Dilemma: Leave one child home?

[swilshire]

When I clicked on this thread, I expected it to be about leaving a busy teen at home. I've done that with my 18yo, when his schedule conflicted with our vacation plans. It was kind of sad without him, but we coped.

Could I leave an 18 mo at home? NEVER! Sure it would simplify some things (we have four kids, so nothing is simple) but even at that age, they enjoy the magic. And haven't I always read that 18 months is the worst age for separation anxiety?

If you can't conveniently take all three, I would suggest staying home until the youngest is a bit older.

Sheila

P.S. As I finished the post above, I had a flashback to the year we took my two oldest and my husband SWORE he would never go back until both kids could walk and stand on their own. Guess he spent too much time holding DS (who would have been somewhere between 12 and 18 months, I guess) in lines. Maybe you SHOULD leave the little one at home!

 

[belle&beast]

I have not read everything, but I just wanted to tell you a story my cousin experienced with her son. He was four months old and she left him at home with her mom and dad and took her then 4 and 8 year old daughters to WDW and had a great time. She missed the baby, but she knew he was well taken care of. I used to tease her about it because personally I couldn't have left a baby that little. He is now 3.5 and he was looking at their family scrapbooks and realized that he wasn't in any of the pictures in WDW. He asked where he was and she told him he stayed with grandma and grandpa because he was so little. Well, he cried and said "even babies like Disney World!" He quickly recovered and is not upset now, but she thought he would never realize what he was missing and he did. So, now she feels guilty for leaving him so long ago.

 

[ladyelle]

I disagree with leaving a child behind to go on a family vacation to DISNEY. Disney is for kids of all ages. If I couldn't make it work then I wouldn't go.

 

[GoofyBaseballMom26]

I don't think you should feel quilty at all if you leave him this trip. I am assuming this won't be your family's last trip so there will be other memories to make. I agree with points several other posters have made such as:

1. All children don't have to have/do the same things etc at the same time. There are times one may get more or have an opportunity the others won't have. In my experience, it all equals out in the long run.

2. I don't think any bad messages will be sent to the older children or the baby. I think you can spend quality time with the older ones as a family and the little one can have quality time with the caregiver. There will be lots of things the four of you can do together, making memories for the older children that you couldn't do it the baby is there. I think you can just tell him he was too little at the time.. mine have been told that when true, no lasting effects.

3. It is difficult to deal with a bored little one. Depending on when you go, if very crowded, all the little one will see most of the time is other people's legs while in the park. (Assuming he will be in a stroller a lot of the time).

I was the oldest and my sister was not scarred for being "left out" of certain activites nor am I scarred when she had opportunities I didn't have over the years. He is only 18 months old and won't remember going anyway.

I'm sure you will make the right decision. Just have fun either way and remember what's right for one family may be different for another, circumstances can be very different. I applaud the families that take babies, I just wouldn't want to.

 

[hollyb]

We would NEVER leave a child home just for a vacation. It breaks my heart to think what would happen if the 18 month is crying for you and your not there? No takes the place of mommy. No vacation is worth that.

 

[elan]

All families are different and you know yours best but...We are a "we all go or no one goes" family vacationers. The youngest we have ever taken a child was just turning one. It's great. They are free,free,free.

Heck if I wanted my vacations to be easier I'd leave my dd8 home. She's the one skittish about rides who gets really cranky when she is tired!

I'm sure you will make the best decision for yourself and your family.

 

[rigs32]

If you won't take a family vacation without a very small child, will you not take family vacations when the older children are in college or otherwise grown or unable to get time off work/school? I guess, for me, I think taking a vacation without the older child would be sadder because that person knows full well what they're missing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating funding your kids vacations until they're 35, I just think that you need to do what is best for you.

I think, personally, certain places are too difficult with small kids that it would not be worth the money and effort. Just because we disagree doesn't make be wrong or bad.''

Heck, how many of you would love to be that grandparent who got to babysit for the week? Most kids don't understand the difference between what things cost or how to place a value on experiences. If there's ever an issue, sell the specialness of grandmas house.

 

[sameyeyam]

I wouldn't feel guilty at all. Look at it this way - your oldest child will probably be grown and gone from home when you make a last trip to Disney with your youngest child. So things will even out in the end!

Do you remember anything your parents did with you at 18 months? I sure don't! As long as you have a trusted person to leave your toddler with, then go, enjoy the time with your other children and don't feel guilty!

My children are older, 7 & 14, and while we do have family trips and activities, I also try to do different things with them. For instance me, my sister and daughter will be taking a Girls Only Caribbean cruise this winter. Do I feel guilty for not taking my son? Heck no!! Besides, he doesn't know it yet, but I am planning a special short weekend trip to Disneyland with him only after I get back.

No one says you have to make everything exactly even and exactly fair for each child. If you love them all and make special time for each of them, then you are a great parent!

 

[lclark0621]

If you won't take a family vacation without a very small child, will you not take family vacations when the older children are in college or otherwise grown or unable to get time off work/school? I guess, for me, I think taking a vacation without the older child would be sadder because that person knows full well what they're missing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating funding your kids vacations until they're 35, I just think that you need to do what is best for you.

What do you mean by "otherwise grown"? You say you arenot advocating funding kids' vacations when they are in their 30s, but I just dont get your point.

Leaving a child at home is one thing. A going on vacation with your spouse when your kids have graduated from college are completely different.

But you know, if when my DS is grown & hopefully has his own family, if they still want to go on vacation with us (not us paying ) we will schedule a family trip when everyone can go. That is what we did for our next trip this fall. The ILs wanted to come, so we scheduled a trip around everyone's schedule.

 

[rigs32]

Trip 1: 1 yr old left with grandma, 6 yr old goes with parents
Trip 2: 23 yr old has to work, 17 yr old goes with parents

What I'm saying is that if you're against trip one, would you also be against trip two. If so, then it seems like the older kid gets more free family trips than the younger one. The younger one gets them from birth to adulthood (whenever that is determined to be). The older one gets them from birth under the younger child hits adulthood.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Trip 1: 1 yr old left with grandma, 6 yr old goes with parents
Trip 2: 23 yr old has to work, 17 yr old goes with parents

What I'm saying is that if you're against trip one, would you also be against trip two. If so, then it seems like the older kid gets more free family trips than the younger one. The younger one gets them from birth to adulthood (whenever that is determined to be). The older one gets them from birth under the younger child hits adulthood.

To be completely honest we would try to work it so we would go when the 23 year old could get off of work. That's what my parents always did. We are just that type of family. You have to do what's right for you.

 

[Bird-Mom]

Trip 1: 1 yr old left with grandma, 6 yr old goes with parents
Trip 2: 23 yr old has to work, 17 yr old goes with parents

What I'm saying is that if you're against trip one, would you also be against trip two. If so, then it seems like the older kid gets more free family trips than the younger one. The younger one gets them from birth to adulthood (whenever that is determined to be). The older one gets them from birth under the younger child hits adulthood.

Leaving a 1 year old behind is totally different than not taking an adult child. And like Mouse House Mama, we would also try and work around the schedule of our older child so that we could all go together. Heck, I am 37, live 3000 miles away from my mom, and we still try to vacation as a family. But I digress...a 1 year old needs his/her mama. As a nursing mom, I could never leave my nursling. 18 months (as the OP's child is) is a prime time for separation anxiety. A 23 year old can understand much better than a baby.

It's not about who has more trips. My older dd has been to WDW 5 times; her sister has been once. Life isn't always equal. However, leaving a child at home because it is easier (implying the child is too much work) makes me sad. Children are blessing-easy or difficult. (And let me tell you about difficult...my 4 year old is a special needs child who had tons of nursing problems, didn't sleep through the night until age 3.5, is still in diapers, would only nap on me until she was 2, and the list goes on) It just wouldn't work for my family to leave someone behind. While it might be great to go stroller-less or diaper-free, it will happen in time. Unfortunately, they grow up and become self-sufficient.

 

[Planogirl]

When I was 23, I made my own vacations with my husband and I only wanted to be with him, not my parents. I wouldn't count on the older child wanting to hang out with his or her parents forever.

As for leaving a baby home, I see nothing wrong with it. The baby can have fun with Grandma and go in the future. As for a kid crying because they aren't in the pictures, an explanation that NONE of the kids got to go at that age should suffice.

 

[brymolmom]

Leaving a 1 year old behind is totally different than not taking an adult child. And like Mouse House Mama, we would also try and work around the schedule of our older child so that we could all go together. Heck, I am 37, live 3000 miles away from my mom, and we still try to vacation as a family. But I digress...a 1 year old needs his/her mama. As a nursing mom, I could never leave my nursling. 18 months (as the OP's child is) is a prime time for separation anxiety. A 23 year old can understand much better than a baby.

It's not about who has more trips. My older dd has been to WDW 5 times; her sister has been once. Life isn't always equal. However, leaving a child at home because it is easier (implying the child is too much work) makes me sad. Children are blessing-easy or difficult. (And let me tell you about difficult...my 4 year old is a special needs child who had tons of nursing problems, didn't sleep through the night until age 3.5, is still in diapers, would only nap on me until she was 2, and the list goes on) It just wouldn't work for my family to leave someone behind. While it might be great to go stroller-less or diaper-free, it will happen in time. Unfortunately, they grow up and become self-sufficient.

I certainly hope you're not implying (even though it sounds like you are) that parents who chosoe to leave a child with a reliable, loving babysitter does not consider that child a 'blessing-easy or difficult'. Even we baby-leaving parents do, I assure you, consider our children the biggest blessings and miracles in our lives. We simply think that to make the best choices for our family, it does not always entail the entire family being attached at the hip. And we are NOT afraid of hard work - so we're not trying to take the easy route and forego the difficult part by leaving a child (actually, some might - but i feel I am speaking for the majority of parents who chose to occasionally leave their children). My children are very well adjusted, obviously loved, and THRIVE with the environment dh and I have provided, which includes time (even vacation time) away from us. I'm not saying that your kids can't necessarily be the same, but we all know what blessings they are. No matter what environment you choose is best for your own children.

 

[Bird-Mom]

I certainly hope you're not implying (even though it sounds like you are) that parents who chosoe to leave a child with a reliable, loving babysitter does not consider that child a 'blessing-easy or difficult'. Even we baby-leaving parents do, I assure you, consider our children the biggest blessings and miracles in our lives. We simply think that to make the best choices for our family, it does not always entail the entire family being attached at the hip. And we are NOT afraid of hard work - so we're not trying to take the easy route and forego the difficult part by leaving a child (actually, some might - but i feel I am speaking for the majority of parents who chose to occasionally leave their children). My children are very well adjusted, obviously loved, and THRIVE with the environment dh and I have provided, which includes time (even vacation time) away from us. I'm not saying that your kids can't necessarily be the same, but we all know what blessings they are. No matter what environment you choose is best for your own children.

I think if you need to defend your decisions to a total stranger on the internet, you are feeling a little defensive or insecure. I said that it makes me sad and that it wouldn't work for my family. In no way does that imply anything about other people's families. We make choices that work for our families, and we all have to deal with the consequences of those choices. We are an extremely attached family and will stay that way until our children willingly separate, whatever age that may be. Consequences of that are no DH and I only, no leaving one child behind vacations for some time. That's fine; we are happy with that choice and its consequence.

 

[brymolmom]

I think if you need to defend your decisions to a total stranger on the internet, you are feeling a little defensive or insecure. I said that it makes me sad and that it wouldn't work for my family. In no way does that imply anything about other people's families. We make choices that work for our families, and we all have to deal with the consequences of those choices. We are an extremely attached family and will stay that way until our children willingly separate, whatever age that may be. Consequences of that are no DH and I only, no leaving one child behind vacations for some time. That's fine; we are happy with that choice and its consequence.

That's just my style - when I feel attacked, I defend myself - even on the Internet.

If you did not at any time feel like the OP or anyone who responded with 'go ahead and leave the baby and have fun' - was wrong or not as loving a parent as you are, then that's fine. It didn't sound that way in the post.

I too am very satisfied and confident in all the decisions I've made and in remaining my own person and not parent only (but definitely parent first) for my children.

Just shows it takes all kinds in the world - Disney and outside.

 

[snowwite]

I have been trying to keep an open mind reading about everyone's unique ideas about families and parenting.The OP simply wanted to know if she should consider leaving her baby home and take the older kids to Disney.While I didnt do this when the kids were younger,if my mom had offered I would have been thrilled at her generosity and gone. The thing that is bothering me is that just like what happened in the thread about spanking is happening here. Some parents seem to be of the mond set that thier way is the only way and anyone else is not as loving,nurturing,caring or competent a parent as they are and those kinds of remarks are unkind,unfair and untrue and IMHO said to cause trouble. Think before you post mean stuff because words do hurt. I had a really funny and smart boss who once told me never email anything (in this case post anything) that you would not be perfectly comfortable seeing on the lunchroom wall or the front page of the paper.Believe me I type and hit delete...a lot!! Sometimes that snippy response that springs to mind is not what you need to say. Anyway, I just dont want this thread to deteriorate the way some others have and I dont want to see any friendships ruined. From what I read we all LOVE our kids even if we do not all do everything the same exact way!

 

[lclark0621]

When I was 23, I made my own vacations with my husband and I only wanted to be with him, not my parents. I wouldn't count on the older child wanting to hang out with his or her parents forever.

Thats how I was. I was vacation with my DH by 20 years old. So if my parents went on vacation without me, I could have cared less. Just like I did not want them on vacation with me.

At some point the "child" is an adult. Their own responsibilty, there own money, their own spouse & kids.

Comparing leaving a baby home, to leaving an adult alone are two totally different things. You just cant compare them.

But if my DS at 23, still wants to come on vacation with us, we will try & plan a family trip around everyone's schedule.

 

[disneymom3]

snowwite--that was an excellent, thoughtful and well worded post. And I happen to agree with you 100%. Just because someone parents differently from me or from anyone else does not make them a bad parent.