Did we do the right thing?

[disny_luvr]

DH and I have twin three-year-old sons that will be turning four-years-old in June. The town in which we live is a huge soccer town. Most years the local district makes it into state playoffs and the past few years they've won or come close to winning. Anyway, our rec has a soccer program for three and four-year-olds. We didn't sign them up in the fall but many of our friends and neighbors took their three-year-olds and they raved about the program and how much fun their kids had. I almost felt guilty for not signing up my boys so this spring DH and I decided to sign them up for soccer.

Two weeks ago was the first soccer practice/workshop. It took place at 2:00 in the afternoon which is when my boys nap. Games are usually at 5:00. It didn't go over well. My boys hated it; they even cried. They didn't want to do anything and they didn't. DH, myself and the boys stood on the sidelines while all the other kids participated. To be honest, I was a little embarrassed wondering what the other parents were thinking of my boys. We ended up leaving because the one kept on telling me how tired he was and he did fall asleep on the five-minute ride home.

So last week was the first game at five; they do a thirty-minute practice and a thirty-minute game. Games are three-on-three and no goalies; pretty much kids just running around and kicking the ball. Again my boys didn't want to play. They didn't cry but just sat there and watched. DH was pretty annoyed at them. (He is an avid sports lover and really wants the boys to play sports.) I was annoyed too, but not so much because they didn't play, but because of how they acted. Falling on the ground, whining, etc.

Fast-forward to today. It is game time again. Now all week DH and I have been talking about soccer. They seemed excited, they wanted to play with each other outside, etc. DH and I are feeling pretty positive. Well when I go into the boys' room to wake them from nap the struggle begins again. They are crying, complaing they don't want to go, one is screaming his shin guards hurt him, etc.

DH and I didn't know what to do but we decided we weren't going to argue about it with them so we called the coach and told him we wouldn't be there. I feel horrible. For one, I feel like I am letting the team down. There are only seven kids on the team and two of them are my kids. If they aren't playing that puts the team down to five which doesn't leave a lot of room for subbing. I also feel like my boys have total control of the situation; they know if they put up a fuss we'll cave in.

I guess my question is did we do the right thing? Are my boys just not sports people? Are they too young yet? Did anyone ever go through this with your kids and how did you handle the situation?

If you've read this long post, thank you bunches.

BTW, we are planning on taking them next week, or at least trying to.

 

[AKL_Megs]

You aren't "letting the team down". They are preschoolers... they don't play by the actual rules... they don't even have goalies! They aren't exactly a "team".

You have to do what is best for your boys, and obviously, at this point, soccer isn't what they are interested in. Maybe later on in life, they will be, but for now, they don't want to play, and I wouldn't force them.

Don't worry about your DH, he'll get over it.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

DH and I have twin three-year-old sons that will be turning four-years-old in June. The town in which we live is a huge soccer town. Most years the local district makes it into state playoffs and the past few years they've won or come close to winning. Anyway, our rec has a soccer program for three and four-year-olds. We didn't sign them up in the fall but many of our friends and neighbors took their three-year-olds and they raved about the program and how much fun their kids had. I almost felt guilty for not signing up my boys so this spring DH and I decided to sign them up for soccer.

Two weeks ago was the first soccer practice/workshop. It took place at 2:00 in the afternoon which is when my boys nap. Games are usually at 5:00. It didn't go over well. My boys hated it; they even cried. They didn't want to do anything and they didn't. DH, myself and the boys stood on the sidelines while all the other kids participated. To be honest, I was a little embarrassed wondering what the other parents were thinking of my boys. We ended up leaving because the one kept on telling me how tired he was and he did fall asleep on the five-minute ride home.

So last week was the first game at five; they do a thirty-minute practice and a thirty-minute game. Games are three-on-three and no goalies; pretty much kids just running around and kicking the ball. Again my boys didn't want to play. They didn't cry but just sat there and watched. DH was pretty annoyed at them. (He is an avid sports lover and really wants the boys to play sports.) I was annoyed too, but not so much because they didn't play, but because of how they acted. Falling on the ground, whining, etc.

Fast-forward to today. It is game time again. Now all week DH and I have been talking about soccer. They seemed excited, they wanted to play with each other outside, etc. DH and I are feeling pretty positive. Well when I go into the boys' room to wake them from nap the struggle begins again. They are crying, complaing they don't want to go, one is screaming his shin guards hurt him, etc.

DH and I didn't know what to do but we decided we weren't going to argue about it with them so we called the coach and told him we wouldn't be there. I feel horrible. For one, I feel like I am letting the team down. There are only seven kids on the team and two of them are my kids. If they aren't playing that puts the team down to five which doesn't leave a lot of room for subbing. I also feel like my boys have total control of the situation; they know if they put up a fuss we'll cave in.

I guess my question is did we do the right thing? Are my boys just not sports people? Are they too young yet? Did anyone ever go through this with your kids and how did you handle the situation?

If you've read this long post, thank you bunches.

BTW, we are planning on taking them next week, or at least trying to.

I think you are doing just fine. At three and four, they are still too young to grasp the notion of team commitment.

I would just keep bringing them so they get a feel for the community of sport, but don't push them and force them to play, otherwise you may be creating kids that hate sports.

At three, if all they want to do is watch on the sidelines, then so be it. They are absorbing a bit of what soccer is and maybe next year will remember having fun watching and wanting to play. Have your husband kick the ball to them on the sidelines without any pressure. You don't want to burn out your kids on sports at 3.

Now, if you said your twins were 7 or 8, I would think they were manipulating the situation. But not at 3, almost 4.

Most importantly, just have fun with it.

 

[KristaTX]

The first clue to me that you made the right decision and that childhood sports have gotten out of hand is that they have state play-offs for 3 and 4 year old soccer . And now your entire family is stressed out over a game that the kids don't even want to play.

Sounds like you made the right decision to me. I sure won't be calling you guys or the kids "quitters". That all just sounds like entirely too much stress for pre-schoolers and their parents.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

It's a bummer--but at that age, a stubborn 3yo is of no benefit to the team. So I believe your decision was appropriate.

Maybe they just aren't ready.

Those times are pretty bad two given that not all 3yo's have abandoned nap time just yet.

Here, soccer doesn't begin until 4.

 

[luvsJack]

I wouldn't make them play but I think I would continue going to the field. After watching the other kids enjoying it, they may change their mind. Talk to the coach about it and explain what is going on so he won't think he needs to push them to play.

If it was me, I would also try changing up nap time on game days and make sure they are up, had a snack and all that well before time to get ready to go.


Maybe you could try taking them to other sporting events. They may be baseball players or basketball players. Not liking soccer doesn't make them not like any sport. Let them see what other sports are about too. And, fwiw, my oldest son had times he wouldn't get on the t-ball field when he was 3. He ended up one to the top players of his age in youth baseball and THE top player in his high school. Most of it is just the age.

 

[disneygirl15]

Yes, you did do the right thing. It obviously just isn't going to work right now-they aren't ready to participate yet and the timing with their naps isn't good. Not letting it turn into a big battle probably means they will be more receptive towards the idea later on.

 

[luvsJack]

The first clue to me that you made the right decision and that childhood sports have gotten out of hand is that they have state play-offs for 3 and 4 year old soccer . And now your entire family is stressed out over a game that the kids don't even want to play.

Sounds like you made the right decision to me. I sure won't be calling you guys or the kids "quitters". That all just sounds like entirely too much stress for pre-schoolers and their parents.

I don't think she meant that the state play offs are for the 3 and 4 year olds. She was just explaining how soccer is a big sport in her town.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

They are awfully young and at this age, it should be all about them. If they don't want to play, I wouldn't make them. They may or may not like soccer in the future, but at this point, it's way to early to tell.

My dds started soccer young too, one at four and one at three, and there was at least one kid on each team that dropped out early in the season, or just played very occasionally, because she didn't like it. The coach should understand, and frankly, if he doesn't, I wouldn't want him for a coach.

Did you ask your kids if they wanted to try soccer or did you sign them up on your own? If you signed them up without asking, I would give them more leeway in deciding whether to play or not. If you asked them and they said they wanted to play, I would encourage them a bit more. My now-7yo watched her older sister play soccer, so she knew what it was like and wanted to start at age 3, but then wasn't that interested, either. We made her go to games and practices, but they weren't at nap time, so it was easier for us, plus she did get on the field. Usually she'd pick dandelions and do cartwheels instead of pay attention to the game, but at least she went out there. She's played a season or two since then. She enjoys it for a while but then decides she's done with it, but we have a lengthy talk when she signs up to make sure she understands that if she signs up, she WILL be going, no changing her mind halfway though the season.

Good luck.

 

[sms]

Yes you did the right thing! My DS7 played t-ball with some coach pitch last year. He did very good and he loved it! This year he doesn't want to play at all . I'm very disappointed, but I'm not going to force him to do something he is not interested in doing again.

 

[auntie]

You have a lifetime of this stuff ahead of you.
You can have two happy, well rested children..OR ...two miserable little tykes whining and crying on the ground. Why...so you can say your kids participate in soccer? Come on..why put them or you through that.
Trust your gut, and don't worry about what the neighbors think.
They'll be participating in sports or other activities soon enough. Enjoy your time with them now.

 

[Wishing on a star]

You did the right thing....

They are three...
Yours happen to still need their naps.
(my son napped thru Kindergarten)

Pushing 3 year olds is what is just wrong, wrong, wrong.

 

[debster812]

That's still REALLY young. We have Kindergarteners and 1st Graders doing similar things at our Instructional clinics (same set up, practice for 30 mins, small sided scrimmage for 30 mins--3v3 with no keepers)

They may just not be ready for it. I would continue to take them, and keep doing what you're doing

DS is 12 and has been playing since he was 5, but until he was 7 or 8 he was the kid running away from the ball. He is now on two teams, and would play 24/7/365 if we would let him.

 

[mjkacmom]

We're a huge soccer town (our main soccer field is turfed), and our 3 - 5 year old program is through parks and rec, and they get a local soccer training academy to come in and they play soccer game with the kids - everyone has his or her own ball. They are actually the same group of English guys who train ds12's soccer club. There are always a few kids who refuse to do it, including ds12's first time (my friend's twin girls refused - she joked about her 2 $75 tshirts ).

IMHO, 3 is was too young for organized sports (and DH would agree, and he's a travel coach)! Our town doesn't have teams until first grade, and even that can be silly. Most parents here just bail, and try again next season, but I see the issue of not having enough for a team.

 

[M5ward]

If that's their nap time, let them nap. Youth sports are way out of hand..three year olds? Are you serious? Nothing like turning kids off before they even understand the concept of team sports.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

You did exactly the right thing. Pick your battles. This is not a battle worth fighting. Forcing the boys to play will eventually end with ALL of you in tears. If you want to continue taking them to the games I see no reason not to. It won't hurt them. But don't force them to play, or be angry with them for NOT playing. They are little.

Some kids don't like team sports, period. My DS played 2 or 3 seasons of soccer, starting when he was 4. He didn't love it. By the time they got to the age where there was a goalie and it wasn't "mob ball" anymore he really had no use for it. He played one season of T-ball and didn't love that, either. He is too small for football, no interest in lacrosse, too short for basketball. He thought he might want to try baseball once he got to 7th grade, but when that time rolled around he didn't try out. He'll be in 9th grade in the Fall and he still doesn't like team sports. He will dabble in golf and tennis when he has the chance, but other than that he just doesn't care for sports.

 

[disny_luvr]

Thanks, everyone for all of your responses. You've made me feel better. DH and I will try to take them next week and if they want to sit on the sidelines and watch that is fine. I don't think we'll be signing them up for the fall unless they show interest. Who knows, a few months can make a big difference.

BTW, we don't have state playoffs for three and four-year-olds. I was talking about our local high school team. Sorry for the confusion.

 

[Tinijocaro]

Don't ever be ashamed of a 3 year old (or two). They are babies and so very unpredictable. Letting the team down? At this age they are still picking dandelions in the field much of the time.

Sounds like maybe they shouldn't have their naps on game days. Or, give them a couple years and sign them up again. Why do 3 year olds need to be on any team. It's not like they are going to get some great advantage by starting that early.

Let them run around the yard for excercise.

 

[mhsjax]

My youngest is a sports nut. Anything and everything, but soccer seems to be is best. However, down here where I am they don't even play that young, he started playing 6 months after he turned 4. I think anything younger than 4 is way too young.

I do have 2 kids, 2 boys and 1 girl. The girl is a middle child, anyway, the oldest was never into sports until Tae Kwon Do, and now at the age of 13 is really starting to develop an interest, so it maybe that your kids aren't into it, maybe they aren't into team sports. But at 3.5 really IMHO it is way too young to tell.

 

[Mermaid02]

If that's their nap time, let them nap. Youth sports are way out of hand..three year olds? Are you serious? Nothing like turning kids off before they even understand the concept of team sports.

They're THREE. I agree, youth sports is out of control- parents beating each other up at Little League games- yelling at the kids on the field- it's ridiculous.