Dis Breast Cancer Survivors Part II -GAGWTA!

[lookingforward]

Maureen, I would love it if you would pick up a copy of the book One Last Time by John Edward. I'm actually reading it again for the 4th time - I get something different out of it every time. I gave a copy to my SIL (to "keep at her bedside", I said) who just lost her husband (my DH's brother) several weeks ago (and we still don't have an autopsy report on). I wasn't sure if she'd read it or not but I saw her over 4th of July and she told me she is reading it and finding it comforting. What I like about it is how it helps one realize that our loved ones are very much still around us, we just have to know how to see the signs they're there, which you learn in the book. Anyway, I don't want to sound kooky, but I'd venture to guess you might enjoy it.

I sent my husband to Barnes and Noble and got the book. I am loving it. I have been having a real difficult time this weekend. I miss my mom so much it hurts, physically. I just don't know how it will ever get any easier. I had my dad over for our now weekly Sunday dinner. (I insisted when my mom died that he come every Sunday). I made him stuffed cabbage which he loves....and also made a big pot of chicken soup so he would have a ton to take home and have for lunch. He was very appreciative. Each day brings new sorrow, picking up her ashes, turning in her leased car, picking up the phone to call her and then crying when I remember.

I have premonitions all the time. I "saw" my dad's heart attack and tried to warn him...I have felt that a car was going to run red lights and prevented accidents, etc. My grandfather has visited me during my dreams (very vivid). ANyway...the other night I had a dream that my mom was in the living room of our old house in CT. She kept saying "go look at the tablecloth I made" over and over...so I said "okay" and walked into the dining room. My dad was standing at the table looking down at the tablecloth...so I did. The table cloth had pictures of angels all over it. I turned to tell my mom that it was nice and she was gone. Weird. I would like to think that she was trying to tell me that she is okay....

I never told you all this before (or maybe I did??) anyway...when she was declared brain dead the hospice team came and removed her breathing machine. She had been brain dead for almost 40 hours and I had spent the entire night before with her in ICU holding her hand and talking to her. There was no response. When her heart started to slow down after her machine was shut off we all stood around her bed and talked to her, telling her how much we loved her. All of her grandkids were there except my baby, my dad, my sister, our husbands, my aunt. Her heart stopped and my dad was holding her hand. She moved her entire arm, purposefully, from her shoulder, and pointed to the sky, then gently lowered her hand and squeezed my dad's hand and then let it go. I am sure medical science might have some technical explanation but it was so beautiful and it was so peaceful. We, her family, would like to believe that she was reaching for someone who was waiting for her and her squeezing my dad's hand was her way of saying goodbye. It was a gift.

It is so difficult without her.

I hope you all don't think I am nuts about the dreams.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Maureen - I do believe people come to us in our dreams to let us know they are OK. I have had a dream like that before.
I have no advice to help you with the pain and sadness, just know that we are here for you.

 

[snappy]

Maureen, thanks for sharing the story about your mom's passing. That was one of the most touching posts I have ever read. I admit I am in tears but somehow comforting tears.

I do think your mom was giving you all a message. How very amazing.

I don't have any magic way to cheer you but just know we are here for you always, for what that is worth.

Dreams can help you heal, I am convinced of that. It is wonderful that you remember them when you have such vivid ones about your mom. It might be helpful to write them down if you don't already do that.

You will be on my mind today, as will jackskellingtonsgirl's mom.

havinfun, your daughters are beautiful. A luau is an awesome idea for a wedding shower.

My taste and smelling loss is not due to chemo, I think it is from either a bad cold/infection or the heavy meds I was given back in early May. I should not be complaining. You guys doing so well in treatment really impress me. I love that fighting spirit!!

Even after 3 plus years I receive so much from this thread. Thank you all for posting here. I hope I am fortunate enough to meet each of you someday.

 

[Sha]

All I can offer you Maureen is a hug as I am sure I cant find the right words. Just to be here to listen

 

[Iluvthemouse]

Maureen---Losing my mother was the worse pain I ever felt. Truth be told, if she had died before I had DD I dont think I would have ever had children because I would never want them to go through that pain. It has been 16 months since she died and I think about her hourly. I miss her so much. I do believe she has done a few things to let me know she is still around.
Take care. I dont have the words for you but the pain numbs over time.




Today at 9:40 I have an appt with the surgeon for a "wound check" and biopsy results. Talk about not sleeping last night. I am a walking zombie. I just "know" what she is going to tell me. I removed the bandage Saturday and I am quite bruised with a huge hematoma. I am hoping that is normal. Now I just have the steristrips.


I will let you know when I get back.

 

[snappy]

Maureen---Losing my mother was the worse pain I ever felt. Truth be told, if she had died before I had DD I dont think I would have ever had children because I would never want them to go through that pain. It has been 16 months since she died and I think about her hourly. I miss her so much. I do believe she has done a few things to let me know she is still around.
Take care. I dont have the words for you but the pain numbs over time.





Today at 9:40 I have an appt with the surgeon for a "wound check" and biopsy results. Talk about not sleeping last night. I am a walking zombie. I just "know" what she is going to tell me. I removed the bandage Saturday and I am quite bruised with a huge hematoma. I am hoping that is normal. Now I just have the steristrips.


I will let you know when I get back.

If you have not left yet, good luck. I had forgotten that today was the dya you would receive your biopsy results. Ask for a copy of the path report.

Are you going with someone? Even if you are not, we are all with you in spirit. Sorry about the bruising. I did not have much of that in 2004 as I remember anyway but I am sure it is not unexpected. It is good that you are going in so the doc can look at it.

I am leaving for work in a bit, so I won't get to check back in for a few hours. Please keep us updated. We care.

 

[lookingforward]

Maureen---Losing my mother was the worse pain I ever felt. Truth be told, if she had died before I had DD I dont think I would have ever had children because I would never want them to go through that pain. It has been 16 months since she died and I think about her hourly. I miss her so much. I do believe she has done a few things to let me know she is still around.
Take care. I dont have the words for you but the pain numbs over time.




Today at 9:40 I have an appt with the surgeon for a "wound check" and biopsy results. Talk about not sleeping last night. I am a walking zombie. I just "know" what she is going to tell me. I removed the bandage Saturday and I am quite bruised with a huge hematoma. I am hoping that is normal. Now I just have the steristrips.


I will let you know when I get back.

Thanks for all your kind thoughts. I appreciate the kindness and acceptance here! I am thinking about you and your appointment with the surgeon. Positive thoughts.

 

[lookingforward]

Maureen, thanks for sharing the story about your mom's passing. That was one of the most touching posts I have ever read. I admit I am in tears but somehow comforting tears.

I do think your mom was giving you all a message. How very amazing.

I don't have any magic way to cheer you but just know we are here for you always, for what that is worth.

Dreams can help you heal, I am convinced of that. It is wonderful that you remember them when you have such vivid ones about your mom. It might be helpful to write them down if you don't already do that.

You will be on my mind today, as will jackskellingtonsgirl's mom.

havinfun, your daughters are beautiful. A luau is an awesome idea for a wedding shower.

My taste and smelling loss is not due to chemo, I think it is from either a bad cold/infection or the heavy meds I was given back in early May. I should not be complaining. You guys doing so well in treatment really impress me. I love that fighting spirit!!

Even after 3 plus years I receive so much from this thread. Thank you all for posting here. I hope I am fortunate enough to meet each of you someday.

You are so sweet and thoughtful! I think we should have a GAGWTA meeting at WDW. We should plan it far out enough that we can all do it. I would be happy to pick up anyone at the airport or whatever!

 

[Iluvthemouse]

Hi Ladies,
Well I have seen my path report and it says Benign Fibroadenoma.

She said I am very bruised and she got most of the lump out but to come back in 6 months and if she can manually feel the lump then to do a lumpectomy. I have an appt Jan 14.

OMG, I cant wait to sleep tonight. I havent slept good in over a month worrying about this.

Thank you each and everyone for your advice, thoughts, experiences, prayers. It helped to know I wasnt alone in this journey. Good luck to everyone that is going through this, have gone through this and about to go through this.

BTW, what does GAGWTA mean?

 

[lookingforward]

Hi Ladies,
Well I have seen my path report and it says Benign Fibroadenoma.

She said I am very bruised and she got most of the lump out but to come back in 6 months and if she can manually feel the lump then to do a lumpectomy. I have an appt Jan 14.

OMG, I cant wait to sleep tonight. I havent slept good in over a month worrying about this.

Thank you each and everyone for your advice, thoughts, experiences, prayers. It helped to know I wasnt alone in this journey. Good luck to everyone that is going through this, have gone through this and about to go through this.

BTW, what does GAGWTA mean?

I am SOOOO HAPPY for you! Great news!

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Hi Ladies,
Well I have seen my path report and it says Benign Fibroadenoma.

She said I am very bruised and she got most of the lump out but to come back in 6 months and if she can manually feel the lump then to do a lumpectomy. I have an appt Jan 14.

OMG, I cant wait to sleep tonight. I havent slept good in over a month worrying about this.

Thank you each and everyone for your advice, thoughts, experiences, prayers. It helped to know I wasnt alone in this journey. Good luck to everyone that is going through this, have gone through this and about to go through this.

BTW, what does GAGWTA mean?

OMG!!! What wonderful news!!
I am so happy for you!

GAGWTA means "Greetings and good wishes to all".

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Congratulations, Iluvthemouse. So glad you found comfort here. Don't be a stranger.

Maureen, I'm glad you bought the book and are enjoying it. John was an only child who lost his mother when he was 19. The experience has been very influential in his life and he shares a lot of his thoughts related to it. He also describes what he calls "visitation dreams". How fortunate we are to sometimes have these about our loved ones. As I said to my SIL, I hope you find peace in his words. I have. (BTW, very touching about your Mom.)

Laurie, I guess I made it too easy for you!! Yes, I'm loving my Pacifica!

We're having a good time. I found a computer to comandeer now and then, LOL.

GAGWTA!

 

[CherylDan]

I hope you all don't think I am nuts about the dreams.

I don't think you're nuts at all, unless I am too.....I have had several dreams about my dad, my MIL & FIL, my grandpa, and others who have died. Sometimes they seem so meaningful, like they are telling me something that I have to figure out. Sometimes they are really simple, like I'll walk into a room and one of them will be sitting in a chair waiting to chat for a bit. I had one just recently like that about my grandpa, who has been gone for over 15 years now. We were just chatting away like it was a normal thing, and then he said it was time to go back. We hugged and said see ya later, like he was just going to the store or something. I actully woke up feeling like we really did have a visit. I hope you continue to find comfort in your dreams.

Hi Ladies,
Well I have seen my path report and it says Benign Fibroadenoma.

Yes, I'm loving my Pacifica!

Congrats on the new car! My SIL has one, and she loves it! Enjoy your vacation.

 

[snappy]

Hi Ladies,
Well I have seen my path report and it says Benign Fibroadenoma.

She said I am very bruised and she got most of the lump out but to come back in 6 months and if she can manually feel the lump then to do a lumpectomy. I have an appt Jan 14.

OMG, I cant wait to sleep tonight. I havent slept good in over a month worrying about this.

Thank you each and everyone for your advice, thoughts, experiences, prayers. It helped to know I wasnt alone in this journey. Good luck to everyone that is going through this, have gone through this and about to go through this.

BTW, what does GAGWTA mean?

Oh my goodness, what absolutely wonderful news.

Better not be a stranger, now. You are a sista is spirit.

 

[snappy]

You are so sweet and thoughtful! I think we should have a GAGWTA meeting at WDW. We should plan it far out enough that we can all do it. I would be happy to pick up anyone at the airport or whatever!

I agree a big meet would be wonderful. It is just hard to get a time that wil work for everyone. I certainly prefer cooler weather.

Ideas, anyone?

Isn't fall the best idea?

With spring yo have Easter and spring break. Too busy. Summer too hot. Winter. . .is it hard for you northerners to fly out?

Fall seems ideal to me. Even early December I mean early.

Would love some input.

Laurie

 

[lookingforward]

I agree a big meet would be wonderful. It is just hard to get a time that wil work for everyone. I certainly prefer cooler weather.

Ideas, anyone?

Isn't fall the best idea?

With spring yo have Easter and spring break. Too busy. Summer too hot. Winter. . .is it hard for you northerners to fly out?

Fall seems ideal to me. Even early December I mean early.

Would love some input.

Laurie

I absolutely love the November/December time frame. I totally realize how difficult it would be to do, but maybe we could schedule it a year or two out and give everyone time to plan. Holiday time is the best!

 

[MerryPoppins]

I hope you all don't think I am nuts about the dreams.

Not at all. I've had some very similar experiences with my grandmother's death.

Well I have seen my path report and it says Benign Fibroadenoma.

What wonderful news! I hope you'll still come around. We'd miss you if you disappeared.

I'd love to join a meet. Unfortunately, with two soon in college I may not have the money to do it soon. But if I had to vote on a time I'd say Nov/Dec hands down! And me might possibly be there in early Dec of 2009, but that's iffy.

Hope all is well with everyone. Today is my 24th anniversary. Life is good.

 

[snappy]

I like the Dec 2009 idea as well. I too would need it to be a short budget type trip, maybe over a weekend?

Happy anniversary, Merry.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I like the Dec 2009 idea as well. I too would need it to be a short budget type trip, maybe over a weekend?

Happy anniversary, Merry.

We did early December trips in '06 and '07 and we had a wonderful time! This year with the money pit mega-trip in August we're not going in December! Our APs expire in August and we aren't replacing them until next summer.

Because of DH & DS's schedules it is tricky for us to get away during the school year, but a long weekend in December might be possible in the future. DH has to bid for vacation, but if he has a good supervisor he can somtimes take off Friday - Monday. Our "big" vacation next year will hopefully be Aug. 7-16.

Happy Anniversary, Merry!

 

[Sha]

Happy Anniversary Merry!

I hope to get down to meet you wonderful women whenever you do go for a meet.