Did anyone else enjoy the colonoscopy experience?

[disney junky]

Just wondering?

 

[TinklednPants]

I can't get enough of it.

 

[Sleepy]

The prep part where you have to drink that horrid stuff and then be going off at both ends all day is hardly something I would say I enjoyed. The colonoscopy itself is done while you are under. You don't even realize it was done.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It was a blast!

 

[honugirl]

Can't say I enjoyed the experience or the prep, but I did enjoy those nice drugs they give you.

 

[disneybound2010]

The Dr.s have a very hard time putting me under. MY body tends to fight the meds. I have had 4 colonoscopies and 2 endoscopes and I remember each one VIVIDLY. I kept waking up during the procedures and it was not fun As for the prep, I can't imagine anyone enjoying that!

 

[Zandy595]

Never had one myself, but both my mom and FIL had it done recently. My mom said drinking all that stuff was by far the worst part of it.

 

[Kathi OD]

Best time ever!!!

 

[MarkFL]

I lost 10 pounds the last time I had one.

 

[powellrj]

You need to get together with my DS. He has Crohn's, so he has them all the time and he loves to talk to the doctors during them and watch. I think he's nuts. He keeps the pictures in his car and will show them to you if you ask.

 

[disney junky]

You need to get together with my DS. He has Crohn's, so he has them all the time and he loves to talk to the doctors during them and watch. I think he's nuts. He keeps the pictures in his car and will show them to you if you ask.

I figure there's a video of mine somewhere. Perhaps on the internet.

 

[wwwosie]

Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an
appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office,
Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ
that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly
through Minneapolis. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure
to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said,
because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE

17,000 FEET UP OUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy' s office with some written instructions, and a prescription
for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to
hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now


suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of
America 's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.
Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In

accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food
that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder
together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water.
(For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons).
Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because
MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and

urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great
sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel

movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump
off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: have
you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep
experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the
commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to
the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then,


when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter
of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into
the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.
The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only
was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional
return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?'
How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be
enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood
and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to
a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained
space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed
by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even
more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily
I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down.

Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was
ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if
you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering

around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where
Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot

tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously
nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist

began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.
There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was
'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that
could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be
the least appropriate. 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere
behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been
dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself,
because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling
'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I
was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking

down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent
when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with

flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.



ABOUT THE WRITER

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.

On the subject of Colonoscopies...
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite
humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments
made by his patients (predominately male) while he was
performing their colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
And the best one of all.

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is Not up there?'

 

[OctMtnWoods]

I lost 10 pounds the last time I had one.

When my dad said that, I told him we always knew he was full of crap.

 

[SnowWtch]

DH enjoyed being in the hospital for the procedure so much he went back the next week for blood poisoning from the IV he had.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Been there, done that. I had it done while an inpatient. I dont know what they gave me but it was mixed with orange gatorade and really not too bad, followeed by 3 ducolax pills I think. But imagine doing the prep and having to share the bathroom with an 83 year old roomate, granny claire!! Glad she wasnt using the bathroom too much.

 

[TheZue]

There's a comedy show here called the John Dore show and he went for one on it. To distract viewers he gave them the option of watching him aunt stuff a turkey if they were squeamish. It was sooooo funny listening to this woman talking about "push it all in really hard, you just have to cram it in even if it seems like it won't fit, and your hands will get dirty" while on the main screen you knew what they were doing

 

[Smileybug]

Thanks op for this thread. I really needed it today.

 

[Robinrs]

Sure... the next time I live on this earth I want to die ten minutes before I am required to prep for another one....

 

[Aimeedyan]

I have Crohns - they are my favorite part of this damn disease!

 

[GeorgeG]

There was an episode of "My Wife and Kids" where Lou Rawls was the doctor. I believe it is still around on YouTube. I laughed my butt off.

I can't say there was anything enjoyable about the three I've had and the prep is as close as you can get to torture without a liberal congress stepping in. Too bad they can't knock you out for that part. The only good part is when it's over and you get to go eat lunch.