Dis Breast Cancer Survivors - GAGWTA!

[NHAnn]

Oh Laurabelle......I'm so sorry it didn't go better for you Sending pain-killing speedy recovery prayers and pixie dust to you.......

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Laura, so sorry to hear of your bad experience. (Too bad your sister and I couldn't have "specialed" you ). I hope you're feeling better soon and they figure out what's going on.

 

[snappy]

Had to check in with you guys before I went to bed.

Ouch Laura, I am so sorry you have had to endure so much pain. The drains are very inconvenient, especially if you have to deal with em for an extended time. But hearing what happened in your case makes me realize how much good they actually do.

Hope the swelling resolves soon.

We spent a good bit of time with Claudette today. She looks emaciated from the loss of weight. She is off oxygen but still on intravenous fluids and antibiotics. She seemed to really enjoy the visit, was actually rather animated, so we stayed a good time. I did ask her twice if we were tiring her out, she finally admitted she needed to sleep. Still no idea when she can go home. Today was her first day on liquids, she needs to be able to get stuff down. I asked, so she showed me her scar (that kind of stuff no longer bothers me). It was healing nicely, does not hurt, it is internally where her pain is, in the stomach area. I guess she is still on narcotics but she was very lucid, she smiled a good bit and we had a few laughs. MIL was actually giddy after she left she was so relieved to see her better.

New Orleans is still an unbelievable mess. They are just getting more traffic lights working at major intersections. Traffic was still a nightmare. Also trying to find a restaurant open was tricky. We tried about 5 places before we found one open. The ones we tried are open maybe from 12 to 3 pm, then they close and are open from 5 to 8 pm. Several we tried were just closed until Monday.

MIL's area is downright spooky. Mile after mile of deserted homes. We opened her back door, all the ceiling material had fallen down, I would not let DH go in, we did not have masks with us. We peeked in, everything was totally black from the mold. Water is still pouring in upstairs through the big opening in the roof when it rains, FEMA still has not put a blue tarp on after repeated waits in lines and phone calls.

I continue to be amazed at how resilient MIL is. What a good role model for all of us. I hope I would be as upbeat as she is. She said she was getting depressed but realized it is out of her hands.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

New Orleans is still an unbelievable mess.

I saw in a newspaper Travel section they are offering bus tours of N.O. to tourists. I think it said something like "Katrina Tours" on the side of the bus. Unbelievable. Claudette sure has been through a lot. I'm sure she's completely exhausted. It was sensitive of you to know when to leave (doesn't always happen - patients often quietly ask us to ask the families to leave when they don't want to hurt their feelings).

Laura, how are you doing today?

A month or two ago I began re-reading some James Herriot books. (Does anyone know him? He's the Scottish veterinarian from Yorkshire who wrote funny, touching stories about his life's work in the 1040's and 50's - right up my alley. OT but I don't know if I ever mentioned that after I finished college I seriously considered going to veterinary school).

Anyway, it all began when I picked up a J.H. kids book at a book sale, and another called J.H.'s Favorite Dog Stories the same day. Twenty years ago I read his All Creatures Great and Small series and loved them very much, never forgot the stories. This caused me to pull out the old series again, and also read Dog Stories which I in fact already had on my bookshelf but never read. DH saw how much I was enjoying them and got me a few others for Christmas. I have a few pages left of his biography written by his son (DH came home last night to find me his son was describing the last days of his battle with prostate cancer ). I'm in the middle of re-reading ACGaS, and at my bedside is another brand new book, a collection of his favorite stories. LOL, I also was given Dog Stories on CD (my first book ever on tape) and went to the library and rented all the episodes of the TV series ACGaS and watched them within a week. Hey, when I find something I like I stick with it.

Anyway, it's been a perfect antidote for this yucky weather and keeping my mind busy is always a good thing. Anyone else like his stories?

 

[snappy]

I am not familiar with James Heriot's writings. But I very curious now. I also never heard of the tv series. I just about finished all the books I bought at the book fair and the ones I checked out from the library. Time to make a trip out to add to my collection. I do the best on my exercise bike when I have a book I am really into.

Bad day yesterday. While we were in New Orleans Saturday, DD10 was at my mom's, DD15 had practice for youth group dinner theater in the am and a cotillion dance in the pm. DS17 had his own plans. He finished the few chores I assigned him Saturday am and chauffered DD15 to where she needed to go. Then he invited apparently 5 kids over and they drank beer, this was during the day (we got home by 9pm). The beer he said he had gotten from a previous party and had hidden in his room. Not sure if they drank inside or outside, but they left one unopened can in the fridge and 6 empties in a bag at the bottom of the garbage can. His car also smells like beer so we are even more concerned about how much additional beer was consumed. His story is that they only drank about one each and then did not drive for a long timeafterward. (Three of the other boys also drive). He also lied when we asked if anyone was at our house, and was not straight about who all was here until another one of the boys spilled the beans. DH called the parents of each kid to tell them what happened.

The parents seemed to appreciate being told, two of the dads seemed more concerned than the others. They also wanted to know how we were going to handle it as far as school. At the school most of the boys attend, there is an honor code the boys sign to promise to report any such incidents. Apparently, this is a bit of a joke, there is an extreme alcohol and pot problem at the school. It is the typical situation, the majority of the families who can afford to send their sons to the school are welloff, the boys have cars and money to spend on whatever. We are very conservative with the spending money DS has, he has to account for stuff he spends his money on.
However, I am not naive enough not to realize that the boys share their alcohol with each other. We took DS out of that school back in September when he was involved in another serious incident. He is now in a small, Christian school that also has zero tolerance, so he also broke his promise to his new school.

Needless to say, his keys have been taken away, for an extended period, at least through the summer and he is grounded from all social events until further notice. My thought is to keep car insurance on him since I have lost all trust with him, he might try to drive a friend's car or something and I want to be protected. He will be paying all insurance though from now on, he has a bit in savings that will be used for it. His car is not very valuable, it is a hand me down from my brother who is in Costa Rica, and was not in the best shape when we took it over. Now after putting in $2800 in mechanical repairns, new sound system, tires, windshield, it is not worth much. I am inclined not to sell it, maybe my brother will take it back.

It infuriates us that he pulls this as we are visiting Claudette in the hospital.

I am having trouble dealing with this. I know many kids go through this stuff.
That does not make it any easier. Addictive behavior runs in our families (DH's and mine). It is hard to know where normal teenage stuff ends and addiction starts. When we pressed him he said that some boys drink a lot, and at parties where the cops are called he "has heard" that the cops don't do anything, they just break up the party. He also admitted having someone buy beer for one of his friends and him from a convenience store once, so I know this is not a onetime thing. He does not seem to realize what a big thing this is.

I could not relax last night. Even an Ambien did not help.
I finally got out of bed about 4 am and I not sure what to do with myself.

One thing we realize is that we cannot trust him to be home alone for an extended period of time. We will have to curtail our trips to N.O., at least both of us going together. I feel like DH and I shouldn't go anywhere on weekends together, although honestly we prefer these days to relax at home anyway. I am not much on going out to eat anymore, the Baton Rouge restaurants are quite lacking, and I try to avoid so many things now, salt, fat, etc. It is hardly worth it. We are better off entertaining at home.

We have tried in the past to call and check that any parties either teen goes to is parentally supervised. But we assumed this would not be an issue during the middle of the day. Boy are my eyes opened. If one of those kids (all 16-17 year olds) had been stopped or had an accident on their way home, what a tragedy. Not to mention the fact that we would be responsible as the owners of the house even though we were away.

What else is going to happen? I guess I should be relieved that we found the cans and realized we had a problem.

Lots of chores will be done today. By this time tomorrow, there won't be a single unraked leaf on our entire lot. It won't be much of a "holiday" today for DS.

Sorry this is so long but it helps sharing this. I have to figure out how to be strict but loving. Right now I just feel hurt and depressed.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Wow, Laurie. I hear and understand how upsetting this is for you.

I read with amazement thinking back to my own teenage years. Believe it or not, what you've described is a typical day in my group of friends when I was that age (and younger). That was in the 1970's, though, and the litigious (and knowledgable) world we live in today is so much different than it was then. I also never had any honor codes to abide by. Two weeks ago we had a bunch of our kids' friends and their parents over for pizza, and we all talked about this very thing. Even though many of us grew up in different areas, some parents in the group were as "wild and crazy" as I was, and we were saying how it is just so different today; and that it would be hard for our kids today to get away with things because at least we have our eyes open whereas our parents did not. Looking back, there were problems in my household that made my parents preoccupied to the point that I had very little supervision or discipline. I remember, for instance, being brought home by the police for being caught with beer one night, and after they left I went back out again, met up with my friends and got more beer.

FWIW (and with the knowledge that I don't have teenagers yet), I think you are doing the right thing. Car priveledges have to be gone. Somehow "getting rid of" the car would make more of an impact than keeping it around, and perhaps a goal of his could be to work towards getting the car back as the trust factor increases? (I don't know how the insurance works - if he was driving another car, wouldn't insurance on that vehicle cover him?) You definitely did the right thing notifying the other parents. How they care to handle it is up to them; you have to do what you have to do for your son, and the chips will fall where they may (even if their kids get dragged into the muck). In thinking about this, I think you are wise to send a VERY STRONG message to your son that this will not be tolerated. Perhaps he is somehow looking for this "safety net" from you. Kids have to grow up so fast today, and the pressures must be tremendous. You've also had so much going on in your family - perhaps he's looking for attention? If you haven't already gone to family counseling, maybe a few sessions might be helpful to help bring whatever issues your son has to light? I know it can be controversial, but Tough Love has a website, maybe some reading there might be enlightening? (I read it myself when we had some serious issues with a nephew).

Good luck and hang in there. I don't know your son but from the people I know, it seems as if to some degree, many teenagers go through this as part of their growing up. My sister used to say she'd rather see me do this type of thing in high school so I would have it "out of my system" by the time I got to college. Turns out she was right. By the time I got to college I had met DH and we were a couple of old hens when we were in our 20's, LOL. Please keep us updated and let us know how you and your family are doing.

 

[MNSusan]

snappy, I sent you a PM.

 

[NHAnn]

Laurie- I'm so sorry you're going through this. Of course you are hurt and depressed. But you ARE being loving strict and caring and responsible. It's OK to be agnry too and for your son to knwo that, but it is obvious you are not reacting in haste and anger but out of love. I think kids that age tend to act out in that way as attention getting sometimes. You and your whole family have been through an awful lot and are still goingthrough a lot.
I share your concern about family history of addiction. My ex (DD19's father) is alcoholic as was HIS father, and there is alcoholism on my side as well (a sibling). From the time DD was in middle school I stressed the facts about genetic predisposition, and she'd already experienced/seen the impact addiction has on the individuals and their families. She's suffered a lot of emotional pain in her relationship with her father. Anyway, my "lectures" and her own processing of it all almost seems to have given her (in her mind) an excuse to resist some of the peer pressure. Don't get me wrong I know she's done her share of experimentation, but think being aware firsthand of the dangers and results of addictive behavior has given her a different outlook on things. I hope and pray for the best outcome for your son and family. You will get through this , I know you will. Hang in there, you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[snappy]

Thanks Linda, Susan, Ann.

I knew you guys would be there for me.

I also talked to my sister at length last night. She is DS17's godmother and will be his sponsor for confirmation next month. She helped me as well.

I also felt better after talking to DH last night. He also felt down and depressed, the office manager at his office, a wonderful gal named Jerry, asked DH as soon as she saw him, what's wrong? I guess with everything lately she figured it was something bad. I noticed the coloring in his face was off, sort of grayish looking last night.

Anyway, after reading you all's comments and talking with my sister, I decided to stop walking around with a chip on my shoulder and try to open up better communication with DS. He was receptive. He admitted he had not thought of some of the things we told him we were worried about Sunday night. We told him that we do not want him to be around kids drinking at a party or whereever, but if he is around alcoholic consumption, to tell his friends he does not feel well and needs to go home, to call us and we will pick him up whenever and where ever without asking any questions. Further, we told him if he does drink, even one beer or whatever, we do not want him to drive (not an issue for a long time anyway since he won't be driving) or to ride in a car of someone who had even one drink, we told him again to call us and we will come pick him up. I think he realizes we are not trying to get kids in trouble and won't do so if he calls us to get him. We told him we had to call parents this past weekend because the drinking occurred at our house in our absence, making us legally responsible. in the case of hime being elsewhere we do not consider it our responsibility to call parents.

I think it is good we are talking. Hopefully, he gets it. There are some kids who just have to learn life's lessons the hard way. I want him to realize that me taking him to and from school, picking up DD15 from school (which he was doing for me) affects my life negatively, as well as the decision DH and I have made to not leave him alone at home for any length of time. I wanted him to know how unfair it is to DH and myself. He seems sorry. Who knows? I know loss of car priviledges for an extended time will hurt. DH assured him that from now on when he goes to New Orleans, DS will be going along too, like when they worked at Claudette's house in the fall.

I am glad my Disney trip was cancelled, and I am also glad I postponed reconstructive surgery (back in October I had scheduled it for yesterday). I would have been beating my self up in either case that we were distracted from monitoring DS17 due to either the vacation or the surgery.

At some point we will get to both when the time is right.

Thanks all. I feel like I face things now.

 

[MNSusan]

You're doing exactly the right thing, Laurie. I hope your DS will learn from the experience. Holding teenagers accountable for their actions is the very best consequence from loving parents. Kudos to you.

In other news, we have a new grandbaby this morning, a little boy! His name is Carson and he is a whopping 9 pounds. Mom is doing well after a c-section at 3am. Dad is tired. We're going to let them rest before arriving with the camera.

 

[snappy]

Thanks, Susan. Congratulations on new grandbaby Carson. (sorry, no blue bounce, how about ).

Hope you get some great pictures of the new arrival and his tired parents.
I'll be he'll look perkier than them, especially a c-section.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Glad you're feeling better about things, Laurie.

Congratulations, Susan!

Wonder how Laura and Beth are doing?

GAGWTA!

 

[NHAnn]

A day or so makes a big difference in perspective, doesn't it? Glad you are feeling more in control about this latest challenge Laurie. I'm glad to hear your son is receptive to on-going communication. While reading your latest post I thought back to DD admitting that she was glad I was generally a little stricter or as she says "overprotective" than a lot of her friends' parents, because at times she could actually use it as an reason to decline or bow out of a questionable activity... using her psycho mother as an excuse

Susan...wonderful news....I like the name. Congrats!

Hope Laura and Beth are healing....

In a couple of weeks I have a check-up with Dr Hottie the oncologist ...hard to believe it's over 5 months now since I started on the anti-estrogen study drug!

GAGWTA....

 

[MinnieM3]

Should be sleeping.....finally going back to school tomorrow...... bengone since Dec. 16th. Kinda nervous! Kinda in denial about getingthe lung biopsy thing .... i just can't thinnkabout it right now.... just a quick GAGWTA.....

in the meantime, DD20 quit what little school she was goinig to (class at tech) and is shacking up with a BF with don't care for who is moooching off her. She DOES want to get back into University in fall.

DS17 finally managed to totally fail English and is now put back into a remedial class of some sort...I don't iknow. the new semester jusrt started todaay
and DS6's kinergarten teacher just ain't being nice enough in my opinion with everything that's been going on around here andI've chewed my tongue completely off with some of the things she's done to him and now the gloves are off. It ain't going to be pretty, but that's my kids dam**t!! Makes it much harder since I teach there,too.

Oh go it's afer midnight..... love to all
wish meluck I misssed my kids so so so so soso mcuh
Beth

 

[laurabelle]

~~~***GAGWTA sistas***~~~
Sorry I've been MIA...

As you may remember, I started having a minor colitis flare at the beginning of the year, which my doc has tried treating with a new suppository. Since my surgery, especially the last few days, the flare has gotten increasingly worse and is pretty bad again. He is moving up my next Remicade infusion, I'm waiting to hear back on appt time, either this Fri. or early next week. He said if I'm not better 1-2 weeks after the infusion, we will need to increase the frequency permanently or double the dose. Nothing else beyond that. I really can't think about it, it's too depressing...


I'm 8 days post-op now, and not up and around as I should be, I guess because of the colitis. I'm still in pain, but it's tolerable. I am so weak though, I can't stand long, even to take a shower, I feel like I'm going to pass out. I have my f/u with the gyn/onc this morning and I feel stressed out about it.

Please pray that this infusion works immediately, and that the appt. can be made for Fri. so Danny doesn't have to take off work again next week. That when he goes back, I am able to have the strength to be up and about and doing somewhat normal things. Pray that the Remicade is not causing harm. The thought of doubling the dose makes me nervous. It potentially has some very nasty side effects...

 

[snappy]

Please pray that this infusion works immediately, and that the appt. can be made for Fri. so Danny doesn't have to take off work again next week. That when he goes back, I am able to have the strength to be up and about and doing somewhat normal things. Pray that the Remicade is not causing harm. The thought of doubling the dose makes me nervous. It potentially has some very nasty side effects...

Hope you get pain relief right away Laura with the infusion and that the Remicade is only doing its job of healing. Also, praying that you can get the appointment on Friday and that you build up your strength as quickly as possible so you can get your likfe back to normal.

We are all rooting for your recovery.

Asking for God's healing touch on Laura.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Laura and Beth, you remain in my prayers as well. I will ask for healing for both of you as well as good news and strength.

 

[NHAnn]

Laura and Beth, you remain in my prayers as well. I will ask for healing for both of you as well as good news and strength.

ditto!

Aw Beth....
and Laura.....



and GAGWTA!!

 

[MerryPoppins]

GAGWTA!

I've got Beth and Laura in my prayers. Hope things get better.

Things are still hectic for me. Mom is waiting to go back to the doc and see if they're ready to plan her surgery.

You are all in my thoughts, even though I'm not always around.

 

[WeluvDisney2]

Hi everyone, I was just wondering if you have had a mastectomy did you have a single or double? What influenced your decision? Are you happy with your choice? Why? Thanks for your input, I have some tough decisions coming up in the next month, and I would love to hear from others who have gone before me. You can post here, or PM or email me privately. Thanks so much. ~Monique