I can't comment on Spirit of Aloha b/c I've never been.
Last time we went to HDD, my daughter was 4, almost 5. she had a good time.
We did MBYBBQ on a different night and she no doubt liked it much better. She got to meet and dance with Chip & Dale, Mickey, and others.
For us adults, we definitely enjoy HDD much much more. Not even a comparison. The food was better, the entertainment was better, and we felt we got more value out of it.
For the kids though, at least my daughter, enjoyed MBYBBQ much more. She even asked to go back there on our upcoming trip. She didn't ask to do HDD, although at the time she did enjoy it, just not as much. The food is only average at the BBQ, but it's more of a good time for the kids rather than the food. BTW, the unlimited Mickey ice cream bars gave my daughter an ear to ear smile all night

.
We are lucky enough to have ADRs for both on our next trip, but if you had to choose one, I would go with HDD over the others.
In your case, I would swap out Spirit of Aloha for the BBQ.