Did you wait?

[LuluLovesDisney]

As some of you know, I want to get my life started - get engaged (we've been together almost 5 yrs.), get married, buy a house, etc. and I am currently saving 20 % of my income toward those goals. I still feel like I am a long way away from my "ideal" amount of savings which would be the cost of our wedding + a down payment on a home of 50,000 - which would total at least 80,000-100,000. I feel like it would take forever to get there and we're not getting any younger.

I have a friend who thinks I'm insane. She's already married with kids and she thinks it's better to just get married, get a house, even if you're in debt, you're still living your life the way you want and not postponing your life for just money.

Now, I see her point, but I've always been under the idea that debt is terrible and that you should wait to get married until you're financially stable. So, my question is -

Did you wait until you had enough saved to pay for your wedding and put a down payment on a home or did you just charge/finance/get loans, etc.

Do you think that it's better to wait or to just live your life and worry about the cost later?

Basically, what would you do?

Thanks!!!!

 

[JJClemson]

I think this is a tough, personal question. To each his or her own, I guess

I am 24 and DF is 25. We are anything but financially stable. I am in graduate school (only for 2 more weeks though!) and my DF is in med school. We have been together fir 5 1/2 years and we are definitely ready to get married. The only debt we will have is for my student loans, which is not that much. His medical school is all paid for. My parents are being nice enough to pay for our whlole wedding so we do not have to worry about that. We are renting an apt right now and will do so until DF is out of school. It does not bother me that we are not financially stable b/c I think a lot of young couples start out this way. Most people struggle in the beginning, and I want to struggle with him I know it will be tough, but it will be worth it in the end. In a few years, my DF will theoretically have a good job and we won't have to worry about money so much, so maybe this is why I think this way.

Good luck to you I am sure you and your man will make the best decision for the two of you.

 

[purplegirl247]

We've been together for almost five years. We thought about waiting until 2008 to get married, as we assume we'd have more money saved by then. However, when I sat down and did the budget, we realized we could have a small wedding (at Disney even!) within six months and have the wedding paid off by the wedding date (April 23, 2007). If we had waited another year, yes, we probably could have a bigger wedding, but it would be a while nother year without the wedded bliss! Maybe we'll have a nice, big five-year renewal blowout, but this is working for us.

As for the house, we're still renting too. We're 27 (me) and 29 (he) and while it would be great to save up the $50k or whatever for a house, he's an actor and I'm still starting my career, so that could take forever. So the saving on that is definitely going to take awhile, but it's something we're willing to wait for. I've not yet gotten to the point of seeing rent as "throwing your money away" (like some people do) because we can afford that amount per month, but in our area, we couldn't afford a mortgage AND a down payment per month, you know?

Hope that helps a little; it's all very personalized, just like the above poster said! Good luck!! And congrats on five years of togetherness!

 

[disneygirl725]

No... I am the same way. I am waiting to get engaged. It "should" be soon (by Feb 7th) at the latest. That is our 3 year anniversary.

I'm 27 and my bf is 28. We moved in together and have a really nice apt. I didn't make much right out of school so I am slowly paying off my cc debt and I'm saving for a house. Things have been turning around.

My mom is always like why do you want a house and to get married so bad.

I'm hoping to get married Summer 2008. My parents will pay for a good portion of the wedding. I am saving about 20% of my income a month so in about 5 yrs we should have enough for a home.

I would think about it and do what is right for you!!

 

[sajetto]

We don't have any debt except for our home that we purchased in April. Everyone's situation is different, he has a full time job that supports us and my graduate education. If it weren't for his income we WOULD be in debt big time. I think that you have to weigh what your priorities are and where you are in your life. If you really want to get your life started then you could consider doing a small wedding and then doing a custom VR later. That way you could keep that money for your down payement and still not be giving anything up, just delaying it.

 

[PirateKitty]

I just wanted to say kudos to you for saving your money! You're obviously on the right track, saving a portion of your income towards your goal of owning a home. Debt can be a great burden in a relationship. But ultimately, you have to follow your heart and do what is best for you. If you're not in debt right now, don't think your wedding has to break the bank and send you there. I think if you've put alot of effort into saving for your future, you will definitely be able to come up with a solution that will let you get the wedding you want without draining your bank account. Good luck!

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

Thanks for the advice so far. It's so hard - on one hand you have financial security and then on the other you have emotional security and wanting to build a home and family of your own - both are pretty strong.

I am really thinking hard about this. I am thinking I could try to do a WDW wedding on a budget of 30,000 and only put a 25,000 down payment, which would mean I'd have to save up about 55,000. Still a challenge, but maybe more realistic?

Still thinking here. . . .

 

[princessdisneybelle]

I agree with everyone else. Only you know whats right for you. Just follow your heart and your gut and you will make the right choice. I do think your second goal is more reachable.

 

[jojoandhb]

We waited. We've been together almost 8 years. When we got our first house, we got an FHA loan. We only had to put down 1%, and the sellers paid 1%. Then, we got a grant from the government which paid our downpayment, and we got our 1% back!
As for the wedding, it's not worth going into debt to pay for a party. The marriage is more important than the wedding. That is just my opinion, but I have to tell you that it's nice to be in a financially secure position. I have friends who have credit card debt like you wouldn't believe. They take out cash advances and would be homeless if one of them lost their job. I have one friend who has a massive 7 bedroom house, and 1 child! They barely have furniture and are working to pay for a house that's too big. I think she wants people to think she's rich or important or something. It's sad. We're secure, and we have the money to do things as a family, take our daughter on vacation, and fix the car or water heater or whatever. Being in debt isn't a good thing. I think you're really smart. But, you should look into other loans, You may not have to put $50,000 down. I can't think of anyone who put that much down on a house...

 

[PipesofLirael]

We're waiting.

We're much younger than most couples I know planning on marriage (I'm 19, he's 21, this is pretty normal for my family/culture). But, still, we're waiting.

We're both on 100% scholarships and already live together. With my family agreeing to pay a good amount of the wedding, plus our savings, yes, we could run off and get married tomorrow if we wanted. I just felt safer knowing that we had enough in the bank to survive at least 3 months if his family pulls the plug on is. Considering his family has a pretty racist hate against me, it isn't so paranoid...

Not to mention the interest rates on those loans...oof...

It's a personal choice, obviously, but marriage is enough pressure without the added burden of paying off loans. Just my 2 cents.

**hugs for encouragement**

 

[CherCrazy]

Having been married for a long time...I would say...

1. Don't wait to begin your life together. The money will come.

2. Don't spend all your money on a big wedding. $25k for ONE DAY can be spent on a home.

3. Buy a home asap. By the time you save up 20% for a down payment, the price of the house you can afford will be up tremendously. Say it takes you 4 years to save up your 20%, but the rate of appreciation of homes in your area is 7% per year....that same house you could buy today will now cost you 28% more four years from now.

 

[PrincessShanShan]

As for the wedding, it's not worth going into debt to pay for a party. The marriage is more important than the wedding. That is just my opinion, but I have to tell you that it's nice to be in a financially secure position.

I totally agree with this, but again it's a very personal opinion/decision. I think it's great that you are thinking of your future. Best of luck on whatever you decide.

 

[ExCPKate]

Lulu,

I understand your reasoning because debt can be very scary. My DF and I both have student loans and both need to go to graduate school. Luckily, we have almost no credit card or car debt and will have none by our wedding date. When we first get married, I am going to work full time at a retail management position to provide a large part of our income while he finishes school. I'm also going to try and take a graduate class or two in the meantime. Between my job and his, we are hoping to save money for a down payment on a house by living extremely frugally. Then we'll wait until we both have full-time jobs and are all done with school (about 4-5 years from now) to buy our house. I think it is completely worth it.

Since you sound like my kind of woman, have you read the book "Smart Couples Finish Rich" by David Bach? If you haven't you should consider picking up a copy.

I can't really give you advice except perhaps do a slightly cheaper wedding so you have a little more to go towards a down payment(and a little less to save.) And remember that not all debt is bad debt or will lead to bankruptcy.

Good luck even though it sounds like you are already on the right track!

 

[applechips]

Having been married for a long time...I would say...

1. Don't wait to begin your life together. The money will come.

2. Don't spend all your money on a big wedding. $25k for ONE DAY can be spent on a home.

3. Buy a home asap. By the time you save up 20% for a down payment, the price of the house you can afford will be up tremendously. Say it takes you 4 years to save up your 20%, but the rate of appreciation of homes in your area is 7% per year....that same house you could buy today will now cost you 28% more four years from now.

ITA with this.

IMHO, don't wait to buy a home, an home is an investment and it ALWAYS appreciates (well almost always). House debt is not a *bad* debt like credit cards are, etc. Most times now, you dont' need but a 1-3% down payment and sometimes you can qualify for 100% loans. 100% loans aren't ideal because the interest rates are higher but most mortgage brokers can find a loan to work for every situation practically. I wouldn't lock 50K up in a house or even 25K in a house!-- put it in savings and make interest on it and live your life!

Dh and I have been married for 10 years, we have 2 children. We had a very nice and small wedding and it was under 5K (not at Disney of course). We own a home (our 2nd). We borrowed 2K from my aunt to help pay for the wedding because I was working part time and dh was finishing up grad school and didn't have a great income as a grad student. When we got better jobs just 2 months away from the wedding we were able to pay my aunt back asap and go on to live our lives as we wanted. We waited 5 years to have children but not because of money but because we wanted time to share things a couple and to travel.

Good luck!! You have a great start and it is wise to plan for the future and be thrifty and money conscience but dont' let that keep you from living your life!

 

[NeverlandClub23]

Such a great question! We are in the same boat. We are currently thinking of a January 2008 wedding at Disney (either intimate or at the Swan/Dolphin) for around $7-10k and at the same time trying to save up at least $5-10k for a down payment on a house as we both live with our parents in different states and would want to live in a house in the mountains somewhere in VA after the wedding and not have to live in an apartment or one of our parents' house.

Lack of money is frustrating and I too do NOT want to go into debt for the wedding as I know that I'll want to buy things for the house or still be able to go on vacation after the wedding. Not sitting at home for five years eating Ramen noodles . I currently have two jobs but don't make great money at either and my DFi is going to school and has a full time job. It's going to be a tough year but I don't want to wait longer than that! We've been together over a year and long distance (even though we see each other pretty much every weekend) is not fun! Good luck with your decision and personally I would go for it but maybe find a house in a cheaper area (or a "starter" home) or cut down on what you want (or who you want) at your wedding.

 

[TinkBride]

The way i have always been taught:

If you always wait for the PERFECT moment to do things, you will spend a life waiting for things to happen, because there is no such thing as the perfect time to get married, the perfect time to buy a house, or the perfect time to have children. With each new phase in life comes new struggles, new lessons, as well as new joys. Sometimes you have to take risks.

I am by no means condoning debt. Debt is a stressful, time-consuming, unecessary worry.

But, sometimes you just need to take a leap of faith and things fall into place as they should be.

No one knows your financial situation better than you and your DF. Go with your gut. Don't jump if you aren't comfortable or ready. Don't complicate what shouldn't be complicated. But, be prepared to wait.

It sounds as if you guys have a good head on your shoulders. If you are ready for that commitment in your relationship, then do it. No matter when or how you do, there will be an adjustment period. It will never be perfect.

Go with your heart, your gut, and your comfort level.

DF and I are getting married with some small debt on our shoulders. Car loans and small credit card debt. But, we have a plan. Before we got engaged, we decided to make a budget and plan to realize our goals. We have had to make compromises and do some tweaking along the way, but we are a team.

If you are ready, I do not think money should hold you back. Make a budget, make a plan, and all should work out.

 

[DIsNeYSweEtHrTs]

The way i have always been taught:

If you always wait for the PERFECT moment to do things, you will spend a life waiting for things to happen, because there is no such thing as the perfect time to get married, the perfect time to buy a house, or the perfect time to have children. With each new phase in life comes new struggles, new lessons, as well as new joys. Sometimes you have to take risks.

I am by no means condoning debt. Debt is a stressful, time-consuming, unecessary worry.

But, sometimes you just need to take a leap of faith and things fall into place as they should be.

No one knows your financial situation better than you and your DF. Go with your gut. Don't jump if you aren't comfortable or ready. Don't complicate what shouldn't be complicated. But, be prepared to wait.

It sounds as if you guys have a good head on your shoulders. If you are ready for that commitment in your relationship, then do it. No matter when or how you do, there will be an adjustment period. It will never be perfect.

Go with your heart, your gut, and your comfort level.

DF and I are getting married with some small debt on our shoulders. Car loans and small credit card debt. But, we have a plan. Before we got engaged, we decided to make a budget and plan to realize our goals. We have had to make compromises and do some tweaking along the way, but we are a team.

If you are ready, I do not think money should hold you back. Make a budget, make a plan, and all should work out.

I couldn't have said it better myself! It's so true that there is NO perfect timing. Things happen in life, and if you wait until the timing is perfect, it still won't be. Ever since DF and I were engaged, it seemed as if everyone had an opinion on whether or not we should wait to get married because we're too young (21 & 22), and then they started telling us we can't possibly even think about having children until he's done with school (i'll be done in May, he'll be done in 2009), because everyone seems to believe they know when we will be ready. It's almost as if everyone thinks you should wait until your life slows down before you make any drastic changes - but you know what, it NEVER slows down. And changes are what makes life so wonderful.

I guess my only suggestion is that you should do what makes you comfortable. If a $30,000 wedding is your dream wedding, then do what you have to do to make it happen. If a house is more important, then maybe have an Intimate wedding and use the money for a home. It's all a balance, it's just up to you to figure out what is the most important thing for you. You don't have to sacrifice everything else, just comprimise. Good luck with everything, I'm sure everything will work out...you seem to have a great grasp on planning and you know what you want to do. Enjoy your new life together with your hubby-to-be, even with all the ups and downs...

 

[Fairy_Tale_Bride]

Debt is a drag, isn't it!?

Well, let's see...we got married this past June and paid off a lot of our wedding and Disneymoon, but not all of it. DH brought along his debt with him to our marriage and we lost some money selling a home.

Now, DH has a job promotion and we're mvoing to Orlando. We still have debt and it'll grow with us moving into a new home and moving all of our stuff from NC. Not to mention, it's a lot more expensive to live in Florida, so we had to buy a more expensive home. It is a steal now though for the housing market in FL!

Plus, all the money that goes into moving to a new place adds up pretty quickly.

We have debt, but it's not crazy debt. It's probably the normal, but we know our situation will be perfect and great in a few years. It makes the struggle now worth it and we are making our dreams come true together!

 

[Maggimus]

DH and I have been very lucky. He and I didnt things a little backwards you might say. We both kept our car debt seperate until we got married. My car was paid for, and he was paying on his car. We then went and bought a house. The only debt we had was 1 car, and 1 house.

I used to do Real Estate so let me give you a little bit of advice- DO TWO LOANS. If you can get one loan financing 80%, and another financing the other 20% you will not have to pay PMI Insurance (Ask your lendor what this is). PMI insurance is not only a waste of money, but it is also a big secret in the lending world. You dont need it, and its a big way for everyone else to make more money off you. This will save you around a 1-2 hundred dollars each month. (A BIG HELP WHEN IT COMES TO PAYMENTS) Also- go for a house that has potential. We bought our 3 BR house from a single mother with 5 kids. The walls looked horrible with crayon and the carpet was a drag. But she needed out so bad that a can of paint and new carpet made the house look brand new! I suggest investing into a house- and not an apartment- for no other reason than you are throwing good hard earned money down the drain in something such as an apartment (That was the real estate talk in me).

My other suggestion is not to wait- you might wait forever... but dont make stupid decisions. I strongly strongly am against paying 30,000 for a wedding that you cant afford. The wedding is one day, the marriage is a lifetime. Spend that money on building the rest of your life. A smaller wedding, whether it be intimate, or an at home will be just as memorable. BEcause it isnt all about where it is, its about the passion you have for one another. Regaurdless- it will be the best day of your life.

I also suggest paying one car off in a relationship so that you have a little stability. That will give you great ownership and you will know in the back of your head- they can take everything from you- but not that car (Cars are often the easiest things to chunk off).

A lot of marriages end in divorce... and that divorce comes from financial problems (DF does finance for a living). I again recommend not going into debt right off the bat. That will put a lot of weight on your shoulders that you dont necessarily need. You dont have to be rich in money to be married- have a small wedding or something. You only need to be rich in love. Why make an already hard thing to do even harder. Good luck no matter what you decide.

 

[jojoandhb]

That PMI info isn't exactly true. A family member of mine had an FHA loan with a PMI payment. Her husband was injured and could not work. They fell 3 months behind in the mortgage. Because they had that PMI, they were able to roll their missed payments to the end of their loan. They ended up not losing their house. That's what PMI (private mortgage insurance) did for them. If someone is young and living off one income or a fixed income, PMI could make sense for them.