Dh and I are having some "issues" with upcoming baptism....

[antkim]

Let me start off by saying I am NOT I repeat NOT here to start a debate. If it turns into one I will ask that it be removed...period.
We are planning on having Ds baptised in a few weeks as we did 1st ds. Dh and I were both raised going to the Catholic church. I attended a Catholic middle school and high school and we were married in the Catholic church.
We are both very disturbed by the way the church as hidden many allegations of "abuse" over the years and also about their views on gay marriage. Yes, I admit I have NO problem with gay marriage. Equal rights. My opinion and it's not debatable! I should also say that Dh is a psych nurse and deals with people that have either been abused as a child or are the abusers so the fact that people have gotten away with this abuse upsets him tremendously. So much so that he is questioning our decision to stay involved with the church. I don't think he is alone on that one either because I have heard MANY people addressing this issue. I am a bit torn myself.
So the question is are we doing the right thing having Ds baptised if we are unsure of how we feel. I want him baptised because I think it is the right thing to do. I want to know if anything ever happens to him he has been baptised. Make sense? He would prefer we didn't although he will not stop it. He's angry right now as I think a lot of people are. Are we doing the right thing?
I'm sorry I probably shouldn't have approached this subject but i just needed some advice.

 

[6_Time_Momma]

Perhaps you could have him baptized in another church (other than Catholic, I mean). My personal opinion is that you should not baptize him in the Catholic church if you do not believe you will raise him Catholic. Just my opinion. (You could also get some holy water and baptize him yourself just to be safe until you decide for sure. A lay person can do a legitimate baptism.) Good luck deciding!

 

[WDWLVR]

Since it seems like your problem is with the Church itself and not your belief in God I would start by praying for an answer. Seems almost too simple but its the best advice I can give. Go with what is in your heart.

For me as a practicing Catholic I would have him baptized and then take things one day at a time. I don't see how it could hurt the baby in any way.

As time goes on and you find the church isn't for you then that's fine.

Sounds like you have some very hard choices to make. I wish you all the best.

 

[Manda1219]

Why don't you have him baptised at a different church, like a Lutheran one? I am not very fond of the Catholic church myself, although, I am not Catholic. But honestly, if you are that dissapointed in them-why don't you consider a change? If you still wish to believe in the things that Catholics do, maybe just worship on your own-without a church. Anyways, the answer might be for you to have him baptised elsewhere?
Not too sure, just my opinion!

 

[Rajah]

What do you believe you're doing when you're baptising him? Are you baptising him into *that denomination*, or into the Family of Christ, regardless of denomination.

If the first, then no, I wouldn't have him baptised until you decide in which direction you're going to go faith-wise -- stay with the Catholic church, find another denomination, or "drop church" (*church*, not *Christianity*) entirely, or some other option I'm overlooking.

If you believe you're baptising him into the Family of Christ regardless of denomination, I think it'd be perfecly fine for you to continue with the baptism as you had planned.

(I'm not Catholic, don't like many things about the Catholic church so won't become Catholic, but am Christian, if that makes any difference)

 

[KiminChicago]

I agree with WDWLVR -- I think I would go ahead with the baptism and just take it a day at a time. I know a lot of people are angry with the Catholic Church right now but it's the people who make the Church. If everyone who wants to make a difference leaves, how can you ever expect things to get better? For myself, I prefer working on change from the inside which is why I try to be involved with what's happening in our parish.

 

[JESW]

This is just my opinion - baptise your son. I have 2 kids, DD5 & DS9 and they were both baptised. I was a good Catholic girl and went to church every sunday and even went to Parochial school for a couple of years. I did everything except get married by a priest (DH isn't catholic and we got married by a JP)

That being said....I haven't done anything with my kids since they were baptised - haven't even set a foot in a church. I also don't want to get flamed, but I don't believe in a lot of what the Catholic church is doing these days. The gay issues and women not being allowed to be priests (or whatever..) and yes, the whole abuse issue and how it was handled. I don't have any issues with God, at least not the God I worship - he/she just isn't so closely related to the Catholic church for me anymore.

Baptise your DS so he is like is brother - let him - or both of them - make their own religious decisions when they are older.

As I sad, just my opinion. Good luck with your decision!

Jill

 

[DoeWDW]

I truly do NOT want to start a debate, but merely offer this as an option. There are churches who believe in blessing babies but waiting until a person is older and they "choose" baptism for themselves.

If you were both raised Catholic, then this may not fit in your belief system and that's OK too - just wanted to put it out there as an option.

Best wishes with whatever you decide.

 

[TEENEE]

I was raised Catholic but like you don't always agree with the church. Our Catholic upbringings are very deep and sometimes make it difficult to make decisions. It's also very hard for people that were not raised Catholic to understand why we do the things we do and why it's hard for us to seperate ourselves from the church. I guess what I'm trying to say is I understand your dilemma. Personally I would have the baby baptized and take one day at a time with regards to dealing with the church.

 

[Figment22]

I can very much understand questioning the teachings and bureaucracy of the Catholic Church, but always remember that your faith is in the Lord and that is what you want to give to your son. It is hard to keep our faith in light of the actions of so many sinners but please pray to the Lord for guidance in your decision (and I will do the same for you.) You said yourself that if anything were to happen to him that you want to have him baptized; you obviously have not completely lost your faith but you have, as have so many, become disillusioned. I think you should go through with your son's baptism, but as 6 Time Momma said, if you're very much against doing it in church, you can baptize him yourself. If at some point in the future you choose to have him baptized in the church, the ceremony can still be performed.

My thoughts and prayers are with you as you make your decision.

 

[pw2pp]

Do you believe that if he is not baptized now and he dies, he will go to hell? If that is what you believe, then I would say Baptize him, or you will worry about him the rest of your life (if something were to happen to him).
I, personally, believe that a person should be Baptized when they get to the point in their life where they can choose it for themselves. To me, that makes it actually MEAN something (otherwise it is just an action to pacify the parents and relatives). I have this belief even though I WAS Baptized Catholic (as a Baby), but was later Baptized when I was 20 years old and I do not attend the Catholic Church. I attend a Non-Denominational Christian Church.
So, basically, If I were you, I would follow more my own BELIEFS (rather than base my actions on anger at the Catholic Church). If you truly BELIEVE he needs to be Baptized in order to not go to Hell, then I say, have him Baptized.

 

[Stimpy]

We are planning on having our baby baptised after she is born. My DH, DS and I were all baptised and feel it is an important rite for our family. We will raise our children Catholic.

I personally agree with you about the scandals and other nonsense the church is involved in. But, I also believe you can be a good Catholic and not believe in "the church" as an institution. We do not go to the church, but we do believe in what Catholicism is supposed to teach. I don't think you need to go to a building in order to be faithful to your religion.

I really think that only you and your husband can answer this question. Good Luck in whatever you decide!

 

[ckmommy]

This was quite an issue between my DH and myself. We both knew that we wanted our kids have a baptism, but were very unhappy with the Catholic Church. I was not a Catholic (but raised in a strict Lutheran house and went to Lutheran Schools my whole life). DH was a Catholic and went to Catholic schools his whole life. Once we had our 2nd baby (first child was baptized Catholic) we were not likeing the Catholic church and questioning their beliefs. We decided to baptize our son in the Lutheran Church. When we moved to Houston, we were looking for a church, but unsure what we really wanted. We ended up at a Southern Baptist church and love it, except they do not baptize infants--they dedicate them. They want the child or adult to make the decision for themselves if and when they are ready to be a believer in Christ. I agree with this, but still want the twins to be baptized as infants. I spoke with my hometown Lutheran pastor, and he had no problem baptizing them. Religion is a hard subject to discuss. It will usually end up an arguement with each person wanting the other to believe what they say is right. I think you and your DH need to think about how you want your kids brought up and what religious background you would like them to have. I suspect that it is time for you and your DH to seriously consider looking at other churches.

For us the decision to move to the Southern Bapist church was a huge one. We were both scrared a bit to tell our parents that we had gone "off the deep end," in their eyes. Our pastor told us to explain to them how much that we appreciate the religous background that they gave us and thank them for bringing us to know Christ. But then to let them know that we have choosen our own church. His advice really worked well for us. We now love to go to church and look forward to it each Sunday. Totally different than when we were going to the Catholic church. Good luck in whatever you do!!

 

[hipporina]

Well, I have a slightly different view on the matter, that is probably partly influenced by the fact that I am Baptist, not Catholic. I believe that "religion" defined as how you practice your faith and your denomination and all that is truly insignificant compared to your actual faith. Being Baptist or Catholic or Methodist, or whatever does not get you into heaven or keep you out. I say that in caution as too many people are pulled away from their relationship with God over a "religious" concern. (Not that you are having that problem, but someone reading this might be dealing with it.)

As far as the baptism is concerned, I agree with WDWLvr that you should pray about it and do what God leads you to do. I believe that baptism doesn't determine whether or not you go to Heaven, but that it is just a public profession of your faith. I was christened (sp?) as a baby in the Methodist church, but with my children we just dedicated them to God. That was about dh and I promising to raise them in a Christian environment though. As far as something happening to a child, I believe in an age of accountability before which a child is not mature enough to understand the need for God and to make the decision to follow Him. If something happens before that point, I don't believe they are judged by God, but are allowed into Heaven. (No, I don't think there is a specific age, but it depends on the individual. Some people with severe mental disabilities my never reach that point.)

I too want to avoid a debate. I know that many people have differing beliefs and I respect that.

 

[kadaten]

I also think that from what you have written, you should go ahead and baptize your son. Your problems do not seem to stem from the Catholic beliefs, but rather with the people who lead the church, so I would follow those beliefs and baptize him.

I agree with the earlier poster who said that change is often easier from within, and maybe since this issue has become a rather important one to you and your husband, so important that it makes you consider abandoning your church for another, then perhaps you could see what can be done from within to help change the situation, before you decide whether to change.

I also want to remind you that even though the current abuse scandals are very high-profile and disturbing, things like this are never contained to one church, neighborhood, or faith. Other churches have abuse allegations, embezzlement, and a number of other issues. Even though they are all churches, they are all led by humans who will unfortunately make mistakes, some of them quite horrendous as we have seen. I'm not making excuses for the church at all....I think all of this is reprehensible and hope they find a way to account for all past wrongs and discourage and stop any in the future. But I'm realistic enough to realize that all groups, religious or otherwise, have their problems....ones in the Catholic church just seem to get lots of press.

You don't seem to have lost your faith, so follow it, and you'll make the decision that's right for you.

Bless you and your family
Katie

 

[danacara]

I'd baptize him if only because it will make you more comfortable. God forbid anything happens to him and you're left to worry that Limbo may in fact exist.

 

[beattyfamily]

Originally posted by 6_Time_Momma
Perhaps you could have him baptized in another church (other than Catholic, I mean). My personal opinion is that you should not baptize him in the Catholic church if you do not believe you will raise him Catholic.

What 6_Time_Momma said!

I believe if you are not happy with the Catholic Church and have strong issues with it, then you should not baptize him in the Catholic Church.

Maybe now is the time to find another church more suited to your family.

 

[momof2inPA]

I think most Catholics have issues with at least one political or moral stance the Church has taken, many priests included. And my priest has repeatedly stated how embarassed he is of the recent scandals.

Baptism in our family is as much a celebration welcoming the baby into the family as welcoming the baby into the church, so I would go ahead and do it.

 

[stacie_d]

I was baptised in a Catholic church as a baby. DS was baptised when he was around 1 month old. DH was baptised some time during his childhood in another church (I can't remember exactly what denomination it was). When he became Catholic as an adult, he was told, and I had always heard, that he would not be/need baptised again. The church recognizes any baptism, it is not viewed as a baptism into a particular denomination.

For us, one important factor was "who" would be preforming the baptism. (The reason? We were married by a priest, as we were "suppose" to, and he was basically a last-minute fill-in after our priest had been moved to a bigger church. I had never met him, prior to the rehersal, and he had never preformed a wedding. It was awful. Instead of having us recite the marriage vows, he just handed us a book and told us to read it. I have wished a thousand times I had my wedding at my friends non-denominational church and had her brother-in-law preform the ceremony. Sorry to get off track, I just wanted to clarify why the "who" was important to us...)

The priest at the church we were attending back when our son was baptised was a wonderful person, and I don't know of anyone else I would have wanted to preform the baptism. That being said, if I were in your shoes, and I was comfortable and liked the priest, I would still have my child baptised by him.

Do what is best for you and your family. Good luck with your decision and try not to let it worry you.

 

[believe]

Just in case you are wondering how a faith that does not baptize at both would view you baptizing your son...they would see it as not happening. DH and I had an issue (DH Catholic, me S. Baptist) where I was concerned how my church would view me baptizing our child at birth. I spoke with a deacon of our church and he told me they would see them as never being baptized. Just in case you think you may be on the fence of another faith.

I agree that if you believe your child needs baptized, then do it. It doesn't mean you accept the actual church, it is the faith you are joining.