So my ovarian removal is scheduled for this Friday. I just found out yesterday so I'm rather freaked out. I know its minor in the scheme of things, but I'm still really scared. Scared of surgery, scared they'll find something.
Plus I still dont' have my follow-up ultrasound scheduled for my left breast and now I'm obsessing that its cancer. I just want it over with.
Then my mom called yesterday and told me her 6 month check-up for her ovarian cancer didn't go well as her CA-125 has gone up from 20-45. This can mean that her cancer has come back but her oncologist doesn't want to do anything yet, just wait two months.
Sigh. You ladies are so strong and brave and I feel so weak and gutless. Everything scares me and I just feel like crying all the time. Thank you for your courage and good thoughts. I always feel better when I come on this site.
Hey any kind of surgery, but you are having ovarian removal!!.... is not small in the scheme of things! You sound like me, I am too hard on myself a lot and my councilor told me today I am NOT allowed to feel guilty about my feelings, and about not being able to do what I used to do. I think I have a personality a bit like you, I like to have things organised and know what is going on; I used to say I want it done RIGHT now... as in right now and right (correctly) now....lol... I feel like everything I knew and thought, and thought I had any control over, has been thrown up in the air and blown up! I have really had to work at letting things go as they are going to go without me obsessing about them. But boy is it hard. Even after the death of our son, and my cancer, it took my cancer coming back again, and our daughter having to go into the hospital for nearly 2 months for psychiatric and addiction help, to really get that the really big stuff....I have NO control over. so very hard. Now we are in a limbo with our future financial situation because our son was killed in front of his dad. My poor husband watched it happen and was the only person there to try and save him, cut him out from under the log that had crushed him, performed cpr on him to no avail. he washed the dirt from his sons eyes and closed them and completely fell apart. he worked in the forest industry for over 30 years and had to deal with death on the job before, had to run and hide to save his own life from run away logs, but this was the end. He is suffering from severe post traumatic stress, can't sleep or do anything properly. he goes along on these trips with me, but he is so sad and scared and nothing like the man he was. It is so heart breaking. so he is on workers compensation, going to a councilor and a psychiatrist every week, taking all the medications they give him to try and help him, but he has had to start sleeping away from me because he has nightmares every night, and several times a week he was hitting my in his sleep. Anyway, if I didn't have something like making travel plans to keep my mind occupied I would be completely crazy!
anyway I had just turned 51 when I found my lump, it is triple negative, grade 3, I had just crossed the line into stage II due to size (2.5 cm) but my nodes were negative. it crosses my mind once in a while that they did not do any type of node testing after it grew back, but nothing showed in my MRI and they really felt it was a surgical failure as in there were some cells left behind from the 1st surgery as apposed to a re occurance. even though I only had a couple of nodes removed, they removed a lot of tissue that was fibrous, and then with the 2nd surgery there was even more tissue removed, it really messed up the lymph channels and I have a lot of swelling on and off, and a lot of residual pain in the breast, arm and down the side of my body. my white cell count is very low too now, it's gone down in fact since the end of my chemo last July 28, and I seem to catch every little thing going around, so now of course I'm worrying I might have leukemia!! Lol.... I see my (new) oncologist on friday (I will be thinking of you) and will be talking to him about it, and asking why my MRI is taking so long! he said a couple of weeks, it has now been exactly 2 months and I have called twice.
Is the high risk center part of the BCCA in downtown Vancouver? Is that where you are having your surgery too?
Oh and....hasn't the weather been stunning?? I hope we don't see rain until next November! Lol....
