Dilemma: Leave one child home?

[trvlnut]

I did it with my 2nd dc and I am planning to do it with my 3rd dc. He is in those terrible twos and I don't think it's fair to his older dsis and dbro to watch him throw temper tamtrums, wake them up at 6:00 AM, go back to the room for a nap, etc.

I also think it's a great time for my ds to spend time with gma. He gets her all to himself. You know, undivided attention.

Will I miss him? Yes. However, my previous trip in which I left my 2nd dc at home with gma, we were so busy that I really thought that he would have been miserable. There were quite a few of us and the youngest child was my 3.5 yo dd. She used a stroller only one day out of 14 days at the parks. What a trooper. We had a great time, and so did my 18 mo ds who stayed at home with gma.

BTW, my son does ask why he's not in the pictures, but I just explained that he had a vacation with gma. He didn't mind. We have since been to DL many times, even with my youngest. However, we stopped taking my youngest after he turned 1. He just started throwing temper tantrum after temper tantrum. I firmly believe that some, if not most, children are better off taking a break from the amusement parks from about age 1 until about 3.

BTW, I wouldn't have taken my 1st dc on a car trip for that long. She could barely handle going across the street. SHE HATED THE CAR! Good luck with your decision.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Oh For Petesake,i Left My 2yr Ds With My Mother In Law When We Went To Disney. Now Hes 4yrs Old And Never Ask Us How Come We Left Him Behind And Took His Sister Too Disney,of Course You Will
Miss Him But You Will Also Have A Nice Relaxing Vac.with Out All Of The Whinning And Fighting Trying To Keep Him In His Car Seat And
Stroller. Trust Me He Will Not Grow Up Feeling Unloved Because
He Didnt Get To Go To Disney When He Was 18mos Old.

Hey look- not for nothing but there is no need to come across as snippy. The OP asked for our opinions and that is all that anyone gave. I would also like to say that we travel quite a bit and don't have "whining and fighting" and our vacations are relaxing. Sure the kids may have a crabby moment or two but so do adults (myself included!) If you didn't intend to come off as rude then I completely apologize and please correct me but I just felt that your post had a nasty tone to it. JMHO.

 

[zookeeper]

We went last Sept when our youngest was 9 months old. It was OK because he still slept away a lot of the day and wasn't itching to be out of the stroller all the time. Had DS been a little older like he is now (16 months) it would've been a lot more stressful having him with us.Now he's on the move and wouldn't tolerate being confined to the stroller for long periods. He also would be terrified of the characters now compared to a few months ago when he didn't really take that much notice.
Nothing like traumatizing the little one for life because you couldn't bear to see him miss out on all the "fun"!!!
I see no problem with leaving the 18 month old behind. Be thankful you have someone caring and trusted to babysit and enjoy yourself with your other kids.

 

[Merriwind]

Personally, I wouldn't leave him behind. Family life isn't always simple and carefree, but it's not meant to be. Sometimes the frustrating circumstances we undertake yield the fondest memories.

My concern is the message you send--both to the older children and the little one. Why are the older children so special that they get to go to WDW when little brother doesn't? Wouldn't you be upset if you show photos of a family vacation in which you weren't included? Aren't you worried that your son will be? I don't know, but it sounds like an issue that would be discussed with a therapist down the road. (I always say that we all have to give our kids something to discuss in therapy, but I'm not sure I would choose this.)

Best of luck with your decision and whatever you decide, enjoy your vacation.

 

[lclark0621]

Do what is best for you & your family.

However, there is no way I could go on vacation, and leave one or any of my chidren at home. Granted, I only have one child right now. But there is no way I would leave him home. And I know if I have another, there is no way I could take one & leave the other.

For us, a family vacations includes ALL of our family.

We took DS at 9 months, 21 months, and 2.5. Each trip was truly wonderful. We took breaks in the afternoon for him to nap. We stayed out pretty late because DS was in a great mood. If he got tired he would take a quick cat nap in the stroller.

I just would not enjoy a vacation without my son.

 

[DisneyDadof3]

I was thinking about this and DH mentioned it to me this morning. We will be going with an 8 yo a turning 4 yo and an 18 month old. Bad parents that we are want to leave the 18 mo old home. Not that I want to, I would miss him amd feel gulity that he's not in Disney. But it would make our 17 hr drive eaiser, we could all do most of the rides together, stroller issue would be simpler.We plan on park hopping so that will be easier and we could stay out later. HAs anyone done this or thinking of doing this? I know we will make future trips to the World, which he will probably enjoy even more. Our DD at that age was scared of the characters and screamed whenever they were near.

ANy opinions are welcome.

Our families are similar in age - and have contemplated trying to work out leaving 1 year old at home. It just wouldn't feel the same if we did that. Yes- he's more work with more stuff and with more diapers, but.... we got some great pictures with him, he slept, he had fun, he provided a stroller that allowed us to put cameras etc underneath and drinks in the cupholder. We would have missed out on so many memories if he didn't go. My opinion only though.

 

[eeyoregon]

I took DS 8 and left DS 5 at home and had no regrets - his day would come. I was in a wedding at WDW and I'm a single Mom and a cross country flight with DS 5 and 8 days at WDW were out of the question.

The perfect age for my kids to experience WDW for the 1st time was age 8. They were old enough to appreciate it, tall enough to ride the rides and patient enough to wait in long lines and not be afraid of the characters. OH and old enough to actually remember it! Never understood the point of taking the really wee ones if there is someone back home to watch them??? Maybe if there were 2 parents in our family.

 

[KJMAX1]

Here is my experience. We have 4 kids now. Last August, I drove by myself with my mom from Seattle to LA to Disneyland to meet up with my husband. He was on business for three weeks and the kids would have gone nuts. I borrowed a DVD player for the car from a friend, packed tons of snacks, new toys, music, and things from home. The first day of travel was LONG. We left at 4am in the morning. You always want to drive the furthest your kids will let you on day one. By day two, they know the program and wont tolorate it for long. We got to Sacramento by 4pm on day one. A little over half way there. It took my 6 hours to get from Sacramento to Disney on day two because of all the stops I needed to make with them. My kids have car tripped to Vegas, and Phoenix from Seattle about 4 times now. It can be done with planning. Otherwise, if you are going for just a weekend or something I would say leave them home. My 20mos old LOVED the rides. She loved it when her big brother and sister, would laugh, and point things out to her. She was afraid of characters, but we arent into them all that much so it wasnt a big deal for us. She would have been a wreck if I left her home without me or Daddy, so for us there was no question. Good luck on your decision!

 

[brymolmom]

You're going to get a lot of people who can and do leave their kids for some adult time (or adult and older kid time) and those who can't even think of it. Thankfully (or else I think I'd go insane) - I'm one of those who CAN and DOES leave my kids on occasion. Just next month- dh and I are leaving the kiddies for a week in Vegas.

I wouldn't worry about it but the fact that you're posting makes me think you ARE worrying about it.

As for the comment about the child feeling 'left out' when he/she looks at pictures....I think that's a little bit of a dramatization. I mean- there are a LOT of things that littler kids can't do (play sports, ride bikes) are they going to be mad that the parents didn't let them do these things when 18 mo old. And besides - I'm QUITE CERTAIN by the time they're old enough to care - they won't remember being 'left back' when they were little.

I have brought an 18 month old to Disney - but my circumstances were different. If you think it will make the overall trip better - go for it. BTW- my sister just did the exact same thing in March - left her 18 mon old home with me and our other sis and brought her 2 and 4 year olds with her. The baby did miss them - but had a ball with all the attention she got here.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[mrsltg]

I'd do it in a heartbeat. Kids are different people. There is nothing wrong with doing something special with one child or the other and then switching. My older dd and I have "dates" pretty often. Younger dd (11mos) stays with Dad or a babysitter. As she gets older she'll have "dates" with me, too. Not to mention, we're talking a week with Grandma (or someone just as special) with no interruption from a sibling? That's priceless! My older dd is spending a week with Momma and Poppa (Grandma and Grandpa) this Summer. In the Fall her sister will spend a week with them. With my parents, that's better than Disney! It gives each girl a chance to be alone and be the center of attention. Works for me.

As far as pictures are concerned, so what? When your dd asks, you simply tell her she wasn't with you on that trip. She'll have pictures from Grandma's and stories and special memories Grandma will share with her that her older siblings don't have. It all works out in the end!

 

[KristiKelly]

I personally couldn't do it. I agree with others that this is a family vacation. I would feel very guilty. We are going in Sept, with our DS9, DD6 and DD15 month old. Leaving her home is not an option. We haven't decided yet if we will drive (10 hrs from NC) or fly but she will have her older brother & sister for entertainment also a DVD player to play endless Baby Einstein, Wiggles, etc . We will survive and hopefully come home with some priceless memories and pictures. I worry too much when my kids aren't with me. Good luck with your decision.

 

[Zoemakes5]

At that age, I could do it. Any older, though, and I'd have a tough time.
We actually drove from Minnesota down to WDW when DD was 13 months and I thought that we would have to stop and strangle her! It's odd, I hadn't really thought anything of it, as my boys were pretty good travelers. She wasn't and still isn't! She does not like being confined. She gets bored very easily. She is very vocal about her displeasure.
I have never taken the "all or nothing" approach with kids, either. I think that each one gets to do "special things" based on their age and ability, and that helps each of them understand that they are special and unique. I also like them to have one on one time alone with DH and me.
And, honestly, for me, with the advent of no. 2, I would have LOVED the break. It would have been a mini-vacation for me if we went without no. 2. And, I would have loved the ability to share WDW with my older one in ways I couldn't with my younger one around.
Only you can decide what's best for your family. Whichever way you go, don't feel guilty about your decision.
As for other posters about not seeing him in pictures, etc. I'd make sure grandma and grandpa took lots of pictures (maybe even give them their own disposable camera) and give you copies. That's special time with grandma and grandpa that can't ever be regained. Most people, if asked, hey, would a visit with grandma and grandpa be a fun vacation to an 18month old would say, "sure!", unless you piggyback it on the rest of you going to Disney. I think your 18 month old won't know the difference and if he does it will be very short lived.

 

[robinb]

Personally, I wouldn't leave a child at home just to make things easier for me. I would miss that child too much and they are part of the family. Plus, you cannot be certain that the 4 year old will really go on most of the rides. My DD didn't enjoy any of the rides she was tall enough for until she was 6. She was also afraid of the costumed characters for the trips she was around ages 2 and 3. We just worked around it.

Here are some pictures that we took on our trip in November of 2000 when Celia was 15 months old. If I left her home, I would not have these wonderful memories:

​

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

We left our DS when he was 18 mos. and took DD7 and DS9. He stayed with both sets of grandparents. He was totally spoiled. We had a great vacation. It was so much easier on me only having 2 children. My 18 mo. old was a strong willed, very difficult, STINKER of a toddler. Thank God he has outgrown it. If you have never had a child like this then you have no idea what I'm talking about.

We could ride all of the age appropriate rides without one of us having to wait with the stroller and baby. We could actually enjoy a meal. Of course we went on a family vacation with all 3 kids later in the summer. Don't worry about my DS4, he has now been to WDW twice.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do!

Lori

 

[Aryn]

My daughter and I are doing a girls only trip this year. We are leaving Dad and DS4 at home. I feel that DD7 and I will have a great time and that next time we go to WDW either the whole family will go or it will be just DS4 and I. Sometimes I feel that I should take DS4 also, but this is a special girls only trip, and it is going to stay that way! Besides DS4 will get lots of goodies from WDW because if we see anything he would like I know we are going to have to buy it for him!! He has already been to WDW, BTW.

Aryn

 

[2Princes2Princesses]

Only you know your child and whether or not you should take him.

Our DS is 17 months old and we took him this month and last May. He loved the characters and the rides he could go on. Even POTC, which scared his almost 3 yr old sister (who talked about riding it for months beforehand ).

We have 4 kids, 17 mos, 35 months, 11 yrs, and 13 yrs. It has always been our experience that the youngest is the easiest in WDW. LoL

But that is our family.

This year, my 2 older kids were told that we would be pulling them out of school for almost 2 weeks. So, they were required to maintain certain grades, no missing school unless they were sick, and we had rules about behavior. My oldest DD13 lied, repeatedly did things she had been grounded for, and neglected her homework in favor of hanging out with her friends. She is a good student, but even so, her grades went from A's to low B's and high C's. She stayed home with her Dad, my ex.

It was the hardest thing I had ever done, but her 11-yr old brother pulled his grades up from the normal C's to B's and A's, and even with his ADD, was better behaved in the last 6 months than ever. So I could not give in and take her, after he worked so hard to earn the right to take 2 weeks off of school. His teacher was so happy with him, that she gave him a free pass on the work for those 2 weeks. He did not have to make up any assignments.

I know I am probably a mean mom, and I agonized over it (When I took her off the reservation, I cried), but since we have been back, she told me she knows why she stayed home and that she wants to go in Feb and will work her butt off in school so she can.

Anyway, for me, it was the right thing to do. And I am sure many people would tell me I am a wench and how could I do that to my DD. But it was right for us.

So if you think your son would be okay not going on this trip....leave him home.

 

[Pembo]

We took our boys age 7 and 5 and left our 16 mo old at home. It was great. The boys really appreciated our trip without the baby. They had some quality time with just us. We really appreciated time without the baby as well. If you have the opportunity I say do it. We went back with the "baby" when she was almost 3. It was a different experience again.

Heck we went back for a quick parents only trip this spring. That was great too! It is a different experience depending on who you are with. Enjoy!!!

 

[DVCLiz]

I'm just trying to imagine the difference in the parents of this generation, represented on this thread, and my parents, in terms of their reaction to this question. If this had happened in my family, and I'd asked why I wasn't in the picture, my mother would have just laughed. She certainly wouldn't have worried that she was dooming me to a life of low self-esteem and therapy. That kind of response is new to our generation of parents, I think.

My answer to my child would be, "Because it was easier to leave you home." Period.

Th flip side to this, and I'm now in this phase, is that the younger children do eventually grow up and sometimes they get more than the older siblings. My older DD has had some travel opportunities that her younger sister hasn't, with school and Scout trips. But, younger DD is now coming into that same age, while older DD is going off to college and will be getting a J-O-B, so may not be able to travel so easily with us in the future.

OP, as long as you have plenty of family trips and family memories, there's nothing wrong with making this decision. It's difficult to add a toddler to the mix you have right now, so I'd make the sanme decision and let the little one stay at home without any guilt whatsoever.

 

[Silverbelle990]

I say go for it!! I am planning a trip for my DS~6 in feb and he is a thrill seeker. He can't wait for TOT or RnRC. My other DS~3 is going to stay a week a grandma's. He is too young for the rides and the long days.

Once he gets big enough then we will go again and he can enjoy it like other DS will.

By the way the trip is a christmas present. Can't wait till he gets it!!!!!

 

[disneysnob]

Isn't Disney supposed to be a "family" vacation??? It's not like you're treating the older kids to a trip to the mall, or the ice cream shop. You're going on Vacation-as a family-to Disneyworld!!!! How could anyone NOT take all of their children?? I could never do it. My DH and I do get away without the kids, but if I'm taking one, I'm taking all of them. I wouldn't have a good time knowing that we weren't all there together. It's not like you're going to a deserted island paradise...you're going to Disney!! Screaming kids are a fixture there. Deal with it. Just take your time getting there and go with the flow once you're there. I just think that when you see all the other 18 month old children-and younger-that you'll regret not having your little one there. JMHO.