DH/vacation/money issue (all rolled into one!)

[sbell111]

What you should do is stop playing 'head games' with your dh.

Agreed. That's uncool.

 

[SplashMtnCrew]

I voted other b/c I want to know how old my DS has to be before I can stop sending him bday money

Honestly, if it were me, I would never have mentioned the $ to my DH, but would have still discussed wether or not to cancel the trip and would have let him decide what the family should do. I wouldn't even consider playing "head games" on him, that's decietful and I have to much respect for my DH and myself to do that. So I say, it's his money, let him spend it how he wants.

 

[Va-bear]

First my DH would offer the money and I would turn him down and suggest the item I know he has had his eye on.

It was wrong for you to ask him for his birthday money for a vacation.

I would also not ask him to cancel his vacation since he will have to work the entire summer and you will not. If it was me I would get a job during the summer to pay for the vacation and refill the savings account before I would ask a person who works the entire year to go without a vacation.

I agree with this.

 

[Va-bear]

I am more than willing to do that but he needs to make himself available to watch the kids. I don't mind getting a babysitter for part of the time when I am working, but it's too expensive to do a babysitter for 3 kids for the whole time. BTDT. I barely come out ahead. So going forward, I only work when the kids are in school (so summers are out)-unless I knew the future wouldn't be a repeat of the past. If he was wiling to commit to watching his kids, absolutely, I could get a summer job. But he's a salaried manager and he won't commit to being home. Whether it be evenings or weekends or whatever. Even third shift is out, because he often goes into work at 5am.

Just reading this - I would have thought you could do some work in the evening while he watched the kids, guess I was wrong, sorry.

Hope you can figure something out.

 

[mjkacmom]

He sounds like a big baby to me. If you need to scrape money together for a vacation, it sounds like money is tight - and he wants to buy himself a "treat?" My kids get like that with birthday money and gc's, asking me to take them to Target to buy "something." In our marriage, what's mine is yours, yours is mine. My parents tend to give us practical things (that I ask for), and usually a joint gift. They bought us a kitchen set for our birthdays this year. If DH got a gc, he'd never spend it on himself - he hates to shop. It would go towards something for the home, or the kids.

 

[Tamarap]

I never spend gift money on myself and everyone in my family knows it. When I graduated with my masters a couple of years ago my aunt gave me a 500.00 gift card to a spa. She knew I would never spend cash on myself and she wanted to ensure that this gift be spent only on me. That being said if my husband, who never treats himself or wants anything for himself on birthdays and holidays, did want to spend his birthday money on himself I wouldn't argue. If you cannot comfortably go on this vacation without using birthday money, which to me would be considered found money, then perhaps you shouldn't go.

 

[luvsJack]

All of our money goes into the same "pot" too, but sometimes it is nice to have some to just spend on yourself in anyway you want to. And this is his money to do so. If I get money from Mom on my bday, I don't put it in with anything else. I spend it the way I want to. And if what I want to do with it is to save it and use it to buy something on vacation then its MY choice. Just as it should be your Dh's choice.

Maybe he sees that you can afford to go on this vacation. Maybe the savings account isn't going below his comfort level. If you used the money earmarked for vacation for some other emergencies, then I don't see this as a "we can't afford it" scenerio but as a "replace the money that was earmarked for vacation" scenerio.

Doesn't sound to me like you need to be discussing what to do with birthday money but how each of you see yourselves financially.

 

[TomLovesBecky]

We would have used the money to go on vacation and then he would have been paid back for it. No one would have had a hissy fit. We would have had our nice vacation and he still would have gotten his stuff the next month or whenever. I can't believe this was a big deal, primarily because it wouldn't have occurred to either of us to be so upset about the situation.

 

[SundancePass]

I voted that you should not have asked him to contribute his birthday gift to the vacation.

First, let me state that we have been happily married for 40 years, my DH pays all the bills, all our of money has always been joint everything excep HSAs and IRAs.

I would never ask my DH to spend his birthday money on anyone but himself even though he would offer to put it in our joint account. He NEVER buys anything for himself. Birthday and christmas money is a true gift. If our adult children want to give us a joint Christmas present, they do. Otherwise it's individual gift cards.

So, for my birthday, my DS sent me a $50 Macy's gift card. IT DID NOT CROSS MY MIND to offer it to my DH for something for us. I went and put it toward a Waterford crystal glass that I would never otherwise buy.

I would apologize to your DH for asking and then encourage him to spend it however he wants on himself. Your family has enough money it sounds like and it sounds as though you hurt his feelings.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

Birthday money is a little different IMO than household money. That was given to him as a gift to use for himself. As someone else said, what if he got a giftcard or an actual gift?

I give SIL gift cards to adult specific stores she likes that don't sell mens or kids clothes for this very reason. So she will use my gift on herself.

If he wants the vacation and you can afford it, go.

If you are in a ton of debt, don't go.

 

[bgirl29]

All of our money goes into the same "pot" too, but sometimes it is nice to have some to just spend on yourself in anyway you want to. And this is his money to do so. If I get money from Mom on my bday, I don't put it in with anything else. I spend it the way I want to. And if what I want to do with it is to save it and use it to buy something on vacation then its MY choice. Just as it should be your Dh's choice.

Maybe he sees that you can afford to go on this vacation. Maybe the savings account isn't going below his comfort level. If you used the money earmarked for vacation for some other emergencies, then I don't see this as a "we can't afford it" scenerio but as a "replace the money that was earmarked for vacation" scenerio.

Doesn't sound to me like you need to be discussing what to do with birthday money but how each of you see yourselves financially.

Very well said!! Sounds like you used the vacation money for unexpected expenses and now want to cancel the vacation. I think you need to discuss both of your comfort levels for your emergency fund. Also maybe you need to discuss where the money is coming from when you pay for unexpected things. To me it seems like this money should have come from your emergency acount not your vacation money.