DIS CB=Rose Colored Glasses????

[wvjules]

I think my "issue" (if you want to call it that) is you can be supportive and realistic at the same time. Seems like there's more blind support here than realistic support. I think Donna, jipsy and Steve are right on with what I was getting at. I'm not talking about being mean either. I'm talking about being realistic.

If someone, for example, said that they were going to enter their race horse in the Kentucky Derby even though the horse sucked, a majority of DISers would tell them to go for it and follow their heart. I'm sure most would think that was ridicilous, but those CB-colored glasses would make them post support and not realistic critisism. (Which in many cases is what's needed.) This is not done to hurt someone or be harsh. It's all about reality.

I know I'm not making much sense and may be coming off wrong, but I'm sure some of you might be able to unscramble my jibberish and figure it out.

 

[Serena]

I guess it's this way.

There is a difference when the pants won't fit. Honey, your butt is huge.
or you would look better in a different size or style.

However, when it's important to them and they want to wear those pants anyway, then ok. More power to them. Wear those pants if that makes you happy.
Maybe they'll be complimented, maybe they won't, that's another issue.

I know people that could get by with wearing bright orange floral too tight pants and carry it off like everyone is supposed to wear them.
I on the other hand would be laughed at. I couldn't do it.

I think being honest and truthful or giving advice when you disagree with someone will only go so far. Once they've heard it and don't want to hear it, having it repeated just closes their ears and mind.

 

[kejoda]

I understand what your saying Jules. I would prefer honesty too, it certainly is better than getting stabbed in the back.

 

[browneyes]

Personally, I like fluff.

If I need a good kick in the butt, I have some friends I can go to that can help me with that.

 

[lilboo]

Originally posted by browneyes
Personally, I like fluff.

If I need a good kick in the butt, I have some friends I can go to that can help me with that.

Now where's that steel-toed boot of mine?

 

[browneyes]

Originally posted by lilboo
Now where's that steel-toed boot of mine?

LOL! Right where it needs to be sometimes.

 

[Planogirl]

Besides sometimes the person's butt is huge no matter what the person has on. And then what purpose does it serve to tell the person this? I don't believe in denial but avoiding hurting a person unnecessarily is nice IMO.

I think that if posters are clearly asking for support, it's nice to give them support and maybe a little gentle advice. If posters want advice then they've got to be ready for ANYTHING which is why I rarely ask for advice or share anything important about myself here. There's many people here who's opinions I value but there's others that, well...let's just say that their opinion seems to be all that matters.

 

[CookieGVB]

Don't tell me my butt is huge - I already know that!

If people don't want to hear opinions that don't mirror their own, they should just come out and say so. A warning of 'PLEASE DON'T SHARE YOUR OPINION - I JUST WANT SYMPATHY' would probably help. They would save themselves much grief, and others who disagreed could just back out and hopefully, not say a word that would disturb those glasses. I know I have plenty of rose-colored glasses moments myself, but would respect one or two well-meaning "Don't DO it!!!" remarks as well.

{{HUGS}}, Jules!

 

[Toodles524]

I'm another one of those who come here for fluff. I have way to many people I can consult when I want the cold hard truth. And even when I don't! lol I like coming to the community board for the laughs and support. I don't have a problem with anyone being realistic or giving their opinion as long as it's not mean spirited. I think most of the controversy stems from not being able to hear another person's voice. The written word is so much harsher than a personal conversation would be. And my rose colored glasses make me think that most of the time no one is actually trying to be mean, just helpful and honest. I do get a lot of helpful info from this board. I also get a lot of laughs. And that is what keeps me coming back. Life is hard. I need as much laughter as I can get!

 

[Cindy B]

Personally I like honesty as well... Using the pants example, I want to be told that I have a J. Lo butt , or that the pants wouldn't work.


Yes, I do think some people can't handle constructive criticism. Its very challenging for them, and they don't want to do ask for it.

I ask for it if I don't hear it from my friends... They will tell me the truth, not what I want to hear sometimes.


Is the CB like that? Not particulary. I see a lot of encouragement. I love encouragement, and I need it as well. Encouragement is necessary, and really makes the person feel loved and supported.

 

[Robinrs]

Constructive criticism is VERY important, but I believe it should come from someone who loves you, not from a unidentifiable person on a website.

I think alot of people come here for support but I do agree that too many people come here sharing WAY more than they should. Some stuff is BEYOND TMI, and they wonder why they get this imformation literally shoved back in their face!

I weigh the stuff I share here because, face it, once it's out there it's OUT THERE! I also see how this can backfire and sometimes to the detriment of the poster.

Still, people come here releasing their souls only to find themselves ridiculed for it. I hope that they learn from it, I know I did, and realize that there are many types of people on the web, and not all of them are supportive.

In real life I understand what you're coming from, wvjules. I give my family constructive criticism if they ask, but if a stranger or a casual acquaintance asks for it I am careful what I say, because after all, what they do does not personally affect me. It affects them and in the long run, most people learn from experience. What I type on my little keyboard means less than a darn to them.

 

[jipsy]

Again, so you people are saying that when you post on the CB, you come here to have everyone agree with you, even if doing so means they are lying to you?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Giving a "rosy" answer does make sense to me because you may not have all the facts.

 

[FOJMO]

Originally posted by Robinrs
Sure, there are times when it's not peaceful, but that's what the back button is for.

I actually find myself using the back button more for threads that are just too "rosy" for me. I like to see people's reassuring words for threads that are truly a concern, but when they're sent out to everyone for everything that goes wrong in a person's life, they become less genuine.

I, myself, have been known to be sarcastic at times, and I realize that and have been trying to curb it. But I also give my "hugs" and "pixie dust" to those that I feel have real concerns and not to those who come across as "whiney" and complaining over sometimes very trivial matters.

But I guess that's the realist in me...

 

[snoopy]

Personally, I am the same here as I am in real life. I choose my words *very* carefully when giving someone constructive feedback. One of my worst fears is hurting someone's feelings, I never want to do that, so before I post on anything that is on the sensitive side I think about it long and hard and how it will effect the person I am offering the advice/support to.

No rose color glasses for me though, I've been around here long enough to know the DIS is not rosy all the time. Its not a lot different than day to day life, some good days, some bad, some nice people, some not so nice.

 

[Mskanga]

My opinion on some of these issues are, some people share more than IMHO they should share and that's where some of the difference of opinions come in. Some of those difference of opinions end up personally attacking ( AKA bashing ). The ideal thing for me to do in those cases is ignore the post.
One thing is constructive criticism , another thing is bashing someone for having different opinions, but there are some people who thrive on bashing others.

 

[Keli]

You know, it's not so much WHAT you say to someone as it is HOW you say it.

I think most people can bear to hear they are wrong, they aren't looking at a situation clearly, or that their butt doesn't look good in a pair of pants so long as that information is relayed to them in a kind and gentle way.

It's when people are snippy, abrupt, or mean spirited while replying to a post that people usually take offense. Then the offensive person will usually hide behind the "Someone needs to tell them the truth" defense when actually they were needlessly mean and shouldn't have replied in the way they did.

If we temper our criticism with kindness it will be much better accepted. Like Mary Poppins says "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down".

 

[Blondie]

Originally posted by Keli
It's when people are snippy, abrupt, or mean spirited while replying to a post that people usually take offense. Then the offensive person will usually hide behind the "Someone needs to tell them the truth" defense when actually they were needlessly mean and shouldn't have replied in the way they did.

Exactly!