Difficult in-laws

[orlosipher]

This is a great topic!

I am planning my first trip with my 2 1/2 year old son, for February 2004. When my husband first agreed to the trip, my MIL (who's never been to WDW) said that she would love to be there for my son's first trip. Well, since my son is the only grandchild and great grandchild in our immediate family, and since all the grandparents live far away, my husband and I invited all the grandparents to come along. The next thing I knew, about 8 other members of my husband's family wanted to come. I started to panic, because their idea of vacation does not match mine!

When all the dust settled, though, it turned out that only my mother and her husband will be going (it turns out my MIL just can't make it). We haven't gotten down to the nitty gritty of our itenerary yet, but I don't even want to imagine what the planning would be like if all of the original family members were really coming!

 

[onecoolmama]

My brother has decided to come for two days. I will try to be as accomidating as possible, but I do not like spending time with him and my mom together. My mom gets so caught up into him and what he wants..she has no focus on anyone else. I went on a trip to visit my DB in San Fran about 4 years ago when I was pregnant. I am not even kidding, they would not stop to eat..and we had to have walked the entire city. We got downtown around 11am and we did not eat again until 10pm. Fianlly, around 9pm I put my foot down and told them I had to eat..they got angry at me and both of them walked ahead of me..mad that I got upset.

I have never traveled with my brother again and I love traveling with my mom when he isn't around. He will only be there for 2 days..so it should be ok..SHOULD BE. I went ahead and asked him which parks he would like to do on those two days..he said Sunday night he would join us for MNSSHP and Sat he would get back to me on. This is fine, but I now have a 2yo and a 1yo and let me tell you ..we will stop for food!!! LOL! I will give you all an update when I get back. Now this is 18 very different personalities..so it will be interesting to see what happens!

 

[Swimnoid]

We introduced my PIL to Disney several years ago. They turned out to be just about as fanatic as we are. The first year we did most of the activities together. They still go with us at least once per year but now mostly do their own thing. This year will be their first trip at Christmas and they are tremendously excited.

 

[onecoolmama]

What is a PIL? I went through everything I would call an in-law and I can't figure it out.

 

[Certifiable WDW Nut]

Originally posted by onecoolmama
What is a PIL? I went through everything I would call an in-law and I can't figure it out.

Parents-in-law???

 

[jdads2]

WHAT HAVE I STARTED??!!

Faith, you are right about getting off on the wrong foot. I paraphrase our rule about vacations. When we discuss going with others it comes out much, much nicer than that. I am not really worried about what happens when we get there. They know we are out the door of the resort no later than 8:00 and ussually don't get to back until 11:00 at the earliest.

My biggest concern has been trying to get information from them about when they would be joining us and where they want to eat, do they want to do Fantasmic, MVMCP...etc.

Now that the 90 day PS time frame is about past it would have been nice to get answers a little earlier than last night.

 

[Tiggerkeeper]

faith, in all fairness our first trip to WDW with kids was with DH's in-laws, my parents, and we had a blast!! One of our most memorable trips ever. We do vacation with hubby's parents about one weekend a month - just NOT at Disney and it is much more enjoyable!

 

[Strings]

Thanks for the advice.

This October we're taking my DD3 on her first trip to the world. My parents are joining us for 5 days. Before they decided to go, I showed them my tentative itinerary, We are a commando family. DD3 does better at these places than DH. Anyways, parents will meet up with us. (Yes, I'll be the one with the cell phone) and we'll do our dinners together. It is understood that we can break up at any point, withoiut hard feelings. The bonus is a babysitter 2 evenings that we're there! I'll report how it goes.

 

[JandD Mom]

MY parents, as well as my brother and his family are joining my family of 4 on our November trip. We have all reached an understanding. We have already planned some meals together. However, except for a few events on this trip, everyone is free to do what they want, when they want. If someone wants to do one thing and others want to join, that will be fine. However, we have an understanding that if the others don't want to join, that is ok too.

The first morning of our trip we are taking our kids to Chef Mickey's at 7:45 am. My parents want to come and we included them. My SIL and Brother did not want to be up that early, so they are not coming. They will do their own Chef Mickey's whenever they want.

We did the same thing 2 years ago when travelling with another family of 4 and it worked out well. That family decided not to stay on site, but we stayed at the Poly. We would pre-arrange a meeting time usually in a certain park, then break when we wanted to do different things. Then we would usually hook up again later.

 

[foofoo]

I shouldn't complain...My MIL was diagnosed about 7 months ago with stage 4 Ovarian Cancer. If you know anything about this, you would know she's very, very sick, probably terminally. She is very good to my children, less so to me. (I find her extremely narcissistic). She also can be very, very nasty when she doesn't get her way (very immature - causes scenes crys, screams - e.g. she tried to punch the photographer at my wedding because he called her Mom, not her given name!!!).

OK, so here we are, my 3YO DD is a Disney FREAK. we took her for 2 days in January and she hasn't stopped talking about it - she takes her photo album everywhere and talks about Mickey's house incessantly. We're planning a trip in October - my husband has a conference - and bringing our Nanny (I will probably have to go to some business dinners and I now have a 7 MO DS). My ILs have decided to come. We're staying at OKW in a 2br, they're staying at AKL (because she's a microbiologist and gets a discount - meantime my ILs are richer than Midas). She expects me to pick her up every morning at AKL and then take her to our hotel so she can take the bus with the kids (my FIL will go to the conference with DH). I made a lot of PS before they decided to join and now I am having trouble changing them.

I feel bad, because I do realize that this could be MIL's last trip with my kids and I DO want to make it special. On the other hand, it's still my big family vacation, too, and I want to spend time with my little ones (I am a PT working mom), and I am a little wary of my MIL - she's ruined many a vacation before.

SIGGGGHHH. I know there's no right or wrong answer on this...

 

[Strings]

FooFoo

Yhat is a tough one.You have a guilt trip in every direction. Could you do your early morning PS breakfasts, and then go get MIL? Maybe explain that you need some quality time with the kids on your own r/t working mom syndrome. You could then meet up w/ MIL. You could stress her need for rest, not wanting to wear her out. Suggest a day at the spa for her. She certainly deserves to be pampered with all she's going through. A facial, massage, manicure, and pedicure could take up an entire day. Then yau all (DH and FIL) have a relaxing dinner together and admire how wonderful she looks. GOOD LUCK!

 

[franw]

foofoo - I read your post and understand your feelings about your MIL being demanding and taking control of your family vacation. It is sad as you sound like a really kind person and she could have had such a nice relationship with you if she had only tried a little bit. You know, there is an old saying that it isn't the things that happened in the past the we regret, only the things that could have been. I would say (now this is 12 years of Catholic schooling speaking here) that this is probably the last time your MIL will be traveling with your family to WDW. I think the way you treat her (even if she doesn't deserve it) will impact your DH and kids for the rest of their lives. Take the high road here and cater to her a bit. You will probably find that she will tire out very quickly and need to spend time in the room resting quite a bit. Use those times to have your "family" time. Also, see your little one through her eyes knowing that she will be realizing that she won't hve a whole lot of tomorrows with her grandkids. I know that it is a bitter pill to swallow when you have so much emotion invested in having your trip your way but you will be reminded of her and her absence on every trip you take in the future to WDW. We are taking my dad on our Nov. trip (along with my mom) who has been very ill for three years. I am pretty sure it will be his last and our trip will be very different than it usually would be but I don't think in the long run we will regret it. You are a better person than your MIL, know that and I think you'll have a good time regardless of her disposition.