Dilema

[Ali and boyz]

advice please

my son had an accident 4 years ago and broke his neck and it has been hard, we plucked up courage last year to go to Florida which was the first time since his accident. It was nightmare due to the family members we went with and I mean truly a nightmare.

anyway we booked up again to go in July this year and it is just the 4 of us + my Mum and Dad. got an email from a cousin this morning to say when are we going as my mums sis-inlaw had broken her ankle and she and her husband (my mums brother whom she hasn't seen in 35 years) cant go on holiday together so she was going to send him to Florida as a surprise for him and my Mum.

I really don't know what to do as we have planned everything including a trip to vero beach for a couple of days and my Husband and son just want us to have a family holiday by ourselves one because my husband works 24/7 and 2. because last year the holiday was so bad for us (that bad mum took a stroke because of a certain relation)
part of me wants for my Mum to meet up with him and part of me really wants it just to be us. feel really selfish . can't even talk to my Mum as she hasn't to know. thing is also she isn't that great an surprises. she would just be as happy knowing what is going on than get sprung with a surprise

thing also is the sis-inlaw says if she gets her cast off then he won't go to Florida but will continue with their plans for their own trip to Mexico. They live in Australia so feel a bit annoyed if I planned anything and they cancelled. we go in about 8 weeks so its not ages away

please help

 

[AndRu]

As your last experience was a poor one (as ours was in 2003 with my Mother-in-Law), then I think you should go back with just your family and enjoy yourselves. I know I was the catalyst for us going back in '05 to make up for poor time we had with other family tagging along. It might sound selfish to say it but we had a far better time on our own, just me, my DW and 3 children could do what we wanted, when we wanted without interference.

I say do what's best for your closest family members and just try to keep the peace with the others. It's your lives, your money & your holiday.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[jen_uk]

It sounds like you need a holiday with just close family! If you explain that all the plans have already been made and that you really need time as a close family hopefully they will understand.

 

[shellbell]

If it was me I would stick to your plans. You deserve this holiday and may not be able to relax and enjoy it if anyone else joins the party. Like Jen said, explain you would like this holiday for the family. Hope everything works out ok.

 

[mandymouse]

If it was me I would stick to your plans. You deserve this holiday and may not be able to relax and enjoy it if anyone else joins the party. Like Jen said, explain you would like this holiday for the family. Hope everything works out ok.

I totally agree, sometimes you have to put yourself first, and after last years disaster I would insist that this trip was just for you and your immediate family

Good luck in whatever you decide

Mandy

 

[gilld]

This really is a dilemma. I do agree that your family should come first but I also think how wonderful it would be for your Mum and her brother to see each other again after so long - and maybe before they are unable to do it again(not knowing ages, health etc).

Could your Uncle come and join you for a short while? I think perhaps your Mum should be in on the decision, maybe she and your Dad could meet up with him and you and your family leave them to it, so you have some quality time together.

 

[catherine]

If it was me I would stick to your plans. You deserve this holiday and may not be able to relax and enjoy it if anyone else joins the party. Like Jen said, explain you would like this holiday for the family. Hope everything works out ok.

ITA

Because DH's family all live in the states whenever we go stateside they have to come and meet up with us. I understand that they want to see their grandchildren, but still we never have any time to ourselves, and after a while it really starts to wear us down! So we have booked a trip for next year and we aren't going to tell any of DH's family that we are going. That might sound selfish to some, but we really would like to spend some time just the four of us having fun.

 

[Merylj]

Families!! Who would have them!
I was thinking as your Mum is not good with surprises why doesn`t she sort it out with her brother?
Does he have to meet up with her in Florida? Maybe somewhere like Italy or Austria would be nice or even back home in the UK.
I would just explain the situation to your cousin - I`m sure they`ll understand.
Good luck.

 

[Netty]

From the way i look at it, a surprise of that sort - your mum not seeing her brother for 35 years-will be quite an emotional time anyway, and so it would be better if this meeting took place at your mums home in the uk. this will also give him the opportunity to meet other family members he hasnt seen or never met!

 

[pixiepower04]

For me there would be no dilema, you NEED this time together, on your own with just your folks. You do not want to come back with more regrets if you don't have quality time together.

One mis-timed thing could upset the whole apple cart and you will ALWAYS be on tenterhooks throughout the whole of your trip worrying, so for me there is no dilema. You should just say that it would be lovely to meet but you have already booked all these special days away etc and that perhaps your mum and brother should meet back in the UK where he can meet the rest of the family as Netty says.

Good luck but be firm, this is your quality time, not theirs!

 

[Ali and boyz]

thanks everyone,

spoke to my cousin last night and she was like oh he is a fit 75 year old he wouldn't be a problem and I said well you sister, BIL and neice 58, 57 and 17 were meant to be fit and look what happened last year holiday from H..
I told her I would now always worry about pleasing others if anybody else joined us for more than a day or so and wouldn't be able to relax or enjoy our holiday for the worry.

Hubby said I work 24/7 all year and this is the only time we get as a family and I NEED a stress free holiday so he said no. I told my dad and he was like oh he is alright (don't know how he knows he hasn't seen him in 35 years either) but agreed that Mum doesn't really do surprises. The brother doesn't want to come back to the UK and Mum doesn't want to go to Australia so I was saying to Dad why can't they arrange for the 4 of them to meet up say in November or whatever which he thought was a good idea.

Told my cousin to email the wife back and say that our itinerary is complicated and she isn't sure where we are and when. thing also is we have to load hoists, shower chairs luggage etc to get to VB and my Mum and Dad are now used to the uphevial with our son but somebody else might find that all a pain. what annoyed me a bit also was if the wife gets her cast off then he would cancel and the two of them would go to California so I was like great we make plans, change them to suit then they might cancel !

If I am honest I just want to go ourselves will let you all know what the next email says !

 

[Lisash]

I think your cousin is taking a liberty hi-jacking your holiday. After all this time they are meeting as practical strangers to each other so related or not there will be a lot of awkward moments. Besides which your cousin is happy to 'blow you mother out' should the ankle heal. Like the others have said I'd tell her you'd be delighted to help her arrange a meeting somewhere they can spend quality time together and perhaps meet other family members. Good Luck

 

[Cyrano]

Hope it all works out okay. I have to say we have great holidays when FIL and MIL tag along, but that is because they do as they are told

 

[ely3857]

STICK YOU YOUR ORIGINAL PLANS!!!!



Jodie

 

[Minniespal]

Hope you can get it sorted and that you can have a lovely holiday.

 

[Ali and boyz]

haven't heard anything as yet so I am sort of like no news is good news and I reckon the nearer the holiday gets the easier it will be not to have to change our plans.

Just want to go by ourselves

If they do come back to me though I am going to tell them not to surprise my Mum but to include her. She took a stroke last year on holiday because of THE 58 year old TWAT shouting at us so feel 1. she might like us might also want a nice relaxing holiday this year and 2. she might take another turn with the shock of him appearing in front of her

must keep remembering to take my brave and ascertiveness pills

 

[jns]

some great advice here again
It is your holiday and your family time

like some one said let the four of them meet up somewhere by them selves later on in the year after her leg is better , if he really wants to meet up with your mother after 35 years let them put themselves out not you

Why is it
The hardest thing to say is NO


Good luck sening you a as I have been in your shoes so many different times
In Law , I call them out laws

 

[wils]

Keep strong!

No is the right answer

(I did particually enjoy the bit which said that actually he might just cancel at the last moment anyway )

 

[Spook]

what a cheek your extended family have. Hope they have re-thought it and you can stop taking those ascertiveness pills

Jan

 

[Ali and boyz]

what a cheek your extended family have. Hope they have re-thought it and you can stop taking those ascertiveness pills

Jan

haven't heard a thing as yet , I am hoping my email system sends their email to quarantine thing is with my family if I try to be the least wee bit ascertive they take the huff big time but after last years nightmare on you learn (the hard way !!)

thanks everyone, will keep you posted