Did I just make a mistake?

[ksoehrlein]

I'm planning my first solo trip with 2 children -- have already done solo trips with 1 child -- and I was a little nervous. Last night, I told my friend who has a daughter my DD's age (4) about it (making sure to spell the key words because it is a S-U-R-P-R-I-S-E). She immediately asked, "Can we go with you?" and without missing a beat I said, "YES!"

While I am excited about an extra pair of adult hands and eyes and the fact that the child-to-adult ratio is a more-manageable 3-2 instead of 2-1, I feel like I am losing the trip I had planned. I now have to take 2 more people into account when making those multiple decisions (what time to arrive at the park? where to eat? when? this attraction first or that one?). It can't just be based on my little family group any more.

I've suggested splitting up for some of the time and my friend seems reluctant. For example, DD and I have APs. My friend and her daughter do not have their passes yet but will probably get 4-day PHs. We arrive the last night that Jungle Cruise is open before its scheduled rehab. I confided that I had planned on running over to MK after we check in just so we could go on that ride one time before the rehab. She wouldn't want to use one of her days doing this -- and I don't blame her -- but she doesn't want my family to go either because her daughter would hate being left out! ARGH!

Also, we are staying at a studio at OKW since my family and I are DVC members. How can we all stay out of each other's way?

Did I just make a huge mistake inviting my friend??? Or will it make the surprise for my daughter that much more magical and will I welcome the extra help? Any advice from someone who's been there, done that will be highly welcome!

 

[Jordan's MOM]

I think that it will be nice having another adult alone and it will be fun for your child to have a friend. HOWEVER, I think you need to gets some things settle right now to avoid some big problems at the parks. I would pretty much tell her that these are the plans that you have right now. Other times are open and you can all plan some things to do together during these times. I also think that you need to discuss discipline as far as who can discipline whos kids, and general rules for the kids. When we traveled with my sister's family we made sure that we were on the same page as far as spending money etc. Some time apart for each of you is a good idea anyway. Good luck!

Jordnas' mom

 

[hulabird]

We are arriving the same day as you (the 21st? I think that is the last JC day until rehab.

I know what you mean, at first it sounded good, but you want to be able to feel free to do what you want to do when you want to do it. That is totally understandable.

How long will you be there? I ask because you have an AP so that is unlimited park hopping and your friend only has a 4 day, so she will have to pick and choose what 4 days she is going to use her passes. I would make sure she knows that you like to really utilize your AP and that you don't plan on just going to parks for 4 days (unless of course you are only there 4 days total). Has she never been to WDW before, is that why she is showing reluctancy you mentioned? I would just make sure that you don't let her presence ruin your vacation and that you don't compromise what you want to do because you don't want to hurt your friend's feelings. I am like you, I open my mouth and then later wonder if I did right.

I think you have to styand your ground in a tactful, but polite way.
Tell her you already have plans made because this is a special surprise for your daughter and while you don't mind if she comes, you do want some time to yourself. If you don't get the nerve up, you might regret your trip.

 

[ksoehrlein]

It's going to be a quick trip, just 3 days, 4 nights. It's great that you'll be there then, too, hulabird!

Got to go, but I'll write more details later. Thanks for the advice!

 

[lucy_love_]

i think i would feel better if i made sure my friend knew i had plans and she could either come along or do her own thing. if you stick to your plans and be true to yourself you will be ok. if you change things for your friend you will be saying i wish i had done this i wish i had done that. tell her you want some days to do some special things with your kids im sure she will be understanding. also tell her you already have a few plans and does she want to come along (giving her the option) if she says no then you wont feel like you have pushed her out because it was her decision. its not about her kids feeling left out its about you giving your children what you had already planned.

hope this helps

let me know what you do

love

lucy

 

[disneymom3]

Okay, the JC thing. for sure I would do whether she likes it or not. Heavens, she can find something fun for her child and herself to do for a little while without making it seem like they are missing out. Maybe they could go for an evening swim or go get some ice cream or something.

I totally agree with the other posters--you have to have some together time and some separate or you will not like each other at all by the time the trip is over! Plus, your kids want some special time with mommy. You are just going to have to be totally direct with this. It makes me cringe, but you just have to grit your teeth and bear the possible confrontation and the icky feeling of bringing it up. Tell her that you love the idea of them going with you and really look forward to sharing fun times while at WDW, but that everything you have read about multiple families going together says to plan in some time alone too.

And I am hoping this is someone who has the same sort of discipline as you do and similar rules about bedtime and the like.

I am sure you will have a great time, it is just a matter of addressing things before they end up being a problem.

 

[ksoehrlein]

Originally posted by disneymom3
It makes me cringe, but you just have to grit your teeth and bear the possible confrontation and the icky feeling of bringing it up.

Thanks. To quote from <i>When Harry Met Sally</i>, "You're right; you're right; I know you're right."

I forgot to mention that my friend is very (how to put this nicely?) strong-willed. I am more of a door mat. Match made in heaven, right? Our husbands are great friends and work together on occasion, however, so I usually do what I can to keep the peace.

Anyway, I forgot to mention that my friend wants her equally strong-willed mother to join us for a day. This is the woman who ruined a day at MK for her granddaughter last year, saying such things as "I didn't come here to waste time watching my granddaughter stand in line waiting to see Minnie Mouse. Let's go on a ride now!" while dragging the poor child away from the characters on her very first day at her very first Disney park. Of course, a major 3-year-old meltdown ensued. We split from their family immediately that day -- with my friend's blessing. I anticipate a repeat performance, which is really unfortunate for both my daughter and her friend.

That last trip had been the trip from he**, by the way. In 4 days together, our daughters saw all of 2 shows and 1 parade (no rides) together. The rest of the time was a series of miscommunication between the grown-ups, lots of "Where the heck are you?" phone calls, and 9:00 dinners. Splitting up was the only thing that saved our vacation then.

Thanks for the support. I will stand my ground on the JC thing. I'm hoping that the drive time (11 hours or so!) will leave my friend hoping for some mommy-daughter alone time when we get there, but regardless, I will remind her of my intention to go to MK and not take no for an answer. I had tried to suggest that they have dinner with her parents (who live relatively nearby) that night but to no avail. I guess I will give her a quick list of possibilities (pool time, special snack, Downtown Disney, maybe even a movie at Pleasure Island), provide her with directions to the nearest Disney bus stop, and hope for the best.

Other things I am more than happy to compromise on. The only other thing I had planned -- hey, I was going by myself with 2 very young kids; who can plan more than 2 things? -- was an Ice Cream Social at Epcot. Do you think it will be a huge deal to add two more people to my PS? I told her I would do it, but if Disney Dining says no, I know my friend will just not get it. (See the paragraph about being strong-willed). I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they are not at 100% capacity yet.

Thanks for the encouragement. If you all know of any doormat-support groups, please let me know before my trip! "Hi, my name's Kim and I'm a doormat..."

 

[MELSMICE]

My suggestion:

Do some things together, but do things separate also. Especially if you AP's & they don't.

Make it clear before you go that you already had some things planned before you invited them. (whether you did or not ).

Try to have fun. Oh............. and make sure you go to another park when good old grandma decides to meet her daughter & grandaughter for the day.

Stand your ground & don't be a door mat. My favorite line when someone asks or "insists" I do something I don't want is to say "Oh, I'm sorry, it just won't work out today, but maybe another day we can do that".

Good luck & have fun when you go!

 

[Scoootch]

Originally posted by MELSMICE
My suggestion:

Do some things together, but do things separate also. Especially if you AP's & they don't.

Make it clear before you go that you already had some things planned before you invited them. (whether you did or not ).

Try to have fun. Oh............. and make sure you go to another park when good old grandma decides to meet her daughter & grandaughter for the day.

Stand your ground & don't be a door mat. My favorite line when someone asks or "insists" I do something I don't want is to say "Oh, I'm sorry, it just won't work out today, but maybe another day we can do that".

Good luck & have fun when you go!

I have to totally agree here. And here is another great suggestion, since your friend is apparently insisting on having her mom join for a day, use that as your oppertunity to split up! Tell her that will work out wonderful and that she can spend that day with her mom and kids by themselves and that it will give you the oppertunity to spend your "mommy and me time" alone with your kids Do not take no for an answer on that one. If she objects, simply tell her that while you don't mind her joining you on this trip, the whole intention of the trip was to get in that "mommy and me time" and that you really need at least one day to yourselves and that you already had some things planned. Since she wants her mom to join her for the day then she can't say she'll be alone

I know it isn't easy with people who have that kind of personality but stand your ground. If she objects then I'd simply say "I'm sorry but if you'll have a problem with that , then perhaps you may want to join us another time instead" -- that way you aren't technically un-inviting her, you're just giving her the choice of opting out.

Good luck! Let us all know how it works out for you.

 

[DisFam95]

Originally posted by ksoehrlein


Also, we are staying at a studio at OKW since my family and I are DVC members. How can we all stay out of each other's way?

Are you all staying your studio?!?!? Did you invite her to do this or is she just assuming? Ask her if she's made her room ressies yet. Oh I could NOT share a studio w/ my kids and a friend and their kid.

Everyone has already offered good advice about handling you already had plans made for YOUR trip and doing the JC before she invited herself. Sounds like you've walked away from her on a previous trip so you know you can do it!!! Be strong.

 

[ksoehrlein]

Thanks for all of your support. It is now a non-issue. My friend is in the first trimester of what is apparently a more risky pregnancy than she had let on. Her doctor is not giving her the green light to join us. I feel concerned for her and Baby #2, but I must admit, very relieved for myself.

The good news is that she is feeling much better now (hence her eagerness to join us) and is practically out of the woods as far as her doctor is concerned. The doctor just doesn't want her too far from home until the first 12 weeks are over.

Am I a horrible person for breathing a sigh of relief?

She is worried that her husband will never want to return to WDW. After his MIL's behavior the last time, I can hardly say I blame him! Anyway, I reassured her that we will be DVC members for a VERY long time and that we can plan a similar trip sometime in the future with the new baby. I think with enough time to plan and lay out the ground rules, we could have a very nice trip together.

 

[Scoootch]

Originally posted by ksoehrlein


Am I a horrible person for breathing a sigh of relief?

Absolutely not!

After all, she invited herself in a way by putting you on the spot and asking to tag along. It isn't as though you invited her from the begining and then changed your mind. I'm happy for you that now you won't have to worry about it. Also happy to hear that your friends pregnancy situation isn't so bad that she's in danger any longer, but happy that it makes things a non-issue now.

Now you can enjoy your trip - stress free.

 

[sweet maxine]

I wanna go! I wanna go!!

I'd love to go back in about 2 weeks, and I've got my own AP! Got my own meal vouchers, too! Don't know if the Pop Century is booked around that time, though. That's become one of my favorite places. I've been trying to find someone around here to go along with me on a return trip, and no one can do it. So, I'm putting my name in the hat! LOL!!!!

 

[turnlisa]

I just read the whole thread and let me tell you how happy I am for you! I breathed a huge sigh of relief when you mentioned that she won't be able to make it. Glad to hear that the baby is doing well but I think that you will have a better time with just you and the kids.

Last year my best friend in the whole world from the time I was 5 joined me, my DH, and our two DSs at WDW with her DH and DD. What a nightmare! I guess we had never taken into account the differences we have in touring. They joined us for just a day at the parks since they are from Florida. We drove all the way from Michigan and it was our first full day. The night before we had wanted to go over to the parks but they had 4 day PHs and didn't want to waste any of the days. We had UPHs. Like you but only with this one person, I can be quite accommodating -- and it was my birthday! We ended up paying for dinner for all of us at Ohana's, running our kids ragged the next day (we usually take it slow and take breaks) and then got stuck with their DD while they went shopping! Plus they figured that after 10 hours of Disney magic their DD (who was 3) would be on her best behavior. When she wasn't, it became very uncomfortable!

We are going again this year and they are tentatively planning on joining us. I have my fingers crossed that SOG will be full and she won't have vacation days. I just can't imagine doing that again! It sounds terrible because I honestly love her like a sister but I can't put all of us through that again. It was almost like the trip was more important for them than for us and there was no happy middle ground.

Have a great trip and enjoy your time with the kids. I had both of mine during the trip last year to myself for a full day while DH was sick. It was my favorite day and definitely gave us great bonding!

 

[eeyore kelly]

Last year my best friend in the whole world from the time I was 5 joined me

I feel your pain. When we first started planning our trip to WDW we were planning it with my best friend from 5 and her family. It is looking like they will not be able to afford it. I am breathing a sigh of relief. I love her dearly, but WDW together with our families would be a bad thing.

 

[HappyLawyer]

I DONT THINK IT WILL BE HARD FOR YOU WHEN YOU GET THERE YOU GUYS WILL WANT TO DO EVERYTHING I AM SURE YOU WILL NOT HAVE ANY DISAGREEMENTS, IT WILL WORK OUT

 

[ksoehrlein]

Originally posted by sweet maxine
I wanna go! I wanna go!!

I'd love to go back in about 2 weeks, and I've got my own AP! Got my own meal vouchers, too! Don't know if the Pop Century is booked around that time, though. That's become one of my favorite places. I've been trying to find someone around here to go along with me on a return trip, and no one can do it. So, I'm putting my name in the hat! LOL!!!!

Do you mean it? I'd love to meet up with you -- just don't invite yourself to stay in my studio and bring along any overbearing relatives!

Please, please, please PM me if you get a hotel ressie!

 

[sweet maxine]

I sent you a PM.

 

[trracers]

Glad the baby is ok, but VERY VERY glad that you are off the hook! We almost always travel with a group, but we are all very laid back and relaxed. We hang out together, we split up, whatever. Sometimes we just "run into" each other at the park and hang out for awhile, then go our separate ways. We have connecting rooms, but we don't connect at the hips! If her kids want to go with me, they go with me and vice versa. It all works out very well. I think to travel well with someone, you have to have similar personalities or just a strong bond. We are sisters and I guess we are just used to eachother.

Have a great time and enjoy your trip!

 

[MELSMICE]

Originally posted by trracers
We almost always travel with a group, but we are all very laid back and relaxed. We hang out together, we split up, whatever. Sometimes we just "run into" each other at the park and hang out for awhile, then go our separate ways. We have connecting rooms, but we don't connect at the hips! If her kids want to go with me, they go with me and vice versa. It all works out very well. I think to travel well with someone, you have to have similar personalities or just a strong bond.

This sounds similiar to the way we travel with my brother & his family. We always get connecting rooms & in March/April we will be staying in a 2BR at OKW - all 8 of us. We do a lot together, but don't have any problem splitting up. There are many times when he'll say "we're doing MK tomorrow - how about you guys". I'll say, "we're hanging at the pool but maybe one of the girls want to go with you". Many times he has taken my 3 girls & his daughter while DH, myself & my SIL have hung at the pool or we'll take his daughter for a while. It's very relaxing, no hurt feelings ever because we're not attached at the hip & a great way to have fun & travel as an extended family.