DH Dilemma, need your advice (long)

[JimboInLimbo]

From a typical male's seat, tell him. Don't withhold gifts. He wont get it. Dont hint. He wont get it. Dont heavily suggest. He wont get it. Do you see a trend here? We just don't get it unless you tell us.
Having said that, if I forgot my wife birthday or any other "gift expected" occasion, I would be rewarded with a huge knot on my head and possibly stitches.
I would however, suggest not having this discussion today, tomorrow or next week. I would give time for it not to look like a "I got you a gift and now I'm trying to make you feel guilty" moment. Be alone. Dont involve the kids or family. Keep distractions to a minimum and tell you what you said in your first post. "It really hurts my feelings and feels like you don't care". Tell him exactly what you would like him to do. Tell him it doesn't have to be diamonds or furs, but being thought about in a nice way is flattering to you and makes you feel more loved than you already do.
Good luck and I hope things work out for the best in this department for the both of you.

 

[miss missy]

NO flames please! I truly just want advice on how to handle Father's Day.
Here's the background: Lately, DH has taken to not buying me any presents. He hasn't always been this way, and he insists that he's very busy, and will get me something later. He just never follows through.

Two years ago for Mother's Day, he promised me a day off work (we own our own business). He was taking me to the city for lunch and shopping. Still waiting......

Last year for Mother's Day, Anniversary, and my Birthday, he gave me a nice card (which, BTW is enough for me, I don't NEED a gift, but I LIKE gifts) but inside the card was a promise for a gift at a later date. Still waiting......

For Christmas he got me some nice things, and a VERY expensive necklace. We took the necklace back for a couple of reasons, and he promised I could replace it with something else. Still waiting......

This year for Mother's Day, again a card with a promise "We're still looking for your gift, I'm sorry but I've just been so busy."
Two weeks later was our anniversary, not even a card.

Now seriously, I'm not looking for diamonds or new cars here, but how much effort would it take for him to go around the corner to the salon and get me a massage or pedicure?
My feelings are very hurt and it makes me feel unappreciated and unimportant that he does this all the time.

Please don't tell me to get over it, or to stop expecting gifts, that's not an option. We have always bought gifts for each other, and I LOVE giving him gifts. He used to love giving me gifts too.
He doesn't much care to receive gifts, so I'm thinking he thinks it's no big deal that he doesn't get me anything.
Truly the card would be enough sometimes, but why does he tell me the gift is coming when clearly it's not????

If you're still with me, here's the question. Should I get him something for Father's Day? Part of me wants to be snippy and not get him anything but a card, but he won't take it that way. He could care less if he gets gifts.
The other part of me who loves to get him gifts, wants to get him something nice even though he never reciprocates.
WWYD?

I didnt take the time to reak the reply's but I see you are speaking different love Languages and neither of you understand the other. Talk talk talk. Be honest with him about what a gift means to you. Tit fir tat won't get you anywhere. We are all different and he make think other things he does mean more... have a

 

[Shugardrawers]

Why is this guy dense if he's really practicing the golden rule?o to others as you would have them do to you.

I tell my wife for every occasion don't get me anything, and I mean it.

Of course I practice the golden rule V 2.0o to your wife better than you would have her do to you or else you're going to hear about it, and end up paying for it anyway, and after you pay, you're still going to hear about it for years to come...

I say he's dense not because he's not buying her gifts but because his wife has tried to tell him that it hurts her feelings and he's not getting that.

I've never read the book everyone is talking about but it reminds me of the very wise advice my Grandpa gave me about relationships. Love isn't a feeling. It's an action. And you have to do that action in a way that makes the other person feel loved.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Ok, so let me go thru a couple of thoughts. Now I know everyone here HATES Dr. Laura here with a passion but this topic comes up at least once a week on her radio program. So very common issue with us ladies.
At the risk of being burned at the stake lmao: ) I will say her basic thing she says when she gets this question....

1) Is your husband mad about something with you?
2) How about the "passionate" part of your marriage. Are you two just business partners/roommates or do you guys feel the sizzle and "connection"?
3) Does your husband come last when it comes to the kids? Very common for us mom's to get off track with our DH's sometimes. I am not saying that he should always come first, not at all, but is he always "last", you know what I am saying. (so put your matches away... )

Sometimes there is a root cause. I am leaning toward a root because he says...'your gift is coming'. I would consider that hostility, anger, or irritation toward you.
You are right to be hurt. What he is doing is hurtful and that is not cool.
But before you go on to him about this topic, examine the 3 things above and see if you can make some changes to bring him in closer to you.

 

[Serena]

From a typical male's seat, tell him. Don't withhold gifts. He wont get it. Dont hint. He wont get it. Dont heavily suggest. He wont get it. Do you see a trend here? We just don't get it unless you tell us..

This is what my ex said more than once.

 

[faith]

He's not your Father, so no gift needed. Assume you have kids...so all of you bake him a cake.
Also, let him know that it really does bother you (hurts your feelings) that his gifts, cards, to you on special days are always late. Then, if he forgets next time...I'd say there is something else going on in your relationship.