Did you ever marry/date someone WAY out of your financial league?

[grinningghost]

DD's new boyfriend happens to live in a VERY ritzy neighborhood, way above what we're used to living in. Not that they're getting married or anything (they're 15), but it got me to thinking - what happens if she DOES decide to marry into a wealthy family someday?

Will that create problems? We're just regular middle class people. DH and I both came from working class families, so there was never any "weirdness".

Did you ever date or marry someone from a very different financial league? How did it work out?

 

[emmagata]

Originally posted by grinningghost
How did it work out?

Any women out there with a lot of money can call me anytime.

 

[RUDisney]

My DH grew up with rich relatives who kept his family very comfortable. I grew up very poor.

BUT... I went to a prep school for HS and hung out with people who were much better off than my family. I had ambition to do better than my parents and, financially, I am better off than them, too.

The thing is... and I've discussed this at length with one of my friends... we may not have had money, but we were gloriously happy. Even though DH had money to burn when he was growing up, he had a terrible childhood. Because his uncle paid for most things, his father was bitter and his siblings always tried to keep up with their rich cousins.

So, now that we are together for 14+ years, married for 10, and today is the 11th anniversary of our engagement, we wouldn't trade one another for anything. I taught him how to shop on the sale racks. He taught me to buy things for as much as we can afford to avoid having to pay twice or more times because you've bought junk. I've taught him how to be happy with what we have and what we want to do.

So, as long as neither partner puts the money in the way of their relationship, it can work out wonderfully for them. My DH always says that he knew I was a keeper when I didn't ask for him to buy everything for me, like all of his other GFs always did. I knew he was a keeper when he didn't want to rely on his uncle for everything in his life. To this day, his cousins wonder how we do everything that we do and have what we have since nothing was handed to us.

BTW, they are the ones with overdrawn accounts and problems... not us.

 

[Danauk]

I would consider DH and I to be in the same financial league, so no. DH's parents are probably more wealthy than my parents but both sets of parents have nice homes and enjoy nice cars and good holidays so I consider them equal.

I have friends though whose families are wealthier than mine but they are great people who I get along well with so don't find them any different. Plus my uncle has become quite wealthy through his own hard work so it is not something I really think too much about in detail.

 

[snoopy]

DH's family was definately more affluent than mine. And his mother never let me forget it, either. She was not known for her kindness nor compassion, sadly. My parents were educated, but middle class, and European. Her family came over on the Mayflower, a fact she thought to mention whenever she could, always with an air that it made her better than me. My FIL did well for himself, although the kids never really did see much of him growing up. While none of the children ever lacked for things, it was a house that lacked warmth.

Thankfully, DH seemed to adjust quite well to life among the middle class.

 

[katerkat]

I think it depends on the family. My family has some money. But my parents never really talked about it or made us think we were any different than other families. So when I met DH, it didn't matter. The wedding was a bit awkward, as Mom wanted to have everything... But Daddy taught me to be a miser, so I can make our budget go far, even though it wasn't something I was used to.

 

[disykat]

My parents have more money than dh's parents but we weren't really raised in a different economic bracket. We have the opposite issues than you would think. His parents actually were much more likely to buy him everything his heart desired than mine were. For the wedding, his parents would have liked to have had something fancier than me or my parents wanted.

Some examples are - his parents bought him a car in high school, my parents loaned me some money to help me get one when I graduated from college because my job wasn't on a bus line. He went through college on mostly loans, but had a single room because his parents couldn't fathom him having to share. My parents paid for my college, but I shared a room with a stranger just like everyone else and worked part time.

We disagree over spoiling the kids sometimes - dh is much more likely to buy them things. His parents also buy my kids more "things" than my parents do (my parents tend to take them places). I like to have more money in savings than dh does.

I think the big difference will come as our parents age/die/require care. My parents are living off their investments and we will probably inherit a chunk of money. Dh's parents have no retirement other than social security. Since I don't get along with dh's family it has been an issue for me knowing that we will probably spend my parents money supporting dh's parents because they are over a decade younger than my folks. (I wish there was a way they could just die even, enjoy their lives and leave us nothing!)

 

[Mad4Mickey]

My DH is a Fireman he loves his job but he doesnt make a whole lot of money . I am on the managment team for the largest 24 hour emergency animal clinic in the Dallas area I do very well .

My parents are lower middle class . His folks have Millions(I'm not kidding either) .

I married a Fireman knowing I would always make more then he did . But at that time I had no idea his folks were loaded . LOL So did I really Marry out of my league????

 

[dmadman43]

Originally posted by grinningghost
DD's new boyfriend happens to live in a VERY ritzy neighborhood, way above what we're used to living in. Not that they're getting married or anything (they're 15), but it got me to thinking - what happens if she DOES decide to marry into a wealthy family someday?

Will that create problems? We're just regular middle class people. DH and I both came from working class families, so there was never any "weirdness".

Did you ever date or marry someone from a very different financial league? How did it work out?

It shouldn't be about the money either way, should it? I have a number of friends that were in this situation. Worked out fine. But then, for them it was never about the money.

 

[mmausse]

Originally posted by grinningghost
what happens if she DOES decide to marry into a wealthy family someday?

Will that create problems? We're just regular middle class people. DH and I both came from working class families, so there was never any "weirdness".

Did you ever date or marry someone from a very different financial league? How did it work out?

ACTUALLY, I am on the receiving end here. My family has always been comfortable, 2 -3 vacations a year, house help, private schools, etc. Due to wise investments and rather daring endeavors, I, too, have become so comfortable that I have retired - and I did that about 2 years ago (I'm 42). I spend my time working on teaching myself new things and various charitable organizations. Unfortunately, the men I have dated try and use me and my influence without offering anything in return. I also know a number of people (men AND women) that try and use me and my influence every chance they get. So, I have learned to meet dates at another location rather than pick me up at the manor. I now, don't date below my class. I've been burned too many times.

It's funny, when I was younger, I dated princes, literally, and was amazed by their utter disregard for their wealth and position. They flashed it enough but didn't seem to let it control them. I guess that's the difference between us - they inherited, I worked, and they truly had more money than God, whereas I knew ours had a limit. But I've also dated playboys - you know the type - they have their pictures splattered on the society pages with their latest flame, they play polo for fun (their polo ponies cost $1M each), - they seemed more at ease with me and I with them because we came from similar backgrounds.

As for your kids, it shouldn't make a big deal. If he was raised to be a gentleman, no problem. If he wasn't - look out. And watch for the signs. If he is overly polite to you (i.e. major kissing up to "the elders") have a talk with your dd and make sure he is respectful to her.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

It depends on the family. My family is small (3 people) and blue collar, DH's family is large (9 people) and white collar. Auto worker vs Doctor. DH was 2nd born, so he was around when it wasn't huge home and lots of money, his younger siblings had everything handed to them. But other than a few jokes about me working at KMart (years ago), which DFIL loves to shop at by the way, I have never been made uncomfortable or unloved around them. They have their "uppity moments", but they are also very down to earth. Funniest thing is DFIL. He has a LOT of money... and every Sunday, he is there with his scissors, clipping coupons for 30 cents off toilet paper......

 

[emmagata]

Originally posted by mmausse
ACTUALLY, I am on the receiving end here. My family has always been comfortable, 2 -3 vacations a year, house help, private schools, etc. Due to wise investments and rather daring endeavors, I, too, have become so comfortable that I have retired - and I did that about 2 years ago (I'm 42). I spend my time working on teaching myself new things and various charitable organizations. Unfortunately, the men I have dated try and use me and my influence without offering anything in return. I also know a number of people (men AND women) that try and use me and my influence every chance they get. So, I have learned to meet dates at another location rather than pick me up at the manor. I now, don't date below my class. I've been burned too many times.

It's funny, when I was younger, I dated princes, literally, and was amazed by their utter disregard for their wealth and position. They flashed it enough but didn't seem to let it control them. I guess that's the difference between us - they inherited, I worked, and they truly had more money than God, whereas I knew ours had a limit. But I've also dated playboys - you know the type - they have their pictures splattered on the society pages with their latest flame, they play polo for fun (their polo ponies cost $1M each), - they seemed more at ease with me and I with them because we came from similar backgrounds.

As for your kids, it shouldn't make a big deal. If he was raised to be a gentleman, no problem. If he wasn't - look out. And watch for the signs. If he is overly polite to you (i.e. major kissing up to "the elders") have a talk with your dd and make sure he is respectful to her.

FYI, I'm available.

 

[helenabear]

I dated a guy in hs/college for about a year who was way out of my financial league. My dad must have made less than 10% of what my b/f dad made (and we were not weatlthy but surely not poor!). We didn't wind up getting married but we were very serious for a long time and truly money was never an issue. Actually he was planning on going into a field that didn't make a lot of money so at the time we figured I would be making more than him. so money was never an issue at all. As long as the families don't make an issue out of it, something like that never seems to be a big deal.

 

[onecoolmama]

I dated a Diplomat's Son. I was spolied because it was my first boyfriend; 6th-8th grade; and if we went to the movies, mall, out to eat...we always got out of a limo! It was ineveitable for me though..I got a scholarship to a very upscale school in Chevy Chase...Everyone, was out of my league finacailly. LOL!

My Dh was actaully very well off...or his family was. They had their own buisness importing oil. However, the Philippines was largly tied in with the Japaneese market. When that crashed a few years back...they still have not fully recovered. But then, DH was in for a ruder awakening then I was!

Edited to add: We could still have a full rich life in the Philippines. Maids, cooks, drivers...even nannies and we would never have to work. We just cant have it here like we could have before.

 

[Disney Doll]

I dated a guy whose family was probably more well off at the time than mine was...lived in an expensive area of a neighboring suburban town, while I lived in a normal neighborhood in the city...not exactly downtown Manhattan, mind you, but still, the city as opposed to suburbia.

Anyhow, went out with this guy 2 times. He was very interested in telling me what his car, his tires, his stereo etc cost. Date #2 his mother wanted to meet me, so he took me to his house and introduced us. She seemed like a nice lady, asked where I lived, I said Bridgeport. He pipes in "But it's OK Mom, because it's the north end, so she's almost in Trumbull". Mom was horrified (although he didn't get that attitude from the air!), I looked at him and said "You're s snob". We went on the date, which was to a Superbowl party in a town about 45 moinutes away. I caught him doing lines of coke in the basement with a bunch of people, and took a cab home, to the tune of $60.00.

Money doesn't buy class.

 

[arminnie]

Originally posted by grinningghost
what happens if she DOES decide to marry into a wealthy family someday?

Have you considered the possibility that she might become wealthy herself (w/o marrying into it) someday? Would that change your feelings of "weirdness" about her marrying into a wealthy family if she was wealthy herself by earning it?

I'm old and that's what I've seen happen with a lot of my friends. We all came from very, very low income families (would have to stretch in some instances to be lower middle class). Quite a few have become very, very successful.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

I would personally be uncomfortable being with a man who made signifigantly more money than I did. But that's just me.

 

[luvwinnie]

My ex husband's parents were wealthier than mine...and they were snobs, esp his dad. This was a man who came from a poor family and FORGOT where he came from. Ex would make some comments I didn't care for....just one reason he's an EX.
DH and I come from the same urban town with very similar back grounds...we just FIT better...but that's just US.

 

[caitycaity]

dh comes from a more wealthy family than mine. we were definitely raised differently when it comes to money. it caused some issues when we first got married, but now it's sort of a moot point.

 

[grinningghost]

I really hope that DD is successful on her own, but I guess only time will tell.

I don't really care who she dates/marries - I've learned that money doesn't buy happiness and all that stuff. I worry that if the guy comes from a wealthy family, that maybe his family won't really accept DD because of HER family background.

Does that make sense?