"DH said no" - I don't get it

[Family Fun Mom]

Well, I probably wouldn't post that DH said "no" to a purchase or a vacation or whatever. But it does happen, and it's not a permission thing. It's more that we have to agree in order for a purchase to happen. If either one of us says "no, bad idea" it's a deal breaker.

DH says it's not so much denying permission as "reining the other person in when they're being a berky git".

Exactly. That's how we work too. We both need to agree or it's a no go.

 

[MIGrandma]

In our case, the main reason is because I am no longer working outside the home. When I was working I would save up for a cruise and pay for that myself, DH would then pay for the plane fare, hotels, etc. and other costs associated with the trip. But now, it would be him paying the whole thing so we don't go as often as we did before.

I know last year I would have loved going back to WDW but he "said no", and I was disappointed but knew we had other places for the money so I didn't press the issue.

I have the choice to be a stay at home wife, or go back to the working world. It's my choice to stay home (he doesn't mind me not working) so one of the few drawbacks of that choice is fewer vacations.

We are in the process of discussing a cruise with DH's sister and her DH for January though, and he did tell me "to price out" a few days/week at Disney as well. So there is hope, ha ha!!

 

[wendy46001]

This!

Except in our house it's...

Me: Ohhh... Shiny! I Like!
DH: No, must save for children's college tuition!

Whereupon I will think about it a bit harder and decide if I really NEED the Shiny, and will it improve our lives tremendously in some way? Or is this just a passing whim of mine?

And meanwhile my husband is thinking, gee... how important IS this Shiny thing really? Can we actually afford it after all?

And then our next conversation might go like this:

Me: We can get by without Shiny. Education more important.
DH: We can probably afford Shiny, if you really want it.

Eventually we either get Shiny, or we don't. Either way it's all good, but if we don't I might post that "DH says we can't afford..." whatever. Because he did say that. But that doesn't mean we didn't both have equal input into making the decision.

thats us as well
just add

Me: Shiny...me likie
DH: but this (off brand) Shiny is 10% cheaper
Me: I still like this one

 

[cabanafrau]

There is nothing wrong with compromise, but some people don't like to compromise. I see a lot of threads that the OP says, we have gone to Disney every year for the past three years and DH says no for year #4. then everyone else gives ideas on how to "Convince" (ie badger) the partner into giving in or if they won't then the advice is to just go without them. I can't believe some run their relationships this way. In my house, we do compromise. We haven't been to disney since 2007, we may get there this year, maybe next. Either way, we don't bully each other about stuff, but work together.

I know it's heresy in this neck of the woods, but I've said it before & I'll say it again -- those threads are ridiculous to me. We love to go to Disney, but luckily DH & I agree that there are lots of places to see & things to do that would be missed if you only go to Disney. When we disagree about certain purchases one or the other of us will sometimes campaign to try to convince the other. Eventually we reach a joint decision.

The ones that really get me are the posts where they involve the kids, or the kids that agree they want to go to Disney, to try and sway the other parent and possibly siblings who really want another destination. All I can think is, selfish much?

 

[stsomewhere]

In our family I'm the one who usually says no because quite honestly my DH doesn't have a freakin' clue how much money we have and what we can and can't afford. He's awesome at earning the money but has no interest at all in keeping track of it. I'd love it if he'd "set budgets and decide how much we can spend" but after all these years I've given up. God help the man if I ever die and he has to remember which banks we use.

So this is how it goes.

DH: MacBook Pro. Shiny. I Like.
Me: No. Must pay college tuition instead.

It really doesn't have anything to do with permission. It's just the way it works at our house.

Same here. DH did try to manage the budget and bills when I was pregnant and working for two months. He paid the mortgage 5 times. he could not remember if he paid it. I have been to buget/ bill / money person for the last 15 years.

 

[3boymthr]

Well, DH said no to another trip to WDW but his "No" has nothing to do with budget or "getting permission", but personal preferences cause he did say yes to a week at the beach. I think that's what happens a lot here. The spouses' preferences for vacation location or "shinies" or whatever don't match the posters'.

 

[kkmcan]

When DH says no its because he doesn't want another Disney trip, cruise or Disney whatever. He loves DIsney but not as much as I do. He wants new adventures, places to see and explore. He doesn't get excited over DL because we've been there so many times.

We've got our 3rd and 4th Disney cruises planned for next year and then that's it. He says we need a Disney cruise break. Not that we won't ever do one again for definitely a break.

I suggested we go to San Fransisco this year and he was all for it. He's never been there. I booked the airlines, he got the timeshare from his parents booked and we are all set. He's happy, I"m happpy and we get another vacation.

For us, the No is usually because it's Disney again.

 

[marcyinPA]

In our family I'm the one who usually says no because quite honestly my DH doesn't have a freakin' clue how much money we have and what we can and can't afford. He's awesome at earning the money but has no interest at all in keeping track of it. I'd love it if he'd "set budgets and decide how much we can spend" but after all these years I've given up. God help the man if I ever die and he has to remember which banks we use.

So this is how it goes.

DH: MacBook Pro. Shiny. I Like.
Me: No. Must pay college tuition instead.

It really doesn't have anything to do with permission. It's just the way it works at our house.

OMG...This is my dh and I to a "t"! He brings home the paycheck and I stress over the rest.

 

[wvjules]

My DH says no because he is the responsible one. No car for 2 more years. Which is okay because I'm going to push more for what I want. When DH and I decide where we want to go on vacation he usually does the price research since he knows what we can afford.

How do YOU not know what you can afford?

 

[NMAmy]

I'm the money manager and also make vacation decisions and that's just how DH wants it. He works hard and doesn't want to think about finances or vacations at all. So I decide and budget. Him saying no to anything would just be....odd.

Same here! When DH asked what I wanted for my birthday, I jokingly said that I'd love it if he took me to WDW for a long weekend.

He looked at me seriously and said, "You know I have no idea how to do that, don't you?"

 

[Brancaneve]

This!

Except in our house it's...

Me: Ohhh... Shiny! I Like!
DH: No, must save for children's college tuition!

Whereupon I will think about it a bit harder and decide if I really NEED the Shiny, and will it improve our lives tremendously in some way? Or is this just a passing whim of mine?

And meanwhile my husband is thinking, gee... how important IS this Shiny thing really? Can we actually afford it after all?

And then our next conversation might go like this:

Me: We can get by without Shiny. Education more important.
DH: We can probably afford Shiny, if you really want it.

Eventually we either get Shiny, or we don't. Either way it's all good, but if we don't I might post that "DH says we can't afford..." whatever. Because he did say that. But that doesn't mean we didn't both have equal input into making the decision.

It's a fun game, isn't it? In relationships, there is one person who is a little more in tune with the finances. I am not one of those people. But there is always a voice of reason in a marriage, and I am thankful that my voice of reason(DH) has kept us debt free for our 11 years of marriage. I had to learn that the no's were his absolute way of showing love for his family. But saying no to little things has allowed us to say yes to big things like vacations, traveling and security!

 

[Arielle22]

I handle the money in our family. I have offered the job to DH but he refuses.
We do talk over large purchases and vacation plans.

DH is an IT guy and likes to see reviews before running out and buying a new gadet. Lots of time once the bad reviews come in he loses interest.

Like a PP's DH, my DH would have no idea how to book a trip. I suggested once that I would love a surprise weekend away. DH just laughed and said if he was planning he would book a hotel in one city but end up with air fare to a different state on the wrong day.