible manner. (I have a SIL and brother who when it comes to spending any extra and/or saved money the order in which it gets spents is: 1) things brother and SIL want (not all things they want are "must have to survive" items; they recently bought a new bed, I'm sure they have needed one for a while, but they also still bought it knowing my brothers car needs work, so now, new bed and one less car to transport the family places), 2) sometimes bills, 3) groceries, 4) necessities for their 2 children.

It is frustrating to see people you are related to spending willy-nilly when you know their financial situation/history.

And how's that working for you? I've never understood the stress people put on themselves over some one elses irresponsibilty. If your brothers car needs work, he's the guy who will be walking when it breaks down. so unless you have to pay for it, they are the one's who have to deal with the consequences.

I have said this over and over. You cannot force people to act the way you think is responsible. That's the great thing about living here, if you want to take your money and blow it on thingamajigs, you get to do that.
Getting upset about it does no good. All it does is give you a headache and stress while the people generally go about having fun. Generally irresponsible people really don't see it that way. for some reason this society has convinced us that our children are deprived unless we send them to Disneyworld.

Depending on what type of bankruptcy was filed will depend on how credit worthy they are. Was it a business bankruptcy? I know many people who's business went under and the business filed bankruptcy while their personal fortunes were not affected. That's exactly why many people keep their business finances totally seperate.

Op, all you can do is live your life. Stop giving them money for niece and storage if you think they are abusing the system and continue to do what is financially best for your family.